Child-free study: FYI
- Thread starter Orchidflower
- Start date
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
It is really funny how different many people are.You are a very thoughtful person and had an open mind, I never even considered it a question. I spent most of my life in very ordinary surroundings. Both men and women wanted children and seemed to enjoy them and not in any way consider them a burden, but rather the center of life. The professional couple in that movie are hysterical to me, they are so detached from the pulse of life. Of course they are supposed to seem that way, they are being lampooned
I was and am very warm and easy-going with my kids, it was never any of this special voice for interacting with kids. My kids (both boys) were very able from the getgo and I feel that I learned more from them than they from me. We never really had any struggles, and don't now.
Also not to be dismissed is the excellent feeling of watching a woman swell up with your own baby. My wife sometimes remarked that she seemd invisible to Anglo males when pregnant, but the Mexicans dug her. (She looked Mexican, and very pregnant).
Excellent days. I wish I had the energy to go around again.
Ha
Fireup2020
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2007
- Messages
- 1,250
If that is how they really feel, let them! This is more responsible than many other practices
Purron
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2007
- Messages
- 5,596
One thing I've noticed is how people who don't have kids tend to be much more attached to pets. I think it's a natural diversion of the nurturing instinct.
Khan
Gone but not forgotten
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 6,924
I can give the cat away or have it put down any time I want and the police won't show up.
Spouse is out for the day and unlikely to read this post. Whew.
Reflecting back on nearly four decades of [-]hormones[/-] choices, I'd have to say that most of my significant life decisions were made on the basis of [-]hormones[/-] "What if?"
As in, "What if I don't join the Navy?" "How will I feel in 30 years if I don't try the Naval Academy?" "What if I don't try to get into the submarine force?" "What if I don't get married?"* "What if you don't look for a job after leaving the service?" "What if you don't take this opportunity to hike Haleakala crater?"
So naturally when the conversation turned to [-]a romantic beach-cabin weekend[/-] "Hey, honey, you're coming up on shore duty and maybe we could get a little head start on our family...**", my instinctive response was [-]hormones[/-] "What if we don't have kids?"
Well, I've sure found out the answers to those questions. And in general, they haven't killed me yet-- so I must be a better person now.
* Well, to be fair, the Navy answered that question for me: "Then you won't be able to live with your fiancée for at least two more years!"
** Luckily I had this conversation with my spouse first.
Reflecting back on nearly four decades of [-]hormones[/-] choices, I'd have to say that most of my significant life decisions were made on the basis of [-]hormones[/-] "What if?"
As in, "What if I don't join the Navy?" "How will I feel in 30 years if I don't try the Naval Academy?" "What if I don't try to get into the submarine force?" "What if I don't get married?"* "What if you don't look for a job after leaving the service?" "What if you don't take this opportunity to hike Haleakala crater?"
So naturally when the conversation turned to [-]a romantic beach-cabin weekend[/-] "Hey, honey, you're coming up on shore duty and maybe we could get a little head start on our family...**", my instinctive response was [-]hormones[/-] "What if we don't have kids?"
Well, I've sure found out the answers to those questions. And in general, they haven't killed me yet-- so I must be a better person now.
* Well, to be fair, the Navy answered that question for me: "Then you won't be able to live with your fiancée for at least two more years!"
** Luckily I had this conversation with my spouse first.
$%^& you, you &*()ing %^&*er, I bet it happens in one more post...
Khan
Gone but not forgotten
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 6,924
Something like that. Do what you want; just leave me out of it.
Leonidas
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I'd like to read that, do you still have the link?
I'll gladly let them. It's their choice, and I think the gene pool will be better of without their contribution.If that is how they really feel, let them! This is more responsible than many other practices
Sarah in SC
Moderator Emeritus
Idiocracy is an awesome movie--highly recommended. Same guy who did Office Space.
I suspect that most of my friends with kids didn't put nearly the thought into *having* kids that I put into *not* having kids. They just, as Ha noted, did what was the norm and didn't really consider alternatives.
That's okay. We all create the lives we want if we're lucky. I like having choices. As the pill turns 50 this year, I'm glad for the opportunity to actually exercise that choice more successfully than my parents' generation.
I suspect that most of my friends with kids didn't put nearly the thought into *having* kids that I put into *not* having kids. They just, as Ha noted, did what was the norm and didn't really consider alternatives.
That's okay. We all create the lives we want if we're lucky. I like having choices. As the pill turns 50 this year, I'm glad for the opportunity to actually exercise that choice more successfully than my parents' generation.
BigNick
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
The fourth box of the quadrant is "people who want kids and would be great parents, but things don't work out". My best friend from grade school and his wife are in this position. They got married at 23 and were hoping for several kids. This year they had their silver wedding anniversary and they're too old now.
The really sad thing, to DW and me anyway, is that they never went for medical help. They decided that if they couldn't get pregnant without assistance, it was God's will. Now I can see why some people might draw the line at IVF, but they didn't even go to see if it was a blocked tube or something. (Another reason DW and I are glad to be non-religious.)
ziggy29
Moderator Emeritus
Did they never consider adoption? Maybe I'm wired differently than most, but I've never understood the importance some people place on insisting that their children must come from their own DNA.
And I don't believe the "God's will" stuff. Even if one is a believer, if God didn't want us to have the abilities to advance in science and medicine, He wouldn't have given us those skills. IVF is no more "playing God", IMO, than heart bypass surgery or taking antibiotics.
Last edited:
BigNick
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
No idea, although I don't think DW and I would have been keen to adopt if our reproductive systems hadn't been functioning
Well, of course, some religions don't like those last two either; but IVF is specifically considered to be "gravely evil" by the Catholic Church, and that's over a billion people they're talking to. In fact it seems to me that the whole point of most religions is that there are certain rules which you stick to no matter what other evidence may be suggesting to you, because the doctrine tells you that that evidence should be ignored in favour of faith (and may ndeed have been put there by Satan specifically to test such faith, which sort of reminds me of how conspiracy theories work).
Khan
Gone but not forgotten
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 6,924
Let's put it this way: I understand why people beat their kids. I didn't, my parents didn't, my sister didn't, and I don't condone it.
IndependentlyPoor
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Bimmerbill
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2006
- Messages
- 1,645
I liked "Idiocracy" too, but then again I consider the public to be dumbasses. I know its a personal flaw and I really am trying to work on it.
The trouble with being a parent is this: There is no try it before you buy it period. Sure, you can babysit and all that, but you really need a good 1 year [-]sentence[/-] trial period to be sure.
Can't return the kid after 1 year tho.
The trouble with being a parent is this: There is no try it before you buy it period. Sure, you can babysit and all that, but you really need a good 1 year [-]sentence[/-] trial period to be sure.
Can't return the kid after 1 year tho.
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
To become a parent requires what Soren Kierkegaard called a "leap of faith". Maybe not something commonly done by ER.orgizens.
Kierkegaard's point is that no matter how rigorous your logical system, there will always be gaps. As these gaps are logical gaps, it is futile to try and bridge them. Instead, they can only be breached by a leap of faith. What characterises a leap of faith is the absolute uncertainty that underlies it. Faith is by definition that which cannot be proven or disproved. That is why a leap of faith is undertaken in 'fear and trembling".
ziggy29
Moderator Emeritus
What I think this shows more than anything is that today it's more acceptable to be a highly educated professional woman *and* a mother than it used to be.
Most people I know with children appear very happy to my eyes. Many childless couples I know are also very happy. DH and I were on both sides of this...very happy up until age 41 without, and now very happy with. I think the beauty of the decision is that if you are already happy without children as a choice, you are unlikely to suddenly find yourself unhappy. If you decide to take the plunge, you are also likely to be happy. It is a win-win decision.
Now on the other hand, if you want to see a happy married couple become unhappy in a hurry, you can find this where one partner decides it's time, and the other refuses or has changed their mind. Best to get that sorted out a priori.
Now on the other hand, if you want to see a happy married couple become unhappy in a hurry, you can find this where one partner decides it's time, and the other refuses or has changed their mind. Best to get that sorted out a priori.
