divorce attorney

[glinka]

Don't know if this is the proper place to look for this kind of advice but here goes. My son, age 40 is going through divorce. His attorney is not representing him well and seems to want to drop the case. Son says he can't afford the attorney, keeps getting more expensive. Sons wife if being nasty, so costs are higher. Don't want and haven't been asked for financial support for attorney. at a loss as to what if anything I can do. Are attorneys that say they are "attorney for men" anything? Or just hype?
Part of me says stay away from whole situation but would like to do what I can. Any advice?

 

[FIREmenow]

There is one that advertises here locally in North Carolina called Cordell & Cordell.

I have no affiliation, no knowledge (1st, second, or third-hand), no interest, no NOTHING. Just keep hearing their ads on the radio - supporting men, specifically, in divorce.

You can google them I assume, they may have offices elsewhere.

 

[CaliKid]

I would look for a certified specialist in family or board certified or whatever they call it in your state. That denotes an attorney who is highly focused on family law and not someone that just dabbles in family law. I think your son would be better served by someone like that. Plus, might also look to see if the attorney does collaborative practice which is like mediation. That can save some money.

 

[aja8888]

Choosing your attorney (battlefield general) in a divorce (a war) is the most important task one can do to get the conflict to resolution quickly and efficiently.

(ask for references...call them)

 

[jazz4cash]

There is one that advertises here locally in North Carolina called Cordell & Cordell.

I have no affiliation, no knowledge (1st, second, or third-hand), no interest, no NOTHING. Just keep hearing their ads on the radio - supporting men, specifically, in divorce.

You can google them I assume, they may have offices elsewhere.

They advertise here in the DC area as well. I think they've used Barry Sanders (retired NFL player) as a spokesperson in some of their radio ads.

 

[CardsFan]

They advertise here in the DC area as well. I think they've used Barry Sanders (retired NFL player) as a spokesperson in some of their radio ads.

And in St. Louis they use Ozzie Smith.

Returning to OP: the selection of an attorney, and the level of "battle", depends. Kids? Big money? Infidelity?

We have 3 friends with daughters going thru divorce. Ironically all married the same year. It can be a mess, or the two can buck up and come to a fairly quick agreement (which did happen in one out of three)

Good luck.

 

[easysurfer]

I think the "attorney for men" part deals with custody of children. Whether there is any difference between an "attorney for men" vs regular, I don't know.

 

[Chuckanut]

In my area most attorneys offer a 'free' 30 minute consultation. It might be worth your time to visit a few and then direct you son to one or another you think is good.

Divorce is messy and I am sorry for your son. I was lucky in that both my then wife and I realized that the more we fought the richer our attorneys would be. We hired a mediator and worked out our own deal. Total cost less than $1000. So I highly recommend mediation if at all possible. Otherwise your son and his wife are two chickens waiting to be plucked. Not so good.

 

[ERD50]

Fortunately (for me & DW), I have no experience or advice to give.

But I will add that the local classical music station here (WFMT, known world-wide due to the internet, so maybe no longer 'local'), has discreet, announcer-read advertisements (no jingles, nothing pre-recorded). There is a firm that advertises on the air, and we'd normally call them "divorce lawyers", but noooo, not on these 'snooty' adverts. They are.... "marriage dissolution specialists"!

Gimme a break! A rose by any other name...


-ERD50

 

[athena53]

Another vote here for mediation. My Ex and I had major issues but we sat down with our attorneys and negotiated a property settlement. Neither of us got 100% of what we wanted, of course, but we had control over what we gave up and we saved legal costs.

 

[Bamaman]

When it's been decided that there is absolutely zero chance of reconciliation, the divorce turns into a business situation. It's down to dividing assets and who pays who if children are involved.

I've seen husbands drug through the mud time after time again. Like Jerry Reed said: "We split it down the middle and she got the better half." The wife is often torturing the husband and being needlessly vindictive in a way only a female will do. Men seldom show as bad behavior that a wife puts out.

Remember that it's now a business decision--not personal at that point.

If a property settlement cannot be made, tell the attorney to put the case on the Family Court's docket and let the judge make the decision. Then his billing hours will not be required until the hearing. Dragging the case out from year to year doesn't do anyone any good. Get in line.

 

[Chuckanut]

As a general rule the fewer decisions made by the black robed people the better off the two litigants will be.

 

[Chuckanut]

Oh, have him get at least 5 certified official copies of the divorce decree. They are needed over and over again as he untangles from being married. Sad but necessary.

 

[MRG]

Another vote here for mediation. My Ex and I had major issues but we sat down with our attorneys and negotiated a property settlement. Neither of us got 100% of what we wanted, of course, but we had control over what we gave up and we saved legal costs.

+1000

A good friend of mine ignored sane advice from family and friends. They amassed a huge legal bill between the two of them, arguing through attorneys.

In the end they reconciled their differences and didn't divorce. Of course they were stuck with the lawyers bills. Probably not great to think about six figure bills while working things out.

Doing it through mediation increases the odds of cooler heads and better solutions for all involved.

 

[lwp2017]

The wife is often torturing the husband and being needlessly vindictive in a way only a female will do.

Made me laugh, you must have met "my better half" .

 

[haha]

Don't know if this is the proper place to look for this kind of advice but here goes. My son, age 40 is going through divorce. His attorney is not representing him well and seems to want to drop the case. Son says he can't afford the attorney, keeps getting more expensive. Sons wife if being nasty, so costs are higher. Don't want and haven't been asked for financial support for attorney. at a loss as to what if anything I can do. Are attorneys that say they are "attorney for men" anything? Or just hype?
Part of me says stay away from whole situation but would like to do what I can. Any advice?

Do they have children? Is the wife disabled, or working? Is your son wealthy? Does he earn a lot more than the wife?

Also, can you tap into a pipeline of information? Who are the big settlement winners? There is nothing nice about divorce. Some few couples can get smart, most unfortunately would like to draw blood, the more the better. But once in a contest, don't hold back, even though this is a woman that he was in love with, and may still be in love with.

Ha

 

[Calico]

.....The wife is often torturing the husband and being needlessly vindictive in a way only a female will do. Men seldom show as bad behavior that a wife puts out.....

This is a ludicrous statement.

 

[Doribe]

There is one that advertises here locally in North Carolina called Cordell & Cordell.

I have no affiliation, no knowledge (1st, second, or third-hand), no interest, no NOTHING. Just keep hearing their ads on the radio - supporting men, specifically, in divorce.

You can google them I assume, they may have offices elsewhere.

Maybe find an attorney by word of mouth. Attorneys that advertise age of lower quality.

 

[prose3589]

I am family law attorney in Illinois. I am very uncomfortable with "chain" attorneys. They tend to churn their cases. I would suggest you find a local attorney with a strong reputation and history of handling only family law cases. Meet with potential attorneys and have specific questions and goals in mind. You want someone who tells you the truth, which isn't always what the client wants. Better to be prepared for the worst. It won't be cheap. True custody battles can cost in excess of 25k in our area.

 

[ponyboy]

People need to understand that there is absolutely zero incentive for divorce attorneys to make a divorce as smooth as possible. The longer it goes on the more money they make. Its a crooked business that will never change unless people force things to change...which they wont. Humans work off of emotions and do not care how much it costs to "make a point."

 

[97guns]

The only way to know if an attorney will suck you dry is to try them, my brothers divorce attorney was recommended by our cousin, took a quick 20k from him and didn't get very far, was nickel and diming phone calls and letters at a rate of $450/hr, when he asked for another check my brother switched to my attorney and my attorney finished everything off for around $14k

I never get an itemized list from my attorney, she tells me how much, I pay it and she gets it done

 

[Carpediem]

From personal experience regarding mediation - I agree that it's the best way to go, HOWEVER, achieving a good/fair result is totally dependent on the parties involved. If one party is vindictive and not willing to give an inch, the only person that will have a positive result will be the mediator. We wasted close to $5k on mediation. In the end, we spent around $25k-$30k in attorney fees.

 

[karen1972]

The other issue is depends on the state as every state has drastically different laws. In community property states, I'd be very keen on closing a divorce as quickly as possible as you are on the hook for 1/2 of all expenses until the day you divorce and even then with divorce papers in hand, you could still owe on their debt... like my sister ended up paying for her ex husbands vasectomy (ie yeh so its not just women) else the doctors wouldn't allow her to make appointments for her kids because of "outstanding" medical bills.

My sister had my mom and dad borrow her money for the divorce. It was worth getting someone to end that disaster. She found her lawyer after consulting with people via a divorce group... you want word of mouth, go to a divorce meetup group, they all have lawyers and they all compare notes over who got the best deal.

 

[Chuckanut]

People need to understand that there is absolutely zero incentive for divorce attorneys to make a divorce as smooth as possible. The longer it goes on the more money they make. Its a crooked business that will never change unless people force things to change...which they wont. Humans work off of emotions and do not care how much it costs to "make a point."

Good Point. And you made it for free!

Divorce attorneys are like the people who run the on-line matching sites for singles. Their incentive is to keep the subscribers unattached and searching so they pay the monthly fees for as long as possible. A quick easy match with Mr. or Ms. Right means they make less money.

Hmmm..... What is wrong with this picture?

 

[athena53]

I don't like the generalizations about lawyers here- both my ex-husband's and my lawyer were reasonable people. We had an unlikely ally in my Ex's Aunt, who came to hold his hand but was appreciated by both sides. (My attorney called her "a gracious woman".)

One book that really affected me was "Between Love and Hate" by Lois Gold- a very good book on getting past "you cheated on me so I get the sterling silver" and focuses on what's really important. In my case, I wanted a fair share of the equity in the house, custody of DS, the investments in my name and no future obligations to my Ex (he'd tried to get alimony after I had him removed from the house with a restraining Order). In exchange, I gave up a lot of Stuff and child support (which he wouldn't have paid anyway) but I was happy.