Does a Man's Salary Matter?

[audreyh1]

Study is probably true in that it relates to the general and not the specific. But interesting to look at couples, whether people you know or just random strangers, and think they got married because he's powerful and she's hot. Most couples I know do not fit either of these definitions and never did.

If I were dating today at my age, I wouldn't give a whit about a guy's salary before hopping into bed with him.

Yeah - I think that there are just so many outliers from "typical trends" that studies like this often aren't very applicable to one's personal life. I know very few couples who are traditional in many ways - my family was never traditional, and my husband and I certainly are not traditional at all in our family roles. But most of our friends are odd-balls as well, so who notices?

I'm sure if you are already an outlier, you tend to socialize with other outliers. And then you just don't run into "typical" life much.

When I decided in my late teens that I wanted to be an electrical engineer - that pretty much blasted through any "expected stuff" for the rest of my life - social life, work life, university life, all of it. Of course I was already used to being different, being the only girl in calculus and physics in high school. When I got out of high school - I was finally free of the prison of social expectations, where people were uncomfortable if you deviated from the "norm". After an odd-ball childhood, engineering school was the first place I actually started to feel like I fit in, and that was wonderful.

Audrey

 

[audreyh1]

Alan - that's some great storytelling (as usual!)

Audrey

 

[kcowan]

...
But men looking for "trophy wifes" should not wonder that these wifes are looking for salary kings.

I have found that many good-looking women are satisfied with mediocre men.

But otherwise there's never been much interest in the relative sizes of our... paychecks.

I think that once a relationship has matured, there is a great tolerance for minor shortcomings.

I kept a man for several years (he was unemployed part of that time) because he did housework and yardwork...

And then what happened?

...The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly

I believe that most people need to garner respect in their own way. This might involve decisions about a certain aspect of their joint lives.

 

[Khan]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan
I kept a man for several years (he was unemployed part of that time) because he did housework and yardwork...

And then what happened?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
He left and got religion and got married and got divorced.

 

[ziggy29]

I have found that many good-looking women are satisfied with mediocre men.

I agree, but I wasn't the one who said what you quoted....

 

[Alan]

When I decided in my late teens that I wanted to be an electrical engineer - that pretty much blasted through any "expected stuff" for the rest of my life - social life, work life, university life, all of it. Of course I was already used to being different, being the only girl in calculus and physics in high school. When I got out of high school - I was finally free of the prison of social expectations, where people were uncomfortable if you deviated from the "norm". After an odd-ball childhood, engineering school was the first place I actually started to feel like I fit in, and that was wonderful.

That sounds just like my wife. She was the only EE student in our year and we graduated as husband and wife EE's. (she was the university's first ever EE graduate).

 

[Texas Proud]

I think women lie about what they want...

Sure, there are the ones who do not follow the typical stereotype... but how many really young good looking women fall in love with a much older man that does not have any money

How many knockouts date the 350 lb guy that can not keep a job


The women usually meet someone at the same 'level' as they are..... men want to move up a few levels and get shot down...

 

[Khan]

I think women lie about what they want...

Sure, there are the ones who do not follow the typical stereotype... but how many really young good looking women fall in love with a much older man that does not have any money

How many knockouts date the 350 lb guy that can not keep a job


The women usually meet someone at the same 'level' as they are..... men want to move up a few levels and get shot down...

You are assuming always lie about everything?

A few of us don't.

 

[bbbamI]

Many decades ago when I was young, there HAD to be chemistry between a man and yours truly otherwise it wouldn't matter a flip how much money he made, his sense of humor, personality, etc... I needed passion.

Now that I'm more mature, well...I still feel the same way.

 

[freebird5825]

You want to impress me?
Do housework.
No woman ever shot a man while he was doing housework.

Allow me to add on a corollary...
NEVER criticize a man when he is doing laundry or dish duty. If he folds things wrong or doesn't stack the dishes just right, GET OVER IT.

Back to the topic...I have never been interested in a man's money because I have always earned my own. Good character and kindness is a much better pheremone than a bulging wallet.

 

[FinanceDude]

You want to impress me?
Do housework.

I think my stepmom followed that philosophy, except my dad wouldn't do it, so we kids did.........

 

[Khan]

Allow me to add on a corollary...
NEVER criticize a man when he is doing laundry or dish duty. If he folds things wrong or doesn't stack the dishes just right, GET OVER IT.

Back to the topic...I have never been interested in a man's money because I have always earned my own. Good character and kindness is a much better pheremone than a bulging wallet.

Crap yes. I've earned my own money.

You want to impress me, bring something beyond money to the discussion.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Allow me to add on a corollary...
NEVER criticize a man when he is doing laundry or dish duty. If he folds things wrong or doesn't stack the dishes just right, GET OVER IT.

Back to the topic...I have never been interested in a man's money because I have always earned my own. Good character and kindness is a much better pheremone than a bulging wallet.

And my requirement would be a sense of humor. That was what was attractive about DH, although to be completely honest, I was excited about dating someone who could buy beer for me legally.

 

[ls99]

The original question is incomplete. This thread reminds me of a word game we used to play when socked in by weather in remote Aleutians.

A newbie player is chosen to whom it is carefully explained that in their absence a story will be created. Upon their return the method for discovering the story is, the player asks a question, the group will affirm or deny.

This only works when when newbies, cheechakoes, outsiders etc. show up who are unfamiliar with this game.

In fact in the player's absence it is arbitrarily decided that any question ending in a particular word or letter will get an affirmative, else a negative. Thus in reality the player invents their own story. The results are typically pretty arbitrary at times bizarre.

So does a man's salary matter? when? to whom? in what context?

NB. I was single for most of my life, been around the world a few times, got married after 50. No, I did not lead a sheltered life.
I wold not even venture a guess to the question as posed.

I must admit the ladies did create a nice story line.

 

[haha]

I am surprised by how much interest there has been in this question, since most people here are married or SO'd up.

I agree with the previous poster, this is one of those questions where truly frank answers would be difficult. It may even present a challenge to be frank with oneself. Data is in favor of yes, it does. Clearly not always or to everyone or in every situation. A study was made of personals ads, I think in Chicago. Men most commonly advertised for younger women and the age gap betwen the male advertiser and his intended enamorata increased as he got older. Likewise, women's ads tended to emphasize men a bit older, "established", etc. Also women tended to replay to ads that attempted to subtly convey, "Hey hottie, there's bucks down here by the pool where I am so casually reclining".

Ha

 

[Texas Proud]

You are assuming always lie about everything?

A few of us don't.

Not all... but the reality for a lot does not match what they say...

Like 'I want someone who makes me laugh'... but the fat ugly guy that hardly makes any money but makes then laugh is not in the running...

Or the ones who go after a much older man and say 'age does not matter'.... but only go after the rich older man... the poor older guy is not in the running...

At least men say they want a young beautiful woman that loves sex and will not cheat.... now, we don't get there, but we are more honest


Again..... in general....

 

[NW-Bound]

Not all... but the reality for a lot does not match what they say...

I for one don't think posters are inconsistent between their words and actions.

Like 'I want someone who makes me laugh'... but the fat ugly guy that hardly makes any money but makes then laugh is not in the running...

I think implicit in that remark is that once certain basic criteria have been met, they would prefer a funny guy over a richer guy.

Or the ones who go after a much older man and say 'age does not matter'.... but only go after the rich older man... the poor older guy is not in the running...

Or they may still prefer an average guy who is funny. It's that "talent" thing, remember?

At least men say they want a young beautiful woman that loves sex and will not cheat.... now, we don't get there, but we are more honest

Ah, but many posters here talk about their chosen mates-for-life. It's different than desiring just a sexy date.

I remember one time when my friends and I were sitting around ogling a young beautiful thing that walked by. One guy said "I'd like to test drive that". As I looked at him quizzically, he explained "As in test driving an expensive high-maintenance car that you do not care to own".

Most posters here talk about a low-maintenance "car" they want to own, not a car they simply want to test drive.

I will add I do not care to test drive any car, real or metaphorical. I only look, car or whatever.

 

[Purron]

The salary does not matter, as long as he gives you fever.

 

[freebird5825]

...A study was made of personals ads, I think in Chicago. Men most commonly advertised for younger women and the age gap betwen the male advertiser and his intended enamorata increased as he got older. Likewise, women's ads tended to emphasize men a bit older, "established", etc. Also women tended to replay to ads that attempted to subtly convey, "Hey hottie, there's bucks down here by the pool where I am so casually reclining".

Ha

Just for fun, I'm going to take a closer look at this within the profiles on Match.com. There is an optional question about salary, which I smartly did not answer.
I've had over 500 views of my own profile, so I am going to check out the age ranges of the "interested parties". It should prove to be fascinating, Captain.

UPDATE: I did a quick "back of the envelope" count of the number of guys who were looking for a woman more than 5 years younger than they listed themselves as being. No conclusive trend.

 

[MasterBlaster]

"Hey hottie, there's bucks down here by the pool where I am so casually reclining".

Come and git it !

 

[haha]

Come and git it !

The Dude does have an awesome set of ears. No wonder she fell for him.

 

[freebird5825]

The Dude does have an awesome set of ears. No wonder she fell for him.

They obviously made a HUGE mistake when they selected Bob Dole for the Viagara commercials.

 

[Gerbil Wheel]

^J. Howard Marshall and Jack Bogle...separated at birth?

 

[growing_older]

Interestingly, I did an experiment with Match.com

In my "real" profile I was my usual modest self and listed my salary as approx what my expenses really were. LBYM. I got some women to respond to my email, but even those were surprisingly common to be probing for expensive tastes and world travel (even when their income was listed lower than mine).

Then I created a new fake profile which casually mentioned my recent trip to Europe and my million dollar house. Never a problem getting anyone to respond to my email from that profile, plus about a dozen email a week from women I hadn't contacted, wanting to contact me. I thought there might be an effect, but I was totally surprised by how much impact it made.

Kind of disheartening actually, since I'm much more like my original modest profile in real life. Anyone know a good LBYM dating site?

 

[bbbamI]

Anyone know a good LBYM dating site?

I don't have any experience, but here's an old thread about internet dating that may give you some ideas...

http://www.early-retirement.org/for...ice-wanted-needed-35778.html?highlight=dating