DW watching way too much TV

[haha]

One way to cut way down on TV watching is use broadcast only. There is almost nothing you would want to watch.

If I am home and have some time I watch 2 1/2 Men reruns (Charlie Sheen) during my dinner. It makes me guffaw. When I have seen so many that I start getting doubles I will be down to football in season and college basketball this time of year. Even there I can't watch many games, I start to feel like the day is blowing by without my participation.

I enjoy reading, and usually have a project going involving some author or historical period. I might read an historical novel, study maps of the area, and then read some non-fiction about the same era. But I usually don't get to it until late evening, so maybe max of 1 hour before bed. Things like mysteries and "page-turners" have never interested me, though from time to time I try a mystery.

I have this forum on whenever I am home. I usually only read items that I think I may want to sound off on.

My other big time-claims are going out with people, going dancing, and walking around town. Yesterday I walked 11 miles, mostly around town. It is just very engaging to my mind and soul. So I guess I am addicted- but so what? I guess I am addicted to breathing too.

A huge amount of my time is dedicated to finding promising investments. Or lately anyway, looking for them but it remains to be seen if I am finding them.

Ha

 

[dumpster56]

This is funny my wife loves TV, even if there is nothing on! She will watch endless reruns of I Love Lucy!

Gotta love it!

 

[Walt34]

I tell the kids that TV makes their brains mushy. (I think they believe me, too).

Charlotte

Best line I heard on that is that "If you watch enough TV you'll get to be as smart as Howdy Doody".

Now for that to make sense you have to know who Howdy Doody was....

 

[Arc]

Have you tried hiding / disabling the remote? I would be helpless without it!

 

[Notmuchlonger]

Best line I heard on that is that "If you watch enough TV you'll get to be as smart as Howdy Doody".

Now for that to make sense you have to know who Howdy Doody was....

Its Howdy Doody time..its Howdy Doody time..Now I got that damn song stuck in my head. Thanks Walt34

 

[aaronc879]

I really don't see why so many people have a problem with other adults spending there off-time watching TV. I watch 40+ hours per week and if I were retired i'd probably watch twice as much. I can maybe see a problem if the person is overweight and not getting any exercise but i'm 6'6 1/2" and 160lbs so I don't think I need to worry about getting too fat. I have a physically demanding job and need time to recover on my off-time so I can make it through my next shift. It also keeps me from going out and spending large amounts of money on things I don't need. It's a good source of entertainment for me. I'm usually on-line at the same time as well.

 

[kaudrey]

She doesn't think she needs to cut down, but she's clearly (by her own admission) bored.

Dangermouse: We (DW too) did the exercise from How to Retire Happy, Wild & Free where you have to come up with 50 activities of interest. Basically you reflect on
- things you currently like to do,
- things you used to do/enjoy that have fallen by the wayside,
- things you've never done but always been curious about, and
- physical activity/exercise. It's been interesting and I hope it helps us both lead more active lives.

Hi Midpack,

What was on her list? Has she done any of them? If not, why not?

If she went through the motions, but is now not acting on the list, then the exercise didn't do what was intended.

I have been on the side of relationships where I was always the planner, and I know it is sometimes hard, but it IS a good way to get your wife engaged in non-TV activities. Suggest taking up a new hobby together, or volunteering somewhere, or doing things outside now that the weather is starting to get warmer.

And, all of this is good, but really, if she can't take responsibility for entertaining herself (as you said she is bored), there may not be a lot you can do. I can't remember the last time I was bored for an extended period of time...

 

[Sarah in SC]

Kaudrey hit it on the head--you have to be responsible for your own entertainment. I remember marveling that DHs Dad had no hobbies or outside interests of any kind. I can ramble on about 5-6 different things I've got going on at a time, and still look for more stuff!

I wish you luck Midpack, because that would drive me crazy. I know people that talk about TV shows like the characters are people they know. It totally creeps me out. Please help her brainstorm for hobbies and interests, and encourage her in whatever direction gets her off the couch.

I fear that my DH will not have enough hobbies and interests once he retires (and I'm still working) and will just pick up vices instead! Thank god we don't have a TV!

 

[Milton]

Martha, ironic that your avatar is a television character!

Reading wasn't necessarily that much "better" than TV.

At least one recent study has suggested that watching television increases the chances of obesity [see e.g. BBC NEWS | Health | Child TV hours obesity risk link]. I have never heard that said about reading. Also, reading generally demands more imagination than television (which is purely passive).

However, I do agree that spending lots of time in an essentially solo pursuit like reading would not promote healthy relationships with family and friends.

 

[Moemg]

Is it the interaction you want or do you just want her to give up T.V. because it's a lowly ocupation in your mind ? Would you be as upset if she was addicted to reading historical novels ?

 

[haha]

Is it the interaction you want or do you just want her to give up T.V. because it's a lowly ocupation in your mind ? Would you be as upset if she was addicted to reading historical novels ?

One has to be careful when he/she starts engineering a spouse. Sometimes they would rather do it their way-like Ol' Blue Eyes.

And sometimes they even come up with whole new addictions that might make you pine for the good old days with her sitting peacefully on your couch.

Ha

 

[Midpack]

Is it the interaction you want or do you just want her to give up T.V. because it's a lowly ocupation in your mind ? Would you be as upset if she was addicted to reading historical novels ?

The interaction is secondary, and nothing wrong with a little TV for informaiton or even diversion but watching TV when 'there's nothing good on' is clearly not living life to the fullest (note my signature line at the bottom). Novels would be better, but novels to the exclusion of everything else would be a concern as well. After 28 years of marriage I recognize the perils of 'engineering a spouse' but as her spouse, I have to try but I know the direct approach won't work. Hence the activities approach - we just finished our 'trees' and now we're moving toward some of the activities. Spring and then summer weather can only help, winters here (Chicagoland) are awful. Thanks...

 

[HFWR]

Now for that to make sense you have to know who Howdy Doody was....

Isn't he the president?

For the life of me, I couldn't find 40 hours/wk of TV worth watching...

 

[Moemg]

r the life of me, I couldn't find 40 hours/wk of TV worth watching...

Me either that would be my idea of torture . Leave me in a room alone with non stop TV and I'll confess to anything but I have been known to read constantly .

 

[chris2008]

Aaronc879, the problem I have when I watch too much TV is that it encourages me to replace
reality by stories chosen and drafted by other people at their agenda (this even is true with the news)
real people by artificial characters
active social encounters by passive watching.
I feel more bored and dissatisfied with my life when I watch too much.
On the4 other hand I feel less tired coming home from work when I have something "real" to do in the evening.


Midpack, I am missing DW's point here. Is she happy with her habit? How does she feel about her mother's habit? How does she respond if you express your concerns for the future? Try to make a joint effort with the "No tv month" or other programs.
Do not teach her but help her realize what is in for her when she breaks the habit.
Is she watching so much because there is nothing else going on in your lifes?
Regarding soaps, it is often recommended to reduce the habit by watching only every other sequel. This will reduce the addiction but allows still to follow the story. At the same time one quickly realizes how shallow the whole thing is.
Good luck
Chris (also struggeling from time to time)

 

[Milton]

TV ... encourages me to replace reality by stories chosen and drafted by other people at their agenda (this even is true with the news)

No! Really? I am shocked! Shocked, I tell you!

 

[tangomonster]

Midpack, were both you and your wife able to come up with 50 activities you enjoy? I enjoy a number of activities (walking, reading, playing online, thinking, watching foreign and independent films, listening to jazz and classical, cooking, socializing, communing with nature and animals, shopping for food) but would never be able to come up with 50! Even if I aded stuff I used to enjoy (and even go back to childhood), I probably wouldn't hit 50! If I had to, I guess I could pad it with stuff I thought about, like yoga and tai chi....

With people who watch a lot of TV---I wonder whether it's the chicken or egg thing. Do they watch so much TV because they can't think of or have no interest in anything else---or is it that they can't think of anything else to do because their mind and energy are so zapped by the endless hours of TV?

I always marvel at neighbors who always seem to have their TV on all night long, every night. I can't imagine what they find of interest! Then again, I only get basic cable so I'm limited in terms of possibilities. And it's not that my TV is never on, but usually it's to watch a film on DVD.

 

[DangerMouse]

For the life of me I can't come up with 50 things that I would like to do without totally grasping at straws. I am not the type of person who can be bothered doing something just because they can.

I am not musical nor am I into the arts in any way. I can zip through any art gallery in 30 minutes, to me I either like the picture or I don't and I don't need to analyse the damn thing for 30 minutes worrying about what the artist was thinking to know if I do like it. I am not a collector of anything, a collection is just a pile of junk waiting for someone to throw it out I don't own as much as one ornament or as we refer to them in our household - dust collectors. I am not interested in taking pottery classes or learning to knit or sew because if I do who am I going to inflict the results upon? Same with cooking, there are only the 2 of us, so there is no need to take any cooking classes as I am more than capable of figuring out something from a cook book. The latest craze seems to be scrapbooking, but as we don't have children I don't take any photos as it is just one more thing to be thrown out when we go onto the next world.

Volunteer work, when you actually work full time there is a limit to how much time and energy you have to do this in the hours available. Obviously once retired this would improve.

All the things that I do enjoy are not possible in my current life. I love home renovation projects and gardening. We rent an apt. so I am sure the landlord does not want us improving what he has done.

Also to me the best form of exercise is those that occur when you are undertaking an activity rather than doing something because it will help you lose weight. I hate running, bores me stupid and I can't take my eyes of the electronic dooflicky that tells me how many minutes I have been suffering for and how many calories I have consumed. I much prefer being out doing something like kayaking or breathing the fresh air hiking up a mountain. Our current location does not really play into these desires.

So in the meantime I current repose on a regular basis on my couch watching crap that (a) I know is make believe and (b) keeps me occupied and lets my mind relax.

I know that sometime in the near future all this will change and I can not wait for that day.

 

[W2R]

When my brother first retired, and I was (of course) wishing that I was in his shoes, we created and exchanged lists of things we wanted to do in retirement. Mine was over 25 activities long, and that was just in a return e-mail. I'm sure there are many more! I saved the e-mail on my desktop at home, just in case I get bored after ER. I doubt that I will, though.

Each of us included writing a book (not to be published, but just to do it for ourselves). He wanted to write fiction, though, and I wanted to write non-fiction of some sort. We agreed to exchange books once we write them.

And now, Dangermouse has mentioned pottery classes... I hadn't thought of that! That could be a lot of fun, and I could probably give any extras to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. I could display a few of the really good ones (assuming there are any), or use them as vases and such.

 

[Nords]

After over four years on ER boards I've seen this thread one too many times.

Who the @#$% do we think we are? Entertainment directors on a cruise ship? Personal trainers? Guidance counselors!? Prison wardens?!? (My respects & apologies to anyone who feels they're making an honorable living at those avocations.) Who really has the problem here?

I read almost as [-]obsessively[/-] much as Martha (I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety), and I'm the TV enabler for my spouse. I tape nearly 140 hours of programming per week and she either watches or fast-forwards through every minute of it. But I'm reading books or on the computer even more than she's on the TV.

It's certainly not adversely affecting her health. By all available evidence her TV-watching is actually improving it. My spouse's blood pressure is in the double digits, her pulse rate is lower than mine, her cholesterol level is lower, and her stress level is definitely lower than mine-- even though I've been ER'd for six years and she's still a drilling Reservist. She has way better genes than I do and she's probably going to end up living a decade or two longer. She's not in shape to surf for two hours or to compete in a martial-arts tournament, but she enjoys what she does and she sees no reason to change. So who am I to judge? She's paid her dues, she supports the finances at least as much as I do, and she's earned the right to live her life according to her standards.

She doesn't think she needs to cut down, but she's clearly (by her own admission) bored.
I'm not judging anyone, just asking for other methods to intervene.

I'm not sure that there's anything to intervene in. If she's bored then it's her problem to tackle. If she's bored enough then she'll tackle it, and it sounds like she's already aware of the tools for doing so. If she wants your help then she knows where to find you. After decades together we surely have enough respect for each other to not intrude on one another's personal space/limits.

Perhaps before we "solve" each other's problems we should try "giving up" our favorite activity (as unproductive) for six months and see how we feel about it. I'm not sure why we would be so eager to impose the same regimen on our spouses. I guess it's always easier to "improve" them than ourselves.

It amazes me that we work so hard to regain control of our lives, we ER to do whatever we want, and then we expect our significant others to provide our entertainment. If my partner is hauling her share of the load (chores, maintenance, parenting, whatever) then I have no basis for complaint. If she feels less need for companionship (platonic or sexual or however it's achieved) and I want more, then that's my problem-- not hers.

My spouse is one of the highest priorities in my life and I'll always accomodate her, but if she's occupied with her own personal priorities then I'm certainly able to find ways to occupy myself without feeling obligated to interfere with her bliss.

 

[Zoocat]

It amazes me that we work so hard to regain control of our lives, we ER to do whatever we want, and then we expect our significant others to provide our entertainment.

I agree with everything Nords has written above, as well as what some others have written, Dex, Ha, Martha, etc. I, too, am an obsessive reader, Internet user, and could probably stand to widen my activities. But we all have different temperments. Some people like to be very active and social, others need more time alone.

But I think a deeper issue is at work here. For many people (and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone) they are uncomfortable with just being with themselves and need to have outside stimulus, activity, people around all the time, or they begin to feel anxious, unhappy, "bored."

What would happen if the two of you took a walk together, a quiet time spent together just conversing? What happens during that time will tell you a lot about your relationship. But I think what is more important is what happens when you are with yourself, doing "nothing," just breathing and getting in touch with your own spirit.

Read "A New Earth" Echart Tolle.

 

[haha]

For the life of me I can't come up with 50 things that I would like to do without totally grasping at straws.

Hmm, never thought of that..

For at least 50 other things consult the Kama Sutra.

Ha

 

[DangerMouse]

Thanks Nords for putting it so eloquently. Our 3 biggest pasttimes are tv, reading and the internet and squeezing in a bit of exercise. I find even amongst my work colleagues that there seems to be some competition over who has got the most activity going on in their life - you know we have 7 different birthday parties on Saturday, dinner with friends, going to the theatre etc. and I wonder if they ever get to relax and just enjoy their life. I take a lot of pleasure when people ask when what we have planned to say nothing. If one is happy with their life the way it is why are they obliged to try new things?

Ha, not so sure about the Karma Sutra, surely if one tried to do 50 things from that book in a short period of time your bits would soon be very sore and out of action.

 

[oma]

I used to watch a lot of TV - pre-internet days. Now I think I have a serious internet addiction. Looking at FIRE next year. Will have to limit amount of time doing both (TV/Internet) - can be mindless at times. Have a stack full of US historical to read next year - but I'm fooling myself if I think I'm going to finish even one of them.

 

[Milton]

After over four years on ER boards I've seen this thread one too many times.

Who the @#$% do we think we are? Entertainment directors on a cruise ship? Personal trainers? Guidance counselors!? Prison wardens?!? (My respects & apologies to anyone who feels they're making an honorable living at those avocations.) Who really has the problem here?

Midpack asked for some advice. People responded to his request. I don't think that anyone should feel guilty for answering his original post ... it's not like gratuitous suggestions were just thrown out there by busybodies.

I'm the TV enabler for my spouse. I tape nearly 140 hours of programming per week and she either watches or fast-forwards through every minute of it.... So who am I to judge? She's paid her dues, she supports the finances at least as much as I do, and she's earned the right to live her life according to her standards. It amazes me that we work so hard to regain control of our lives, we ER to do whatever we want, and then we expect our significant others to provide our entertainment.

Wow. This thread really seems to have hit a nerve with you! Perhaps Midpack's situation is too close for comfort.

If my partner is hauling her share of the load (chores, maintenance, parenting, whatever) then I have no basis for complaint. If she feels less need for companionship (platonic or sexual or however it's achieved) and I want more, then that's my problem-- not hers.

Have to disagree with you there. IMHO, you would be describing a 'home business' partnership, not a genuine marriage. An absence or shortage of love, sex, companionship or communication is a problem for both spouses, and should be addressed before resentment takes hold.

P.S. I hope you're exaggerating about the "nearly 140 hours of programming per week". If your wife watched only half of that, that would mean she spends an average of 10 hours a day in front of the television.