Executor headaches

[MRG]

When my dad passed, I realized what wonderful sister's I'm blessed with.

Very sorry for your loss.

 

[Brat]

Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better.

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Is mother aware of the sister's actions? If mother is no longer competent see a lawyer about filing for a conservatorship.

 

[pb4uski]

Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better. ...

Your DW might be best off to put her foot down on her meddling siblings sooner than later.

 

[MichaelB]

Your DW might be best off to put her foot down on her meddling siblings sooner than later.

Yes, and that giant Monty Python foot comes to mind.

I bought the Nolo book "The Trustee's Legal Companion" and found it very useful The Trustee's Legal Companion - Legal Book - Nolo

 

[48Fire]

DW has Durable Power of Attorney as well. We are planning on discussing this with them soon after some assisted living issues stabilize. Lots of drama on that as we speak. SIL is way over the top at the moment

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[freebird5825]

I may just tell her that there is no way I'll reimburse her expenses from the estate, but after the estate settles she can tell me how much money she wants and I'll give it to her out of my part. Whatever she thinks is "fair".

Sorry for your loss.

The easiest way out of this is to simply tell her that you have consulted an attorney and it is not possible to give her anything (for any reason) at this point in time. She will simply have to wait until the Estate is settled and distributions are done. That how it w*rks.

The question of "fairness" amongst siblings came up when my Mom passed. Her Will stipulated that portions went to 2 out of 5 siblings, excluding the remaining 3 who had borrowed and never paid back money to her over the years. My older brother the Executor starting making noises about how "unfair" that was and that he would "do something different". As Alternate Executor, I had to make the tough decision (risking a feud) to consult my attorney to see if this was allowed.

Of course not. My attorney called his attorney and the "fairness" nonsense disappeared very quickly.

Bottom line, as Executor, you need to strictly adhere to the provisions of the Will (or Trust). It's not negotiable.

As far as giving her a portion of your inheritance, please ask yourself why. You did not set the terms of the estate beneficiary distributions. You are simply the Executor.

 

[Bamaman]

I always looked to being my father's executor as a blessing, as he trusted me most. And nothing brings up relative's shortcomings like having to a deal with them on money.

Your father trusted you to deal with his business, and your sister needs to be told that she's also going to have to trust you. She'll get her full share, but you're accountable to both the estate and to the probate judge. When the judge says you have the authority to disperse funds, she'll then get her fair share. And travel expenses are her responsibility since she chose to move away.

If the sister absolutely doesn't have any travel money, you might could advance her a small withdrawal from the estate.

What's nice about wills is that you have the ability to change your executor at any time. Don't forget that you also need to specify a secondary executor in case the executor is unable or unwilling to act in that position. Hopefully you have someone else that can execute your will.

 

[Olbidness]

I spoke with sis the other day and it seems she was just having a bad day. I explained the details of the will to her, and that according to my father's instructions she and my stepbrother will receive a larger portion than me. I am totally fine with how it is to be divided it up. No disrespect to my father but if I received an equal share it wouldn't allow me to do anything more than I can currently.

I think possibly sis was goaded by my more materialistic BIL. I also discussed the importance of keeping the inheritance in her name and not to mix
with community property accounts. This may cause problems but I hope not.

In any event I will proceed as if my father were looking over my shoulder.

 

[Olbidness]

Thanks for the book tip MichaelB. I got it from Amazon and now I feel like I'm "cramming" for an exam.

 

[MichaelB]

Thanks for the book tip MichaelB. I got it from Amazon and now I feel like I'm "cramming" for an exam.

Hope you benefit as much as I have. I'm also a trustee with sibling issues. Good luck

 

[EastWest Gal]

Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better.

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If BIL and DW are on the same page, There isn't a lot SIL can legally do. Does DW have power of attorney now? (She becomes Executrix when mom passes). She needs to keep an eye on SIL. Greed does weird things and breaks up families.

Perhaps BIL and DW can talk to SIL about people being more important than things, and that her attitude could harm her relationship with the family.

My DH and BIL stopped having any contact with the other BIL after his mom's small estate was settled. The idiot BIL moved in with mom to help her (but didn't) then raided her bank account for drug money while she was dying. He didn't fight it when his brothers pointed out he stole his inheritance from himself. He got the car and nothing else. Within a year he wrecked the car.

I wish your wife well in dealing with this.


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[Bestwifeever]

I spoke with sis the other day and it seems she was just having a bad day. I explained the details of the will to her, and that according to my father's instructions she and my stepbrother will receive a larger portion than me. I am totally fine with how it is to be divided it up. No disrespect to my father but if I received an equal share it wouldn't allow me to do anything more than I can currently.

I think possibly sis was goaded by my more materialistic BIL. I also discussed the importance of keeping the inheritance in her name and not to mix
with community property accounts. This may cause problems but I hope not.

In any event I will proceed as if my father were looking over my shoulder.

Sounds like you had a good conversation with your sister. I'm sure your father would be proud of how you are handling his affairs.