Feeling left out?

[Curmudgeon]

I always tell my kids its a bad idea to look at what others have. No matter who you are, their are always people around you who are going to be way better off than you are - and don't deserve to be. There's also going to be people around you that have it way worse than you do - and don't deserve to be. If you need to compare your lot to someone else's, at least pick someone from the latter group!

I began to get the itch for ER when I noticed people around me - coworkers, and a couple siblings - passing away in the prime of their life, without ever having had a chance to enjoy a retirement at all.

 

[NW-Bound]

To ward off envy, you have to keep describing your situation: "No workee, no money".

It is partially true. When I was still working even part-time, I was pulling in enough money to live pretty nice life and take nice vacations for the 50% of the time that I did not work. Plus, it let me keep my stash intact so I could sit back and watch it grow and grow.

Well, my stash has been growing fine even while I am feeding off it, but who knows how long that can last. They say you cannot eat your cake and have it too, yet we are spoiled to expect to eat our cake and have it spawn new ones.

PS. I was trying to tell people who are still working: "Don't envy me. Look at how much money you are making and I am not."

 

[Luck_Club]

Ever since joining this forum I have maintained that thinly-veiled bitter resentment (especially from still-enslaved ex-colleagues, but also from still-enslaved neighbors, friends family, etc.) is a sad fact of life for new FIREees.

That viewpoint has never gotten any sympathy around here. The responses have usually been on the order of, "Gee, everybody was just so happy for me!"

No way.

Mdlerth, maybe your experience will lend some support to my observation.

+1
Since we have started floating trial balloons around our friends, we have seen this as well. Comments like aren't you a bit young to be thinking about retiring, your too young to stop working, or I'd be bored if I didn't work, are all to common a response. We've only identified 1 couple among our peers that is also contemplating retiring.

When we finally stop, I'm not sure if I should shout it from the roof tops or fib that I'm still working, just less. Being self employed, people think I don't work much already.

 

[ER Eddie]

I see that others have already defended my post. I checked my wording, and I think it's clear that I am against making assumptions about people's motivations regarding childbearing, until you hear it from the people themselves.

Yes, sorry, I misread your post. I guess the double negative threw me.

 

[aja8888]

Retire early? NOT!

I was dealt a big blow in 1992 - California divorce, DW went nuts, literally. Long story, not worth repeating. So much for retirement as the bad deal cost me two California homes, about $90 K in legal fees, 1/2, or more, of everything else, and a job loss at the same time.


I was like W2R, near rock bottom, and took a job in Houston and showed up with a used car, no credit (try getting credit during a divorce), had to stay at a friend's house until I could get into a cheap apartment. Oh, in addition, both kids were given to me to raise (Teenage girls).

I was 50 at the time.

So, I put my nose to the grindstone, found a wonderful single lady with the right attitude and raised the girls. We worked and saved until DW was 64 and lost her job and I worked until I was 70. The last couple of years I consulted part time and called it off at 72.

Was I jealous of guys and gals that pulled the plug early? Not really, I didn't have time to even give it much thought.

 

[JoeWras]

Some inspired writing from a long time ago mentioned something about not "coveting" various people or things. Good advice then, good advice now.

 

[Gumby]

Well, since the thread went there... The whole kid/no kid thing is incredibly sensitive. Or insensitive. People have no place to say: "Oh, you have no kids, so you can afford 'x'."

What a ridiculous comment.

Maybe I should say: "You live in a shack, so you can afford a nice car."

You can turn this around to good effect. The young wife and I take nice vacations to Italy almost every year, rent a place in Maine every summer, go out to dinner often and generally live a good life. Whenever someone expresses regret that they can't afford to do the same, I usually say "Well, we didn't have any children to spend our money on." This has the advantage of a) being true and b) making the person feel better. The part about also having worked hard, saved assiduously and invested wisely for many, many years need not be mentioned.

 

[imoldernu]

Gee... Never thought about "envy"...
Last three years of corporate employment were somewhat apart from the office routine. spent most of the time on the road, closing down 2400 retail units across the country... 1981-1985, and coincidentally working myself out of my job. Then off on my own using pension monies to start my own business. While growing the business and taking on some risk to expand... hit with cancer, and the worry of leaving DW with a mountain of debt.

Decision time... at age 53, in 1989, with limited assets and expertise in a dying profession, took the big step to a "trial" retirement... selling business at a break even.

The good part... all four sons grown, educated, and on their way... a home almost free and clear... DW fully supportive and willing to take on the challenge of retirement. After my leaving the corporate position in Chicago, the company closed down completely in 1990 and I lost track of co-workers.
....................................................................................

So back to "envy". I don't guess that there were many who were there to envy me, and to put a point on the subject... not very many who would have changed places.

Opposite to many others here, who were able to continue earning and building a safety net, our efforts went into learning to live "frugally". Strangely... looking back... it doesn't seem that we ever sacrificed anything important. Plenty of time to study and understand money preservation, as opposed to growth.

1989 was a decision point. Go back to being employed, or take a chance. Always in the background the comfort of relatively young age (53) and the idea that we could go back if it didn't work out. That was 28 years ago. No life is perfect... small bumps along the way, but nothing but good memories.

Did I ever envy early retirees? Never thought about it.
Does anyone envy me? Not particularly. Naw... my two cars are collectively 40 years old... no foreign travel, no special dining experiences, an aging wardrobe, no theatre experiences, no new computers or smartphones. Just friends who are mostly older than us, CCRC cookouts or singalongs, walking the local mall, and more TV than we should.

A mostly quiet, no crisis, low level adventurous life. Happy to be alive with relatively good health with total freedom, and no cares about money. "Envy" not a part of our vocabulary.

 

[Sojourner]

You can turn this around to good effect. The young wife and I take nice vacations to Italy almost every year, rent a place in Maine every summer, go out to dinner often and generally live a good life. Whenever someone expresses regret that they can't afford to do the same, I usually say "Well, we didn't have any children to spend our money on." This has the advantage of a) being true and b) making the person feel better. The part about also having worked hard, saved assiduously and invested wisely for many, many years need not be mentioned.

I'm going to keep this in mind for when I do start to tell people that I'm fully retired... which isn't an accurate description yet. I'm sure I'll get my share of "Wow, wish I could afford to retire so young" comments, and maybe the line about not having kids to spend all my money on will be a good comeback. Since I'm only 49 now, I tell anyone who asks that I do part time consulting work. Seems like an easy (and somewhat truthful) way of keeping some people's heads from exploding.

 

[Out of Steam]

I'm at an age where people younger than me are retiring and finding it difficult. Just hoping that my two more years go by quickly.

 

[pacergal]

Imoldernu--
Thank you. You always have great perspective.

For me--I knew I had to work to a certain age for insurance, no way around that expense. DH retired earlier due to health issues. Yes I was envious, but then I would think about his health and be grateful I still had him around. At 60, I am retired early enough for me.

 

[HillCountry]

Just had a colleague quit to travel with his newlywed spouse. He is a bit over 30. I am happy for him.

As for myself, still six more years.

Besides, according this forum, DW fully retired 9 years ago at ripe age of 35.

 

[Scratchy]

Totally green with envy and other ugly emotions over my neighbor who worked for the fire department and retired early with a huge pension including COLA. It's worth millions. Public sector pensions in California are out of control!

 

[Letj]

Gee... Never thought about "envy"...

Last three years of corporate employment were somewhat apart from the office routine. spent most of the time on the road, closing down 2400 retail units across the country... 1981-1985, and coincidentally working myself out of my job. Then off on my own using pension monies to start my own business. While growing the business and taking on some risk to expand... hit with cancer, and the worry of leaving DW with a mountain of debt.



Decision time... at age 53, in 1989, with limited assets and expertise in a dying profession, took the big step to a "trial" retirement... selling business at a break even.



The good part... all four sons grown, educated, and on their way... a home almost free and clear... DW fully supportive and willing to take on the challenge of retirement. After my leaving the corporate position in Chicago, the company closed down completely in 1990 and I lost track of co-workers.

....................................................................................



So back to "envy". I don't guess that there were many who were there to envy me, and to put a point on the subject... not very many who would have changed places.



Opposite to many others here, who were able to continue earning and building a safety net, our efforts went into learning to live "frugally". Strangely... looking back... it doesn't seem that we ever sacrificed anything important. Plenty of time to study and understand money preservation, as opposed to growth.



1989 was a decision point. Go back to being employed, or take a chance. Always in the background the comfort of relatively young age (53) and the idea that we could go back if it didn't work out. That was 28 years ago. No life is perfect... small bumps along the way, but nothing but good memories.



Did I ever envy early retirees? Never thought about it.

Does anyone envy me? Not particularly. Naw... my two cars are collectively 40 years old... no foreign travel, no special dining experiences, an aging wardrobe, no theatre experiences, no new computers or smartphones. Just friends who are mostly older than us, CCRC cookouts or singalongs, walking the local mall, and more TV than we should.



A mostly quiet, no crisis, low level adventurous life. Happy to be alive with relatively good health with total freedom, and no cares about money. "Envy" not a part of our vocabulary.

You never fail to hit it out of the park! You serve up your writing so deliciously and oh so inspirational. Keep on writing and reminding us that a well lived life is so much more than just money.

 

[Badger]

I was always happy for any of my friends who were able to retire when they wanted. I only retired a couple of years early myself but not because I was unhappy with my life choices. I liked what I was doing. I don't think anyone I know was jealous though. I do have a friend who is struggling at 69 to put food on the table. I try to help out some way a little every once in awhile but careful not to embarrass. He always teased me a little for being so frugal but now thinks he could have made some better choices too.

Cheers!

 

[Music Lover]

Totally green with envy and other ugly emotions over my neighbor who worked for the fire department and retired early with a huge pension including COLA. It's worth millions. Public sector pensions in California are out of control!

A friend of a friend who is still w*rking once said to me that he was jealous of my govt. pension. My response was that had he saved the difference between his larger salary and mine, he could have retired before I did.

 

[Maenad]

I just re-ran our numbers, updated our estimates of annualized capital expenses, and added in the 33% jump in estimated HI and 20% estimated jump in property taxes since the last time we looked at our plan.

Our FI date went from 14 months out to 26 months out.

I know there are changes we could make, and we'll think about them. I will calm down eventually and be glad to have a more realistic plan. Right now I'm just ticked off that my time-to-FI has basically doubled. So I hear ya, I'm totally envying the people who are retiring or who are much closer than I am.

 

[NW-Bound]

The OP said he felt "left out". No, you are "left in".

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

[gayl]

OP here. Sorry if I encouraged the impression that presence or absence of children was the key variable. It was just one factor that I chose to note. There are plenty of others.

but those 2 kids (& 7 grands) are why I went back to work ... FIRE @ 50 back @ 52 -- PT till last yr

Expensive to adopt

Then there's the green public sector envy as well. Of course everybody realizes that public-sector employees are mandated to put anywhere between 10 to 20% of their gross salary into the pension fund each month. This covers them because many of them will not get Social Security.

 

[Scuba]

You can turn this around to good effect. The young wife and I take nice vacations to Italy almost every year, rent a place in Maine every summer, go out to dinner often and generally live a good life. Whenever someone expresses regret that they can't afford to do the same, I usually say "Well, we didn't have any children to spend our money on." This has the advantage of a) being true and b) making the person feel better. The part about also having worked hard, saved assiduously and invested wisely for many, many years need not be mentioned.

+1

 

[brucethebroker]

I was always happy for any of my friends who were able to retire when they wanted. I only retired a couple of years early myself but not because I was unhappy with my life choices. I liked what I was doing. I don't think anyone I know was jealous though. I do have a friend who is struggling at 69 to put food on the table. I try to help out some way a little every once in awhile but careful not to embarrass. He always teased me a little for being so frugal but now thinks he could have made some better choices too.

Cheers!

+1.
I think some of the "envy" is when one hates the job and is looking forward to getting out. I enjoyed my w*rk, and did not envy retirees. I even wondered why others were in such a hurry to retire. Then, when things drastically changed (my mid-50's), my mindset changed. No envy, but FI/semi-retirement looked better and better.

 

[Danmar]

Retirement envy? Very lucky to have not experienced it even though a terrible divorce starting at age 42 really knocked me down. I can certainly see how it might happen though. Hate your job but not in a financial position to retire. I sympathize.

Life often throws you "curve balls" but some great posts showing how some people have persevered. I salute you.