Female Smarts: Let's Hear From the Gentlemen

[Amethyst]

Let's assume that traits that men usually like in a woman are equally present (looks, kind personality, no criminal record, etc.)-- which do you prefer:

A woman of average smarts, or...

A very smart woman?

I know which one my husband goes for. Just wondering about the FIRE-inclined gentlemen.

 

[ziggy29]

I find the brain to be a very powerful sex organ, personally. And if it also has an attractive package around it...

I remember when I worked at a drug store when I was in college, and they had just hired a new cashier who was an absolute knockout physically -- in terms of how she looked and how she dressed, as far as the eye could see she was "the package." All the guys were (semi-) joking around that we were going to be jockeying for position to "land" her, if you will.

Well, one of my co-workers did. And it turns out that she was dumber than a box of rocks and he shared some stories. And over time I observed some behavior that reinforced his assessment. And suddenly, she wasn't all that attractive to me any more...

 

[RAE]

Prefer the very smart woman, without a doubt. In fact, if the intelligence isn't there (at a fairly high level), looks don't really matter (if we are talking about someone I will be spending a lot of time with).

 

[travelover]

Very smart -no doubt. Of course it helps if she lets us look smart.

 

[ERD50]

I can't imagine a man answering NO to smarts. And if they actually felt that way, they probably wouldn't be "man enough" to admit it!


-ERD50

 

[Khan]

Advice from Mother: "At some point you have to get out of bed and start talking."

 

[freebird5825]

I can't imagine a man answering NO to smarts. And if they actually felt that way, they probably wouldn't be "man enough" to admit it!
-ERD50

In my own personal experience, possessing a high IQ and being an ambitious woman was a definite detriment to my social life.
No question about it.
I am a FIREd engineer. My late husband was an engineer. dh2b is a telecomm guy. None of this is coincidence.

 

[ERD50]

In my own personal experience, possessing a high IQ and being an ambitious woman was a definite detriment to my social life.
No question about it.
I am a FIREd engineer. My late husband was an engineer. dh2b is a telecomm guy. None of this is coincidence.

I don't doubt that some men feel threatened by or maybe are uncomfortable around an intelligent and/or ambitious woman. But would they *really* choose a less intelligent over a more intelligent woman for the long run (again, all else being equal)? Hopefully, an intelligent woman would sense that and run the other way. Problem solved!


-ERD50

 

[Bestwifeever]

Besides the choice of a smarter woman over a less intelligent woman, there is also the issue of the woman being more intelligent than the man. I think this is why some men (especially younger men imho) seem to prefer the average smarts, all else being equal. Things change perhaps as we mature a little, or as Judge Judy says, "beauty fades, dumb is forever."

 

[bbbamI]

Uh ohhh...maybe I should change my sig....

Nah...my intelligence would be found out eventually.....

 

[riskadverse]

. . . as Judge Judy says, "beauty fades, dumb is forever."

Finally, things she really is an authority on.

 

[SecondCor521]

It's beyond a preference for me; it's a requirement that any "future ex Mrs. 2Cor521" (to paraphrase Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park II) be very smart.

To Bestwifeever's point, I might be a little intimidated if she were smarter than me, but then it would be her running (or not), not me. Come to think of it, I have been attracted at least on the intellectual level to all of the women I have met that were clearly smarter than me. So I don't think it would be a problem for me.

I have a very smart daughter as well. I'm going to encourage her to be herself with guys, and I hope she doesn't end up with someone who makes her feel that she can't be herself, including her intelligence. That would be sad.

2Cor521

 

[haha]

Besides the choice of a smarter woman over a less intelligent woman, there is also the issue of the woman being more intelligent than the man. I think this is why some men (especially younger men imho) seem to prefer the average smarts, all else being equal. Things change perhaps as we mature a little, or as Judge Judy says, "beauty fades, dumb is forever."

I am not sure how you would judge someone's level of intelligence. For example, the people on this board are undoubtedly intelligent and very accomplished. But often enough we seem to misunderstand meanings of the words we use.

I had a friend, an older iron worker/mechanic. The guy was a spatial genius, but get him away from his tools and a welder and he really wasn't interested in much else.

As for girls, I drew the line once when my date said she was majoring in "Implied Arts". Not before we slept together though and likely if she had been stupendous I would have dealt with the implied arts. In fact the only reason it bothered me was it embarrassed me in front of my smart-ass friends. Anyway, she preferred women so I was likely just a tool.

So my feeling is there are some things you can know, and some things that are much easier to be wrong about. You can know if someone is kind, cute, polite, humorous, loving and sexually strong.

I think intelligence is way more situational and perhaps fluid than these things.

I know that when I have been dumped it wasn't because I was dumb in a general sense, but more that I was dumb in a relationship sense. Or even that I knew what was required of me, but didn't really feel like complying.

Ha

 

[Bestwifeever]

Ha, I agree that there are all types of intelligence--I think Amethyst's original question re average vs. very smart, and what I was referring to, is the traditional type of intelligence where the "smarter" person has the higher IQ, GPA, SATs, whatever. Like the guys on the tv show, the Big Bang Theory, are considered "smart." Personally I think chemistry is the most important (and not chemistry class, yuk yuk) factor in attraction.

 

[clifp]

Very smart -no doubt. Of course it helps if she lets us look smart.

+1

While most of my college educated friends prefer smart woman, I've meet a fair number of guys (typically but not always blue collar) who don't like very smart girls cause they are too hard to control/demanding/high maintenance etc.

I think Hugh Hefner is a classic case most of his girlfriends aren't stupid (roughly average intelligent) but the smart ones don't became girlfriends.

 

[Orchidflower]

Thanks, clifp, for the honesty. I have dated or flirted with more than one guy who told me I was "too smart," and they felt intimidated by me. It really is frustrating to women (or, at least, for me) to hear that, too. What am I supposed to do? Dumb up and act ditzy? Ain't gonna happen here.

 

[Khan]

Thanks, clifp, for the honesty. I have dated or flirted with more than one guy who told me I was "too smart," and they felt intimidated by me. It really is frustrating to women (or, at least, for me) to hear that, too. What am I supposed to do? Dumb up and act ditzy? Ain't gonna happen here.

Back in the '50s and '60s the advice given was to act stupid and/or helpless to 'get a man'. Problem is, the woman was supposed to spend the next 50+ years maintaining the facade in order to 'keep the man'.

%^&* that; I'd rather live alone.

 

[jambo101]

I guess smart women are a good match for smart men,being somewhat average myself i prefer average intellect from a woman,makes for a nice balance.I've dated a few supposed smart women and they seem to have been everywhere,done everything,want to dictate where we go and when and basically talk about themselves all the time,the phrase "control freak" comes to mind.

 

[Nords]

Let's assume that traits that men usually like in a woman are equally present (looks, kind personality, no criminal record, etc.)-- which do you prefer:
A woman of average smarts, or...
A very smart woman?

Oh, please, 17 posts philosophizing on a trick question.

It doesn't matter what I prefer. If she chooses to spend her time with me then she's clearly the latter, no matter what my opinion...

I've dated a few scary-smart women. When it comes to relationships, however, it requires more than a genius IQ.

 

[ls99]

Fun topic.

I worked with many men and women with advanced degrees Phd, multiple Masters etc. The women seemed to [-]chase guys [/-]make themselves available to men with similar or more advanced education. They mostly ignored guys with BS, BA or no degrees, except for a few rolls in the hay.

Their laments after a few years of fruitless searches, the guys they were interested in were not biting. Or were very short term affairs.

I know of a woman Phd who after five or six years of plotting and scheming and other overtures decided to throw in the towel and marry a fellow with no degree. Even though he regularly beat her at scrabble. Most never married, just gave up.

Though there were several Phd, marriages. Most were of the "open" type.

This information from working with and around scientists, is one bit, I never thought I would ever have any use for.

Amazing, this forum.

By the way, I always enjoyed the company women with brain power.

 

[ziggy29]

The sexiest woman of all is the one with a secure job she loves, complete with a nice pension.

 

[socca]

'Intelligence' is a nice word. Unfortunately, no one knows exactly what it means. A nice review of this subject can be found in this book:

Amazon.com: The Making of Intelligence: Ken Richardson: Books

I'd rather go beyond the word 'intelligence' to desirable behaviors and measurable achievements. A nice body and/or being rich helps, too.

 

[Khan]

Mother had a college (BA) degree, Father did not. They were both intelligent and well read and had different intellectual plusses and minuses.

IMHO what is important is that people know what they are getting into, and do not think they have to erect and maintain a facade for ~50 years.

 

[Khan]

The sexiest woman of all is the one with a secure job she loves, complete with a nice pension.

That's me: 58, financially independent.

 

[Gumby]

Oh, please, 17 posts philosophizing on a trick question.

It doesn't matter what I prefer. If she chooses to spend her time with me then she's clearly the latter, no matter what my opinion...

I've dated a few scary-smart women. When it comes to relationships, however, it requires more than a genius IQ.

If she chooses to spend her time with you, then how smart can she be?

But on a serious note, this reminds me of the time long ago when a group of young naval officers were sitting around drinking beer and discussing the qualities of our ideal women. My friend Rick had not said anything, so someone asked "Rick, what kind of women do you like?" To which he replied "ones who like me." That may have been the most intelligent thing anyone said that evening.

If there is no attraction, all the checked-off lists in the world won't make it happen.