Funny Quote Friday

mickj · 01-19-2007, 09:52 AM

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."
- Mitch Hedberg

cute fuzzy bunny · 01-19-2007, 09:57 AM

I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.
- George Carlin

**Martha** · 01-19-2007, 09:39 PM

Don't be so humble, you're not that great". - Golda Meir

mickeyd · 01-20-2007, 11:00 AM

“I am the world’s greatest expert in what I’m about to tell you.” George Will

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February" --Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. -- Jon Stewart

“In the 20th century, we gained an additional 30 years of life. It took the preceding 50 centuries to do that. That’s extraordinary”
Robert N. Butler, MD, President International Longevity Center-USA

**Martha** · 01-20-2007, 11:26 AM

Mickj, Mitch Hedberg was one of my favorite comedians and I was really bummed when he died. Another from Mitch:

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

Eagle43 · 01-20-2007, 01:52 PM

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Both quotes by Henny Youngman

On dying, from Woody Allen....

It's not that I'm afraid to die.
I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.
I want to achieve it through not dying.

Goonie · 01-20-2007, 04:45 PM

"Politicians and diapers need to be changed. Often for the same reason."

"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"

And one that's kind of humorous...but soooo true:

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally
worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW--What a Ride!"

01-19-2007, 09:52 AM	#1
mickj Recycles dryer sheets Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 148	Funny Quote Friday "I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." - Mitch Hedberg __________________ If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. Ludwig Wittgenstein

01-19-2007, 09:57 AM	#2
cute fuzzy bunny Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ... Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Losing my whump Posts: 22,527	Re: Funny Quote Friday I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm. - George Carlin __________________ Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist

01-19-2007, 09:39 PM	#3
Martha Moderator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: minnesota Posts: 9,787	Re: Funny Quote Friday Don't be so humble, you're not that great". - Golda Meir __________________ . Do not rely on the information provided--my posts are not to be taken as legal advice. Needless to say you must consult with your legal representative. I am not responsible for errors. If I offended you with cya I apologize. If I did not, I tried.

01-20-2007, 11:00 AM	#4
mickeyd Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Texas~29N/98W Posts: 2,274	Re: Funny Quote Friday “I am the world’s greatest expert in what I’m about to tell you.” George Will October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February" --Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. -- Jon Stewart “In the 20th century, we gained an additional 30 years of life. It took the preceding 50 centuries to do that. That’s extraordinary” Robert N. Butler, MD, President International Longevity Center-USA __________________ Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.

01-20-2007, 11:26 AM	#5
Martha Moderator Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: minnesota Posts: 9,787	Re: Funny Quote Friday Mickj, Mitch Hedberg was one of my favorite comedians and I was really bummed when he died. Another from Mitch: I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top. __________________ . Do not rely on the information provided--my posts are not to be taken as legal advice. Needless to say you must consult with your legal representative. I am not responsible for errors. If I offended you with cya I apologize. If I did not, I tried.

01-20-2007, 01:52 PM	#6
Eagle43 Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,652	Re: Funny Quote Friday I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Both quotes by Henny Youngman On dying, from Woody Allen.... It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. __________________ Resist much. Obey Little. . . . Ed Abbey Disclaimer: My Posts are for my amusement only.

01-20-2007, 04:45 PM	#7
Goonie Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: North Central Illinois Posts: 2,049	Re: Funny Quote Friday "Politicians and diapers need to be changed. Often for the same reason." "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!" And one that's kind of humorous...but soooo true: "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW--What a Ride!" __________________ "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss - Retired April 2007 @ 50 with COLA'd DB Pension plus Lifetime Medical & Dental Insurance.

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