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View Poll Results: Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I'm a man, and NO I've never cheated 65 53.72%
I'm a man,and YES I've cheated 17 14.05%
I'm a woman, and NO I've never cheated 31 25.62%
I'm a woman, and YES I've cheated 8 6.61%
Voters: 121. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-08-2009, 07:07 AM   #41
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The results here confirm what I hear from friends. So either the study(ies) that say 50% cheat are wrong or lots of people are lying about their fidelity, here and in conversation with their friends.
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:17 AM   #42
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Nope, never crossed my mind. Never had any reason or desire to.
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:32 AM   #43
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Yes, if adhering to the law (legally separated but waiting on final divorce decree) - but at this point we were both dating others
No, as far as any fooling around outside the one I was attached to relationship-wise.

Therefore I did not vote. I don't see my actions as cheating - because I was not going home pretending nothing was going on outside my relationship. That defines it for me - the hiding...
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:17 AM   #44
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I have never cheated in a stable relationship but as others have mentioned things happen during the separation process since mentally you have already moved on !
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:34 AM   #45
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Yes, if adhering to the law (legally separated but waiting on final divorce decree) - but at this point we were both dating others
No, as far as any fooling around outside the one I was attached to relationship-wise.

Therefore I did not vote. I don't see my actions as cheating - because I was not going home pretending nothing was going on outside my relationship. That defines it for me - the hiding...
I didn't cheat when we were separated, mostly because I just wasn't ready to. I did go to some parties as a single, and got asked out but didn't accept and explained that I wanted to wait until I had the final divorce papers in hand. Emotions were so strong for me at that time, and in my case I needed for them to settle down so that I could see a potential partner for who he is, in all fairness, rather than for who I wanted him to be during that miserable time in my life.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:36 AM   #46
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As far as separation goes, unless it's a full legal separation, your "activity" can be held against you as adultery in terms of a contested divorce, at least in some states, so that's something that could be worth considering for someone contemplating "playing the field" before a divorce is final.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:42 AM   #47
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As far as separation goes, unless it's a full legal separation, your "activity" can be held against you as adultery in terms of a contested divorce, at least in some states, so that's something that could be worth considering for someone contemplating "playing the field" before a divorce is final.
More evidence that marriage sucks.

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Old 10-08-2009, 09:45 AM   #48
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More evidence that marriage sucks.

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Not for everybody! Some people are married for their whole lives and don't even consider a divorce. For others marriage is less ideal.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:48 AM   #49
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As far as separation goes, unless it's a full legal separation, your "activity" can be held against you as adultery in terms of a contested divorce, at least in some states, so that's something that could be worth considering for someone contemplating "playing the field" before a divorce is final.
Using the great legal resource Wikipedia , New York is the only state that does not have some form of no fault divorce, unless both parties agree to the divorce. No-fault divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:49 AM   #50
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Not for everybody! Some people are married for their whole lives and don't even consider a divorce. For others marriage is less ideal.
After more than 17 years, I can't even imagine NOT being married to my best friend any more...
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:52 AM   #51
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I don't think marriage is the problem - it is the people in the marriage that cause the problems!
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:56 AM   #52
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After more than 17 years, I can't even imagine NOT being married to my best friend any more...
That is so sweet!

Our divorce was uncontested, so the legal aspects of cheating just wasn't an issue. Mostly, not cheating when we were separated was what worked for ME (not saying that is true for others). After a 23 year marriage I just wasn't ready. I really wasn't all that ready to date even after the divorce, though I did date a series of bozo's then. As they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. I guess it took about two years before I met Frank.
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Old 10-08-2009, 10:07 AM   #53
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Not for everybody! Some people are married for their whole lives and don't even consider a divorce. For others marriage is less ideal.
I understand what you say. Still, from a purely game-theoretical POV marriage is a really bad idea. For many years I would have thought that I was in your group one above. Then I wasn't any more, and it was not my choice. I completely accept that people change. They have new experiences, learn new things, meet new people, and interpret their worlds in new ways. Having this knowledge, I could no longer enter into an open-ended contract with lots of off-balance-sheet liabilities, many of which are changing as time goes on and new legal theories are developed.

Sometimes when this happens, your "best friend" becomes you worst enemy and you are in for a real ride.

Life deals enough hands that you have to play regardless or your wishes. I don't want to volunteer for any more.

It does seem to me that male divorce survivors fall into two distanct camps. One group got blown up, or realized that it came awfully close and stay far away from known trouble zones. The other group can't wait to try again. Maybe to be successful, maybe to get blown up again

Cool.

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Old 10-08-2009, 10:26 AM   #54
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As far as separation goes... your "activity" can be held against you....
Sorry, Ziggy, I'm taking your words out of context. Just wanted to say: it can also be troublesome when a separating couple has "activity" with each other. Don't know if that falls into the definition of "cheating." I always took it as humor rather than a legal problem but it could theoretically mess up your "separation date."
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Old 10-08-2009, 11:41 AM   #55
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No, absolutely not. Not while dating "exclusively." Not while "living together." Not while married. Not after learning that my wife cheated. Not when presented with a "perfect opportunity." Not while separated. Not while waiting for the divorce to be finalized. Not ever. Not under any circumstances. The emotional costs to both partners and the children are far too high.

Single now, but would consider another relationship if I find the right person.
Will not consider a relationship with someone who has cheated in the past. Ever.
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Old 10-08-2009, 11:52 AM   #56
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Will not consider a relationship with someone who has cheated in the past. Ever.
And this will be stamped on her forehead?

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Old 10-08-2009, 12:26 PM   #57
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Ok, I have to ask, what's with these recent "Have you ever smoked marijuana", "Have you ever cheated on a partner"? Is the next one going to be "Have you ever been involved in a three or moresome"?

I'm not touching this thread............wait.......I just did!
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Old 10-08-2009, 01:07 PM   #58
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Ok, I have to ask, what's with these recent "Have you ever smoked marijuana", "Have you ever cheated on a partner"? Is the next one going to be "Have you ever been involved in a three or moresome"?

I'm not touching this thread............wait.......I just did!
Well, have you? Inquiring minds want to know.
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Old 10-08-2009, 02:50 PM   #59
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My parents' marriage ended due to my Mom cheating (with Dad's best friend). My sister and I were very young (maybe 4 & 2?). Dad never had another long-term relationship, and has remained a bachelor. Mom's been married and divorced twice more since then. Infidelity was not a factor in either divorce, as far as I know.

I know that not all circumstances are the same, but I take a very dim view of cheating. If you're unhappy for some reason, end the relationship or fix it, but don't devalue your partner by cheating on them.
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Old 10-08-2009, 02:55 PM   #60
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Is the next one going to be "Have you ever been involved in a three or moresome"?
A moresome? Hmmm, no. I don't have enough towels...

I just noticed there were 146 votes on the mj thread. Only 73 so far here....

Eh heh....mmmmmmmmmmm.
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