How often do strangers ask you for money?

[braumeister]

Illegal here as well, I have never encountered it since moving back.

For a while, panhandlers were getting very aggressive in my city, and the city government passed a law requiring them to have a license to do it. That got shot down when the city was sued, claiming it was free speech, not a business.

But some kind of message apparently got through, because since then there are just as many panhandlers but they are no longer aggressive so people don't mind as much. Some of them seem to be quite successful at it.

 

[Amethyst]

Nobody is saying homeless = evil. Bad luck can happen to all of us.

Along those lines, experience has taught some of us, particularly women, that making a habit of walking, where some people have nothing better to do than hang around all day, can be hazardous to your health and safety. Enough said.

I have homeless people sleeping in the common area on my street from time to time. . . it isn't like I can just stay inside. It isn't illegal. . . (I don't think?)

I don't know how to feel about the responses to this thread overall.

Confused I guess.

 

[badatmath]

I agree with the others to stay off that walking trail, convenient or not. You are putting yourself in a bad and vulnerable position.

Your profile says you live in Arizona so you can carry a weapon, but they are of limited value if you are not well-trained AND can't see the threat approaching. But it is not something one can just buy, shoot a few times at a range and be done with. They require maintenance and practice to be useful.

The best move is to find someplace else with lots of people around or an enclosed place such as a mall before opening time. Granted those are maybe getting harder to find and lack variety. But really, that walking trail where you're isolated most of the time is a really bad place to be.

Yeah there are no indoor malls close to me. I don't really want to do treadmill walks at a gym. I feel annoyed when they approach in populated settings but more so if no one around.

Have considered learning to shoot for other reasons but isn't really likely I will take it up.

I just think it is odd to be asked SO OFTEN I drive an old car. I don't wear flashy or expensive stuff. I walk pretty fast (well for an old person!) I think.

My other neighbor says she is never asked but she never goes anywhere alone (only with husband) so it could be they don't approach if you are with someone. I could not live like that though. She is afraid of everything. . .

I'd like a walking buddy well enough provided they would do my mileage. Strolling a mile would not be a lot of use since I walk 6+ even on a bad day.

It even sort of crossed my mind to get tattoos or try to learn how to look tougher somehow. . . IDK what that even means. I look kinda like a librarian if you must know LOL. Not scary.

Final neighbor said I was paranoid as hell that just because people talk to me alone I was not to freak out. . . well I mean I didn't scream and run but I got a bad vibe from the guy. I just can't relate to begging as a viable way to approach life I guess.

I find it odd most men would not realize you don't just approach strange women as well. I mean friendly bikers will be like "on your left" or "good morning" or whatever so you know they are just passing by.

 

[GenXguy]

I rather wish my friend was still alive I could have borrowed her Doberman for walks! But no I don't want a dog (allergic). My other neighbor says she is never asked but she never goes anywhere alone (only with husband) so it could be they don't approach if you are with someone.

Too bad you can't find someone that can keep up with you walking.

 

[badatmath]

Too bad you can't find someone that can keep up with you walking.

Yes it is. Most folks I know will only stroll 1-2 miles or nothing.

To be fair some are in fine shape and only lift weights and stuff. . .

IDK I don't entirely disagree with the that said I might be too paranoid too. It just seems so much worse in the last couple of years than it used to be.

 

[athena53]

Rarely for me. I've fallen for sob stories a few times in my life that, in retrospect, were probably lies (if you ran out of gas, why did you end up at a highway rest stop and not a gas station?). I think if it happens again, I'll tell them I'm a widow on SS. Well, I am.

In my area they wait on the median of the main road with signs that nearly always read the same. "Homeless veteran. Anything helps. God bless." Many have shopping carts (which I suspect they did not purchase) and many leave messes behind. I try to avoid eye contact and keep my car windows closed if I pull up near them.

Then there are the panhandlers-in-training: kids at the same intersection, with adults nearby, collecting money for some team to attend some championship game. Where it is, what they do if they don't collect enough to get there...I have no idea. Not a good lesson to teach kids that if you want money you beg from strangers.

 

[badatmath]

Yeah I was just thinking I did try mall walking a few times even though not convenient but the average age of those folks is about 20 years my senior. Not that it makes them bad people. It just . . . feels like visiting a nursing home.

I can avoid the ones at the freeway etc. I mostly get approached while pumping gas, loading stuff in the car at the store, or walking.

 

[Zona]

Badatmath, someone mentioned you are in Arizona. If you are in the Phoenix area the canals can be either a great place to walk or a dodgy one depending on what part of the city you're in. If you can't find a walking partner because you walk long stretches, I would recommend hiking in one of the preserves. Depending on where you are in the valley, there are several great preserves on the edges. Or if you are more central there is always Phoenix Mountain Preserve or Papago Park. Generally, there are enough people on the trails at almost any given time that you'll feel safe. Panhandling is very unlikely, in my experience. Unfortunately it may be less convenient for you and you'll likely have to drive.

 

[aja8888]

Yes it is. Most folks I know will only stroll 1-2 miles or nothing.

To be fair some are in fine shape and only lift weights and stuff. . .

IDK I don't entirely disagree with the that said I might be too paranoid too. It just seems so much worse in the last couple of years than it used to be.

If you were around here, I would walk with you. I walk roughly 5 miles per day, every day and most of the time, alone or with my dog. I also walk with my friend group on Wednesday at 7 PM for another two miles.

Some of my walking buddies go to the closed in mall daily, but I like the outdoors.

 

[jollystomper]

Even though she is wary of strangers, DW had to learn to stop walking around cities by herself, with a smile on her face or responding with "hello" to strangers, to cut down on those asking her for money. Her attire when she was not with me was also an influencing factor (long story).

We almost never get asked when we are in our home area. However, when visiting larger cities, we get approached every time, usually multiple times in a day.

 

[RunningBum]

I coordinated and then attended a self-defense class for a club I'm in. The instructor said that if someone is approaching you in a way or a situation that makes you uncomfortable, loudly and firmly saying "Stay Back!" can be a good deterrent. They don't want the attention. Sure, you might offend some people who mean no harm, but they should understand the situation you are in. It's intended more for people you think may do you harm rather than just ask for money, but you don't really know what they are going to do when they get close.

We also learned some self defense moves. The instructor taught Krav Maga.

I'd recommend the OP find a self-defense class for women. A good one won't be just physical defense, but will start with how to avoid or head off a bad situation.

 

[Major Tom]

I live in a densely populated urban area. When walking in the high-traffic shopping areas, it is quite common to encounter people asking for money. Most of the time I either decline, or don't engage with them. However, about once a month, I will give them $5. That kind of money has no negative effect on my lifestyle, and hopefully helps a few people out just a little.

The situation the OP encountered, of being asked for money on a walking trail with no-one else around, sounds quite unusual. I wouldn't appreciate that either. My defensive hackles would definitely be up if I were a woman, or presented as such.

I get asked for money by random strangers at least 1-2 times a week. I don't like it at all.

I don't know what to say (I don't give it to them).

Is there any way I can look more unapproachable to them? Or something I can tell myself that makes me feel less crappy in the moment?

I don't know how you would appear unapproachable to them, other than to ensure you are not engaging with them in any way. Not looking at them at all is a good start. As for what to say, you don't even have to say anything. A very slight shake of the head should do it. If you feel you have to say something, a quick, "Sorry" or something similar should suffice.

As far as feeling less crappy about it, remember that setting firm boundaries with others is perfectly OK. It is necessary to say no to some things, so that you can free up the time and resources to say yes to the things and people you want to say yes to. You cannot possibly say yes to everything and everyone. It is important to become comfortable with saying no. Your time and energy is valuable. Preserve it for the people you really want to give it to.

 

[Alan]

For a while, panhandlers were getting very aggressive in my city, and the city government passed a law requiring them to have a license to do it. That got shot down when the city was sued, claiming it was free speech, not a business.

I hadn’t really thought about it until reading this thread and realized that I’d never seen it here and then Fire’d mentioned it being illegal where he lives (France I think) so I looked it up. The vagrancy act of 1824 banned begging and it is still a crime today. You do see licensed folks selling copies of The Big Issue magazine, and street musicians etc but that’s about it.

 

[mystang52]

Badatmath, someone mentioned you are in Arizona. If you are in the Phoenix area the canals can be either a great place to walk or a dodgy one depending on what part of the city you're in. If you can't find a walking partner because you walk long stretches, I would recommend hiking in one of the preserves. Depending on where you are in the valley, there are several great preserves on the edges. Or if you are more central there is always Phoenix Mountain Preserve or Papago Park. Generally, there are enough people on the trails at almost any given time that you'll feel safe. Panhandling is very unlikely, in my experience. Unfortunately it may be less convenient for you and you'll likely have to drive.

About 15 years ago I was on an extended business trip in Phoenix. My boss was located there, but she was not a runner. She recommended the path by a canal. I ran there twice (don't remember what section) but frankly I was uncomfortable doing so. I had no problem, but there was a seedy element on the entire run. Here at home, I can run anywhere; however, I will do a very short drive to a nearby County park as the running is so much nicer. Nothing wrong with driving to a better place to run or walk.

I coordinated and then attended a self-defense class for a club I'm in. The instructor said that if someone is approaching you in a way or a situation that makes you uncomfortable, loudly and firmly saying "Stay Back!" can be a good deterrent. They don't want the attention. Sure, you might offend some people who mean no harm, but they should understand the situation you are in. It's intended more for people you think may do you harm rather than just ask for money, but you don't really know what they are going to do when they get close.

..
I'd recommend the OP find a self-defense class for women. A good one won't be just physical defense, but will start with how to avoid or head off a bad situation.

When DW and I go into NYC we are ready for any panhandlers, and have no problem "offending" someone with a terse "no thank you" or "leave us alone." I think panhandlers prey on politeness to get some $$. Self-defense class could be a great thing for OP for extra confidence while walking.

 

[GenXguy]

I live in a densely populated urban area. When walking in the high-traffic shopping areas, it is quite common to encounter people asking for money. Most of the time I either decline, or don't engage with them. However, about once a month, I will give them $5. That kind of money has no negative effect on my lifestyle, and hopefully helps a few people out just a little.

It's never enough for them, and it only encourages them to keep asking when you give. If everyone stopped giving to these beggars, it would cut down on the problem of them approaching innocent people all the time. As someone mentioned, some of them are quite successful at it, and that's because people keep giving them money. Anyway, just glad it's a rare occurrence here.

 

[pacergal]

>snip<
Final neighbor said I was paranoid as hell that just because people talk to me alone I was not to freak out. . . well I mean I didn't scream and run but I got a bad vibe from the guy.

This.
Trust your gut.
That is the best lesson I learned in life.

 

[Aerides]

My defensive hackles would definitely be up if I were a woman, or presented as such.

The experience is definitely more fraught for most women (saying No to a an unknown man in any situation has...outcomes).

So I think perhaps more women are going to see and avoid these encounters more than men? We're going to avoid eye contact, shrink a bit, move away, etc.

 

[Teacher Terry]

The experience is definitely more fraught for most women (saying No to a an unknown man in any situation has...outcomes).

So I think perhaps more women are going to see and avoid these encounters more than men? We're going to avoid eye contact, shrink a bit, move away, etc.

Yes it’s definitely harder in these situations to be a woman and many men just don’t get it. Many women have been groped by men that were just walking by us on a sidewalk or assaulted. I’m really careful when alone that I am walking in a populated area that’s safe. Even then it’s no guarantee.

 

[Taco]

I wonder if a good deterrent to panhandlers could be as simple as carrying around a small piece of cardboard with something written on it.

 

[GenXguy]

I wonder if a good deterrent to panhandlers could be as simple as carrying around a small piece of cardboard with something written on it.

You might need need to combine that with wearing ripped/worn dirty clothing and appearing unkempt for best results.

 

[badatmath]

Badatmath, someone mentioned you are in Arizona. If you are in the Phoenix area the canals can be either a great place to walk or a dodgy one depending on what part of the city you're in. If you can't find a walking partner because you walk long stretches, I would recommend hiking in one of the preserves. Depending on where you are in the valley, there are several great preserves on the edges. Or if you are more central there is always Phoenix Mountain Preserve or Papago Park. Generally, there are enough people on the trails at almost any given time that you'll feel safe. Panhandling is very unlikely, in my experience. Unfortunately it may be less convenient for you and you'll likely have to drive.

Yeah it is a good idea but I will have to think about it as I don't have time to drive every day. And gas has gone up like 70 cents a gallon in a week . . . it sucks. Rattlesnakes are out in force too so I have heard though on a populated trail they'd probably hide.
As an aside, if anyone is familiar with Camelback I refuse to hike it as I see stupid hikers get helicopter rescues every year. . . always vowed never to be one. 99.5% of the time it is their own damn fault for taking no water and hiking in flip flops. . . but still.

I coordinated and then attended a self-defense class for a club I'm in. The instructor said that if someone is approaching you in a way or a situation that makes you uncomfortable, loudly and firmly saying "Stay Back!" can be a good deterrent. They don't want the attention. Sure, you might offend some people who mean no harm, but they should understand the situation you are in. It's intended more for people you think may do you harm rather than just ask for money, but you don't really know what they are going to do when they get close.

We also learned some self defense moves. The instructor taught Krav Maga.

I'd recommend the OP find a self-defense class for women. A good one won't be just physical defense, but will start with how to avoid or head off a bad situation.

This is a good idea. I looked a year or so ago and one was running like $600 and it seemed a bit much. But I'm sure there are others too.

If you were around here, I would walk with you. I walk roughly 5 miles per day, every day and most of the time, alone or with my dog. I also walk with my friend group on Wednesday at 7 PM for another two miles.

Some of my walking buddies go to the closed in mall daily, but I like the outdoors.

Yeah I'd appreciate the escort if you were! I was even thinking today I'd like to try my own personal 13.1 (half marathon and wondering if i could get anyone local to walk the last 4 hardest miles with me). Never done one so IDK how hard they are but no "real" races here until fall.

I wonder if a good deterrent to panhandlers could be as simple as carrying around a small piece of cardboard with something written on it.

LOL

I barely left the house today as I have a fever. Going to have to go get a Covid test I guess as all my expired ones have expired again. I don't feel terrible but definitely off my game and don't want to make others sick. I think I'm going to miss an doctors appointment Thursday if I do though. . . takes months to get back on the schedule.

Ugh. I am hoping I feel better tomorrow. I haven't really been in any crowds so no idea where I'd have picked up much of anything. I go to stores when its slow and haven't eaten out or anything. I"m not deliberately avoiding going out for covid reasons but its cheaper to eat at home and I've been on a diet so easier to control the meager amount of food I get as a smallish old lady with no muscles and hypothyroid. But I only have 3 lbs left . And yes I realize no one will notice those but me. I just aim to keep my promise to myself. In the end I need to add some muscle which will probably add them back which is fine.

Right now I want to get under my covers and whine a little (mentally).

 

[GenXguy]

Yeah I'd appreciate the escort if you were! I was even thinking today I'd like to try my own personal 13.1 (half marathon and wondering if i could get anyone local to walk the last 4 hardest miles with me). Never done one so IDK how hard they are but no "real" races here until fall.

I seem to be prone to blisters on those extra long walks, plus they take a long time. My longest one last summer was just over 10 miles, although I don't think I had any issues on that particular one. Taping up can help. I think my newer shoes help also - I went up a half size from my old ones.

I haven't run into any homeless people or suspicious people out walking, and I've done it through neighborhoods in the dark quite often, blocks away from my house. Obviously location makes a big difference. My neighborhood is especially safe.

 

[badatmath]

Yeah I don't live in a great neighborhood obviously but also the climate here is not conducive to outside all the time. 100+ is pretty toasty 6 months of the year.

The longer walks seem to affect my blood pressure in a good way that the short ones don't. It isn't huge, but it is something. Kind of hoping it will improve my fitness to get done faster eventually but IDK.

My ankles are pretty bad according to the PT I've been seeing. They don't hurt but they apparently hold me back from some things I wanted to do (like squat to the floor) and so on. I fired the first PT who told me I was too old to improve and currently on the 2nd.

 

[aja8888]

Yeah I don't live in a great neighborhood obviously but also the climate here is not conducive to outside all the time. 100+ is pretty toasty 6 months of the year.

The longer walks seem to affect my blood pressure in a good way that the short ones don't. It isn't huge, but it is something. Kind of hoping it will improve my fitness to get done faster eventually but IDK.

My ankles are pretty bad according to the PT I've been seeing. They don't hurt but they apparently hold me back from some things I wanted to do (like squat to the floor) and so on. I fired the first PT who told me I was too old to improve and currently on the 2nd.

I joined the City Recreation Center where I live for $200/year. They have two very nice facilities with lots of exercise equipment and I go twice a week. Maybe you have that kind of facility where you live? It beats a gym membership and, maybe like here, lots of free exercise classes for seniors.

This could supplement your walking when its too hot outdoors.

 

[RetiredAndLovingIt]

The last person who asked me for money as a gas station had a better car than me!

Yep that's happened to me more than once. This is the way of the world these days, as long as they can make money by begging it will continue. I almost always say no and keep walking but over the years I've been taken a couple of times. One guy was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital, she was with him and they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital so I put gas in his tank. Another was a kid asking for a quarter to call his mom for a ride home, that's an easy con there, he's not asking for much. To add insult to injury, the same people hit me up again weeks or months later with the same sob stories and couldn't care less when I reminded them I'd already donated to their causes.
Regarding walking alone, you might want to check with your local mall, ours is open at 7am for walkers and have security on site and a prize drawing every month. We log our laps and don't have to worry about loose dogs or hot/cold weather. It's certainly not as scenic as being on the trails but definitely a lot safer. My daughter takes her 18 month old in the stroller and I went with her yesterday and got in 5000 steps and will be going back especially when the weather becomes to hot to walk outside.