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Old 10-10-2012, 04:11 PM   #21
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How sad, both for your friend and especially their children. A little Googling found these which might be helpful (he might benefit just by reading and realizing this is not as unusual as media would make you think):

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women

Help for Battered Men

Stop Abuse For Everyone

Honestly, I was surprised at how little useful information came through on the Google search. It does seem to be very hard for men who are victims to get help even if they want it.

Hoping your friend will see the light sooner rather than later - or too late.

"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." William Feather
ER'd Oct. 2010 at 53. Life is good.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:19 PM   #22
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Your friend's behavior is the same as most abused wives (my sister was one of those). He needs to help himself and his children. Evidently there is a counselor involved, he really needs a lawyer too. Keep in mind that neither of these professionals will tell him what to do unless he is resolved to change his circumstances.

I would listen to him when he reaches out to you and if he asks you what to do I suggest you say, "It would be difficult but were I in your shoes I would...".

Perhaps remind him that if something unfortunate happens to him the children would be in the care of their mother.

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Old 10-11-2012, 05:07 AM   #23
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This. I could not have worded it better. Now, brewer, it's up to your friend to make the right decision for himself.
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
At least he called the police and she was arrested for domestic violence. In most cases, photos will be taken of the victim if there are noticeable bruises, cuts, etc that will show up in a picture. Measurements of injuries will be noted as well.
Very conservative with investments. Not ER'd yet, 48 years old. Please do not take anything I write or imply as legal, financial or medical advice directed to you. Contact your own financial advisor, healthcare provider, or attorney for financial, medical and legal advice.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:08 AM   #24
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If he won't make a change for himself would he consider it for his kids? This site unfortunately discusses things mostly in terms of male-to-female domestic violence, but the statistics of how kids seem to be impacted might be compelling to him:

Ten Alarming Domestic Violence Statistics

This organization in Maine offers help for all domestic abuse victims, but makes a special point of providing support for men -- they have a support line:

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women About the Domestic Abuse Helpline

Kudos to you for trying to help. I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but are either he or his wife Asian? There is a serious problem with domestic abuse here in China -- very much part of the local culture unfortunately. A very high percentage of kids are abused by their parents, and/or witness abuse between the parents, and it normalizes it for them to some extent. very difficult pattern to change. I know someone doing research and policy work related to this both in the US and China -- I can see if she can suggest resources or approaches that might help convince him to take it more seriously.

A very large proportion of homocides are connected to domestic abuse, and perhaps reminding him of that might also be appropriate.

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