A Friend in need , how can I help

[Jerry1]

OP - You need to seek the advice of a group like AA. I’m sure there’s a response the goes something like - “I love you, I’ll support you . . . but I won’t enable your destructive behavior. If you need my help getting to the right place, let me know.”

That’s all you can do and you need to accept that. I’m sure it hurts. I can’t imagine what the people around friends/family who engage in destructive behavior do to maintain their own mental health but that’s where it seems you’re at. Time to make your own health and your marriage a top priority. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

 

[jazz4cash]

It’s worse than we know. (it always is). You can only drove legally ~10 hrs/day. Spending too much time confined to a truck cab sounds unhealthy, possibly unsanitary. $120k for long haul sounds reasonable. There are many, many jobs for drivers incl long haul and local, but again his HEALTH.

 

[Texas Proud]

I am surprised that it cost for credit counseling.... I had applied for a job at one many many years ago and was told that they got their income from the companies owed the debt... the client paid nothing....

I guess things have changed... well, nope... just looked up free credit counseling and got a good number of options...

 

[Teacher Terry]

There’s free reputable credit counseling agencies. One was mentioned earlier in this thread. I would totally back out of this situation. It’s not your problem to solve. It will also be better for your friendships in the long run.

 

[Jenna]

Been taken advantage many times trying to help people financially. Might be worthwhile to get them listening to "I will teach you to be rich podcast" There problem is much bigger than money...it's how they relate and see money and potential marital issues. I would give them information about local services and maybe even drive them, provide emotional support for applying for whateve assistance they can get. I would not give them any money. Otherwise you are enabling them to continue on their unhealthy path.

 

[Koolau]

Most people are incapable of change until they "hit bottom" whatever that turns out to be. BFF lived on the financial edge for 50+ years. The only reason he didn't go bankrupt was because his income was so significant. He spent 2 days per month figuring out which bills he had to pay and those he could let slide.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Heh, heh, BFF went through one of the companies that more or less tell the CC companies take this amount and be satisfied or our client declares bankruptcy and you get squat. BFF saved over $50K right off the top. He was bummed that he only got to keep one card each (he and DW) with limits of IIRC $500 each. BUT within a couple of years, they were right back at it. Getting more CCs, more refi's, more CU loands, etc., etc. They ended up in an even bigger hole by the time BFF passed. SO, you can't fix a person who will not be fixed. Can't be done.

Oh, I agree that a large percentage of people go right back to old habits. But coming from a social services background I also know that there will be people who are successful in this type of program and you never know who or when that success will happen.

Of course I also wouldn’t give the person any money and directing them to an organization that can help their situation is my best advice for OP.

 

[ivinsfan]

There’s free reputable credit counseling agencies. One was mentioned earlier in this thread. I would totally back out of this situation. It’s not your problem to solve. It will also be better for your friendships in the long run.

TT this friendship is already virtually over. When you won't "lend" them money they decide you don't really care about them. If you lead them to credit counseling or bankruptcy same thing you didn't "really" help them.