Mother-in-law Advice

[target2019]

I wish that M-I-L could come back and leave dirty dishes around. Really do...

 

[ivinsfan]

Don't sweat the small stuff and it's (almost) all small stuff.

The OP presented it as small stuff, but is it really?

I took some heat here for saying I thought the SIL and his DW was being unkind and mean girls like to the MIL and might stop and think about it.

So far he says the MIL "is not his favorite person in the world" (and why you even think the one of your in-laws would be). He and his wife agree MIL "is really sensitive and could really be melodramatic" if simply asked to clear her dish, because she is "a little awkward and has confidence issues" . And finally the OP says the MIL "frankly does a lot of things that annoy me"..then says but I'm trying to overlook it.

It's absolutely not about the dish, that's being used as a way to vent about MIL … The MIL is the DW's Mom and the kids Grandma and apparently a good one willing to step in and do things for her GK's when necessary. Using her as a convenient gofer and then talking smack about her is not cool.

Remember no one has even asked GMA to clear her plate so she doesn't even know it's a problem.

 

[HFWR]

Mother-in-law advice? Don’t get one...

 

[Bestwifeever]

The OP presented it as small stuff, but is it really?

I took some heat here for saying I thought the SIL and his DW was being unkind and mean girls like to the MIL and might stop and think about it.

So far he says the MIL "is not his favorite person in the world" (and why you even think the one of your in-laws would be). He and his wife agree MIL "is really sensitive and could really be melodramatic" if simply asked to clear her dish, because she is "a little awkward and has confidence issues" . And finally the OP says the MIL "frankly does a lot of things that annoy me"..then says but I'm trying to overlook it.

It's absolutely not about the dish, that's being used as a way to vent about MIL … The MIL is the DW's Mom and the kids Grandma and apparently a good one willing to step in and do things for her GK's when necessary. Using her as a convenient gopher and then talking smack about her in not cool.

Remember no one has even ask GMA to clear her plate so she doesn't even know it's a problem.

Being a MIL I felt a bit like you did and hope my kids’ spouses would not say the same things about me (and as someone who is a replacements.com regular customer for silverware that disappears when people try to “help” clearing dishes, I try to never let guests take their dirty dishes from the table). It made me a bit sad that the OP and his DW were critical about her to each other (which would break my heart), but most of all I hope they never have these conversations in their children’s presence.

(I do major kitchen clean up in one kid’s home, and zero in the other, btw—their preference.)

 

[guitarguy]

Ummmm... I get that you don't want to rock the boat but your current feeling can grow into resentment over years and decades. Rather than a big explanation or discussion, how about if you just say something like "mom, would you do me a favor and help the kids set the table while I get you a glass of wine?" and then be sure to thank her profusely. Positive reinforcement 101.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I would rather have her pick up the kids then dishes. If you hurt her feelings she could quit doing that.

 

[rodi]

I know my mother in law was hesitant to help with cleanup after dinner (and she ate at our house twice a week.) She knew I chastised DH for loading the dishwasher wrong. (But to his credit - he is exceptionally bad at dishwasher loading... putting stuff in that will block the water to getting to other dishes, putting in stuff that is hand wash, etc.) So she just stayed out of it. I was ok with that. The granny flat, where we ate twice a week... I did the dishes... but there was no dishwasher - so no learning curve.... I just washed, rinsed, stacked, then dried and put away.

Perhaps she's hesitant of making a mistake on loading or how you do things in your house.

Definitely not a big deal... just accept it and move on... she sounds like she adds more positive value to your household than negative value.