My Best Friends Husband Died Suddenly at 57

[TrophyWife]

I need help .....so I can help my best friend.

1. He was 57, not drawing a pension (still was working) yet but has one. Will she get any of this?

2. Most of the bank accounts are in his name only. What can she do to pay the bills until the estate is settled? Will the other banks release funds if she shows them her marriage certificate and the death certificate.

3. It's a second marriage with
-possibly a will leaving everything to his adult children. Not sure he updated it yet. She's joint tenancy with right of survivor on their primary residence. Can the kids take that from her?

-maybe no will. They kept putting off setting up a trust

Any help/advice welcome.

 

[growing_older]

The house as JTWROS will pass to her. Everything with a named beneficiary, such as bank accounts, 401k, IRA, etc will pass to the named beneficiaries, outside of the will. If the kids are the named beneficiaries, she will get nothing. After that, everything goes into the estate. The executor will settle any debts, then divide the proceeds according to the latest will. If the last revision of the will gives everything to adult kids, then they will get everything. If there is no will then state intestate laws (vary by state) will decide who gets what.


Some states have a minimum share that must go to a spouse. It's highly state dependent. She may need a lawyer to sort this out.

 

[Jerry1]

Terrible situation. Hopefully he put her on as beneficiary for pension/401K at work. It's common for companies to remind you to do things like that when they see a marriage (assuming he put her on his health insurance at least). Call the company and see if they'll help. If they don't talk to her, that's a very bad sign.

Unless her name is on the account or as a beneficiary, the banks will not talk to her.

"She will need a lawyer . . ." Hoping for the best for your friend in this very bad situation.

 

[Sunset]

Hopefully his 401K and IRA's name her as beneficiary.

It will really suck for her, if she finds out the ex gets a lot because he procrastinated about changing the beneficiary.

 

[pb4uski]

I need help .....so I can help my best friend.

1. He was 57, not drawing a pension (still was working) yet but has one. Will she get any of this?

2. Most of the bank accounts are in his name only. What can she do to pay the bills until the estate is settled? Will the other banks release funds if she shows them her marriage certificate and the death certificate.

3. It's a second marriage with
-possibly a will leaving everything to his adult children. Not sure he updated it yet. She's joint tenancy with right of survivor on their primary residence. Can the kids take that from her?

-maybe no will. They kept putting off setting up a trust

Any help/advice welcome.

Not enough information to go on, but as others have mentioned, beneficiary designations will be important as they trump a will. There may be beneficiary designations for his bank accounts... if she has online account access she may be able to look it up online or inquire at the bank... if there is a beneficiary designation then the bank should transfer the ownership once it receives the death certificate. The bank will not release funds to her unless she is the beneficiary or heir in his will.

She may well be entitled to his pension.... I know DW would have "inherited" mine if I died before I started collecting benefits but some plans don't so she'll need to look at the plan documents.

If she was joint owner on their home then his kids would have no rights to the home.

She should get a lawyer to make sure she gets what she is due.

Also, she will be entitled to social security survivor benefits.

 

[pb4uski]

Hopefully his 401K and IRA's name her as beneficiary.

It will really suck for her, if she finds out the ex gets a lot because he procrastinated about changing the beneficiary.

This happened to someone I know. My best friend divorced his gold-digger
cheating wife (GDCW)

GDCW went on to marry another sucker... his second marriage. The sucker died unexpectedly of a heart attack about 6 months later. He had not updated the beneficiaries on life insurance policy, so his first wife/ex received the life insurance death benefit and GDCW got left out in the cold... sweet justice.

 

[MatatuPuncher]

This happened to someone I know. My best friend divorced his gold-digger
cheating wife (GDCW)

GDCW went on to marry another sucker... his second marriage. The sucker died unexpectedly of a heart attack about 6 months later. He had not updated the beneficiaries on life insurance policy, so his first wife/ex received the life insurance death benefit and GDCW got left out in the cold... sweet justice.

It would be interesting to hear the side of the GDCW. I bet she has a different story to tell.

 

[Dash man]

I believe a spouse has to sign an agreement to give up rights to any retirement accounts. Law trumps beneficiaries, so she should definitely contact a lawyer. She should still get any 401k or IRA assets.

 

[bclover]

So my hunny bunny died at 55, luckily? it was not sudden so we did have time to get our ducks in a row.

My old guy did have 2 bank accounts that were in his name. one was a small checking account that he kept to use at sporting events or after work drinks with buddies. Truthfully I just used his debt card until the funds were exhausted. I knew his pin so while this probably was technically illegal it was easiest.

If he had a will you will have to get it probated and show that to the bank. Mine would not accept just a death certificate.

I did get my husbands pension. I had to take a cash payout because his companies policy is if I took it as an annuity and I died my kids would not get the remaining value. I rolled it into an IRA. for his 401K that got rolled into an inherited 401K

No the kids cannot kick her out if she has right to survivorship. basically she'll get to live there until she dies and I think if there was a mortgage she gets first crack at assuming the debt to own the property. Did they buy the house together? or was this his existing home with first wife. double check with an attorney.


How can you help? truthfully...
Can you spare her the cash to get through her first months living expenses and take care of them? the first month after the old guy died I was in a serious blue funk. unfortunately life as you say goes in. and while I did have cash on hand to pay for stuff, I simply did not have the energy nor the good sense to get stuff done.

Case in point, about a month after Mike died I met with his jobs Financial planner, there pensions and 401K were handled by fidelity and we knew the rep, anyhoo I had paper work and checks worth over 500K stuffed in my hand bag along with a shut off notice from the water and cable bill. I dumped every thing on his desk and he said, "well I guess the first thing we'll do is keep the water on". (we're good friends, I wasn't insulted).

some thing as simple as organizing stuff for her could be a huge help. Next I would try and suggest she get an attorney.

 

[Hermit]

Talk to HR at husband's company. My company provided me $1k/month for a year when DW died. There could also be a life insurance policy through the company.

 

[fidler4]

Here is a link of things to consider when a spouse dies: http://fso.cpasitesolutions.com/premium/le/19_le_lo/fg/fg-death_spouse.html

 

[TrophyWife]

Thankfully there is no ex, as his first wife died in her twenties.

Thanks to all, will be talking to a lawyer in a week. She's pretty sure he updated all his work stuff and they just refinanced the mortgage with her on it too. So life insurance, 401k and pension should be secure. Just wasn't sure if the will trumped that.

So can she sell the home without passing on the proceeds to the children? She can't afford it without his income and she will need to downsize.

 

[Which Roger]

I believe a spouse has to sign an agreement to give up rights to any retirement accounts. Law trumps beneficiaries, so she should definitely contact a lawyer. She should still get any 401k or IRA assets.

That is also my understanding. Unless there's an exception if the named beneficiaries pre-date the marriage? OP does not mention any retirement accounts, so maybe this is not an issue.

My other question: Although perhaps the adult children can take everything, will they? If they have a good relationship with the surviving spouse, perhaps they will want to give her part of the money even if they are not legally required to.

 

[pb4uski]

FYI: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/if-you-don-t-want-leave-retirement-accounts-your-spouse.html

 

[pb4uski]

Thankfully there is no ex, as his first wife died in her twenties.

Thanks to all, will be talking to a lawyer in a week. She's pretty sure he updated all his work stuff and they just refinanced the mortgage with her on it too. So life insurance, 401k and pension should be secure. Just wasn't sure if the will trumped that.

So can she sell the home without passing on the proceeds to the children? She can't afford it without his income and she will need to downsize.

If she is a joint owner, then the home is now hers to do as she pleases... could the kids challenge it.... yes, they could.. you can pretty much sue someone for anything.... but they won't win.

P.S. I would have hoped that someone with the screen name TrophyWife would have an avatar that shows us more than her ankles and feet. or at least in stilettos.

 

[cathy63]

She needs to contact her husband's employer and ask to meet with the HR Benefits Coordinator or Specialist. I don't think she needs a lawyer to have this conversation, but she should bring someone (you?) who can take notes and will help her remember the details later.

Some questions to ask:
- were there any personal items or photos in his office or desk that she can remove?

- COBRA coverage? Ask about this very soon, because it's 11/1 today, and if she was covered on his insurance, she probably doesn't have any coverage right now. I believe she has two months to sign up for COBRA retroactively. It's also open enrollment for ACA, so someone needs to analyze this situation and figure out the best plan for now and next year. This would be a really good way for you to assist as her thinking and decision making processes are likely to be affected by grief.

- did his benefits include life insurance? If so, who is the beneficiary and how does that person file a claim?

- future pension benefits and how to collect those?

- did he have any stock options that were vested and unexercised or that would vest immediately upon death? To whom do those belong now and what is the process for selling them?

- 401K rollover process?

 

[imoldernu]

A lesson to be learned. Even if it's a "Free" on line will.

Not recommending this, but there are many others.
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/sem/last_will_and_testament.rl?id=1719&partnerid=103&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4eXPBRCtARIsADvOjY0jsTyXOINfi4HnbfUiKhk2Hl_40ymF6rOvXURkj0vccRgkfPGmzhEaAkT_EALw_wcB#/

a half hour spent doing this... simple as it may be, then a few notaries, and a way to avoid a world of hurt. Only in your 40's or early 50's? So were many thousands who died intestate.

 

[GrayHare]

2. Most of the bank accounts are in his name only. What can she do to pay the bills until the estate is settled? Will the other banks release funds if she shows them her marriage certificate and the death certificate.

The proper way to handle decedent bill paying is for the estate's executor to establish a checking account titled in the estate of the decedent. If the estate does not have sufficient funds to pay all the bills, including expected ones such as taxes, bill paying must be done carefully since certain debts, such as taxes, have priority claims on the decedent's assets. For example, if the executor were to pay other bills before taxes, the executor could become liable to pay later income taxes.

If there exists sufficient funds to pay all bills, and if the executor is also the sole beneficiary things become easier. In that case the beneficiary/executor can write checks from the decedent's checking account to pay the decedent's bills. The bank usually does not examine the signature on the check and will pay it unless someone objects. Note that if other possible beneficiaries exist, they may challenge such use of the account. If someone who is not executor uses a decedent's checking account without authorization all sorts of legal trouble can result. Unless the situation is simple, it is best to involve an attorney.

 

[Hermit]

A lesson to be learned. Even if it's a "Free" on line will.

Not recommending this, but there are many others.
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/sem/last_will_and_testament.rl?id=1719&partnerid=103&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4eXPBRCtARIsADvOjY0jsTyXOINfi4HnbfUiKhk2Hl_40ymF6rOvXURkj0vccRgkfPGmzhEaAkT_EALw_wcB#/

a half hour spent doing this... simple as it may be, then a few notaries, and a way to avoid a world of hurt. Only in your 40's or early 50's? So were many thousands who died intestate.

I agree that it is a good thing to do, but not always a major factor. In DW's case, who died intestate and 48, all of our possessions were in joint and all accounts were set up with spouse POD. In VA, everything else goes to spouse first if intestate. There were no problems in retitling everything in my name and no probate required. This was a much simpler case with no children from a previous marriage and in a state that transferred assets according to our wishes. Shortly after DW's death, I did a will because things became more complicated.

 

[dvalley]

A lesson to be learned. Even if it's a "Free" on line will.

Not recommending this, but there are many others.
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/sem/last_will_and_testament.rl?id=1719&partnerid=103&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4eXPBRCtARIsADvOjY0jsTyXOINfi4HnbfUiKhk2Hl_40ymF6rOvXURkj0vccRgkfPGmzhEaAkT_EALw_wcB#/

a half hour spent doing this... simple as it may be, then a few notaries, and a way to avoid a world of hurt. Only in your 40's or early 50's? So were many thousands who died intestate.

Thank you! I just filled it out and downloaded it for $20. Now I just need to sign it and send a copy to a couple of people

 

[harley]

She needs to contact her husband's employer and ask to meet with the HR Benefits Coordinator or Specialist. I don't think she needs a lawyer to have this conversation, but she should bring someone (you?) who can take notes and will help her remember the details later.

Probably one of the best things you can do for her is to be with her to whatever meetings and phone calls and such that she has to go through. I've seen a lot of people dealing with death over the past few years, and having someone who is detached enough to hear what the experts say is invaluable. Most people's brains tend to get overwhelmed with grief and they miss a lot of details. So just being there will be a great help that hopefully she will appreciate later.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I agree that it is a good thing to do, but not always a major factor. In DW's case, who died intestate and 48, all of our possessions were in joint and all accounts were set up with spouse POD. In VA, everything else goes to spouse first if intestate. There were no problems in retitling everything in my name and no probate required. This was a much simpler case with no children from a previous marriage and in a state that transferred assets according to our wishes. Shortly after DW's death, I did a will because things became more complicated.

When we did our will with a lawyer back in the day (a friend who thinks we have no money), he said we didn’t really even need a will because our assets would just go to each other under state law anyway. I always thought that was a funny thing for a lawyer to say.

To the OP—so sorry about your friend. She is lucky to have someone like you in her life.

 

[omni550]

Probably one of the best things you can do for her is to be with her to whatever meetings and phone calls and such that she has to go through. I've seen a lot of people dealing with death over the past few years, and having someone who is detached enough to hear what the experts say is invaluable. Most people's brains tend to get overwhelmed with grief and they miss a lot of details. So just being there will be a great help that hopefully she will appreciate later.

+1

And, if it's OK with the HR rep, record the meeting with your friend's smart phone (download a free recording app ahead-of-time and practice using it) so she'll have something at-hand to refresh her memory.

omni

 

[JustCurious]

Also, she will be entitled to social security survivor benefits.

Isn't there a requirement that the marriage lasted for at least 10 years for the spouse to qualify for survivor benefits?

 

[JustCurious]

I believe a spouse has to sign an agreement to give up rights to any retirement accounts. Law trumps beneficiaries, so she should definitely contact a lawyer. She should still get any 401k or IRA assets.

This is not true for "any retirement accounts." Spouses do have certain rights with respect to being beneficiaries of 401k accounts, but a spouse has NO rights with respect to being excluded as a beneficiary of IRA's or other retirement accounts not covered by ERISA.

https://www.elderlawanswers.com/do-surviving-spouses-have-a-right-to-a-401k-or-an-ira-8831