Husband and I are both 59. He is a compulsive gambler who over our marriage has lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Has been in recovery for past 3 years. Despite his losses, he worked a good job, made very good money, and amassed an adequate retirement account. I took over control of all money/bank accounts 3 years ago so he no longer has access to money to gamble (at that time I was ready to divorce and we compromised with the understanding that he could have no control/access to money and could no longer gamble if he wanted to stay married to me. If he wanted to gamble, fine, he could do as he wished but we would be divorced and all assets would be split 50/50.) He chose to stay married.
Over the past few years he continued to say he wanted to retire "soon" but the "soon" was never really defined and no goal set. Also, no real reason to retire - they paid him well, treated him well . . . all pressure on him was FROM him. His territory moved from East to Midwest but he refused to move, insisted on commuting instead (adding to his stress I am sure - I would have moved without problem, but he never discussed it as a possibility and when I asked if we shouldn't move to the midwest he said he didn't want to).
Without discussion or warning, he calls me in early February and tells me he is retiring in 10 days, it is a done deal. I was at work and he was out of town, so I asked as many? as I could but all I could get was that he was going to retire and work out a package (his company does not do packages). Over the next 10 - 15 days I kept questioning him and got vague incomprehensible answers.
Well, finally it comes out that he was miffed about something that happened over the holidays with support staff, felt his boss didn't back him up, got in a snit, refused to attend a meeting and essentially they fired him since he would not attend the mandatory meeting. He insisted he wanted a "package" and they said they don't give packages. They were very willing to work with him and didn't want him to retire or leave. They were willing to work out lots of different paths for him, but he dug in his heels, said if they wouldn't offer him a package they could fire him, and they did just that. Idiot.
As he is telling me this, he is stressing how wonderful retirement will be for him, he retired, wanted to retire for a long time, etc. Oops, he just found out that health care will cost us over $500.00 a month for the next six years until he is old enough to collect medicare and cost may go up. I was furious with him - didn't care if he retired but to do so in this fashion was self destructive and dishonest with me. Our son is still in college and we still have college expenses for the next year. Certainly retiring in a years' time would have been reasonable.
Now, almost 2 months later, he sits at his home office in the basement doing who knows what. He sleeps and naps and rests a lot. He spent all day yesterday installing a new kitchen faucet.
He continues to drink in a binge fashion, takes antidepressants, has gout, doesn't listen to any advice from his doctor or me.
I continue to work part time and right now he is collecting unemployment.
I realize this isn't a typical retirement quandry but I want to separate out what may be typical adjustment issues with retirement from his lifelong history of bad behavior. I am very near the end of my rope and ready to end the marriage.
Over the past few years he continued to say he wanted to retire "soon" but the "soon" was never really defined and no goal set. Also, no real reason to retire - they paid him well, treated him well . . . all pressure on him was FROM him. His territory moved from East to Midwest but he refused to move, insisted on commuting instead (adding to his stress I am sure - I would have moved without problem, but he never discussed it as a possibility and when I asked if we shouldn't move to the midwest he said he didn't want to).
Without discussion or warning, he calls me in early February and tells me he is retiring in 10 days, it is a done deal. I was at work and he was out of town, so I asked as many? as I could but all I could get was that he was going to retire and work out a package (his company does not do packages). Over the next 10 - 15 days I kept questioning him and got vague incomprehensible answers.
Well, finally it comes out that he was miffed about something that happened over the holidays with support staff, felt his boss didn't back him up, got in a snit, refused to attend a meeting and essentially they fired him since he would not attend the mandatory meeting. He insisted he wanted a "package" and they said they don't give packages. They were very willing to work with him and didn't want him to retire or leave. They were willing to work out lots of different paths for him, but he dug in his heels, said if they wouldn't offer him a package they could fire him, and they did just that. Idiot.
As he is telling me this, he is stressing how wonderful retirement will be for him, he retired, wanted to retire for a long time, etc. Oops, he just found out that health care will cost us over $500.00 a month for the next six years until he is old enough to collect medicare and cost may go up. I was furious with him - didn't care if he retired but to do so in this fashion was self destructive and dishonest with me. Our son is still in college and we still have college expenses for the next year. Certainly retiring in a years' time would have been reasonable.
Now, almost 2 months later, he sits at his home office in the basement doing who knows what. He sleeps and naps and rests a lot. He spent all day yesterday installing a new kitchen faucet.
He continues to drink in a binge fashion, takes antidepressants, has gout, doesn't listen to any advice from his doctor or me.
I continue to work part time and right now he is collecting unemployment.
I realize this isn't a typical retirement quandry but I want to separate out what may be typical adjustment issues with retirement from his lifelong history of bad behavior. I am very near the end of my rope and ready to end the marriage.