Personality disorders among us

[robnplunder]

Several years ago, for the 1st time in DW & my collective lives, we took out two separate restraining orders, one against a neighbor and another against a family member. I was told one is Bipolar and another has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Up until these two unfortunate episodes, I simply didn't care or acknowledge people with personality disorders. I just assumed some people are just a&&holes, crazy, or both. After reading up on personality disorders, I now have better understanding and how they are all around us. Sadly, most of them can't really help themselves. Most of the time, there are no issues until worst part of their personality clashes with our daily life. Such was the case with our neighbor who eventually spent 2 weeks in county jail for his behaviors around the neighborhood. 1/2 dozen restraining orders later, he moved out of the neighborhood. But some neighbors were ready to sell their houses and move out b/c he was so disruptive. IMO based on my management experience at megacorp, I think about 1 in 20 has some form of "disorders," mild or severe. Most of them survive and even thrive until their personality gets the better of them. Then, they are "managed out" or even fired in severe cases. Is that (1 in 20) is what others have experienced, unknowingly or not? How did you deal with one? Do you have a personality disorder? If so, how do you deal with it?

( I am not talking about personality quirks we all have. I am referring to serious, disruptive, diagnosed behaviors which impairs one from having a normal life. )

 

[braumeister]

Hard to know where to draw the line between a quirk and a disorder.

A relative is a hoarder. Runs a business, but sales are an afterthought and he spends practically everything on acquiring new inventory that he will probably never sell. He sees the value in his inventory, but nobody else does.

This severely hampers any attempt to live a normal life, and he refuses to take any advice or admit that he might be fooling himself.

Real personality disorder that might be diagnosed and given a medical label? Maybe, but probably falls short of that.

 

[rodi]

I've had acquaintance and relatives who were bipolar - once I was aware of it, I learned to look for cues as to whether they were in a manic phase or depressive phase. Bipolar can be treated with meds - but some folks with bipolar don't like the "flatness" - they love the manic phase, and don't want to get rid of it in order to eliminate the depressive phase.

My brother had what I suspect was undiagnosed asbergers. He was incapable of reading social cues and had some lack of empathy. This definitely hurt him socially and and in the workforce. (If you aren't picking up on clues that your boss is annoyed and pissed at you, you won't correct the behavior). When he was growing up, asbergers wasn't on the radar of most folks. My son has a friend with asbergers - great kid... but it's taken quite a bit of therapy to teach him how to read facial expressions and tones of voices - because it doesn't come naturally to him - he doesn't pick up on sarcasm, kidding, etc tones... But, with training he's starting to learn to pick up on this stuff.

Narcisistic personalities... those are just plain hard to deal with.

 

[steelyman]

I heard some show on NPR where the guest talked about "hanger": anger caused by being hungry. I didn't get it till someone I knew did it, but then I took them to lunch and it became all smiles.

 

[rodi]

One more comment on the bipolar front.

Some folks with depression and/or bipolar disorder, that are non-responsive to the normal meds given, might have a genetic mutation of the MTHFR gene. This is an issue in our family, and it's VERY easily treated by giving the person bio-available forms of b vitamins. The defect causes a defective version of the enzyme that breaks down b-9 and b-12 into a form that can cross the blood/brain barrier... The defective enzyme only breaks down about 10% effectively. Without these methylized forms of the vitamins the neurotransmitters aren't properly regulated... (It also prevents the proper breakdown of homocystines - which can lead to heart/stroke issues).

So if you know someone who has issues with depression/bipolar/OCD, etc... and they're not responsive to meds... suggest they do genetic testing for the MTHFR gene. You can get the info from 23andMe (although you have to go look at the raw data.)

 

[Payin-the-Toll]

"I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane!"

Don't have the time or energy to dicuss wife's 40 years of bi-polar--although 30 years of that was smooth sailing.

 

[Amethyst]

I am slightly face-blind - people tend to "all look alike," especially if they are similar in some way, e.g. age.

By contrast, I'm very good at remembering names, if I picture the names in written form. I can be introduced to 10 people and go back and call them all by name, which seems to be uncommon, since people are always impressed. The next time I meet them, I will remember the name, but am unlikely to recognize the person unless there was something distinctive about their looks.

This must be the opposite of normal...because people always seem to remember me, but often can't recall my name!

Nevertheless, I'm good at reading "cues." So good, in fact, that I knew my husband was going to propose before he himself had any idea

Amethyst

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Usually they get promoted into upper management. Or elected to high office.

 

[robnplunder]

My neighbor was more than bi-polar. Once, he was hitting on 3 women in the neighborhood including DW. He accused me of having a sex slave (DW) and wrote a letter to DW on how he is going to save her from me. After the letter and a few stalking instances, we got our restraining order. Other stories were just as crazy - wielding sword and playing with neighborhood children (this land him in the jail, although detail on how was rather fuzzy).

 

[robnplunder]

Usually they get promoted into upper management. Or elected to high office.

Such is the case with my boss.

 

[travelover]

Usually they get promoted into upper management. Or elected to high office.

That's my experience. There is a certain kind of crazy that that corporations just love.

 

[easysurfer]

One way to find out if a person is narcissistic is to ask if they are. When the person says yes, then you know.

The topic reminds me of one humorous episode on "Criminal Minds" where this high profile doctor who considers himself God to his patients is a suspect. So, the lead of the behavior analysis team has to interview that doctor. After the interview, we see the agony on his face and he says something like "The Doctor my be the most narcissistic I've ever met. But he didn't do it"

 

[robnplunder]

Speaking of "episode," Monk is the classic case of one having a PD.

 

[jerome len]

Mental disease is much harder to diagnose than physical illness. ....and, many times it increases with age. My advice is to always be careful, you never know when a person has developed a new mental challenge. I know couples, together, over 40 years that had to divorce because of mental illness. It's sad, but it happens.

 

[MRG]

Well Ted Turner is bipolar IIRC. We lived with this for many years, FIL was bipolar. His ups were great fun loving, care free. His downs extreme, depression etc. In between he got very mean. We suspect that was when he realized the manic was over and he was coming down. It got to the point where he and his son both had restraining orders against each other. He started lithium once, straightened out but a year later was "cured" and never sought treatment again. MIL was very sweet she lived in the land of de-nile(a very large place with a river).

How to deal with these people is individual. We knew FIL was sick so it became easier to see him as that. I will say it wasn't easy at first but what choice do you have? I guess that's the same process I used in the w*rkplace as well, "they're sick and need help", just like someone with physical issues.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[daylatedollarshort]

The Onion has a good send up on psychopathic bosses:

(PG13 language warning)

Humanity Surprised It Still Hasn't Figured Out Better Alternative To Letting Power-Hungry A&&holes Decide Everything | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

"Noting that it has had thousands of years to develop a more agreeable option, humankind expressed bewilderment this week that it has yet to devise a better alternative to governing itself than always letting power-hungry a&&holes run everything, sources worldwide reported."

 

[marko]

Despite some other weird personality issues (nowadays, they'd probably diagnose him with a form of a rain-man syndrome) my brother has an amazing gift: He can recognize people he hasn't seen since kindergarten--55 years ago. Even if they have a beard, glasses and a hat, he'll go right up to them and say: "aren't you so-and-so?" and he is always, always right.

 

[calmloki]

Borderline personality disorder. I can feel days of my life being removed when around the person and decided there was no offsetting positive reason to associate with them. Unfortunately there is still peripheral involvement.

 

[Retire2013]

Usually they get promoted into upper management. Or elected to high office.

Agree with Gypsy. That's what happened in most of my former work places.

 

[robnplunder]

Agree with Gypsy. That's what happened in most of my former work places.

Let me take a stab how this is so with NPD. They expect they are special and hang around with those who they think are equal of better. One needs to look no further in company social gathering. E.g, there are managers who always hangs around with directors and VPs smiling at their every joke. God forbid if they are "caught" drinking beer with his/her own employees or peers. They use others to get ahead: taking credit for what others did, using them to take a blame for what he/she did. If you add intelligence to the same NPD, he/she can go pretty far with his narcissistic ways. I.e, he/she does not play fair and gets away with it.

 

[omni550]

Despite some other weird personality issues (nowadays, they'd probably diagnose him with a form of a rain-man syndrome) my brother has an amazing gift: He can recognize people he hasn't seen since kindergarten--55 years ago. Even if they have a beard, glasses and a hat, he'll go right up to them and say: "aren't you so-and-so?" and he is always, always right.

My ex-BF has this facial recognition gift (whereas I am borderline "face blind" ). We'd be at Lowe's and he'd spot a classmate from 1st grade at the end of the aisle. We also ran into his grade school art teacher somewhere. While river kayaking, we ran into someone to whom he'd sold his car a few years prior. I could go on and on. An absolutely amazing gift. I always thought he ought to work for the FBI or someplace where this skill would be a valuable asset.

omni

 

[robnplunder]

My ex-BF has this facial recognition gift (whereas I am borderline "face blind" ). We'd be at Lowe's and he'd spot a classmate from 1st grade at the end of the aisle. We also ran into his grade school art teacher somewhere. While river kayaking, we ran into someone to whom he'd sold his car a few years prior. I could go on and on. An absolutely amazing gift. I always thought he ought to work for the FBI or someplace where this skill would be a valuable asset.

omni

That's not a disability. That's a talent!

 

[MissMolly]

My ex-BF has this facial recognition gift (whereas I am borderline "face blind" ). We'd be at Lowe's and he'd spot a classmate from 1st grade at the end of the aisle. We also ran into his grade school art teacher somewhere. While river kayaking, we ran into someone to whom he'd sold his car a few years prior. I could go on and on. An absolutely amazing gift. I always thought he ought to work for the FBI or someplace where this skill would be a valuable asset.

omni

I have a friend like this. Years ago (decades ago) when I was 18 and in college I waited tables to earn money to pay for college. Years later when I was in my 50's, I hired someone into my department at work and we became friends. The first time I ever met her husband, he asked me "did you used to wait tables at Jerry's in Richmond"? Stunned, I nodded yes. He said, you waited on us (he and my friend were dating at the time). My friend says he is always like this - remembers everybody he ever had any contact with. Amazing.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

My neighbor was more than bi-polar. Once, he was hitting on 3 women in the neighborhood including DW. He accused me of having a sex slave (DW) and wrote a letter to DW on how he is going to save her from me. After the letter and a few stalking instances, we got our restraining order. Other stories were just as crazy - wielding sword and playing with neighborhood children (this land him in the jail, although detail on how was rather fuzzy).

Delusional. Sounds paranoid schizophrenic....Some deceased family member experience with that, myself.

 

[Walt34]

The next time I meet them, I will remember the name, but am unlikely to recognize the person unless there was something distinctive about their looks.

I'm the opposite - I can remember faces but not names. It gets embarrassing sometimes - "Oh, that's good 'ol what'shisname, I worked with him for 25 years. Nice guy."

A good friend is bi-polar, he's the airplane mechanic/flight instructor I've mentioned from time to time. He gets treatment, but doesn't like the drugs so rarely takes them. But he manages.