Personality disorders among us

[haha]

My ex-BF has this facial recognition gift (whereas I am borderline "face blind" ). We'd be at Lowe's and he'd spot a classmate from 1st grade at the end of the aisle. We also ran into his grade school art teacher somewhere. While river kayaking, we ran into someone to whom he'd sold his car a few years prior. I could go on and on. An absolutely amazing gift. I always thought he ought to work for the FBI or someplace where this skill would be a valuable asset.

omni

I have this too. Sometimes I feel like other people just don't pay attention, which may not be accurate. A few days ago I saw a woman that I danced with one or two times about 6-7 years ago, she was a good dancer and I enjoyed the experience. We were shopping at Trader Joe and I knew immediately who she was and where she had crossed my path, but I don't like to feel rejected if I speak up and realize that the other has no clue that she has ever met me, let alone where or when.

Finally we were in the check out together and she said "I feel like I know you". I told her that I did know her, and where and when. She smiled and said, well, we've danced together so we have to hug, and held open her arms.

Nice day at TJ's.

Ha

 

[Bestwifeever]

I have a friend like this. Years ago (decades ago) when I was 18 and in college I waited tables to earn money to pay for college. Years later when I was in my 50's, I hired someone into my department at work and we became friends. The first time I ever met her husband, he asked me "did you used to wait tables at Jerry's in Richmond"? Stunned, I nodded yes. He said, you waited on us (he and my friend were dating at the time). My friend says he is always like this - remembers everybody he ever had any contact with. Amazing.

DH has this ability. And he always remembers names, places, and general dates (but not like people who can recall every day of their lives). Pretty much a photographic memory--he did really well in school. Now it is a really helpful thing when watching a movie and I can't figure out what that actor has been in.

Unrelated, there is a cousin in his family who is charming and somewhat delusional--we were recently with him in a group of people he didn't know and he introduced himself individually to every person as having a different interesting career. Very difficult for me to spend much time with him. He actually has been successful in business but then crashes and burns, takes six months off, and gets hired by another company (at least that's what he tells us). I think his meds are skewed to treat depression, but bring out the delusions.

Re bosses with personality disorders--many people who post here have said they turned down or stepped down from management positions. The only people left who wanted those jobs must have been a little nuts!

 

[outdoorgirl02]

One of my best friends has been trying to get a divorce from her ex who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It has been a complete nightmare. Seems he got much worse since they separated.

 

[robnplunder]

I can't remembers the faces nor names, relative to the norm. That's my disability. But I have a very selective memory. I can remember random mix of numbers and letters but can't remember my cell phone number. I can't remembers passwords and have to recycle same ones.

 

[robnplunder]

One of my best friends has been trying to get a divorce from her ex who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It has been a complete nightmare. Seems he got much worse since they separated.

The best advice a doctor has on NPD is to stay away from them. Supposedly, it is the worst of PD and worst to treat. People with NPD don't believe they have one, and their loved ones have to drag them to see help.

 

[Lancelot]

Bipolar can be treated with meds - but some folks with bipolar don't like the "flatness" - they love the manic phase, and don't want to get rid of it in order to eliminate the depressive phase.

So true- when they are 'up' they are on top of the world. OK for them but not pleasant for their family when the depression cycle begins...

 

[Redbugdave]

I am getting like you Walt on the names vs faces.

I had a female boss that displayed Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). After being around her for a few years and watching her behavior, I came to the conclusion HPD is just another form of Sociopathic behavior. These people learn how to get the attention they crave by manipulation. It was easy to see how she made it into management.

Histrionic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[robnplunder]

I had a female boss that displayed Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). After being around her for a few years and watching her behavior, I came to the conclusion HPD is just another form of Sociopathic behavior. These people learn how to get the attention they crave by manipulation. It was easy to see how she made it into management.

Histrionic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I am having hard time understanding what "nails" someone as having HPD. It seems the behaviors attributed to HPD are commonly found in many among us. What raises the flag to be labeled as HPD? Perhaps, I just haven't been around with many women.

 

[haha]

I am having hard time understanding what "nails" someone as having HPD. It seems the behaviors attributed to HPD are commonly found in many among us. What raises the flag to be labeled as HPD? Perhaps, I just haven't been around with many women.

It seems to me that labeling someone with a personality disorder is just a more powerful way to say that you don't like them.

If two people don't get along, is there some judge who can say which one has the personality disorder?

Ha

 

[foxfirev5]

It seems to me that labeling someone with a personality disorder is just a more powerful way to say that you don't like them.

If two people don't get along, is there some judge who can say which one has the personality disorder?

Ha

Nailed it. I think every one of us has a number of quirks which the establishment feels it must categorize.

 

[robnplunder]

It seems to me that labeling someone with a personality disorder is just a more powerful way to say that you don't like them.

If two people don't get along, is there some judge who can say which one has the personality disorder?

Ha

With NPD, it's pretty clear one has it or not, often with devastating consequences with people around them. I suffered through it with several members of my family. With HPD, I just don't know. Based on wiki's description, it's hard to tell where to draw the line.

 

[Helen]

I had the unfortunate experience of crossing paths with a psychopath in college. It was an awful experience. The only way to deal with a psychopath or narcissist is to go no contact; cut off all ties.

 

[Rick_Head]

Usually they get promoted into upper management. Or elected to high office.

I'm not to sure about the elections, but......

My last boss at megacorp was almost normal, I actually liked him before (and after) he got the job. I wanted to ask him how he got the job as he wasn't a total (moron, physco, idiot). Then one day, he told me about changes he was about to make in our dept. He lied. I retired.

 

[outdoorgirl02]

Robnplunder - so true on the NPD. He thinks everyone else is crazy and that he is the only normal one around.

 

[ProspectiveBum]

Borderline personality disorder. I can feel days of my life being removed when around the person and decided there was no offsetting positive reason to associate with them. Unfortunately there is still peripheral involvement.

+1 on the BPD entanglements. Can't wait for the holidays!

 

[EastWest Gal]

A few years ago we cut off contact with a family we were friendly with when DS was in elementary and middle school. As we got to know them, we realized wife is a chain smoker and a flaming alcoholic and we couldn't get through to her. The husband was an enabler and refused to acknowledge her problems, even with her falling down the stairs drunk a couple times, breaking bones. We broke away slowly then eventually told them not to invite us to anything anymore about 4 years ago. The scary part was the younger son who became more and more a psychopath as he grew up. Inpatient child psych unit didn't help. He just got out of prison this month for pulling a knife at the home last year.

I'm in a dilemma and thinking of them with this thread tonight because through a mutual friend's Facebook post I found out the husband died this morning. (He was in his mid 60s). DS and the older brother keep up limited contact. Older brother is ok, out of the house, smart but his upbringing has scarred him. The two that are left in the house are drunk mom and psychopath son. I feel sad for the family but still need to stay far, far away.

Unlike bipolar and schizophrenia, there is no treatment for personality disorders. Some are more dysfunctional than others. One can temporarily get along with a narcissist by flattering them. People with borderline personality disorder are exhausting, sometimes suicidal. But psychopaths, they're in another league altogether.




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[Calico]

Father (now deceased) was bipolar and an alcoholic.
Mother (now deceased) was an alcoholic.
Older sister has severe OCD and is an alcoholic.
Younger sister is bipolar.

What was the question again?

 

[Ally]

I have worked with a couple of coworkers who were diagnosed Bipolar. Up until the diagnosis, some times they were very effective, then other times depressed and sort of paranoid. One in particular could be very dynamic most of the time, then suddenly get so depressed that she thought everyone was trying to get her fired or take her husband. I remember in one episode, she asked me if I thought she was crazy. I told her as a friend, something was wrong and she was thinking crazy and she really needed to see a doctor or therapist before returning to work. She did and was diagnosed. She did much better on meds and seeing a therapist, but still has occasional battles even today. She works at another company now. It must be such a tough road.


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[Amethyst]

This (italics mine) is true of many people in every path of life. People do what works for them and gets them what they want; I don't think it means the person is mentally ill. What about those who allow themselves to be manipulated, either from cowardice, or because they kind of enjoy it (e.g. gain comfort by having someone tell them what to do, rather than think of it themselves?) Are they mentally ill, too? One starts to feel as if almost everyone except oneself must be insane...

Amethyst

I came to the conclusion HPD is just another form of Sociopathic behavior. These people learn how to get the attention they crave by manipulation. It was easy to see how she made it into management.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

My only comment here is to encourage everyone to be gentle and avoid judgement on the person. A mind turned against itself is a horrid thing. Remember that how you process the world around you literally defines your personal reality.

Someone who is really going thru these things - bipolar manic, depression, anxiety, paranoia -- is in no way enjoying their life. Depressions bring suicidal thoughts (and actions), physical pain, etc. Manic "ups" bring consequences. Anxiety brings wrenching fear, insomnia and a constant state of "fight or flight" alertness. Many don't know they have these disorders because that is simply how they've always processes the world around them. To another poster's point, these things also evolve with age.

In general our society sucks at dealing with mental health issues. I'm not a fan of an over-medicated society -- I do subscribe to the "suck it up" approach to life -- but I think and hope that a generation from now we will be wiser, more vigilant and less judgmental. We'll learn that much of this is just variants I people's neurogenetics just like we're learning about dyslexia and other things. "I'm bipolar" will wind up in the same zone as "I'm diabetic."

 

[Nodak]

I am also pretty much "face blind". I have a horrible time remembering names or faces. Numbers, however, are a different thing. I still remember my high school locker combination from 50 years ago. The mind is a fascinating thing.

 

[martyp]

It seems to me that labeling someone with a personality disorder is just a more powerful way to say that you don't like them.

If two people don't get along, is there some judge who can say which one has the personality disorder?

Ha

I agree with this. I think the medical community and society tend to medicalize behaviors too much.

However, my DW's stepmother is a legitimate hoarder. We haven't be allowed in their house for a decade. My DW has glimpsed inside the front door and hears some details from her father. DW is worried that if her father falls ill she won't be able visit and help take care of him. He stepmother is also a "cat lady". She spends a lot of money and time feeding and caring for cats at a local community college. I don't think "cat lady" is a behavior disorder but I could be wrong.

 

[Amethyst]

Like any other "collecting" behavior - it's a disorder when it is harming either the cats, or the lady, or both.

My sister and BIL have 12 cats, 2 dogs, and a lot of tropical birds in a small house. The animals are healthy, segregated appropriately (the parrots would eat the cats alive), the litter boxes are cleaned daily, etc. I won't say the house smells especially good, but one doesn't need a gas mask They also have nesting boxes outdoors for half a dozen feral cats, which they have managed to catch and take to the vet to be spayed/neutered. In addition, my BIL used to volunteer at a cat rescue shelter. He took a veterinary course for pet owners and learned to give cat immunizations and first aid. Naturally, they have St. Francis of Assisi statuettes prominently displayed both indoors and out.

Taking care of these animals makes them happy, and certainly benefits the critters. There is zero resemblance to the "pet hoarder" horror stories one reads about from time to time, where the human is malnourished and ill, the building is falling apart, and half the animals are dead or dying.

I I don't think "cat lady" is a behavior disorder but I could be wrong.

 

[martyp]

Like any other "collecting" behavior - it's a disorder when it is harming either the cats, or the lady, or both.

My sister and BIL have 12 cats, 2 dogs, and a lot of tropical birds in a small house. The animals are healthy, segregated appropriately (the parrots would eat the cats alive), the litter boxes are cleaned daily, etc. I won't say the house smells especially good, but one doesn't need a gas mask They also have nesting boxes outdoors for half a dozen feral cats, which they have managed to catch and take to the vet to be spayed/neutered. In addition, my BIL used to volunteer at a cat rescue shelter. He took a veterinary course for pet owners and learned to give cat immunizations and first aid. Naturally, they have St. Francis of Assisi statuettes prominently displayed both indoors and out.

Taking care of these animals makes them happy, and certainly benefits the critters. There is zero resemblance to the "pet hoarder" horror stories one reads about from time to time, where the human is malnourished and ill, the building is falling apart, and half the animals are dead or dying.

I agree with this. The cat thing isn't a health problem but it does definitely interfere with their marriage and social life to the point that a psychologist would probably say that it isn't mentally healthy. Hoarding is the real problem.

 

[braumeister]

It seems to me that labeling someone with a personality disorder is just a more powerful way to say that you don't like them.

If two people don't get along, is there some judge who can say which one has the personality disorder?

Obviously, both sides can say it, and both may be right.

All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.
-- Robert Owen, 1828