You [forum] guys are too much.. taking the piss and then some. Let's leave the bar-room/poolroom-type comments for what they are.
Leonardo, here's a lady of 47 (me):
This has got to be one of the worst times in your life. When I broke up with long-time boyfriends or they broke up with me it was hell. I can't tell you if it's right or wrong.. but first I was on your side, then the more I learned I became a little bit more on the lady's side (ALL ELSE BEING EQUAL).
Only you can decide whether a $200 shampoo is going to be an ongoing thing.. or whether this is HER EXTREME REACTION to a series of SEVERE existential blows:
1.) she is adopted, and the current situation makes that more painful and obvious than before. The ties to her adoptive parents have been violated by the recent discovery that even those have proved "illegitimate".
2.) she thought she would inherit something, but is now without even a small fraction of the significant financial cushion she expected. Her adoptive family has squandered what she thought she could have "counted on" (rightly or wrongly, but it is still another emotional shock).
I would imagine the $$$ shampoo is a balm to her self-esteem, given the circumstances. She "deserves" it (perhaps not unjustifiably.. even though she is going in the wrong direction "wasting" it on shampoo, to be sure).
Situations 1.) and 2.) alone are enough to make anyone unstable, man or woman. That you are leaving her is an ulterior blow. The relationship she thought was stable (with a man she cared for whose prospects were good for a stable career) is now slipping through her fingers.
I don't get that she is a "gold-digger" at all. EVERY woman (and every man) tries to suss out (understand) the financial viability of their spouse. If they say they don't, they are lying. This does not mean some particular sum, but a general attitude and at least hopes for solvency/financial independence.
If you REALLY find a cooperative attitude towards mutual finances completely lacking, you are probably wise to break it off. IF you see real love and a willingness to adapt to current real circumstances on her part, maybe you should reconsider.
The only word I'd like to put in on behalf of the girl is: if YOU had a family roller-coaster like hers.. and in addition you were broke--then rich--then broke again.. you MIgHt want to (ok, irrationally) splurge on some personal treats that boosted your self-esteem. Only you can tell us if this is an understandable reaction to her more recent situation or a long-term personal trend without an end in sight.
The sexual aspect will have its ups and downs, as will "dancing". (After 8 years a bit of the "bloom is off the rose", as we say.) It's up to both of you to accomodate that and/or work on it IF the situation calls for it. Most of sexual desire/forwardness/restraint has to to with psychological aspects of the relationship, not the superficial ("you're hot"/"I'm horny") ones. The same person profferring themselves with a different attitude or manner will get different results, in my experience. [But then I would have attributed the higher sex drive to the "dancer" of the couple, so what do I know?]
But then later.. when you wrote this:
.. we are really different and we know this for some time. When I was breaking up with her yesterday she said to me "I know we're totally different, we always knew this, but despite this we've stayed together loving each other because we complete each other... so you're breaking up with me for a reason that always existed in our relationship?" I just didn't know what to say... I think she is 100% right.
... I guess I can see clearly what I want to do with my life: take some time to recover from this break-up, save money to retire early, study a lot to get this job fast, hang out with the few friends I have, enjoy the company of my aging parents and just have some leisure time reading, playing games, learning new things, etc. I'll not be actively searching for women, but if I fall in love again that will not be a bad thing.
.. I knew the situation was pretty clear and that you had decided to move on. The future you describe has no room for your past lover, and it seems to describe a different person than you have been with her.
Fine.
Leonardo, I think in more than one of your posts you have already referred to her as your "ex".. so that speaks volumes.
I do wish you both the best of luck and hope you find real happiness in the future. Take care and God bless you both.
Let whatever counsel you find here on the forum and elsewhere (for whatever it's worth) guide you well in the future, even if it does not shed light, for now, on the events of these days.
