For regular ER members, this won't be important, (just a ramble) but thought I'd do an update to an old post #134 about growing old(er), with a further reflections on what has happened with regard to the onset of memory problems.
The progress of AZ or dementia is a little different than what I had expected. Basically that there has been a wide separation between "smarts" (IQ) ... and memory. It's much as I thought before, but even more pronounced... a fact that is becoming more frustrating.
So here's a brief observation outlines the difference, and which may offer some insight into people in your own life who may be dealing with the same kind of frustration.
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I don't think that my short term memory is directly related to the deeper intellect. If anything, it seems as if the ability to reason, to think things through, to relate experience to the analysis and solution of complex problems, and to have direct and rapid insight to an end game... is better than ever. Then comes the part about following up with the practical answer and then annunciating or framing it with words.
Thus the conversation goes... "All you have to do is read that article by....
um.... er... what's her name?" which invariably kills the conversation and leaves the listener wondering how to get out of an embarrassing situation.
And so I wonder... when you ask grandma about her youth, there's an blank or agonized look, because her brain is working, and the memory is there... but it won't come to the surface.
But back to the point... I think I am just as "smart" as I ever was. If anything, even wiser... but this doesn't translate into the physical and verbal abilities that fit in with what used to be normality. Aging in this case, comes with a new learning curve. How to handle those short term memory loss situations, like learning shortcuts in conversation to avoid the use of names, and places which are clear in the deeper brain cells, but don't come to the tongue to use in normal conversation.
The short term memory loss (What did I come in here for...?") is a little different. Instead of being a matter of social interaction, it's more a matter of understanding, and making peace with my inner self. A matter of dealing with frustration with self forgiveness and replacing angst with peace. Surprisingly, this is beginning to succeed. A work in progress.
Best leave this dark discussion, because it sounds like a downer when it's just a matter of reflection for myself. Enough.
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On a happier note... All's well here in Peru. Peaceful and just a little bit boring for a winter without snow. Fewer walks in the mall, and more flexing on our 1968 Vitamaster. The grass is green, despite the resurgence of below freezing temps. Just received the online copy of our Woodhaven Lakes newspaper, and am chomping at the bit to go back to our camp and turn on the water and the lights. Miss the woods, the animals, the lakes, the bicycling and the canoeing. Son Steve and wife Annie have bought a home (being built) in Sarasota... have just sold their home in Naperville. Annie retired last year as a government lawyer in SS and Steve will retire in June from his legal firm. In the interim before their new home is finished, they'll be living in our FL mfg home in Lake Griffiin Harbor in Leesburg. We're glad we kept it, and will sell it in the fall. Three other sons are doing fine, and all's well.
My kids don't know I post here, but am using ER as a kind of diary, which I'll copy and force them to read, sometime in the future. The personal stuff is just a trigger for my own memory... to keep track of the lies and as a sanity check.
