Should I call or wait?

[veremchuka]

Normally I wouldn't ask about this, I'd call but there is a twist to this.

Yesterday at the post office I met, or I should say she me me, a lady. We chatted for 10 minutes outside and hit it off, we have similar views on politics and society. She gave me her phone number and asked that I call her today. I thought that was a bit forward but I'm an extreme introvert and she seems to be more extroverted.

She seems nice but here's the issue. She told me that that today she has to put her 20 year old cat to sleep and she started to get teary eyed and almost lost it. I fully understand this and that's the problem.

I think today may not be the best day for her to get together just to get to know each other after such an emotionally draining event. But maybe she needs someone to talk to, to be with, the loss of a pet can be devastating.

I feel bad for her but I may not be emotionally able to handle this. I never told anyone here but in mid January I had to put my dog to sleep. She was almost 18 years old and such a major part of my life especially since 2002 when my ex and I split up that it is hard to explain. I'm ok now but I don't know how I'll be being exposed to her grief. On the other hand she may need someone to be with and talk to.

I don't know what to do. Should I wait a few days or call today? I'll check back later to see what you think.

Thanks.

 

[mystang52]

Why not call her and offer to meet at a local coffee shop, or better yet a bagel shop with tables (no waiter service so you can high-tail it out of there if it doesn't work out). Start off by pointedly saying you need to have a quick lunch/breakfast as you have an appointment.
If things go well, you can always meet again. If meeting her was a mistake, you have the ready-made excuse to leave early and not call her again. One caveat - once you call her, she'll no doubt have your # thru called ID.

 

[RunningBum]

Calling doesn't commit you to fully sharing the grief. You can say you understand how she probably feels, and that this is difficult for you to talk about because of your recent loss. I think that would give you a way to excuse yourself if you're not comfortable talking with her. If you don't call today and she's expecting it, I wouldn't expect it to go well in a few days.

 

[growing_older]

She gave me her phone number and asked that I call her today.

Call her. Today.

It will never be a perfect time with no possible emotional issues for either of you. Now is as good a time as any. If you want to have any hope of connecting as more than simultaneous post office customers, you should follow up and call as you discussed.

 

[eytonxav]

I'd say give her a call, especially if you gave her any indication you would do so. Life is too short to agonize over a small decision like this one.

Hope it works out and you two hit it off.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I'm so sorry about your dog, V. You must miss her so much.

I say call today. She might just need a little compassion on the telephone and to continue the Post Office conversation, and nothing else. Anything else might develop, might not, but why not do as she asked?

 

[justplainbll]

I think it would be impolite to not call.

 

[Texas Proud]

I would agree with others, call her today...

But I would not try to console her on her cat... hopefully she has some close friends that will do that... I would hate for a 'stranger' to try and put themselves in that place.... I say stranger because you only know each other for 10 minutes... who knows what traits that will surface (from both sides) that the other might not like...


Now, if she brings it up, I would offer my sympathy and then you could say how you felt when you had to put down your dog...

YMMV...

 

[Sarah in SC]

I agree, call, but don't bring up the cat. And you can say that you experienced the loss of a pet recently and it is just too soon to be able to talk about it.
I still cry, years later, at the thought of my old pets and their passing.
You have my sincere sympathies.

 

[Moemg]

Sorry about your pet ! I would call her and just see where it goes .

 

[pb4uski]

+1 Call her today since that is what you said you would do.

She may want/need a shoulder to cry on and it might be therapeutic to you in your grief over losing your dog.

Scary, yes - but most good things have some risk associated with them. That's life.

Good luck.

 

[ERD50]

I agree, call, but don't bring up the cat. And you can say that you experienced the loss of a pet recently and it is just too soon to be able to talk about it.
I still cry, years later, at the thought of my old pets and their passing.
You have my sincere sympathies.

Yes, she may actually want to talk to someone outside of her close circle to distract her a bit at this time. We all grieve over these things, but sometimes you want to do it slowly, over time, and not be 'fully immersed' in grief 24/7. Life does go on, bit by bit.

I suggest you play it very carefully. I think you need to offer up the chance for her to talk about it, but also leave an elegant way out if she really does just want a break from it. Maybe relate that you went through this yourself, and that there are times you needed to talk, and there were times you need to talk about other things, and let her take the lead on that, and then follow.

She is vulnerable, proceed very, very carefully. If she turns out to be a nice person, and you two are compatible, she will really, really appreciate your kindness. Take your time (but call today!).

-ERD50

 

[jerome len]

I'd call her today and ask, "Is this an OK time to talk". If so, I'd ask how she is doing and listen. then, with a sympathetic approach ask about next time to talk or get together. Overall, call and let her define the conversation.

 

[TromboneAl]

R U a dude?

 

[Brett_Cameron]

R U a dude?

 

[veremchuka]

R U a dude?

Yes, why?

Thanks all, everyone seems to say follow through so I will. If I was 1 day from putting my dog to sleep I never would have asked a stranger to call nor would I have even spoken to a stranger but that's me and I'm very withdrawn even in the best of times.

I'll give her a call and let you know how it went.

 

[TromboneAl]

Yes, why?

Seriously, I didn't know, and it brings an entirely different dynamic to the situation.

I'll give her a call and let you know how it went.

Can you record it?

C'mon, Just a joke!

 

[antmary]

Well?...have you called her yet?

 

[obgyn65]

Call her.

 

[Trawler]

I hope you called her.

 

[pb4uski]

and I hope your recorded it.

 

[rescueme]

As an old guy, I'll just say that you have to have something in common in order to start building a relationship (if it's what you wish). It seems you do.

DW/me did that when we first met (close to a half-century ago).

IMHO, you have nothing to lose, but possibly a lot to gain.

If you haven't called her yet - why not?

 

[FreeAtLast]

Make the call.

 

[veremchuka]

OK, here's the update on the phone call.

I called and got a busy signal, no call waiting?

I called back an hour later, no answer, I left a message stating I'd call back.

About an hour after that I called again and she picked up. She immediately discussed how she had to have her cat put to sleep and I listened and commented a few times how hard that is. We spoke for about 7-8 minutes just getting off the topic of pets to know she has 4 daughters and telling her where in town I live when someone was at her front door and she had to go. She said she'll call me back. I assume she has caller id as I never gave her my number. It's been almost 24 hours and no call back. That's OK but I thought she'd call by now.

Now I am a very suspicious person by nature. I wonder if she wanted me to call to get my last name, remember she asked where I live I told her the road, and is now using one of those "get a character report" services to research me! Maybe I'm paranoid but it would actually make sense to me, I mean she has no idea if I'm a saint or a dangerous critter. There are a lot of crazies out there and sometimes they are the female!

So we'll see, time will tell. I can say I'm not freaking out over this and if she doesn't call me in X days maybe that's OK. My question now is, what is the value of X and do I make another call to her if she doesn't call me in X days?

I am terrible at this, I am uncomfortable dealing with people though you wouldn't know it if you spoke to me. I make very fast evaluations and assumptions about people and I am usually correct. This has a bit of not right to it but I went along with calling her cuz you just never know and it is possible to read someone incorrectly.

Feedback?

 

[REWahoo]

Feedback?

Hit yourself in the foot with a sledgehammer. No, it won't resolve your question but it will take your mind off it and give you something else to worry about...