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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-25-2007, 11:25 PM   #21
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh
Helen, if you and your partner hopped in the car and drove up to BC and got married......would the US authorities recognize your marriage? I guess not, eh?
Well, I wish but it wouldn't be recognized. Really, unless it is recognized at the US Federal level it wouldn't help us much. The state level might help with the health insurance issue, but not for any of the other things I've mentioned.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
Frankly I think gays should have the chance at both the responsibilities and advantages of marriage. It amazes me that people only focus on the advantages when the reality is that it comes along with even greater responsibilities, and the expense of divorce if it doesn't work out. If the gay community started talking about the responsibilities of marriage maybe the tenor of the discussion would change.
I have set up our investments so that if we were to go our separate ways it would be a 50/50 split financially. Our 401ks and Roth's wouldn't be split, but everything else would be (the house, taxable accounts, IBonds, savings accounts, checking accounts, and cars are all owned jointly). We also have wills, medical and financial powers of attyns setup. So for us, we wouldn't lose anything from a recognized union but we would have much to gain. As far as the emotional responsibilities, after 19 years together, I can't see any impact that a civil union would have.

I guess what it boils down to is the Government doesn't impact our relationship emotionally, only financially.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 07:56 AM   #22
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Also mark me a yes for gay rights to marriage .I thought it was legal in Mass.?
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 08:44 AM   #23
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Was at a Mensa luncheon last week. The topic came up about finding a
partner within the organization. One guy opined........."The odds
are good, but the goods are odd!"

I'm outa here. Semper fi!

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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 08:51 AM   #24
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

I'm a married guy, 57, and I go back and forth on whether I'd seek to remarry for most all the reasons above. The much hyped "soul-mate-lover-companion-best-friend" aspects of a great marriage are certainly attractive. But the work to acheive that is immense.

So sometimes I also like the "Grouchy Old Men" model.

I really don't know which I would prefer most.






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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 10:09 AM   #25
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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Originally Posted by sgeeeee
I would consider getting married again, but my wife won't let me.
Touche'.................
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 10:21 AM   #26
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

If my BF and I parted ways .I wouldn't even look for another .It takes at least two years of hard work to break them in .I'd rather spend the time on travel.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 10:50 AM   #27
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

I know this thread was directed at "Single Old Babes"; so, I don't qualify. However, it looks like it is OK for the guys to chime in.

My wife and I have been together now for 14 years. Prior to that I spent 10 years living alone, playing the field, and enjoying the independence that single life can provide. For the first time in my life, I believe the grass is greener on the side I am on. This marriage has been worth the risk and the effort. But it is nice to know that I have lived alone before and can enjoy it. Perhaps we should be prepared for whichever comes our way.

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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 11:18 AM   #28
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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Originally Posted by OkieTexan
For the first time in my life, I believe the grass is greener on the side I am on. This marriage has been worth the risk and the effort.
You sound like a really nice DH!


I met my DH in high school and married in my 20s. I can't really imagine life without him, so it is hard for me to come up with a true answer, but this is what I think...

Once I got over the brain-numbing grief (if I get over it) of becoming a widow or being left for another woman, whatever the case may be, I think I would like the companionship of living with someone and be open to marriage, but not set against it or pining away for it.

I agree that there are tons of weirdos and jerks out there, but I always manage to run across some nice, funny guys, so I remain optimistic about it. I'm still in my 30s. If I became a widow in my 60s maybe I'd think differently.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 11:23 AM   #29
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

OkieTexan I have been married over 35 years and wasn't a young bride. I agree that a single life would not have been a happy one. But if I am widowed a prospective mate would be in his 70s.

The calculation for an older woman is different. True, many would want to remarry. But, if a woman is financially independent and socially active, why? At my age we are set in our ways, if widowed having space to call my own for the first time in probably 40+ years. First there is the period of adjustment after the passing of a spouse, then there is the time it takes to find a like minded spirit, next comes seeing if you can negotiate a shared space. By that time 80 is on the horizon.

If the right guy should come along I may change my mind, but I won't be on the hunt.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 11:24 AM   #30
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

I think the problem is that people consider marriage to be an objective or an expected/normal state.

Used to drive my wife nutty when we first started dating and she'd ask "so, do you want to get married some day?" and I'd tell her "Well, my first objective is to be happy with myself, by myself. Then if I met someone and it felt like marrying her would make both of us happier, I'd do it. But I'm not out there looking for someone to marry to make myself happy or make myself "whole" by adding another person to the equation".

So perhaps the whole line of question should be less around whether you want to get married again or not and more around figuring out how to be happy with yourself and your own life, then consider the benefits of adding a relationship to that equation...?
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 12:09 PM   #31
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cute Fuzzy Bunny
Used to drive my wife nutty when we first started dating and she'd ask "so, do you want to get married some day?" and I'd tell her "Well, my first objective is to be happy with myself, by myself. Then if I met someone and it felt like marrying her would make both of us happier, I'd do it. But I'm not out there looking for someone to marry to make myself happy or make myself "whole" by adding another person to the equation".
Well, like my spouse it looks like she had plenty of warning and nobody to blame but herself...
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 01:13 PM   #32
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cute Fuzzy Bunny
Used to drive my wife nutty when we first started dating and she'd ask "so, do you want to get married some day?" and I'd tell her "Well, my first objective is to be happy with myself, by myself. Then if I met someone and it felt like marrying her would make both of us happier, I'd do it. But I'm not out there looking for someone to marry to make myself happy or make myself "whole" by adding another person to the equation".

So perhaps the whole line of question should be less around whether you want to get married again or not and more around figuring out how to be happy with yourself and your own life, then consider the benefits of adding a relationship to that equation...?
Wise words, CFB, and essentially what I am trying to do.

I think there are many hurdles to a second marriage for me:

1. I would have to donate $1,000 to my divorce attorney's favorite charity. I made a side bet with her.
2. I bring a certain amount of "baggage" to the table in terms of my own "hairballs" as someone here wrote, my three kids, my ex-wife, my child support and related payments. And it is likely that any prospective spouse would bring similar baggage. I think this fact alone makes second marriages more challenging.
3. A second marriage for either me or my ex-wife would have, IMHO, a deleterious effect on our kids.
4. I was going to write something about the pool of candidates but deleted it after realizing it could offend.

In short, I'm working on being OK being single, I'm not going to go looking for Miss Right, but if I do happen across her I'm not opposed to the idea in theory provided I can get over the first two points above. If she really is Miss Right, the first point won't be a big deal. The second one could easily be the deal breaker for nearly everyone.

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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 02:16 PM   #33
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords
Well, like my spouse it looks like she had plenty of warning and nobody to blame but herself...
Indeed. "Hey, this was YOUR idea!" has been muttered once or twice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondCor521
1. I would have to donate $1,000 to my divorce attorney's favorite charity. I made a side bet with her.
Marry the divorce attorney, then you can probably keep the grand. She already probably knows you as well as anyone...

Quote:
2. I bring a certain amount of "baggage" to the table in terms of my own "hairballs" as someone here wrote, my three kids, my ex-wife, my child support and related payments. And it is likely that any prospective spouse would bring similar baggage. I think this fact alone makes second marriages more challenging.
You're also both pre-disastered. I think people have certain expectations of marriage that they find are not going to be met. I suspect most figure that out and get over the disappointment somewhere during the divorce process. While some aspects might make it more challenging, having more realistic expectations, meeting after you're both matured and your personalities are 'set', knowing what you want out of life, and having the right expectations all may make it easier.


Quote:
3. A second marriage for either me or my ex-wife would have, IMHO, a deleterious effect on our kids.
Or might be beneficial. My wifes former husband brought a small daughter into their relationship. The biological mother was a nice lady but not super mother material. My wife became and remains a very close adviser and confidant to her former step daughter. That fricking glass is half full sometimes, you know, and sometimes its half full of something tasty!
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 02:49 PM   #34
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Apologies to all my gay friends on the board. It's true I was only thinking of others in a similar situation to myself. I certainly hope that you will very soon have the opportunity of legal marriage with all its advantages and disadvantages.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 04:58 PM   #35
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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Originally Posted by Cute Fuzzy Bunny
Marry the divorce attorney, then you can probably keep the grand. She already probably knows you as well as anyone...
She's already spoken for. And she's nice and all, but not my type. Good thought, though!

2Cor521
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 05:13 PM   #36
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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She's already spoken for. And she's nice and all, but not my type. Good thought, though!
Eh, she probably knows a good divorce attorney

My wife is absolutely not "my type" if you go by the typical woman I dated. It seems like thats made all the difference. What I liked and what was good for me turned out to be somewhat mutually exclusive.

For some reason I thought tall skinny ditzy blondes with big bazooms that liked to go out drinking and dancing all night was "my type".

Not that there was anything wrong with that. For a while. Like 25 years or so.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 05:38 PM   #37
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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Originally Posted by Brat
Helen, the difference between you and us two old babes is that we are covered by Medicare so health insurance currently isn't an issue.

Frankly I think gays should have the chance at both the responsibilities and advantages of marriage. It amazes me that people only focus on the advantages when the reality is that it comes along with even greater responsibilities, and the expense of divorce if it doesn't work out. If the gay community started talking about the responsibilities of marriage maybe the tenor of the discussion would change.
Canada has now had its first gay divorce. It was bound to happen sooner or later....
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 09:24 PM   #38
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

Would I marry again? Yes

Can I grow old alone and enjoy life? Yes

Why would I want to marry again? Multiple reasons including a partner in crime, companionship, intelligent conversation, someone to do stuff with including chores, travel, dining and having a snuggle buddy at night as well as a skinny dipping partner. LAUGHTER

What am I leary of in a remarriage? Precious metal excavators.

So, I enjoy life on a daily basis with family (very small), good friends both men & women, and leave the options for the future open. I please myself in setting goals but am open to modification if a new partner enters into the equation.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 10:45 PM   #39
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

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Originally Posted by Oldbabe
If you're not looking to get married again, why not?

Instead, are you looking for a more casual companion or have you sworn off the other sex entirely? (I know women who have chosen to become lesbians after divorce in midlife!)

Are you comfortable with the idea of growing old as a single woman?
I do not wish to re-marry because I have everything I want in a relationship right now. We are emotionally committed to one another but our finances are separate (and about equal) and we do not live together. I like that; I need my space.

This arrangement is a lot less work and drudgery for me than being married, and there are few if any arguments or power struggles. We know that we are not alone in the world and that we can rely on one another. I know that Frank wants to be with me when we are together, since I don't take his company for granted (and vice versa). We know and appreciate one another, and we have such fun when we are together. That's important too - - life is short, so laissez les bons temps rouler.

I don't consider Frank to be a more casual companion, because the depth of our commitment and feelings for one another is at least as deep as in marriage, and because we have been with one another for a number of years by now. We have simply omitted the paperwork and financial entanglements of marriage.

I am very comfortable with the idea of growing old as a single woman! Really, in a sense we all grow old as single women (or men, for those that are reading this), and we all die alone. Being alone is nothing to dread or regret. There's nothing more wonderful than the quiet, peace, and beauty of an early morning alone, for example. When I am very old, I will probably check into a continual care facility so that I can get the help I might need to take care of myself properly. Maybe Frank and I will be there together, allowing one another sufficient space and time alone, of course.
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?
Old 01-26-2007, 11:27 PM   #40
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Re: Single old babes, want to marry again?

I've been married for more than 36 years and if I were widowed, the last thing I'd be looking for is another man. I have a very good marriage and happy life but I don't think I'd do it all over again.

My mother always said the same thing. After 5 years of widowhood, she remarried at age 70. She had a very happy 11 years with her second husband until his death. So, who can say for sure?
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