Son was tripped at school, broken collarbone

[gindie]

An acrimonious relationship between our 13-year-old son and another boy at school (mostly name calling from both sides, for which both have served detentions) escalated this morning when the boy deliberately tripped our son and threw him to the ground. He landed on his left shoulder and broke his collarbone. This was witnessed by another child with a reputation for telling the truth.

Assuming that the principal's investigation shows that it happened as I described it, what, if anything, should we do with regards to the other family? I am not one to rant and rave and make demands, etc., but still I'd like to see some fairness with the situation.

Our cash outlay will probably be limited to the $100 emergency room co-pay and a few $20 co-pays to the orthopaedist we will be seeing. However, our son is experiencing quite a bit of pain and my wife and I will be taking time off work to tend to appointments, etc.

Never really been in this situation before. Would like to make a fair settlement offer to the other parents, to avoid having to go before Judge Judy!

 

[Notmuchlonger]

If I was the other parent and you came at me with that. After your son was just as much at fault for the situation as mine. Id laugh at you and tell you to take it to court

 

[REWahoo]

My recommendation would be to allow the school to handle the entire matter.

 

[aaronc879]

If I was the other parent and you came at me with that. After your son was just as much at fault for the situation as mine. Id laugh at you and tell you to take it to court

When it became physical it was no longer equal fault. The boy who assaulted the other boy should be charged with assault w/injury. Possibly aggrivated assault. If you laugh at me after your son just assaulted my son you better hope all I do is take you to court.

 

[maddythebeagle]

Man, if everybody got charged when I was school, most the boys would have been in jail

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Find the dad, break his collarbone, and let him know to pass the learning on to his son.

But thats just me...

 

[gindie]

If I was the other parent and you came at me with that. After your son was just as much at fault for the situation as mine. Id laugh at you and tell you to take it to court

You either didn't read my post in detail or misunderstood it. The name calling was in the past and was dealt with. No such triggers for today's incident.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

When it became physical it was no longer equal fault. The boy who assaulted the other boy should be charged with assault w/injury. Possibly aggrivated assault. If you laugh at me after your son just assaulted my son you better hope all I do is take you to court.

Sorry, I forgot this is the internet. Where tough talk is cheap You wouldn't do a damn thing internet tough guy

 

[aaronc879]

Man, if everybody got charged when I was school, most the boys would have been in jail

And when they got out they would've been far less likely to do it again. If all he gets is a week detention, that's not much of a deterence.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

You wouldn't do a damn thing internet tough guy

I could come over and step on your toes or something, as a sign of good faith...

 

[Notmuchlonger]

I could come over and step on your toes or something, as a sign of good faith...

As long as you bring lunch sure

 

[Westernskies]

An acrimonious relationship between our 13-year-old son and another boy at school (mostly name calling from both sides, for which both have served detentions) escalated this morning when the boy deliberately tripped our son and threw him to the ground. He landed on his left shoulder and broke his collarbone. This was witnessed by another child with a reputation for telling the truth.

Assuming that the principal's investigation shows that it happened as I described it, what, if anything, should we do with regards to the other family? I am not one to rant and rave and make demands, etc., but still I'd like to see some fairness with the situation.

Our cash outlay will probably be limited to the $100 emergency room co-pay and a few $20 co-pays to the orthopaedist we will be seeing. However, our son is experiencing quite a bit of pain and my wife and I will be taking time off work to tend to appointments, etc.

Never really been in this situation before. Would like to make a fair settlement offer to the other parents, to avoid having to go before Judge Judy!

Ah, another helpless victim.. Someone has to pay. Sue the ba$tard$, it's the new American way. Certainly couldn't be any of little Johnnie's fault..or just normal teenage kid's horseplay. Surely there is a concerned ambulance-chaser out there (look on the back of the local phone book- call now- the initial consulatation is free, and you don't have to pay if we don't win your case!) who can turn this brazen assault into litigation lotto for you. After all, you do have a reliable 13 year old witness!

You are out a couple of hundred bucks and the kid has learned a couple of valuable lessons- know thine enemies and don't run your mouth if you can't back your play. Might serve him well later in life. Cheaper than a behavioral therapist.

Move on. You probably have better things to do with your time than getting wrapped around the axle over a simple schoolyard altercation.

 

[Scrapr]

well after you take out his knee with a baseball bat

Oh, sorry. I'm not a tuff guy

I'd meet face to face with the other parent and try to work out some strategies for these two to avoid each other. See if they are reasonable. Maybe have the kid work to pay off your deductible.

I also would not trust the school to investigate the situ fairly. Our boy (12) has had a couple ISS (in school suspensions) and the other parties got bupkis

forgot to tell you that I hope your boy gets well soon. Summer time and all

 

[Goonie]

Man, if everybody got charged when I was school, most the boys would have been in jail

Same when I was still in [-]skool[/-] [-]skule[/-] school, most of us guys knew quite well what the principal's office looked like....we spent enough time there.

But now all of our local schools have a full-time police officer on-site. The schools have a "0" tolerance for any sort of pushing, shoving, or fighting (as well as cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs) and they have the offender arrested, cuffed, and transported to the county facility to be processed for either jail or juvie (depending on age). They let the judge sort things out.

When I was in school (grade, jr. high, & h.s.) I don't recall even one person ever being expelled, and only 2 or 3 multi-day suspensions. Now there are about 8-10 kids expelled each year....usually for the remainder of the current year, and often times for a good portion of the following year. And swearing buys you a 3 day suspension! Heck, if it was that way back when I was in school......I'd have had so many suspensions that I'd probably STILL be trying to finish school.

As to the OP.....the school officials should hold the 'pusher' accountable, and take the appropriate action....which (unfortunately), in these days in which we live, should include getting law enforcement involved, which then would bring some sort of charge. And that (I would think anyway) would make getting some sort of financial restitution from the offenders parents easier.....maybe. But that's just MHO. If the school officials refuse to do anything, then I think the school should be held liable for the injury and expenses. Again, just MHO.

 

[bright eyed]

unfortunately, i've some experience with how schools deal with this type of behavior.

my son's school did a GREAT job of squashing some really heated "hating" going on by doing some direct mediation with the kids involved and the boys are actually "acquaintances" now (ie non-staring down, "whassup" acknowledging acquaintances) - since part of the problem started because their circle of friends overlapped (unfortunately overlapped on a girl!).

It's hard to see past your anger now - but what is the long term benefit of rubbing the poo in the other parent's face? It could have as easily been your kid - who whether in anger or meanness or just plain teen stupidity tripped another kid and now is hopefully feeling some regret. You may believe your kid is special-er, smart-er, not as dumb-'er than the other kid -but kids can do surprisingly dumb things!

Also, remember - most of us live in a community and you will likely bump into him, his parents or someone related and the vitriol will spiral out beyond just those directly involved...

And as in the case(s) my kid was involved in - other kids at the school will BLOW up whatever they can by egging them on, starting false rumors, taking sides, etc.

Jump to long term - what do you want your kid to get from this scenario...

 

[Texas Proud]

The problem is what the other kid is saying to his parents...

He is probably saying your kid provoked it and your kid lunged at him and all he did was push him out of the way... he fell and broke his bone... innocent of anything...

So if your kid came home and said that to YOU... and it was the other kid who has the broken bone... what would YOU do

This might answer your own question...

I think if the investigation shows the other boy to the be 'starter'... then you should get all you out of pocket money... but your time away from work etc. is not part of what you can get.... however, pain and suffering might be a possibility... it is according to your state laws.

 

[laurence]

If you are serious about deterrent, then forget the money, push the administration at the school hard and explore criminal charges. If they bring the subject up saying something like "I don't want your #%@! money, I want justice!" should scare the crap out of the parents and by proxy the kid, hopefully scared straight. A lot of parents are totally blind to their kids being monsters. I had two high school kids, both 50 lbs or more heavier/bigger than me decide roughing me up was a good idea - when I was in 7th grade. I reported it and they got in trouble, even fellow kids who witnessed it thought that exceeded any "ratting out" stigma. Their parents absolutely insisted their kids could never do anything wrong, even as they got "administratively transferred" to a new school. Saw them years later when I was a senior in high school as I walked past the local country club golf course, they were teeing up a shot on the 9th hole. If the parents have that particular affliction, no court case is going to break them of it. Heck, that might be the kids greatest punishment, my childhood friend had parents like that, and his inability to see when he makes poor choices has pretty much ruined his life. He pushes away friends who tell him truths he doesn't want to hear, and among other things, at age 34, had his wife of 7 months move all her stuff out (with the help of her Internet boyfriend) while he was away at work. He was the only one who was shocked. Sometimes the greatest punishment for people is living with themselves.

Or it was just a schoolyard rivalry that just went to far.

 

[Walt34]

Goonie has it about right. When I was in school the authorities didn't get involved unless there was arterial bleeding. See what the school does first, but "keep book" on it.

Take a "10 year view". Will this matter in 10 years?

 

[StJohnsWood]

. Id laugh at you and tell you to take it to court

And that's what I would do.

 

[brewer12345]

Gindie, what has the school's response to this incident been?

You probably technically have a legitimate grievance that could be pursued through the courts, etc., but realistically its a couple hundred bucks and probably not worth getting worked up over. More important IMO is to make sure this does not continue or escalate. If left unchecked, its only a matter of time before someoen shows up in the schoolyard with a weapon. I would pursue this through the school if they seem to be taking this seriously and acting accordingly. You might also consider reaching out to the other parents to try to resolve the root cause of the conflict and get the kids to make peace. I would give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt and not introduce the notion of lawsuits, criminal charges, etc. Worse comes to worse, you have that in your back pocket, but I would give people an opportunity to behave like decent human beings rather than going to defcon 4 immediately.

Its worth remembering that 13 year olds often do not know their own strength or have much of an idea of what the real world consequences of their action will be.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Eh, leave it alone and those boys will be partying together in a few years. Seriously, the first thing I would do is ask my 13-year-old son what HE wants me to do after he thinks about it.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

my brother had a similar problem with his eldest who took after neither his father nor his uncle in social skills (we don't know where we went wrong). basically, he tried to become friends with the wrong crowd who didn't want him. so instead of making friends, all he did was draw attention to himself. his new-found bully's father was a cop who didn't care what that kid did. sil tried to defend her kid and confronted the bully which resulted in her having her mail box blown up. brother fixed it simply by letting it all come to a rest and getting his kid to stop playing with fire.

retaliation is not peace.

 

[Abreutime]

Think about the ramifications on your kid of a lawsuit . Will everyone treat him the same at school if his parents sued another parent for a couple hundred bucks? I doubt it. I also would go through the school for appropriate disciplinary action, and not contact the other parents directly. Most parents of "bad" kids are not reasonable mediators.

 

[AzDreamer]

If it was just a one-on-one fight then you would be doing your son a big disservice by getting involved. Kids have to learn how to take as well as dish out, the world is not one big kumbaya hug. When parents start trying to settle their kid's disputes it stunts the growth of the kid's ability to handle social situations.

 

[gindie]

Update:

Principal suspended the other child for the remainder of the school year (2 days). He's going to convene a meeting with both sides at the beginning of next school year in August to get it off to a good start in this regard.

I am a little amused at the responders who read into my original post that I was looking for revenge, that I wanted to sue the parents or throw the kid in jail. If you re-read it, my attitude was calm and all I was asking for was whether I should request the other side to reimburse for costs and maybe a little pain and suffering.

Haven't decided how, or if, to proceed on that front.