Watching the trainwreck

[haha]

Our children are our only blood link to the future. My kids never needed anything once they were out, but these fairly small sums for important safety improvements in our children's lives seem to me to be good investments in our biological futures, not to mention in the well being of the children that we love usually more than anything else in the world.

One of my DILs had a roomate I got to know fairly well. Her Daddy was a well to do banker, and he paid her rent in a nice neighborhood, gave her a nice car and generally looked out for her. He pretty much supported her while she kept taking and re-taking pre-med courses in hopes of getting into medical school.

She did finally get admitted, in an eastern city, and he bought her a condo near the hospital but also in a fairly safe neighborhood.

Did all this pampering ruin her? Not that I can see. I saw her at a party at Christmas and she has graduated and finished one year so far of a very competitive OB-gyn residency back here on the west coast. Her parents were also at the party, and they are as thrilled and as proud as she is. She is totally dedicated to women's health, and will be a real help in many lives far into the future.

Ha

 

[chris2008]

The investments as in Haha's example are good and helpful for those kids that have goals and perseverance and do not see their parents as their money machines.

A kid with an entitlement attitude and determined to live the easy way would have produced quite different results from the same investments.

But I understand that it is very difficult for parents to chose the right kind of investment and to predict the outcome, even if they have a realistic view on their kid.

 

[Texas Proud]

The investments as in Haha's example are good and helpful for those kids that have goals and perseverance and do not see their parents as their money machines.

A kid with an entitlement attitude and determined to live the easy way would have produced quite different results from the same investments.

But I understand that it is very difficult for parents to chose the right kind of investment and to predict the outcome, even if they have a realistic view on their kid.

I agree....

As long as the kids are actually going after a goal... and not just attending college for the parties... then I am willing to help out...

If they plan on dropping out, sitting on the couch playing XBox on my dime... they will be out the door...


Their attitude and drive determines my attitude toward how much I am willing to help...


Note: I will pay for 4 years of college even if they are only going for the parties... to me, I need to give them the opportunity to succeed... after that... see my above post....

 

[Katsmeow]

Did all this pampering ruin her? Not that I can see.

Ha

I'm not sure if you are commenting on my son's situation. In his case, we were willing to pay for him to go to college with some relatively mild restrictions (reasonably good grades and we want him to pay for books so he has some financial stake).

When he decided not to return (having not done well in the fall), we were even willing to let him live at home for awhile (he says he will go back to school to study culinary arts in the fall) with him paying us some reasonable rent (which unbeknownest to him I intended to mostly save for his benefit) and following some not very onerous rules.

He decided he didn't want to follow our rules and wanted to be on his own with no rules. We said OK and we are giving him some limited financial assistance for a few months. I feel that we've been reasonable.

 

[samclem]

I am pretty sure I know what his big pressure is. His rent isn't due until the 25th. But about 5 days earlier his auto insurer is going to want to debit him about $150 for his auto insurance. I'm guessing that without the refund he doesn't have insurance money.

Maybe. But I'd bet most young folks in his situation would just keep driving without insurance.
- The car doesn't need servicing until it stops running.
- I don't need gas until the red light comes on
- The landlord will let me slide a day or two
etc

 

[travelover]

.......... I feel that we've been reasonable.

I think so, too.

 

[haha]

I'm not sure if you are commenting on my son's situation.

That was not my intention. Particulars of a situation always trump generalities, and his particulars are unknown to me. Knowing only what you wrote, I might have bought his tires, but not his gas, rent, or insurance. With a daughter, I might (or might not) be a little more liberal.

I was just offering a successful real life example that to me appears to be contrary to the overall board preference for tough love policies. The parents in my example are also very well off, not in a position where they might have to be concerned about their own well being.

Ha

 

[omni550]

After reading this WSJ article, I wonder if some of these "trainwreck-type' young people are being impacted by this trend....

Between his lack of responsibilities and an entertainment media devoted to his every pleasure, today's young man has no reason to grow up, says author Kay Hymowitz. She discusses her book, "Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys." Where Have the Good Men Gone? - WSJ.com

omni