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Old 09-15-2010, 12:23 PM   #21
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This song brings DH (and most dads of sons we know) to tears any time, any place he hears it.

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Old 09-15-2010, 12:39 PM   #22
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TheFed - don't listen to Moemg - she doesn't know what she's talking about. You are much better off with Fisherman's astute observation: "The above could be it or your wife just needs a break or a Midol"!

As a helpful husband it is incumbent upon you to point out to your wife that she probably just needs a Midol. In fact, maybe toss her a bottle of girly drugs next time she goes off on you. It will take her mind right off whatever she's going on about. Do get back with a report on how that works out for you!

(somehow I'm picturing the above exchange taking place IN one of the bouncy houses.)
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Old 09-15-2010, 12:55 PM   #23
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In the sports world, I believe what you described is called a "cheap shot".

I don't have kids. However, my Mom worked 6 days a week. She made SURE she spent time with us kids on her 1 day off. Food for thought...
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Old 09-15-2010, 11:34 PM   #24
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I'm confused...I will talk to her about it tomorrow I guess.

I see her side and I see mine (of course).
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Old 09-16-2010, 09:14 AM   #25
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The topic of the conversation is often NOT the underlying issue...
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Old 09-16-2010, 10:13 AM   #26
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Back when I was working, my partner (who was also my boss in the operating hierarchy) constantly berated me for not working all day Saturday and Sunday, and even (perish the thought) leaving early on an occasional afternoon. Mainly because I was with my kidsósoccer, zoo, whatever. It was important to me and my wife that we spend time as a family. During the week, I was in at 6AM and worked 12 hour days. It was what was needed to build our business. Weekends were family time.

Fast forward 10 years. We had sold the business and both of us were getting ready to ER. Iíll never forget the day he said to me that I was the one that had it right. I never expected him to admit that, but he did. His 24/7 workaholic style had almost resulted in a divorce, and he regretted that he barely knew his son and less so his daughter. He spent the next 3 years trying to make up for lost timeóbut not all that successfully. They had grown up without him around and once they are in their mid to late teens they donít want you around anyway. It was too lateóand nice cars for the kids, fancy vacations, etc., would not bring back that lost time.

So my advice is to find a way to spend that time with your kids while they are young. Youíll never be able to catch up if you donít. The work will still be there at night after the kids go to bed.

Hope this helps.
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Old 09-16-2010, 10:21 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefed View Post
.

I already KNOW that I spend a lot of time working.
I'd also suggest you take a look at your work habits.


Amazon.com: Do It Now!: Break the Procrastination Habit (9780471173991): William J. Knaus: Books
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Old 09-16-2010, 10:32 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wheel View Post
Iíll never forget the day he said to me that I was the one that had it right. I never expected him to admit that, but he did. His 24/7 workaholic style had almost resulted in a divorce, and he regretted that he barely knew his son and less so his daughter. He spent the next 3 years trying to make up for lost timeóbut not all that successfully. They had grown up without him around and once they are in their mid to late teens they donít want you around anyway. It was too lateóand nice cars for the kids, fancy vacations, etc., would not bring back that lost time.
This is a familiar story, the difference being your partner admitted he got it wrong. Most would never own up to the mistake.

I spent 27 years at a company where his sort of workaholic behavior was the corporate culture and only know of one ex-CFO who voiced regret in having paid more attention to his job than to his family. Most of the hard-chargers burned out, had major health problems and/or screwed up their family life.

My first few years I was guilty of burning the candle at both ends as well, but wised up and slowly began pushing back and spending more time with the family. I've never regretted the fact I spent less time at work...
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Old 09-16-2010, 10:55 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Wheel View Post
Back when I was working, my partner (who was also my boss in the operating hierarchy) constantly berated me for not working all day Saturday and Sunday, and even (perish the thought) leaving early on an occasional afternoon. Mainly because I was with my kidsósoccer, zoo, whatever. It was important to me and my wife that we spend time as a family. During the week, I was in at 6AM and worked 12 hour days. It was what was needed to build our business. Weekends were family time.

Fast forward 10 years. We had sold the business and both of us were getting ready to ER. Iíll never forget the day he said to me that I was the one that had it right. I never expected him to admit that, but he did. His 24/7 workaholic style had almost resulted in a divorce, and he regretted that he barely knew his son and less so his daughter. He spent the next 3 years trying to make up for lost timeóbut not all that successfully. They had grown up without him around and once they are in their mid to late teens they donít want you around anyway. It was too lateóand nice cars for the kids, fancy vacations, etc., would not bring back that lost time.

So my advice is to find a way to spend that time with your kids while they are young. Youíll never be able to catch up if you donít. The work will still be there at night after the kids go to bed.

Hope this helps.
OK... lost what I wrote for some reason.... will do a shorter version...


I knew of two people who would leave work 'on time' and go home to do things with their kids... one even did car pool... after the kids were in bed, they would drive back to work to finish what they needed to do...

I have told others that you can find time for something IF you really want to... how many people say they have not time, but go golf, watch football, go shopping for nothing, etc. etc. If it is a priority to you, you will find the time...

If your wife is a bit like mine, then no matter how much time you spend, you are not spending enough... no out here...
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Old 09-16-2010, 11:56 AM   #30
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Often this is harder than it seems to apply in life but I think it's true:

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.
Barbara Bush
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Old 09-16-2010, 12:38 PM   #31
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Menopause or PMS? I live with a Jekyl and Hyde due to this. May be part of it.
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Old 09-16-2010, 01:09 PM   #32
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I have told others that you can find time for something IF you really want to... how many people say they have not time, but go golf, watch football, go shopping for nothing, etc. etc. If it is a priority to you, you will find the time...
Amen.

I went on a training course once with a number of managers from my w*rkplace and several of them turned up late. The kicker was that this training company took no crap from management trainees. They locked the conference room door at 9:02am and made the late arrivals wait 15 minutes or more outside.

When they finally opened the door, the people who had been blocked started off on "how dare you", "we're the customer" (of course, HR was the customer), "the dog ate my homework", etc etc. The trainer sat them down and gave them two lines:
1. You're managers. You're meant to lead. How can you lead ig you aren't freaking there?
2. Imagine that we'd said that the names of everyone who was present at 9:00 would go into a hat for a $500,000 cash prize. How many of you would have been late? How many of you would not have been camped outside at 3am?

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If your wife is a bit like mine, then no matter how much time you spend, you are not spending enough... no out here...
Amen again. My wife's recollections of my involvement, or lack of, in our now-grown-up kids' bathtimes, etc, come up on a regular basis, usually if I have committed some other, unrelated misdemeanour. In fact, I know - because they told me - that both of them trust me more than her, following a couple of incidents which are now behind us, but I don't bring that up, because I'm no longer young and stupid. For kids, having Dad around at bedtime is cool, but so is knowing that Dad is there when Mom can't quite handle everything right now.
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Old 09-16-2010, 01:14 PM   #33
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is there when Mom can't quite handle everything right now.
You are a brave man. or it has somehow escaped you that women are always right, men always wrong.

I am no longer married, but have the same info-my kids knew that their mother had her own way of looking at things, which were not always real easy for them to deal with.

Ha
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