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Old 04-28-2016, 11:48 AM   #21
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but love the good feelings and warm vibes of being frugal
how on earth does being cheap make one feel good? it makes me feel terrible
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Old 04-28-2016, 12:01 PM   #22
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how on earth does being cheap make one feel good? it makes me feel terrible
Cheap and frugal are two different things.
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Old 04-28-2016, 12:11 PM   #23
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Cheap and frugal are two different things.
definitely a fine line
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Old 04-28-2016, 12:15 PM   #24
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you must not golf
I used to golf with a group from work when it was $5 -$6 after 4PM. I was never happy with my game and realized that I had to golf more than 1 per week to get better. I took lessons once and the teacher said there was nothing he could do for me. Too much was wrong. :>)
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Old 04-28-2016, 12:20 PM   #25
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I used to golf with a group from work when it was $5 -$6 after 4PM. I was never happy with my game and realized that I had to golf more than 1 per week to get better. I took lessons once and the teacher said there was nothing he could do for me. Too much was wrong. :>)
if you played/practiced 5 days a week for about 3-4 years you'll get pretty good; it just takes time and money

Frugal: get a range pass and hit balls every day; find a pro that will teach you through video lessons you record and send
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Old 04-28-2016, 01:10 PM   #26
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Youth Sports

Re: college soccer - I played one year of college soccer and quickly realized that was a big mistake - It took away too much time and resources from the academic side. For me , it was the one of best decisions I made when I was younger. Maybe other people can handle both, but I couldn't.


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Old 04-28-2016, 01:24 PM   #27
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About 25 years ago I coached youth soccer, basketball and baseball. As long as my son was interested in participating, I was all in. We both enjoyed our time.

Due to legal issues, I do not believe that I would coach in today's environment.
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Old 04-28-2016, 01:27 PM   #28
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how on earth does being cheap make one feel good? it makes me feel terrible
Cheap?

I said frugal, not cheap. But.......

Haven't you seen a lot of posts on this forum where it's obvious the poster achieves satisfaction from denial or postponement in and of itself? And not just where denial or postponement are required to stay on a budget and a FIRE savings plan, but just for the pleasure of being "frugal".

Yes, many here understand the concept of leading a balanced life fully enjoyed as you go along vs putting everything into the "earn as much as you can and save as much as you can no matter what" camp. But some are out on the extreme...... Just sayin' ........

EDIT: I fully support everybody doing their own thing, leading their own lives. Just sayin' that for me, a balanced approach was preferred to an "all in" approach even if it cost me not RE'ing until 58.
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Old 04-28-2016, 01:28 PM   #29
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Haven't you seen a lot of posts on this forum where it's obvious the poster achieves satisfaction from denial or postponement? And not just where it's required to stay on a budget and a FIRE savings plan, but just for the pleasure of being "frugal" in and of itself.
yes but I don't get it

I've worked and studied way, way too hard to live life like a peasant in my 50s.

No, I don't waste $$$ on a new car every few years or buy new golf clubs every year, etc. but I like to enjoy life.
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Old 04-28-2016, 01:59 PM   #30
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yes but I don't get it
Neither do I, but we don't need to. Not our bizness......
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I like to enjoy life.
Different things give "highs" and pleasure to different people. I'm OK with that as long as the "super-frugals" aren't giving me crap because I chose, like you, to not have my mid-life years be lop-sided with denial and postponement.
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Old 04-28-2016, 03:43 PM   #31
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OP here. I certainly don't get any pleasure out of being frugal. I'm not even sure I'd classify myself as frugal. Just somewhat wise in the area of money.

One of the reasons I struggle with the cost and time commitment is because there are 2 other children that don't get that kind of time and money allotted for their interests. And in fact, we could not afford to provide 5K for each child. Unless of course I was to return to the land of the working If I did, I can assure you I'd be much less inclined to spend my off days driving 5 hours to a 12 yo's soccer game.
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Old 04-28-2016, 03:50 PM   #32
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One of the reasons I struggle with the cost and time commitment is because there are 2 other children that don't get that kind of time and money allotted for their interests.
that changes everything IMO

good luck with your decision
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Old 04-29-2016, 05:05 PM   #33
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I believe there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to what and how much to spend on oneís kids. However, I do believe that a parent should be balanced with respect to time and expense on one child vs. the other. In our case, we allocate what many on here might feel is too much for each child based on their age and interests. My wife and I only get one round with them and we want to enjoy parenthood.

So, we had them both take music lessons. One went on to be in the Jazz band at both MS and HS. The other is singing in chorus. In sports, we signed them up for rec sports during elementary school and then once they hit MS we continue with rec but allow them to play travel in one sport per year. Interestingly, my older child ended up switching year to year in travel during MS and finished HS lettering in 2 sports along with Jazz. The combination of her academics, sports and arts led her to be accepted to every school she applied to and ended up at a top school with some merit scholarship money. The younger is tracking on the same path. We will see how it turns out.

No matter arts or sports, academics come first. In terms of money, I just donít spend my time counting pennies when it comes to the kids but I do understand getting a value for the effort and so in a couple cases we did not pursue certain aspects because we felt that particular situation was not a good value.

I agree with those that question the frugal thing. In the last two years, my kids have had several friends who have lost their dads and mom due to terminal illnesses. I knew one of them well and I know that he was glad that he gave his all to enjoy his kids so he had no regrets.
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Old 04-29-2016, 05:25 PM   #34
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One of the reasons I struggle with the cost and time commitment is because there are 2 other children that don't get that kind of time and money allotted for their interests.
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that changes everything IMO
I wholeheartedly agree. That said, do the other two know about the difference in what is spent on each of their activities? If they don't know they'll probably figure it out eventually and that could set up some lifelong favoritism/resentment issues that you don't want to create.

If they do know, but don't care, (perhaps they're content with less costly activities) then it probably doesn't matter.
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