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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?
Old 04-02-2007, 10:56 PM   #21
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?

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Originally Posted by Cb
During my brother-in-law's visit it was pretty clear that neither he nor his 14 YO daughter are interested in changing their behaviors...he simply wanted our endorsement for taking out the consolidation loan to reduce the monthly minimum payment on his TEN credit cards. My wife and I tried to frame his financial crisis problems in terms of near-term and longer term issues, but he just doesn't see much of a problem. After an hour or so he let us know that he's expecting a >$30K settlement related to his estranged wife's death* later this year, and just wants a bit of relief from the CC minimums until then.

I told my wife I'd send a used copy of Ramsey's book from Amazon and figure we've done our part.

Cb
*estranged wife had quite an appetite for meth & Oxy Contin. One night at the bar she repeatedly told her friends and the bartender that she was going to throw herself in front of a car. The suggested that she not do that. A few hours later at about 1:00am, she walked out of the bar and leapt in front of an oncoming car. The guy driving the first car to hit her was drunk...hence the settlement.
Sometimes its ok to give up on your relatives. IE you can you tell them things till you are blue in the face but they will never see what you are talking about.
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?
Old 04-03-2007, 09:45 AM   #22
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?

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Originally Posted by Mwsinron
Sometimes its ok to give up on your relatives. IE you can you tell them things till you are blue in the face but they will never see what you are talking about.
Easier said than done.

My MIL is burning through her (also inherited) funds at a pretty good rate with the help of my BIL, his daughter, and a few other needy relatives. She's already suggested that her somewhat succesful kids start kicking in a bit to help out, but I don't see a line item for that sort of thing on my spreadsheet. I've told my wife (repeatedly) that we should be willing to try to teach 'em to fish, but we'll give no fish. Her first instinct, however, is to zip in and spring for a dress for the high school choir performance when she hears about such a need. I then point out that the parent of a high school kid with an Ipod and a cell phone has already made a few choices...
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?
Old 04-03-2007, 06:22 PM   #23
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?

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Originally Posted by Cb
She's already suggested that her somewhat succesful kids start kicking in a bit to help out, but I don't see a line item for that sort of thing on my spreadsheet.
It is clear you are just heartless. Why shouldn't you scrimp and save so you can support your spendthrift relatives?

Pesonally, I take pride in being heartless. My BIL was out of work for almost 2 years (nothing met his level of professional development) and they took two trips to Italy during that time to relieve the stress. DW talked to her sister who commented on their poor financial situation. They were forced to downsize his Porsche to a BMW but fortunately she could keep her Lexus.

My brother was living on his salary with a 25% supplement from my father when my father died. He went into total shock at the impact of my father's death. What a surprise.

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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?
Old 04-03-2007, 07:40 PM   #24
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?

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Originally Posted by Cb
Easier said than done.

No offense.... But I will give some candid advice. I have experience.

I have a brother that is similar. I helped him out early on. My other Brother helped him, My mother helped him. Help means Money. We all eventually cut-off him off when it became obvious that he was milking it. He eventually hit rock bottom. He has since picked himself up and is beginning to improve. He went through a religous conversion and seems sincere. He has become more financially reponsible. However, I still do not loan him money. If he were in a dire emergency, I would probably help... But that would be it and the help would be limited!

You MIL is enabling the behavior. Your BIL will take all he can. Then move on to new territory (if he can find it). Unless you see a real behaviorial change (like a religious conversion)... Chalk him us as a user. I am sure I do not have to tell you this... But do not lend or give him any money. He is probably just pis#$ng it away!

Your DW is probably torn. You can try to negotiate a rational/reasonable plan with her. Get agreement that you might be willing to help in a dire emergency. Like getting thrown out of the house and need a few $ to get on their feet. Absolutely no discretionary spending. It just reinforces the behavior.

As far as the BIL's Daughter goes... If you want to help her. Help her to find a part-time job. Or pay her for doing some work for you. Do not pay if she does not live up to her end of the bargain or does sloppy work. Maybe she will learn some responsibility. Unfortunately she was born to a dead-beat. She needs to learn as soon as possible that there is no free-ride. People get what they earn! You will be doing her a favor by reinforcing good behavior.



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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?
Old 04-03-2007, 07:41 PM   #25
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Re: Any website recommendation on 'debt counseling'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B
Pesonally, I take pride in being heartless. My BIL was out of work for almost 2 years (nothing met his level of professional development) and they took two trips to Italy during that time to relieve the stress. DW talked to her sister who commented on their poor financial situation. They were forced to downsize his Porsche to a BMW but fortunately she could keep her Lexus.
Have you considered a charity to help them out? They sound deserving.
Quote:
My brother was living on his salary with a 25% supplement from my father when my father died. He went into total shock at the impact of my father's death. What a surprise.
Psychotherapy. I find it interesting that some people can just spend everything given to them and then some.
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