Are Wedding Expenses Getting Out Of Control?

[FIREd]

Wow, I would have been a little irritated at this if the amounts of money involved were significant.

Boy this puts a different spin on this whole thing. That would really annoy me!

I was annoyed. But when I tried to push back, DW found herself in the line of fire. So, for her sake, I shut my mouth and ponied up the money. The money involved was significant for us at the time but, in the grand scheme of things, it was only a small price to pay to keep the peace.

 

[Gumby]

Put me down for one that uses a tracfone. Costs me about $100 per year. Have it primarily for coordinating with the wife on who is picking up the kids, and emergencies. Wouldn't want to use a cell any more than that. I am happy with my landline.

We have pre-paid cell phones for emergencies. Every three months, we load $25 in them. I don't think I have used mine in the last 6 months.

As far as the wedding -- ~$3k in 1984, paid for by my young bride's parents. The budget was determined and communicated to her ahead of time. She designed and made her own dress, all the bridesmaids' dresses and her mother's dress (she was a fashion designer before we married). The bouquet she tossed was the one she carried, not a substitute. The cake was large enough for everyone to have a piece (there were about 100 guests), but not overly elaborate. While there was a photographer, it was stills only, no video. We got married in the morning, so the reception would be lunch instead of dinner. Not only was the food cheaper, people drank less from the bar. Music was a three piece jazz combo. The "limo" from the church to the reception hall was a neighbor's Volkswagen van. We had no wedding tchotchkes. It was inexpensive, but a great day nonetheless. For years afterward, people who had been there would comment on how lovely a wedding it was.

Of course, all this thrift was my young wife's doing. I had absolutely nothing to do with the plans, since I was deployed for 5 months, returning only the day before the wedding. When I showed up at her house Friday evening, she said "Here's your tux, see you tomorrow". I did and said "I do" and that was my sole contribution.

I think if people would set a budget ahead of time and be willing to make choices, they can have a very nice wedding at a reasonable price.

 

[ziggy29]

When I proposed my FIL to be took aside his daughter and said "I'll give you $4k to elope." Truly a thrifty man. Makes me look like a spendthrift.

We didn't elope. But we did keep our 1994 wedding to about $4k.

My in-laws, hardly made of money, nevertheless insisted on giving us a $1,000 wedding present as a way of thanking us for getting married by a district justice in a county park with the "reception" held at the in-laws' house -- a wedding only a devoted cheapskate could really love.

But more than 18 years later, we're still together and more in love than ever, and many $100,000 weddings end in $100,000 divorces a couple years later.

 

[meierlde]

So can I assume from this that you don't actually have a cell phone? I don't have one either, and I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who doesn't have one other than myself. I love the looks I get when people ask me for my cell number and I tell them I don't have one. What? Isn't a home number and a work number enough? I don't understand how people like our student workers and entry level employees have cell phones at 50 to 100 per month and consider it a necessity rather than a convenience. I know there are people who "need" a cell phone. My wife has one for her work and it truly is a necessity, but at least Megacorp is paying for it. She says when she quits working, the cell phone is history.

There is a safety issue with a cell phone if your car breaks down, you can call for help rather than possibly be stuck in the middle of nowhere. For that of course you can buy a pre-paid cell phone, not give out the number and just use it as an emergency number. Now if one does a bunch of long distance, then the cell phone does look attractive with all calls costing the same.

 

[bbbamI]

Mmmmm.....our wedding expenses came to a grand total of $30 in 1977 as we were married in a preacher's study.

My parents gave us $500 as a wedding gift. So we spent $30 on the wedding, $150 on the honeymoon and $320 on frivolous things like furniture, rent and food.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I think fondly of my father when I reminisce on my wedding. I got married in 1977, a week after I finished grad school. My mother passed away during my senior year in college, and my father was resolved to give me a nice wedding, just like my older sister had(hers executed by my very capable mother). I would come home on school breaks from NYC, and he had his card file going as my wedding planner....florist, stationer, musicians, guest list, dinner entree choices, baker, favors, etc.
Dad was 72 at the time(fifty years older than I), and I am touched now to think of his excitement and his obvious love for me. I chose my size 6 dress off the sample rack at the bridal salon(I think it cost about $200.00), wore a pair of white sandals that I already owned, did my own hair, Mom's string of pearls completed the ensemble. I think we had about 175 guests. And...this is hilarious to think of in this day and age...the morning of my wedding he sent my older married sister in to talk to me about "the wedding night". How times change! I don't know what the wedding cost. I do recall overhearing later that the bar bill was almost as much as the food bill as Dad gave orders that the bar was not to close at all during the evening. Everyone would probably get DUIs today. Two years after we were married Dad bought us a belated wedding gift when we finally left New York...a new Toyota Celica.

 

[Bestwifeever]

The story of your father planning your wedding is priceless, WDW--thanks for sharing. His sending your sister in to advise you about the wedding night is so sweet and funny.

 

[ksr]

I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who doesn't have one other than myself. I love the looks I get when people ask me for my cell number and I tell them I don't have one. What? Isn't a home number and a work number enough?

I have a pre-paid phone that I keep turned off. Sometimes I have it in the car, sometimes in my purse, but it's always off. When people ask me for my cell number, I tell them I don't carry a phone with me. I don't even know the number without looking it up myself. The only reason I have it is in the event of a car problem (breakdown, etc.), to be able to make a call. It seems to really surprise people, and a few have actually gotten annoyed at me! Which, of course, annoys me.

 

[travelover]

I have a pre-paid phone that I keep turned off. Sometimes I have it in the car, sometimes in my purse, but it's always off. When people ask me for my cell number, I tell them I don't carry a phone with me. I don't even know the number without looking it up myself. The only reason I have it is in the event of a car problem (breakdown, etc.), to be able to make a call. It seems to really surprise people, and a few have actually gotten annoyed at me! Which, of course, annoys me.

I do the same thing, except I keep it plugged in on the console of my car. If I'm in the car DW might be able to reach me if I hear it ring, other otherwise it is just there to use for an emergency or to access Google 411 to find a business or tow truck. When I hike in remote areas, I try to remember to stick it in my pocket. $5 a month.

 

[Spanky]

Mmmmm.....our wedding expenses came to a grand total of $30 in 1977 as we were married in a preacher's study.

My parents gave us $500 as a wedding gift. So we spent $30 on the wedding, $150 on the honeymoon and $320 on frivolous things like furniture, rent and food.

If there were a contest on the least expensive wedding, you would definitely win.

 

[W2R]

I thought my daughter's attitudes towards her wedding ceremony and its expenses were very realistic and her wedding was lovely.

I would suggest that there are individuals in all generations who go nuts with wedding expenses, and other individuals in all generations who do not. If your kids or grandkids are spending too much on their weddings and sticking their parents with the bill, their generation is not to blame for it.

 

[Amethyst]

A wedding reception is a party, and parties should be all about the guests. But most weddings don't seem to be about the guests, and that is why they are so tedious. Like new houses in developments, the more people spend on a wedding, the more it is the same as the last wedding one attended, only bigger.

The above, I suspect, is why some of us remember our small, inexpensive, nontraditional weddings and receptions so fondly.

Amethyst

 

[Bestwifeever]

I know two young newly minted MDs who just got married at City Hall in December without telling anyone until two weeks after the fact. Her parents are soooo mad because they wanted to throw a lavish wedding for several hundred guests--exactly what the young couple wanted to avoid (and did).

So yes it is definitely not a generational thing, but personal.

 

[W2R]

I know two young newly minted MDs who just got married at City Hall in December without telling anyone until two weeks after the fact. Her parents are soooo mad because they wanted to throw a lavish wedding for several hundred guests--exactly what the young couple wanted to avoid (and did).

So yes it is definitely not a generational thing, but personal.

That's what happened to me, only I wanted my parents to be there. I wanted both immediate families and a couple of friends, maximum 10 guests, in the back yard. But my parents insisted otherwise. So, I had to put up with an extravagant, lavish church wedding with 300+ friends of my parents (almost none of whom I knew) and catered bash with freely flowing champagne and all the trimmings afterwards. I regarded it as the distasteful but necessary hazing required to be accepted into the World of Married People.

 

[Tadpole]

Before this thread scrolls off the front page I wanted to put in my own data. Total cost of wedding, including ring, $20. Still married after a zillion years.

 

[ronocnikral]

while my joe job is an engineer, DW loves photography and has had a wedding photography business since 2000. since 2008 when we married we have a wedding photography business. It's uber annoying to me and I really detest it at times, but it funds both our Roths (DW's only income), savings and a vacation every year. here are a few observations about our target brides (upper 20's, about where me and DW are, just for us to come shoot your wedding is about $3000):

1. All brides want it all. Regardless of age, race, socio-economic class
2. Most brides are unrealistic about what things cost. They want to know why our prices are so high. Not a discussion I get into. They book a cheaper photographer. These typically say, "I want your pictures at that guy's price."
3. Most of brides live on the edge, regardless of who is paying for the wedding. The latest and greatest story is the bride who booked us and complained about the cost of everything. They drove over in $30,000 truck to book us. Then she wanted "her" pictures so she could do her own save the dates. I had to go over the US copyright act with her again. she whined and complained b/c she "just wanted a nice picture of them not in ski clothes or motorcycle jackets." found out they have both have sport bikes, a trailer to pull the sport bikes and take frequent trips to the rockies to cruise around. oh, and a 14 day honeymoon in fiji. and the bride downed about $100 worth alcohol the night before the wedding. and they hasseled us about our price the whole way. either way, they found the cash for their pictures and the mom wrote us the final check.
4. it's about them.
5. when we moved last year, we had a bunch of film negatives that we were going to throw out. we decided to call people and try to sell them to them for cheap ($300). i got sick of apologizing for bringing up their "first" wedding. We skated away with about $1000 before uncle same took his slice of pie.

i could go on and on. but what's interesting is living in this LBYM world and catering to people who do the opposite. Makes marketing tough, but we are doing alright now...

Our wedding was paid for by me. and ironically, we had no photographer.

 

[Emeritus]

I could never disagree with this attitude. It is the insane expenditures that seem, well insane.


God, I hope she didn't choose the wedding.

Ha

I've been sitting this one out, since I was the Father of the bride in 2008 and I get to do it again this year.
A few thoughts:
Guys who think nothing of buying a ridiculously expensive car often balk at the cost of a wedding. I realized that my brilliant, talented hard working and thrifty daughters had been dreaming of a storybook wedding since they were children.

I just went to a family wedding on LI. I own a small city car so I rent when I drive out of town. Our local rental agency knows me well and gave me a Mercedes for $44 a day when they heard I was going to a wedding on Long Island. It was even a modest wedding by LI standards. Yes the Bride came in a rented Rolls Royce, but the rest of the wedding party had to make do with a stretch limo . Otherwise it was simply a heck of nice party, no ice swans, no live band, lots of flowers and food. My daughter the bride-to-be could price it out to the penny. 120 people , $45,000

Was it worth it? Who knows.

 

[Amethyst]

Reminds me of the secretary we had for a while (till we had to get rid of her, since even when she managed to show up, she did little work). She and her husband were forever behind on their mortgage and utility bills, but her cube was papered with costly professional portraits of her little boy in Santa's lap, dressed up as Cupid, in an Easter egg, in an Uncle Sam hat, in a Halloween pumpkin....thousands of $$ a year that she somehow found to spend at photo studios....and she had a new set of $45 fingernails every week.

I have never been the subject of a professional portrait, and have only ever had one manicure.

It's all about priorities, as you say.

Amethyst

3. Most of brides live on the edge, regardless of who is paying for the wedding. i could go on and on. but what's interesting is living in this LBYM world and catering to people who do the opposite. .

 

[Walt34]

Guys who think nothing of buying a ridiculously expensive car often balk at the cost of a wedding.

Not yours of course, but perhaps some others think that maybe the car will last longer than the marriage?

DW found her wedding dress at JC Pennys for I think about $120. And 21 years later it still fits her! Total cost of the wedding and honeymoon was ~$1,500, which was what we could afford at the time, paying cash. Family members took the photos, most of which are very good.

 

[Emeritus]

Not yours of course, but perhaps some others think that maybe the car will last longer than the marriage?

DW found her wedding dress at JC Pennys for I think about $120. And 21 years later it still fits her! Total cost of the wedding and honeymoon was ~$1,500, which was what we could afford at the time, paying cash. Family members took the photos, most of which are very good.

When I got married I was unemployed and deeply in debt. (that's another story) My wife got a diamond engagement ring because my mother lost hers in the garbage when I was 9 and I searched through an apartment complex garbage dump for it. When I found it she promised to give it to any girl I would marry. And she did. Although I was unemployed my late mother in law was a saint, said I had wonderful prospects and paid for the honeymoon, half camping , half cheap motels in the Rockies. . The wedding was simple and suitable. No booze, nice eats, nice music. Friends took all the photos. DW wore her mother's wedding dress. DW can wear her college clothes and sometimes does to the distress of our daughters. Money doesn't make a wedding. Friends and family make a wedding.

I bought my first new car when I was 37 and needed a van to haul the kid's stuff. We always LBYM. I've only bought 3 new cars in my life.

 

[bbbamI]

Mmmmm.....our wedding expenses came to a grand total of $30 in 1977 as we were married in a preacher's study.

If there were a contest on the least expensive wedding, you would definitely win.

Nope....looks like I got beat out by $10.

Before this thread scrolls off the front page I wanted to put in my own data. Total cost of wedding, including ring, $20. Still married after a zillion years.

 

[audreyh1]

1. All brides want it all. Regardless of age, race, socio-economic class

Our wedding was paid for by me. and ironically, we had no photographer.

No, all brides don't want it all! Maybe only those who hire wedding photographers.

And often it's one of the parents who wants it all.

I know quite a few who quietly went to city hall to avoid extreme parental pressure.

Audrey

 

[Amethyst]

What a great story! Think of you holding on to that ring all those years, studying each prospect, "Hmmm....is she found-ring-worthy? Is she? Hmmm."

My wife got a diamond engagement ring because my mother lost hers in the garbage when I was 9 and I searched through an apartment complex garbage dump for it. When I found it she promised to give it to any girl I would marry. And she did.

 

[Brat]

We gave each child a lump sum that they could use for their wedding or getting started. Daughter-in-law's family could contribute nothing, they had a nice church wedding and lovely reception with, probably, our contribution.

Daughter married into a family of Mediterranean origin... weddings are major productions. Her in-laws had and have a much bigger portfolio than husband and I so probably doubled our contribution (we were the out of towners, their side represented 75% of the guests so that was fair). The bride and groom had excellent jobs, guests included VC colleagues as well as family & friends. I never saw an accounting of what it cost and don't want to know.

The amount of $$$ spent on a wedding is part cultural. That is why the birth of a daughter in India can be a huge future expense for the parents.

 

[DesiGirl]

You say India so I gotto throw my 2 cents in here

In India lots of marriages are arranged marriages (still) so without money you may not be able to marry off ur daughter even when it is Love marriage (only kind of marriage people in Western countries know many times its show-off time. Its very common for people to be spending 1-2 times of their annual income on weddings. Budgets upto 250-500K are happening. $15K to $50 K is middle to upper middle class range. Gifts to all kinds of relatives, 3-4 functions for 100-1000 people, bachelor parties in Goa/Thailand , designer dresses, diamond jewellery, 100 - 1000 grams of gold, Cars , Apartments, Honeymoon in Mauritious ... all on mainly Girls parents dime. Everybody is doing it (People with lessor means even take loan against retirement accounts) so everybody else has to ....

Aren't you glad that US/Europe culture has an option of doing or not doing it.....

Saddest thing is in India still some female infants get killed (Rural areas) because family does not want to deal with financial burden, male child is more desirable in most cases.