divorce affecting FIRE plans

[Carpediem]

Yes right! Half the house, half my pension, alimony for 10 years plus half our assets (except for her inheritance that she got 100%). I gently told my sons about it over several years. They eventually "got" it.

I could have written the exact same thing, including the inheritance part, except my alimony is 8 1/2 years.

Funny story - At the height of our divorce "negotiations", I was worn out emotionally and wanted it to be done so I agreed to 12 years with one stipulation - no COLA. The EX wouldn't agree to the stipulation so it all fell apart. I then fired my incompetent attorney and hired badazz attorney. We settled at 8 years alimony shortly thereafter. The EX lost 4 years alimony by rejecting the COLA stipulation.

 

[Chuckanut]

Great story. I had similar experiences. This is why I didn't fight the financial aspects too hard. Might win the battle but lose the war, ie the relationship with your kids.

You are very wise.

 

[Yarnstormer]

If I were to revisit my divorce I would ask that we each get life insurance policies with trusts as beneficiaries and that those policies provide monthly income to the surviving ex in the event of death - at least several years worth. My ex died a long slow death from cancer. It really did a number on our kid. Then she had to watch me continue to head off to work and continue the latchkey life. If there had been extra funds I could have taken a break from working to stay with her, especially during the summer.
I'm happy to say that I have finally made that decision to work at home - but it has become necessary, not a choice.
I'm certainly glad I've been saving all these years especially for the roth I started in my early 30s! My Mom was right.

 

[Yarnstormer]

I am still paying. Retired 10 years. We didn't finalize the deal until after I retired so this was a big uncertainty to ER. In Canada alimony is very common and often open ended. I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive.

That's crazy! I only know one person that was awarded alimony. She was married 38 years. She worked during that time so I was surprised she got alimony.
There was a clause that she would not receive spousal support if she cohabited with anyone. She has since married a guy in his 20s. She is pushing 70. My head is spinning.

 

[Danmar]

Yes right! Half the house, half my pension, alimony for 10 years plus half our assets (except for her inheritance that she got 100%). I gently told my sons about it over several years. They eventually "got" it.

I had to go a little further. She got all the house, but I paid off all her debts including the rather large mortgage(s). She got the car, I got to ride public transit. Alimony for the rest of her life ( her mother is still alive at 97). I didn't have any investments other than my incentive comp awards and these were minimal at that time. Child support to the ex even though I paid all the kid's expenses directly. Remarkable it worked out so well. The key was that my career took off and I ended up making plenty of money to make the whole thing work. As it was it took 15 years to finalize it.

There was a silver lining in the whole mess though. I didn't want to cash any incentive comp out as this would only boost my income and cause her to ask for more alimony. By waiting as long as I could my options ended up being worth a huge amount. We settled just as they were about to expire. She never did figure that out.

 

[Danmar]

That's crazy! I only know one person that was awarded alimony. She was married 38 years. She worked during that time so I was surprised she got alimony.
There was a clause that she would not receive spousal support if she cohabited with anyone. She has since married a guy in his 20s. She is pushing 70. My head is spinning.

Law really favours the wife in Canada. We had a 19 year marriage. She worked for some of it but not in later years. I eventually became a very well paid exec, had multiple degrees she was a high school dropout. She convinced the judge that she "put me through school" even though I worked full time during my education. Hard to rationalize why I married her. We met in high school. Young and foolish I guess. No cohab clause. Anybody that can stand her deserves an award in my opinion.

 

[kcowan]

From a financial point of view, divorces are often difficult because of the matrimonial home. Often, it is impossible for one party to buy the other party out and keep possession. In my case the financial terms were so one sided, she got to keep the house and I paid for it. This was ok by me because I didn't want my daughter to have to move. It resulted in financial hardship for me though, maybe 5 years of living paycheck to paycheck, borrowing when necessary to keep them in the house. Meanwhile I was in a small rental apartment, no car, couldnt really afford suits for work. Luckily I met a wonderful woman (currently my wife of 22 years) who understood the issues and actually helped me out financially. In the overall scheme of things it's remarkable it worked out so well, for everyone.

I always said to myself "do the right thing because you have to look yourself in the eye every morning when you shave". Never had any problem doing that.

Gotta love you for the doing the right thing and taking the high road! I am so glad it worked out so well for you.

 

[W2R]

That's crazy! I only know one person that was awarded alimony. She was married 38 years. She worked during that time so I was surprised she got alimony.
There was a clause that she would not receive spousal support if she cohabited with anyone. She has since married a guy in his 20s. She is pushing 70. My head is spinning.

I don't know anybody in real life that got alimony. Nobody whatsoever. Around here it seems like most divorced women, like most divorced men, are struggling, trying not to be bitter, but barely keeping their heads above water financially. What I read on the forum seems so different than that, so I am thinking maybe it's a regional thing, as Danmar suggests.

I do know one person with child support but I don't think he's paying it very regularly. She and her kids had to move back in with her mother.

 

[AllDone]

We have a friend who went through a divorce this last year. Her husband refused to work for the last five years of their marriage, preferring internet gambling instead. He waited until just after his 62nd birthday when she got a nice stock options payout and then pulled the plug. He had, of course, insisted that she keep her small inheritance while he kept his larger inheritance. He tried hard to get spousal support, but failed completely.

After the divorce was finalized, her company got bought out, promises were made in writing, and she wound up with a check from a cut and dried wrongful termination suit. He tried to come after that too, but failed. It's definitely regional. California is pretty rigid. No matter how much you waste on attorneys, everything gets split down the middle.

 

[athena53]

I don't know anybody in real life that got alimony. Nobody whatsoever.

I know two female actuaries who paid alimony to ex-husbands back in the 1980s, in the NY/NJ area. I know one was temporary- after her obligations ended she bought a condo in FL- don't know about the other. I agree that it's rare now.

 

[Sunset]

If I were to revisit my divorce I would ask that we each get life insurance policies with trusts as beneficiaries and that those policies provide monthly income to the surviving ex in the event of death - at least several years worth. My ex died a long slow death from cancer. It really did a number on our kid. Then she had to watch me continue to head off to work and continue the latchkey life. If there had been extra funds I could have taken a break from working to stay with her, especially during the summer.
......t.

We had life insurance policies stipulated by the judge, then I had to constantly worry about being murdered... I was so happy when the policy terms expired.

I also made sure to change my will and beneficiaries on everything right at the beginning of the divorce, just to make sure crime would not pay.

The nicest thing I can say is I'm glad to away from that paranoid, schizoid, cheating liar.

Oh, yeah, she got more than 1/2 of everything plus child support until they were 22.

 

[Yarnstormer]

child support until they were 22.

22?!?! Now I know what all the angry divorce jokes are about. My ex would have been legally free of responsibility when the kid turned 18 and I think that's kinda standard around here. Child support was 17%

Very strange how different everyone's experiences are.

 

[joesxm3]

We had life insurance policies stipulated by the judge, then I had to constantly worry about being murdered... I was so happy when the policy terms expired.

I also made sure to change my will and beneficiaries on everything right at the beginning of the divorce, just to make sure crime would not pay.

Another friend of mine that was divorced had that happen to his estate. When he died, his ex-wife managed to find one account with some $500K in it that he forgot to change. She swooped in like a hawk to scoop that one up. No way he would have wanted her to have it.

 

[kcowan]

There was a silver lining in the whole mess though. I didn't want to cash any incentive comp out as this would only boost my income and cause her to ask for more alimony. By waiting as long as I could my options ended up being worth a huge amount. We settled just as they were about to expire. She never did figure that out.

Mine had a 25% interest a business held with a partner for billing my contract work. We did too cash calls that she did not respond to and got her shares cut back to 6.25%. Her lawyer was so bad that he missed a share of Government Pension and air miles. But the alimony lasted 5 years after I retired. We had a big celebration when that date passed.

But I was satisfied that she was financially well-off. There is more to life than money.

 

[haha]

This thread is music to the ears of a single man. My life may hold unpleasant events, but no more divorce!

Ha


things

 

[W2R]

This thread is music to the ears of a single man or woman. My life may hold unpleasant events, but no more divorce!

There, FIFY.
Honestly, I know a good marriage can be a lifetime joy for some folks, and more power to them. But in my case, I am truly happily divorced and never plan to marry again. Life has been pretty wonderful since my divorce.

 

[Danmar]

This thread is music to the ears of a single man. My life may hold unpleasant events, but no more divorce!

Ha


things

I hear ya. There are certainly pros and cons of marriage. In the end, marriages are all different. I've been in two and they are at the two ends of the spectrum.

 

[dvalley]

So those of you who are happy after a divorce and don't intend to get married; are you in long term relationships, or just date or none? I'm more of a LTR type of a guy. I don't particularly enjoy dating long term (too much pressure, time, rejections etc) and the last option isn't an option for me, may be in 20+ yrs when I have less 'needs'.

 

[W2R]

So those of you who are happy after a divorce and don't intend to get married; are you in long term relationships, or just date or none? I'm more of a LTR type of a guy. I don't particularly enjoy dating long term (too much pressure, time, rejections etc) and the last option isn't an option for me, may be in 20+ yrs when I have less 'needs'.

I have been seeing the same man for the past 17 years, and we are deeply committed to one another and don't date others. I bought the house next door to his last year. We spend time together every day. We are in our 60's, and both of us are set in our ways by now and like living apart.

No pressure, no time constraints, no rejections. We like hanging out together and we respect each other's need for some time alone as well. We each appreciate being able to depend on one another as we grow older.

 

[NYEXPAT]

So those of you who are happy after a divorce and don't intend to get married; are you in long term relationships, or just date or none? I'm more of a LTR type of a guy. I don't particularly enjoy dating long term (too much pressure, time, rejections etc) and the last option isn't an option for me, may be in 20+ yrs when I have less 'needs'.

I was in the same boat an opted to marry a women 30 years my junior. I do not have any friends that are still married to the first wife. Now all my friends (some in USA) have all remarried women 20-40 years younger. It also seems that the separation rates in May-November marriages are much lower. I guess we need to thank Richard Gere for popularizing them.

 

[Amethyst]

Am friends or related to four older men in LTR's. One proposed, but she wouldn't take that step.

 

[Johanson]

So those of you who are happy after a divorce and don't intend to get married; are you in long term relationships, or just date or none? I'm more of a LTR type of a guy. I don't particularly enjoy dating long term (too much pressure, time, rejections etc) and the last option isn't an option for me, may be in 20+ yrs when I have less 'needs'.

I have been dating since I got divorced and ended up in a couple of long distance dysfunctional relationships. My problem is I travel for work most every week and it's tough to find a woman that wants to be in a relationship with someone who is gone most of the time. Plus, when I get home for the week, I like to hang out at home with my dogs.