Financial/Estate planning for widow

[ivinsfan]

Some of the comments here really surprise me, there are lots of things about being grownup that aren't too "enjoyable", like cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, grocery shopping yet to be a competent adult you have to do them. Handling money is no different and money is vital to everyone.

It's certainly okay for one spouse to take the lead in finance matters, but I don't understand people saying they should get a pass on learning things because they" don't really care or aren't really into it"....

honestly if I had a spouse that was "terrified" of having to pay the monthly bills, that would be the first thing I would work on.If they don't want to do it every month fine, but they should know how.

An older retired farmer neighbor had his wife pass away. Every single morning he would call his adult daughter to drive to his house and make his coffee. No matter how many times she showed him the way to make coffee, he always said it was too hard and he didn't want to bother learning how. This was in the days before coffee timers were around, after about 7 months he found a new wife to make his coffee and do everything else for him.

 

[Walt34]

An older retired farmer neighbor had his wife pass away. Every single morning he would call his adult daughter to drive to his house and make his coffee. No matter how many times she showed him the way to make coffee, he always said it was too hard and he didn't want to bother learning how.

Wow, that's just not wanting to bother! I had no cooking experience at all when I got my first apartment but I could read the directions on a package of frozen lima beans, heat a can of soup, fry an egg, mix up a batch of tuna helper, and the like. Not the best diet in the world but I survived.

 

[ivinsfan]

Wow, that's just not wanting to bother! I had no cooking experience at all when I got my first apartment but I could read the directions on a package of frozen lima beans, heat a can of soup, fry an egg, mix up a batch of tuna helper, and the like. Not the best diet in the world but I survived.

Agreed and the "I don't want to pay bills or worry about money" kind of fits in the same area. You don't need to know everything, but some simple involvement for future planning seems like a no-brainer to me anyway. This comment is for both genders!

 

[athena53]

Agreed and the "I don't want to pay bills or worry about money" kind of fits in the same area. You don't need to know everything, but some simple involvement for future planning seems like a no-brainer to me anyway. This comment is for both genders!

I'd make a distinction between bill-paying and managing investments. When I was growing up, Mom ran the household and paid all the bills. I really think she would have made a very good accountant. The checkbook was balanced every month. Large purchases such as furniture were "90 days same as cash". It was Dad who branched out into buying stocks and Mom referred to it as his "play money"- not as a put-down but making the point that it was money they could afford to put at risk. Dad did very well over the years even though he made some mistakes. We all do. Investments, however, are not Mom's thing, probably because she's more risk-averse.

Similarly- when I met DH he was solvent. He was paying his bills and living on less than he made. That was HUGE to me because I'd just divorced a financially irresponsible man with exquisite tastes. DH knows how much we have and roughly how it's invested; if I'm thinking of doing something aggressive I run it by him because I value his common sense and we both have a stake in the outcome. I don't expect him to become avidly interested in investing and that's OK. If he hadn't been able to manage his personal finances, though, there would have been no wedding.

 

[rodi]

Based on tidbits dropped here (I think Brewer was the first to mention it) I've created an "In case of Emergency" document. It outlines for DH how all the bills are paid, which ones are autopaid, which ones need human intervention. It lays out all the accounts. It also has a section explaining how to balance the index funds once a year. We sat down and went over it all.

He doesn't have to deal with the day to day.... until he does. I've kept it simple. And I laid out what to do if he doesn't want to do the simple rebalancing - to use the schwab portfolio management.

 

[MBAustin]

Based on tidbits dropped here (I think Brewer was the first to mention it) I've created an "In case of Emergency" document. It outlines for DH how all the bills are paid, which ones are autopaid, which ones need human intervention. It lays out all the accounts. It also has a section explaining how to balance the index funds once a year. We sat down and went over it all.

He doesn't have to deal with the day to day.... until he does. I've kept it simple. And I laid out what to do if he doesn't want to do the simple rebalancing - to use the schwab portfolio management.

Great idea! I'm putting that on my "to do" list!

 

[Brat]

I take care of our investments, DH pays the bills. Recently I started going through our estate planning documents and put them all in one place. He could handle all of it but in all honesty we are not spring chickens... he gets SO frustrated with online bill paying, I really think that were I to pass his brain would be mush. Our IRA investments take care of themselves (thank you Wellington) but he knows nothing about MRD's (no 'investments' outside of IRAs)

In my 'guide to family' I will ask my DD to oversee those IRA accounts. DS & wife could to it but they may be 'supervising' DH as they live close. DD can oversee the IRAs from a distance. Husband and son would have no problem delegating that to DD, even bill paying, as she is a CFO.

Reverse genders, delete DD's skills... a survivor needs both information and a knowledgeable person they can trust to either manage their resources or provide guidance.

This thread assumed that the OP passed away. Could be worse.. either or both of them could develop dementia.. That is why it is critical to put in place estate planning documents that anticipate that possibility.

I know that seems silly to you 'kids' in your 50s or 60s, but just wait until you are on the slippery slide to 80.

 

[Bestwifeever]

...
honestly if I had a spouse that was "terrified" of having to pay the monthly bills, that would be the first thing I would work on.If they don't want to do it every month fine, but they should know how.
.

I don't know if you are referring to my post, but I actually said that my spouse is terrified that I will explain to him about how I pay most of the bills, not that he would have to pay them. He is quite competent at whatever he wants to do or must do. In some things he would rather defer to others, as in managing our finances or plumbing and electricity.

 

[ivinsfan]

I don't know if you are referring to my post, but I actually said that my spouse is terrified that I will explain to him about how I pay most of the bills, not that he would have to pay them. He is quite competent at whatever he wants to do or must do. In some things he would rather defer to others, as in managing our finances or plumbing and electricity.

No offence meant with my comment, I understand handing off plumbing and wiring and such but as part of a couple for 43 plus years I still think it's good for both of us to have at least a snapshot view of the financial and bill paying picture.....each partnership needs to do what works for them. If the last remaining partner is the one without the money knowledge it might cause them stress and worry.

 

[ivinsfan]

Yes, dementia is one excellent reason both partners need at least some knowledge of the whole financial picture. If the one with dementia is handling the money some bad stuff could happen very quickly.

 

[Bestwifeever]

No offence meant with my comment, I understand handing off plumbing and wiring and such but as part of a couple for 43 plus years I still think it's good for both of us to have at least a snapshot view of the financial and bill paying picture.....each partnership needs to do what works for them. If the last remaining partner is the one without the money knowledge it might cause them stress and worry.

Of course, and every month I briefly update DH with our status of money in and money out and watch his eyes glaze over, and I just now spent five minutes going over our tax returns (now that really was terrifying for him but in a good way). I really don't think anyone here has a spouse who really cannot do personal finances; the OP and a few other posters are trying to come up ideas for what they can do now to ease future stress and worry.

 

[ivinsfan]

Of course, and every month I briefly update DH with our status of money in and money out and watch his eyes glaze over, and I just now spent five minutes going over our tax returns (now that really was terrifying for him but in a good way). I really don't think anyone here has a spouse who really cannot do personal finances; the OP and a few other posters are trying to come up ideas for what they can do now to ease future stress and worry.

Isn't that the truth and we worry about them even after we are gone...BTW I find tax returns terrifying as well! I didn't do ours until Tuesday and I about had an anxiety attack because I was the one that was reminding our tax guy about certain tax deductions and he would say "oh. yes that's right we could do that. I felt like asking for a rebate on his fee...