haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
When I first FIREd, my parents protested a bit, but once I was a year or two into it they got much more supportive. My retiring into a more frugal lifestyle than when I was working suddenly impacted my parents: it became clear that I wasn't going to financially support their living above their means in retirement, whereas when I was working and accumulating a pot of money, I think they might have had their eyes on it as their retirement fun money.
A few years into my retirement, things are much better. I no longer worry about my parents spending, and I no longer project the vibe of worrying about them. I no longer feel any conflict about retiring or saving my parents from their overspending. The decision has been made; I'm retiring rather than saving them from their overspending, and everyone now knows it. My parents seem to feel free to again overspend in their usual ways, and who knows perhaps they have some financial silver bullet that I don't know about that is going to make it okay. At any rate, it's no longer anything I worry about.
Because I'm not giving my parents the "I don't think your finances are going to work out" vibe, they have reciprocated and are now being supportive of my financial decisions.
Very insightful post. Most of us as adult children are sensitive to our parents approval or disapproval. It takes a while to figure out that our parents are also sensitive to our approval or disapproval. Somewhere along the way something flips and parents become aware that they can be judged as well as judging their children. That is a good time to try to get completely off the judgment train.
I have found that if I will have de facto responsibility for someone coming up short, it can be hard for me to stand by and watch what are very likely to be foolish moves. So I sould get to be an annoying presence.
That is one reason it can be easier to be single.
I learned a bit about old age when I lived in a small town. Being old and alone can be fine, if you are in an environment that can give some social support, and if you like yourself and your life. I knew some old bachelors and widowers who lived in cabins along the river. They spent their days doing things not far different than what their ancestors might have done 1000 years ago. Looked pretty good to me. Nothing quite like a fat fish pulled right out of the river and into your skillet to make the day look promising.
BTW, I recently saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. An excellent movie with this as one of its themes.
Ha