Friends and family can’t relate

[Ready-4-ER-at-14]

One thing I find people can tolerate is small gains by another. My goal is to have a tiny bit on new passive income every day.

It is kind of a joke when I say "wow, I just made 57 cents a month for the rest of my life."

They laugh a bit but I see the wheels turning in their heads.

 

[HI Bill]

A few years ago I was pretty guilty of evangelizing, mostly because I truly believed any adult could get themselves onto a successful course. Soon I realized I was wrong; adults don’t listen or want to be “taught” and that I needed to shut up and instead started teaching Jr. Achievement (financial literacy) to school kids. Ironically, recently numerous adults (my cohorts are hitting mid 40’s) have very specifically sought me out to have finance / investing convos. I guess I had to just shut up and wait for them to want to hear the message.

I started out in a centrist/liberal family (when it comes to finance). It was only after living with a real estate agent, and seeing friends who had retired early, that I took the idea and ran with it. In 1998, I met several couples on Maui (my Maui multi-millionaire friends), who had all retired around 50. This planted the seed. Up until then, I had less than $10K in savings, and a small 401(k). I then became serious about saving, and just 20 years later, am FI, and ready for FIRE. So, even without evangelizing, just letting you people know that it's their CHOICE (spend, or LBYM and retire early), you can give them an opportunity most will never have.

I once met a coworker who was around 40. I asked her when she wanted to retire, and she said she had never thought about it. I asked her about her life priorities after work, and got her to thinking. She could have easily retired by 50, if not taking care of her aging mother, and having to spend a lot on in-home care. The point is, plant the seed, and some will water and care for it, and have the opportunity to do what they want with their last decades, rather than working for material things all their life.

On the flip side, my mom only cared about her school kids. Having to retire at ~62 almost killed her...she did not want to let her little ones go!

 

[Machine99]

While we think everyone should be frugal and save to the max, if everyone started doing that, wouldn't we plunge into a huge recession?

I say let them keep spending all they earn and keep the economy truckin' along.

 

[Dtail]

While we think everyone should be frugal and save to the max, if everyone started doing that, wouldn't we plunge into a huge recession?

I say let them keep spending all they earn and keep the economy truckin' along.

+1
We need RobbieB to give some blow your dough seminars.

 

[HI Bill]

While we think everyone should be frugal and save to the max, if everyone started doing that, wouldn't we plunge into a huge recession?

Quite right! If Americans stopped spending (like a lot of Europeans), we would not have the economy we have. If the Government stopped its debtor ways, we could easily go into a depression. Of course, if the Gov't keeps going this way, we may end up like Greece!

 

[Mdlerth]

You have a better chance of seeing Bigfoot riding a unicorn

While we think everyone should be frugal and save to the max, if everyone started doing that, wouldn't we plunge into a huge recession?

Unlikely. When's the last time "everyone" agreed on anything, much less on simultaneously changing their habits of a lifetime?

 

[Rianne]

Yes. This is why I love message boards.

I'm temporarily living in a small town and will move to a city - hopefully next year. It's hard here to find intellectual conversations - people just prefer to talk about sports, church, and family members, esp grandchildren.

So I read books and listen to NPR and podcasts as I decline invitations to family picnics and senior center lunches.

Message boards are great for conversations until I get to the next city, join volunteer groups, and make friends.

Thank you, E-R members!

Only a suggestion, move to a good university town. It's less expensive than a city but offers unlimited intellectual groups and activities. We now live in Urbana-Champaign, home of University of Illinois. There is so much activity here, we can't keep up. It is affordable and many activities are free, especially to seniors. Olli - Osher Lifelong Learning Institute is part of the U of I extension. It offers classes, discussions, research and many members are professors, artists, humanitarians and people interested in lifelong learning. There are concerts, Krannert Center, incredible restaurants and chef's from all over who like the smaller venue. They use the local farms for produce and meat. You can sit in on classes at the university. It is in the top 5 universities for engineering but offers so much in other fields. My DH and I both graduated from here. He has a PHD, I have an MBA and are connected to many groups. I highly recommend a look into university towns.

 

[cranberryjoe]

But sometimes people would ask: "What is your mortgage rate?"

Awkward. "Uh, we don't have a mortgage..."

And then it begins... "How is that possible? Did you get an inheritance? Trust fund?" Blah, blah, blah.

Nobody ever asked, but my answer to that question would be "I honestly don't know". That was true when I had a mortgage: why would I devote brain cells to remember a number that I don't need to know in my day-to-day life? Without a mortgage, I could silently interpret the question as what the rate was when I had it, so "I don't know."

Similar questions I've had from people where my answer is usually "I don't know":

• How fast is your computer processor (I build my own computers and might remember it a few weeks after I finish a build, but beyond that it's not important so I don't try to remember).
• What graphics card is in your computer (again, it was important when I was shopping for it last year, but do I remember it now? no).
• How much does electricity cost in your area (I have no clue - I know roughly how much the bill is each month, but how many kwh I use and the rate? Nope)
• How deep is your well (I have well water and well depth is an interesting tidbit - I know where the paperwork is to look it up, but honestly why would I ever need to remember it?)

 

[bada bing]

I don't evangelize or even talk about my personal finances, but when the conversation at work turns to topics like the 401K I will explain how the benefit programs work. I work for a mega-corp with a particularly good set of benefits, but for some reason HR doesn't communicate much about what is available. I have explained how the HDHP _ HSA works, how the 401K works including the availability of mega-backdoor Roth, and how to set up for doing regular backdoor Roths. My work peers all make enough (~$150K +) to take advantage of mega-backdoor Roth and regular backdoor Roth, but probably only 10% or so are interested. Big houses and new cars are a lot more in vogue than getting FU money.

LBYM is a curious personality trait that isn't very common. I've read that it has some roots in genetics and may not be all that teachable, at least in an extreme version like many FIRE advocates exhibit. One thing that points to an genetic influence is the very few times I've discussed having "a portfolio". The response is almost always some version of dreaming how a pile of money could be blown. Very seldom will anyone comment on how it could be used to generate a moderate amount perpetually. Most people aren't wired to think that way.

 

[HI Bill]

[*]How deep is your well (I have well water and well depth is an interesting tidbit - I know where the paperwork is to look it up, but honestly why would I ever need to remember it?)[/LIST]

My questions are 1) How deep is your well; 2) How deep is your pump; and 3) How much draw down do you get at the end of summer?

If you're over a really good aquifer (with good recharge), and have never had problems with water quality, or quantity, then you may be able to ignore all these questions....otherwise, it's good to be aware that not all wells will work forever!

 

[akidagain2018]

I know this has been discussed previously, so this is really just me venting.

In the past few years I’ve decided that I just don’t want to work much longer. My career just no longer interests me, to the point of making me mildly depressed at having to go to work every day. It really has become a struggle, and for my own mental well being I need to retire. I’m on the cusp of FI, and honestly I could retire today, but want to save just a little more money so that I don’t have to decrease my post RE spending very much.

I’ve been working very hard at downsizing, cutting expenses, redistributing savings, etc. A large portion of my mental activity revolves around setting myself up for RE.

The irritating part is that this thing (FIRE) that is very important to me, occupies a lot of my thoughts, drives my actions, simply cannot be discussed with anyone. My friends either can’t relate or just don’t want to talk about it because they aren’t anywhere close to being able to retire. My family members either think I’m crazy or are jealous. My mother, whom I’ve always been very honest with about my financial situation, just got remarried. When I had the usual finance conversation with her, I could feel the resentment from my new step father, as if he thought I was just bragging about it. So now I can’t even discuss this with my mother any more.

It’s just frustrating that family and people that I consider good friends really are not interested in hearing about something that is very important to me, while I always try to show interest in whatever they are passionate about.

Thanks for listening. Lol

I did a double triple take as I read the first part of your comment to be sure it's not one I wrote and forgot about..... I'm in essentially the same boat. Single, mom and closest sister are passed, one friend will talk a little about things but she's got a husband and kids, so a totally different situation. Try a regular therapist. Sometimes I just go and chat with her about my relative uncertainty about ER, when, who will be friends with me when I'm not working full time, and my current friends still are. Stuff like that. I plan to do more cooking and baking and thereby bribing my current friends with dinners are barbeques at my house.

 

[FREE866]

Great post and comments.

I totally get it. People just look at me with bewilderment in their eyes when I tell them. Even my accountant was like "well you want to have some income eventually come in" ..lol.....yeah, maybe i will , but maybe I won't....then sometimes I have to explain myself to people like " well, we don't have kids and live a simple life"...it's annoying, but the reality is I wouldn't change my life with anyone elses and I mean that. I think people are just so so conditioned to work until they are 70 or drop....to me that's just a life of imprisonment

 

[Hermit]

I did a double triple take as I read the first part of your comment to be sure it's not one I wrote and forgot about..... I'm in essentially the same boat. Single, mom and closest sister are passed, one friend will talk a little about things but she's got a husband and kids, so a totally different situation. Try a regular therapist. Sometimes I just go and chat with her about my relative uncertainty about ER, when, who will be friends with me when I'm not working full time, and my current friends still are. Stuff like that. I plan to do more cooking and baking and thereby bribing my current friends with dinners are barbeques at my house.

Living in a city on the East Cost for my first winter of ER, I was quite alone. About my only regular outing was lunch with a pastor from my church once a month. Since then I have tried to maintain the life of a Hermit. Only problem, up here in the mountains, everyone depends on others in the area and you get to know all the neighbors in the local area and become part of the local community. You really can't help it. In the winters, it is a matter of survival, so everyone gets along at least on a polite social level. No one really cares what my status is as long as they know I might be able to help if they have a really hard problem. I am approaching 70, so the ER thing is no longer any issue at all. Time will solve that problem.