Friends and family can’t relate

[Montecfo]

Stealth seems to be the way to go.

I had always envisioned having a private "retirement party" just among friends. Now I think it may not be a great idea. Maybe it's just celebrating my sabbatical of undetermined duration!

 

[Mdlerth]

Once per minute for the past 50 years

Don't forget sex.

Can't forget it. Humans only think about it ALL THE TIME!

I wonder if any other species devotes as much thought to it as we do. Rabbits? Tigers? Amoebas?

 

[FIREd]

I enjoy an uncomplicated life. Being stealth about our financial situation helps to deflect a lot of thorny issues.

 

[Dtail]

I do talk probably too much about being retired, but never about monies besides here.

 

[Hermit]

Stealth seems to be the way to go.

I had always envisioned having a private "retirement party" just among friends. Now I think it may not be a great idea. Maybe it's just celebrating my sabbatical of undetermined duration!

I had a party shortly after I retired. It was a surprise to me. DD planned it. I had just retired and moved to Colorado from Virginia. I got to see a lot of old friends from our old Denver area neighborhood and lots of family too. They were all happy for me to be coming back to Colorado. I was 63 so the ER wasn't so much of an issue.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I do talk probably too much about being retired, but never about monies besides here.

It can be difficult to *not* talk about it. When I go out with friends, it will ALWAYS come up. I don't usually bring it up, they do...but it's usually just to "rib me" about being unemployed or something similar. I do go out of my way to NOT discuss the financial aspects of it, though.

When in a conversation with folks that aren't necessarily friends or family, then I just do my best to avoid it. But it can be tough when you don't want to talk about religion, politics, etc.

 

[CountryGal]

OP, your post is exactly why many of us hang out here.

Right! Have been out 2.5 years in my 50's. Wasn't my choice, but I was happy with it. I have only recently started sharing with some people when it comes up. Many never knew.

 

[Rianne]

Very little inheritance, student loan debt, rented an apartment for $300/mo. That's how we started our marriage. DH did not have a job, I did. 33 years later, FIRE. Still get bad vibes from family who know our history. Gee, we did what it takes to FI. My DF almost drove our family to bankruptcy before I got married. Guess what? I learned a life lesson from that!

 

[JustCurious]

My DF almost drove our family to bankruptcy before I got married. Guess what? I learned a life lesson from that!

What is "DF"?

 

[DatumPoint5]

DF = Dear Father

 

[kcowan]

We are so quick in this country to generalize people, ascribe a fixed belief to all of them and then attack that ascribed belief. It is neither helpful nor right.

This is commonly known as the "strawman" argument. It is the lowest form of human interaction short of outright attacks.

When I encounter it, I acknowledge it, and then bow out.

 

[Rdub]

While I was working I mentored a lot of fresh college kids. I always told them I had an open door policy and if they ever needed to talk about anything, just set up a meeting or lunch. During my first meeting with them, I would talk about the typical career stuff, but I would also spend about 10 minutes discussing financial planning and how to maximize the benefits from our company. Many of them set up monthly or qtrly meetings to discuss careers, but a few of them wanted to talk about financial planning and investing. I had several colleagues do the same. I would not discuss FIRE openly unless people showed interest and asked questions.



My brother was super excited for me when I first talked about FIRE, but when I talked about spending less than you make and investing the rest, he flipped it and said I made more than I could spend. That was about 10 years ago and now I am helping him budget and he gets it.



I have a great friend who is about 7 years older than me. He used to be my boss/mentor he retired at 50. Him and I still hang out. I have another buddy who I lived with before marriage. He is a year younger than me and retired 3 years before me. I look up to him and we have always talked about investments. This forum has also been helpful, because there are things that I have discussed here, that I haven't even discussed with my 2 retired friends.



My old boss has no kids but is into charities and giving to the ones he is passionate about. My other friend has 4 kids and we talk about how we want to make sure our kids turn out to be great adults with good careers that make them happy. I have another friend that is a year older than me, did way better in his career than me and my friends above. He invests wisely and is probably worth close to $100m. He is still working and says he won't retire until his kids are done with college in 5 years. I don't understand why he is still working and he probably doesn't understand why I retired so early. To each his own, but we are still friends.



You are in an enviable position. The key is to find a couple people that share your enthusiasm, stay humble and understand that some people will get it, but most won't. Keep in mind that there will always be people that made more, saved more and had/have opportunities that you don't. And that is ok. Live your life and do things that make you happy.

 

[Hyper]

Like others have posted, I too have gone through the uncomfortable dealings with friends and family. What kinda makes me smile inside are those that I meet that I get the feeling they think I'm a low life, lazy dirt bag for not working! Those are the funny interactions!

 

[JoeWras]

We ran into that a bit when we paid off the house ~1990. Not as terrific as accumulating enough to RE but a significant step along the way. My two sisters were happy for us but some other relatives were not. It didn't take long for me to learn to exercise my right to remain silent.

This was the first warning that getting ahead of the game was going to irk some people.

We didn't send out trumpeteers ahead of us saying: "Hear ye, hear ye, Mr. and Mrs. JoeWras have burned their mortgage!" No. But sometimes people would ask: "What is your mortgage rate?"

Awkward. "Uh, we don't have a mortgage..."

And then it begins... "How is that possible? Did you get an inheritance? Trust fund?" Blah, blah, blah.

 

[Nemo2]

But sometimes people would ask: "What is your mortgage rate?"

Make them feel good and say you've negotiated it down to 16%.

 

[retired1]

I'm in similar boat. In my case it's even weirder as my DW wants to work as long as she can (she loves her work.. god bless her) but I'm done working and having leash. Good thing she is aware of my plan to RE once the kids are done w/ college (another 2-3 years)

 

[retired1]

I say I work seasonally PT

Good one !!

 

[Hyper]

Thinking on this a bit more I had forgotten about 6 mths ago, a sibling that I don't talk to if ever in the last cpl yrs and also lives in another state text me and says " hey, not bragging but we paid off our house and land recently" (600k ish?). The text went on to say it was because of "me" RE and the LBYM way I've always lived. That sibling isn't retired by any means but still a good deal. I text back "that's great". That made me feel pretty good! Not that I even did anything.

 

[gwraigty]

This was the first warning that getting ahead of the game was going to irk some people.

We didn't send out trumpeteers ahead of us saying: "Hear ye, hear ye, Mr. and Mrs. JoeWras have burned their mortgage!" No. But sometimes people would ask: "What is your mortgage rate?"

Awkward. "Uh, we don't have a mortgage..."

And then it begins... "How is that possible? Did you get an inheritance? Trust fund?" Blah, blah, blah.

The same thing happened to me, after we moved into a new housing development. Yes, it was awkward. The neighbors and I had been becoming friends. Then I started getting the cold shoulder.

For several years, we attended a church where the majority of the congregation were the grandchildren of the original founders. Talk about tight-knit, they were all related to each other by either blood or marriage. We were unaware that we were giving the 2nd highest weekly amount, until the church started publishing an annual report listing the number of people with giving ranges, no names, of course. Finding this out, made sense of the following event:

One day, I ran into a lady from church at the grocery store. She started going on and on about how difficult things were for them because her husband had been laid off. I tried to listen sympathetically, you know, just let her vent. Then she said, "What do you care? You guys are rich."

I figure she either helped count the weekly collection or got the information from someone who did, even though it's supposed to be kept private. I suppose the fact that our checks were written on our investment checking account helped formulate her opinion, although one doesn't necessarily have to be rich to have an investment account or give more than the average person. Someone might give more than they can comfortably afford and/or appear to be rich, but really aren't.

 

[Gumby]

If someone were to ask what I did to get to the financial position I enjoy now, I would be happy to tell them. But I fear that would provide no satisfaction, because my story would begin "Starting when I was eight years old . . ." People don't want to hear that. They want the magic formula that will make it happen now - starting in their 50s.

 

[HI Bill]

They want the magic formula that will make it happen now - starting in their 50s.

Bingo! I gave a financial planning for retirement presentation at work earlier this month, and everyone was looking for answers, just not the ones I gave!

 

[JoeWras]

If someone were to ask what I did to get to the financial position I enjoy now, I would be happy to tell them. But I fear that would provide no satisfaction, because my story would begin "Starting when I was eight years old . . ." People don't want to hear that. They want the magic formula that will make it happen now - starting in their 50s.

Hilarious!

A co-worker was asking me "how did you do it?" I kid you not, I said exactly that. "I started saving at 8 years old."


I like you Gumby.

 

[blueb]

Here's what I say to them...

One of the surest ways to build wealth over a lifetime is to spend far less than you make and intelligently invest the difference.

 

[audreyh1]

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.

Whoa!!!

Did you at least pack her mimosa to go? It would have been a waste of a perfectly good beverage.

Hope he drank it!

 

[Dawg52]

I heard someone just the other day say that Joe(friend who just retired at 58) won't make it a year before he is working again. This guy who is 38 said he probably won't ever fully retire as he is fully motivated and has to be doing something. We've all heard this before. i told him to keep at it......we need people like him to fund SS.

When you ER you can expect to hear all the reasons why one can't do it or why it is a bad idea to do so. It just goes with the territory.