Friends and family can’t relate

[Gumby]

Dear Rosie - I apologize if I offended you, or any other unbiased liberal (or unbiased conservative). However, the more liberal press does what I stated they do. I never intimated that all liberals are lazy; I was referring to ultra-left liberal writers for the liberal-oriented press. I've read many, many financial articles bemoaning how lucky the rich are, and how unfair life is, and how the poor can't get ahead.

That's not an apology. A genuine apology contains the following elements:

1. I acknowledge what I did was wrong and offensive. "if I offended" doesn't cut it - you did offend.

2. I acknowledge that you were harmed by my wrongful conduct.

3. I regret my actions.

4. I have or will remedy the harm I have caused you and otherwise make such amends as are necessary.

5. I promise that I will not do it again.


Yours contained none of these and merely reiterated that you were right to have said what you did.

Gumby - another liberal who started with nothing, worked hard all his life and now quite enjoys being rich.

 

[ivinsfan]

Money, religion and politics the third rails among many family members.

forum members too I guess... everybody takes things so personally now...people believe what they believe...liberal and conservative are just pigeonhole labels anyway...there are many fine people on both sides of those lines.

 

[happy2bretired]

I’m enjoying this [emoji23]

 

[ivinsfan]

I am a liberal.

I had a good education (culminating in a PhD, thenkewverymuch), had a $#itload of jobs from jr high onward to pay for said education, paid back my student loans, worked damn hard and productively, saved and invested, drove cheap clunker cars, and had modest homes and took short inexpensive vacations.

And I retired at age 53.

I am deeply offended by your implication that liberals are lazy and careless with money.

I await your apology.

So I'm not seeing where the poster said anything like this about you..or liberals in general. IMO the real problem that there is both liberal and conservative press instead of just press. Whatever happened to just the facts please and press opinions being clearly labeled on the editorial pages? This mixing of facts and opinions in the mainstream media is leading to massive discord and lack of rational thinking in this country.

 

[MichaelB]

forum members too I guess... everybody takes things so personally now...people believe what they believe...liberal and conservation are just pigeonhole labels anyway...there are many fine people on both sides of those lines.

Exactly. Pigeonholes that rarely lead to a better understanding of anything.

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.

 

[ivinsfan]

Exactly. Pigeonholes that rarely lead to a better understanding of anything.

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.

You didn't fix my spelling typo..it will live on forever now!

What on earth, my English Mother would have reamed me out for doing that, how do co-exist with such petty relatives?

 

[MichaelB]

I always felt the reaction to my ER by families and friends helped me a great deal - to understand who my real friends were. They were the ones that were happy for me, and supportive. Our relationships became better and stronger as a result.

The others reacted with pettiness, snark, and other types of negativity - not that I expected anything different. Many of the views others in this thread have related. My interpretation, correct or not, has always been that this negativity is not about me, it’s about them and their inability, for whatever reason, to achieve the same thing. I stopped losing sleep over this long ago. Life is just too short and there’s too much still to enjoy.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I don't mean to derail the discussion in regards to political affiliations and all...but...

Well, I think most people know military can retire at 20 years, whereas others have to wait longer (so why not buy a vacation home in the meantime?)

I think you would be surprised. I would say most folks that haven't had any ties with the military and I have talked to over the years had no idea that the pension was IMMEDIATE (at least in the world of the active duty)...most assume you don't get it until 60 or later.

 

[Lukeee]

Exactly. Pigeonholes that rarely lead to a better understanding of anything.

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.

Did you at least pack her mimosa to go? It would have been a waste of a perfectly good beverage.

 

[Amethyst]

No doubt you are correct. Not sure what politics has to do with it, though.

I don't mean to derail the discussion in regards to political affiliations and all...but...



I think you would be surprised. I would say most folks that haven't had any ties with the military and I have talked to over the years had no idea that the pension was IMMEDIATE (at least in the world of the active duty)...most assume you don't get it until 60 or later.

 

[samclem]

A few days after I quit my job I had lunch with DM. My sister and her DH joined us (not sure why and don’t remember). No one knew, I was really happy that day, told everyone at the table, and ordered some mimosas so we could celebrate. My sister and her DH didn’t touch the drink and refused the toast, and she told me I had ruined her lunch and day.

That's really something. What a life they must have. Heck, a good percentage of the happiness I get is joy from vicariously experiencing the good things in the life of people I know.

If there are folks who get unhappy when things go well for us, should we expect that the same people are pleased when our life is on the rocks? Maybe the thing to do to brighten their day is to drop 'em a note filled with the misfortunes we've experienced in the last week. "And the dang tire pressure sensor on the left rear tire is glowing AGAIN! "

 

[hilltide]

I retired from the Navy after 20 years and had a negative net worth. Got a great job paying 1% money and my net worth went down even more. I was the antithesis of LBYM.

I was talking to my HR director about cars and he was getting ready to buy a new jeep as his 12 year old Jeep was going caput. He was going to buy a 5 year old Jeep because his goal was to be debt free by 30 and be able to retire early. I could not comprehend this mindset. Buy a new Jeep, you can afford it. Spend, spend, spend. Debt is not bad. Live a little. What a horrible life you must lead.

I read the millionaire next door, made some drastic changes and now have a 7 figure net worth and saving like crazy to RE @ 55 (if I want to). Now I get where he was coming from.

I am so glad I had met him and glad he shared his goals. While the immediate impact was negative, I will never forget him and what he was trying to do. I haven't seen him in a while but will in a few months. I'll bring up the topic and hopefully be able to share how he impacted my life.

This is a great story and a good reminder. I don't want to give up on helping people or giving them the knowledge I have discovered. I just think I am going to do it more strategically...

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

No doubt you are correct. Not sure what politics has to do with it, though.

Just a snarky comment about some of the previous posts in the thread.

 

[Amethyst]

Even back in college, I remember some guy mocking me for being cheerful all the time. I definitely had my troubles, but even in my teens, I didn't believe in going on about them.

Misery loves company, and you're being bad company, that's all.

That's really something. What a life they must have. .

If there are folks who get unhappy when things go well for us, should we expect that the same people are pleased when our life is on the rocks? Maybe the thing to do to brighten their day is to drop 'em a note filled with the misfortunes we've experienced in the last week. "And the dang tire pressure sensor on the left rear tire is glowing AGAIN! "

 

[exnavynuke]

Well, I think most people know military can retire at 20 years, whereas others have to wait longer (so why not buy a vacation home in the meantime?)

Also, some people (I don't know about this one) use "jealous" as a way of giving a compliment without sounding gushy. For example, a woman could tell another woman, "I'm jealous of your beautiful hair," or nice figure, or whatever. Nothing but a friendly compliment.

So some people might just mean "Wow, retired at <50 from the Navy, that is really nice for you" without anything else implied. I don't know, just thinking out loud.

To be fair, most military "retirees" don't retire when they "retire from" the military, they go get another job. Most E-7's aren't going to be able to continue their current lifestyle on the ~$24k/year retirement pay alone. When I was in, my "base pay" only provided about 1/2 of the income I got. By the time all the miscellaneous pays/allowances were added on, I was making about 4x what I'd get in retirement at 20 years.

In fact, I'm aware of precisely 0 of the people I knew/know from my 12 years in retired and didn't get a full-time job after they left the military.

 

[Housewife]

I resigned from my job within weeks of my 40th birthday. It was a high paying but high stress job, lots of office politics, and some questionable practice that makes me lose sleep at night. I also never got to spend any quality time with my young kids. I stuck it out for as long as I could, and finally decided enough was enough. When I told my parents, they were not shy about telling me that they were disappointed at me, or even ashamed of me. My in laws, on the other hand, refrained from saying anything negative up front. However, they keep asking me when I plan to go back to work everytime they see me. I have ignored them all. Nobody has better knowledge of my life, including financial situation, physical health, mental state, and lifestyle choice, etc., better than myself. I appreciate concerns from family and friends, but I don’t need any judgment. Then again, in my industry, retiring between 40 and 45 is not entirely uncommon, so there are other acquaintances I can relate to.

 

[ivinsfan]

Housewife, were you able to move on with your parents are such a negative reponse from them?

And BTW welcome to the forum..How about a quick intro about yourself in Hi, I am...

 

[AllGood]

Don't sweat it! We went through similar feelings from some friends and family. Most just don't understand and a few are just jealous people. They just cannot understand it. Do you!

 

[Souschef]

My favorite quote on the subject:
[FONT=&quot]There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. [/FONT]

 

[Kristinia]

Funny ....I worked in a very stressful job and when it became clear that this was no longer the path I wanted to travel...I retired. During my last year of work I would call my sister on the way home to discuss my crappy day and she would do the same. When I retired and did not call each night (I would find time to call but just not at the same time I used to) she would get increasingly irritated. I finally asked her what was wrong and she immediately said “I liked it better when you were working! We had more time to talk!” Umm sorry sister but not going to go back to work so we have more to talk about . So I don’t really discuss retirement when we talk....more like oh uh yeah that boss, coworker, meeting sounds awful! Then I breathe a sigh of relief that I don’t have the same situations grinding at me anymore

 

[Zorba]

rlhendren. I've been in stealth FIRE mode for so long time now that I have forgotten how frustrating it can be to not be able to talk about FIRE with friends and family. Many of us are grateful for this forum, and for being able to share our milestones, thoughts and frustrations(!) with like-minded people.

I've had to recently uncloak from the stealth FIRE mode a little bit as I've gone part-time into semi-RE. Like many of you, the reactions from friends and family have been varied. Whether they are supportive, jealous or outright mean, they all seem to find FIRE a hard concept to grasp. I'm keeping a list of their reactions for some future post. My current favorite is from my boss who told me I was "committing career suicide".

.

 

[Perryinva]

I must lead a blessed life career wise. I never talk about stuff from work except at work. Not do I have any conversations with others about how work is bad. When DW would mention about stuff at school (a teacher) it was nevef a conversation. Just a vent. I told her plenty of times, “then just retire”. And she finally did. I have never met anyone that was so petty they were unhappy for someone that was FIRE. How odd.

 

[Rianne]

One of my DB, I have 4, stresses I have to WORK in front of us. He's older than me and my DH. Yet, they take big vacations, buy new cars, live in a new house with a big mortgage. So when they complain "we're so busy" " have to work" "I'm exhausted" and are getting ready to shell out $40k for daughters wedding, really?

They asked us for a loan a few years back and we said no. We're not funding their high end lifestyle. They've been that way for 20 years and make fun of us as "cheap."

 

[Mdlerth]

Kraft durch schadenfreude

If there are folks who get unhappy when things go well for us, should we expect that the same people are pleased when our life is on the rocks? Maybe the thing to do to brighten their day is to drop 'em a note filled with the misfortunes we've experienced in the last week. "And the dang tire pressure sensor on the left rear tire OF MY PORSCHE TURBO S is glowing AGAIN! "

Perhaps they'll feel still better if you include my edits (in bold).

 

[trumpeting_angel]

People know they should cut back on spending, max out their 401(k), and save money for emergencies. But they’re vulnerable to society’s message, advertising, and the promise of happiness with more stuff. When you buck the system it stirs their guilt and the possibility of doing it differently makes them uneasy. They’re sure it won’t be possible for them, and then they feel angry at you for this discomfort!

Still, it’s sad. We should all be willing to take a brave look at how we’ve been brainwashed and be willing to consider alternatives! And not take out our discomfort on others who have the good sense to resist that message.