How much do you let your adult children know about your finances.

[GravitySucks]

Oh, and Cinnamon is a nice girl who just ran into some trouble!

She is, but that Sindy is nothing but trouble.

I'm also widowed. When deciding if I could retire I did give my eldest (31) daughter some rough numbers as she's in the retirement financial industry and I trust her advice. My youngest (26) lives with me and also has pieced together a rough ideas as I explained the 4% (she overheard other elders talking about 8% being an acceptable swr.) rule to her and she has a good idea what I spend.

Both know where the accounts are and that I'm expecting them to let me live in their basements when Sindy runs through my stash.

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[VFK57]

I think that there are 2 types of kids: those who were raised so that they can take care of themselves and those who always need help. Based on your personal views of honesty and ability to live on their own of your kids you do your decision. I hope we raised our son be able to take care of himself and his family therefor he knows where to look for info about our assets.

 

[Keim]

I'm 43. About 5 years ago Dad told my older brother and I "the number." Haven't heard any investment specifics aside from that. My brother is set-up as executor. He may know more, but I have no reason to think so.


OTOH, my wifes parents just put her on all their accounts a few weeks ago.


Barring health issues I see no reason for 20 year olds to know much more than "We're doing fine. You should consider investing..."

 

[fishndad42]

I joke with the kids (26, 30 and 32) every time I buy something that I've just spent more of their inheritance - and they are happy for me. DW and I both have had fights with cancer and perhaps that has changed their perspective. They would be perfectly happy if we spent it all and had a good time in whatever years we are blessed with.

OTOH, I'm sure they are also hopeful we'll manage our funds well so we don't live longer than expected, go broke, and move in with one of them! LOL.

Other than basics, they don't really know, aren't curious and for the moment trust we're simply managing it all just fine without them.

This thread reminds me though that I need to update some documentation. They know where to look, but if I don't put the right information there it won't help, will it?

 

[imoldernu]

No advice on what or who to tell, but the number 1 necessity is that someone or two must know where the info is kept and that the details of paper, deeds, accounts and access information is available.

Personal experience of spending days and weeks of digging for information that should have been in one place. Recovered ten of thousands of dollars for the family of a neighbor who passed away with no trails to her finances.

 

[prose3589]

Just recently lost my father suddenly to suicide. He and my brother had been business partners for years. Obviously a big shock. We thought we had all his info at our fingertips. He changed all his passwords etc just before his death when a wallet was stolen. This has proven to be the greatest challenge for us. In response I updated "the folder" with my info. My trustee (my brother) knows exactly where the info is.

As a side note, my father's death prompted my 22 year old daughter to ask a serious of questions. Not prying just responsible. We talked in some detail about my estate etc and my goals. I think it was good for both us. Now that said, my 19 year old is not responsible enough to discuss things. He is at college having fun!


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[ohyes]

Our three have never known much, until we (finally) made our wills.

Two of the three have a copy of that will. The oldest offspring does not. While he will get 1/3, he is not engaged in a relationship with the rest of us.

So, while two of our kids know they will each inherit 1/3, they do not know how much 1/3 is (not that much). We did tell them it will not be much.

And, our oldest has absolutely no clue about any of it.

They may all be disappointed. In the meantime, DH and and I are having quite a bit of fun.

 

[truenorth418]

I don't see any reason to provide specific income or net worth numbers, but I think children would benefit a lot from knowing what things cost so they better understand the value of money.

Also, I recommend everyone prepare an estate plan including a will and let the family or at least the executor know where to find it in the event you die suddenly or become incapacitated. I know it is not a pleasant thought, but these things happen eventually and it's the best way to make sure your wishes are carried out when the time comes.


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[Golden sunsets]

Our children are generally aware of our NW and retirement income. They(30 & 32) are responsible and on there own. Our attorney is our executor. Our estate plan involves trust accounts and bequests to them when they reach 35. Our DS, who is generally interested knows who our estate attorney is and which drawers in our home office have records pertaining to the wills, trusts, living will, advanced health care instructions, POA, insurance policies, LTC policies, etc. I also maintain a spreadsheet with a list of our accounts and PW's which he has a copy of. I have told them to head straight to the law firm with the spreadsheet after the funeral.

 

[timemoveson]

I don't think one size fits all. Depends on the kids. Your example is one side but mine would be the other. My daughter is very responsible, independent, and does not feel or act entitled. I plan on helping her financially while we are still alive, but her inheritance will still be fairly large. Since she is the executor and sole heir, it makes little sense, in my view, to keep her in the dark. As we and she gets older, I expect to bring her more into the loop. Even at some point, discussing investment decisions.

Well said. Very similar for our two kids. They already know they must be on a path to independence after university, and working on that at least notionally during school. They also know how they grew up, how it compares to the rest of the world (they are well positioned within the 1%, never mind the other 99%) and what my general intentions are for myself. I'm focusing on educating them heavily as they mature on what works and what mistakes I made, and filling in the specific details they will need to know in parallel about their possible financial futures.

 

[kcowan]

I have talked to DW about our grandchildrens' college investment plan. It has started being drawn down but it will be maintained until 2032. We decided that if anything happens to me, one of the children will be given authority for it. He is the backup executor in case we both croak.

 

[brett]

Zero.

They know we are comfortable. They know where our paperwork is, who to contact, and have access to our bank safety deposit box.

They have their own successful lives.

 

[ChrisC]

Our children are generally aware of our NW and retirement income. They(30 & 32) are responsible and on there own. Our attorney is our executor. Our estate plan involves trust accounts and bequests to them when they reach 35. Our DS, who is generally interested knows who our estate attorney is and which drawers in our home office have records pertaining to the wills, trusts, living will, advanced health care instructions, POA, insurance policies, LTC policies, etc. I also maintain a spreadsheet with a list of our accounts and PW's which he has a copy of. I have told them to head straight to the law firm with the spreadsheet after the funeral.

That's funny and good advice. We finished our estate planning documents recently and in the process, we informed our 3 responsible children (34,30, 29) about the plans very generally, as we had to tell them since we named them all as successor co-trustees of our living trusts, and one them as an Health Agent/Proxy for us. (We were able to discuss our living wills and health care directives with each child and why we asked one of them to serve as the Health Care Agent -- which is the child with more life experiences and who is about to be married to a doctor -- these were more critical discussions to us, than the estate planning/wealth distributions issues.) We didn't mention anything about resulting trusts that each of them would have from our estates, our lopsided retirement accounts, or anything else that would increase their own net worth, except for some loan forgiveness features of debt our children (and their spouses) currently are on the hook with us.
Our children are fairly clueless about our net worth and retirement income; I'm fairly certain when the time comes for passing on our estate they will be pleasantly surprised. We intend to periodically hold family gatherings with them to dribble out information of where things stand, where are the documents, and who to consult about stuff. We are assembling our "Legacy Book" for them. We're confident that our children (and their spouses) can manage all of this well, but we are trying to make it as easy for them as possible, recognizing the process is painful and cumbersome for many.

 

[wmc1000]

Our kids, (26, 32, 34), only know we are well enough off to retire earlier than 66. As to our families, wife's parents never had much and the kids knew that. My parents never went into details with my wife and I.

When we were in our mid 50's my father finally clued me in after my mom passed and he remarried. Basically at that point he showed me his investment account and let me know it had a TOD provision to pass to me.

I told him then that I wasn't counting on or expecting an inheritance. Although an extra 7 figures wouldn't be turned down!

 

[Car-Guy]

I'm sure our only DD knows we are well off but we have never really discussed our net worth or finances with her. She knows I was making good money before I retired and also knows our current lifestyle (I'm not a LBYM type) It's just never been an issue but at some point in the future we will probably "have the discussion". To be honest, I wouldn't have a problem telling her now, if the subject were to come up.

 

[Rick_Head]

We've shared nothing but our actions with our kids. They ain't stupid and, in fact, I think DS fears we are going to end up in the poor-house needing his support.

They both know and should be able to extrapolate from:

• I had a pretty good job with a company that paid well
• I had stock options (although neither has a clue how many and how much they appreciated)
• Their DM didn't work after their births
• We have given each of them about $100K over the last several years (large house down-payment, a couple of smaller Xmas gifts when feeling flush)
• We live as large as we want. It's not that large, but they know if we want it we buy it. They can also guesstimate our normal spending at < $100K/yr

DD likes to tell us "you'd better be good to us now, we get to pick your nursing home". If & when the time comes I suspect they'll be surprised at how well they can look after us and still inherit a lot more than they thought.

 

[Music Lover]

Coming from the perspective of the adult child...I'm 53 and my parents are in their 70's...they have told me that I am the executor, that the split will be roughly equal between us 3 kids with a bit for some grandkids, and where all the important paperwork, account numbers and passwords are located. Beyond that, I don't need any more information. They've been gifting us lump sums the last few years, so I know they're doing fine.

 

[Koolau]

My parents shared everything with me when they became more dependent upon me. Before that, I had a general idea of their finances. We have shared virtually nothing with our kids. It didn't seem appropriate when they were young and now that they are on their own, we see no advantage to them OR to us to share such info. Based on our wills, they will inherit very little, though we continue to help them as WE deem appropriate. We ARE struggling with how we will handle our finances as we slip into decrepitude. I can't see one of the kids being involved in that transition. I'm hoping I can find an "institution" or legal instrument(s) to deal with it. YMMV

 

[sanfanciscotreat]

I am 68 years young and do not know my mother's net worth; do not need to now.

 

[marko]

I am 68 years young and do not know my mother's net worth; do not need to now.

I'm hoping that you don't need to know because someone else in the family does, or the size of mom's estate is obviously not worth worrying about.

Guessing your mom could be in/near her nineties. I'd respectfully offer that you or someone in the family 'needs to know' at this point. If there's a sizable estate involved (if you knew) you might steer her toward some serious professional estate planning. Why leave a dime more to the tax man than necessary?

Our family views managing multigenerational wealth almost as a sport. A certain point arrives where the elder takes aside a few family members and has that "spell it out" dinner and discussion.

 

[kimcdougc]

When DH retired in February, we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts. She knows our worth. She is our executor with everything we have being split between our DD and DS. Have all papers in safe, password list etc. She has copies and access to the safe.

Told her because she is independent, smart, trustworthy and will do exactly as we wish.

DS is still trying to figure out life at 35. He will be flabbergasted when he gets his share at the end of our lives...if we don't spend it all first.

 

[FANOFJESUS]

I think it is good to tell the children all in your late 60's. But as for myself I think I had many ideas early on my family was in real estate(it is hard to hide houses LOL) Even as a teenager I could of put up a ballpark number what my parents were worth. The only thing I did not know was the details.

 

[misanman]

we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts

I always wondered about the legal consequences of doing this. Does this legally comprise a gift to said dd at the time she is added to the accounts?

Also, have wondered whether this could open up the account as a target in a law suit or divorce proceeding.

May be perfectly okay, but I wondered if there could be unintended consequences.

 

[Midpack]

I don't know if there is a right answer, but our parents starting sharing the specifics (will and other docs including full financial holdings) sometime in their late 80's. I'm not sure why they chose to do it, they didn't tell us anything before then.

I am glad they've planned so well, and there will be an inheritance (my sister needed to know) - but I didn't need to know any of the details, just where to find everything when the time comes...

 

[foxcreek9]

When DH retired in February, we added our 27 year old dd onto our accounts. She knows our worth. She is our executor with everything we have being split between our DD and DS. Have all papers in safe, password list etc. She has copies and access to the safe.

Told her because she is independent, smart, trustworthy and will do exactly as we wish.

DS is still trying to figure out life at 35. He will be flabbergasted when he gets his share at the end of our lives...if we don't spend it all first.

This has a number of negative consequences, I strongly urge you to talk to a fee-only financial planner, CPA, and or estate lawyer. Having her as a co-owner has tax and legal consequences. She could owe a lot a taxes when you pass vs no taxes if she was not a co-owner. If she files for bankruptcy could cost you some or all your savings.