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Old 04-03-2011, 11:17 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by kjpliny View Post
I would stay out of their affairs, save as much of your own money as possible, don't tell anyone you have anything, and if at some point down the road you need to slip your mom some $$ you can do it at the right time in the right way without any pressure from your other siblings, etc..
ITA! Both my (divorced) parents went through their 60s & $70s with barely a dime to their name, on SS & Mom had a very small pension. You never know what disabilities or illnesses are around the corner in their aging future and the Govt run assistance programs will not help until retirement savings are almost exhausted & will take into account annuities/whole life plans as barriers to access. They may need long term care (nursing home) or similar assistance and the funds will just get Smoked!

The other aspect is that when they get to that point (say 70s-80s) there are matters of the heart that come into play rather than $$.

When a contradiction is impossible to resolve except by a lie, then we know that it is really a door.
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Old 04-03-2011, 06:13 PM   #62
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The situation may not be as ugly as you think. Many widows live very nicely
on social security income in government housing , cost is 30% of income.
Then some are eligible for food stamps, and or/ government food allocations. These housing units make it easy to get around without a car, buses come weekly for trips to grocery stores etc... The developments plan recreational
activities. Some of these retirees volunteer as foster grandparents for schools and earn a stipend and get free lunch. You might pay for an occasional meal out or a trip. Don't fret. Your mom will probably be fine. Many senior housing units are attractive and pleasant .

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Old 04-03-2011, 06:48 PM   #63
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Just be ready to help in an emergency with your Mom. Your Dad has a life expectancy of less than 10 years, after which your Mom will get an amount equal to his social security. The social security amount should be reasonable (20-25k/year), and will allow her a modestly comfortable retirement, and the social security will be protected from bankruptcy.

Your parents finances are a gigantic leaking ship, giving them any money will not fix anything. Even giving them a lot of money would not fix anything. They would likely spend it before a real emergency came up. It is actually much more common for people to have money in a child's name rather than an elderly parents if they are trying to maximize government benefits.
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:02 PM   #64
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you can only do what you can control........why would you trust your Dad with his financial history? I like "thinking outside of the box" but I dislike giving up control of money to someone like your Dad even more.

Start a seperate fund......maybe one mutual index fund with 3k. Put a few extra dollars into it each month and wait until your Mom needs it and then help best you can. She'll have SS, his life insurance, medicare so she won't be broke. Use your extra money for little extra unexpected goodies. Every time you use it, you'll feel don't risk getting screwed, you'll do more than your siblings, and if this isn't enough, what is? Don't risk youir peace of mind, let this intefere with an eventual marriage and having children. Your biggest fear should be the baggage your parents represent to your having a great life with your own nothing that threatens this.......don't let them drag you down.

You sound like a very nice person.......I'm the luckiest guy in the world because of my wife and family. If I were single and thought your parents would influence a life together I'd run like heck unless you had made peace with what you can and would do in the future.
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Old 04-04-2011, 03:50 PM   #65
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Originally Posted by kjpliny View Post
I would stay out of their affairs, save as much of your own money as possible, don't tell anyone you have anything, and if at some point down the road you need to slip your mom some $$ you can do it at the right time in the right way without any pressure from your other siblings, etc.

Your dad sounds too ignorant to be helped in any meaningful way. Steer clear.
Don't worry be happy, while your dad is around. Help your mom when the time comes. She will need her children more then some money after all there will be SS.
Hard to say what it was, when it isn't.
FIRED in 2005 @ 55
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:16 PM   #66
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I would stay out of this and certainly not do any investing gymnastics with the 401K funding idea. Start a liquid savings account - quietly - and earmark it for your mom for her later years when she may need it the most.

Also, encourage your dad to file for SS as late as possible and work as long as possible. The reason is that (I believe) if he files at 62, your mom will also be locked in to his low rate after he passes. If she's in good health as you say, she may live a lot longer, so the higher the initial SS payment the better for her.

In fact, that's where you might be able to help out the most - if your Dad needs to retire at 62 or 63 or 64 for health reasons, use your savings account to fund the first year of retirement so that he doesn't have to claim SS so early.

It's galling to think that if he didn't smoke for all those years, he'd probably had a pretty nice amount saved by now.

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