Trustee of trust - unknown particulars!

[blueskyk]

I do hope that Travelfreek can eventually find peace.

I lost 2 family members upon the death of one.

Gwraighty - that is soooo sad about your sister; I'm so sorry that happened. Estate attorneys tell me you wouldn't believe how many families get torn up as a result of inheritance issues.

Travelfreek - I hope you find peace as well and that you are all able to sort through the grief of your brother's passing and the gifts he left for each of you in a way that honors his memory and doesn't divide family or leave lasting hurt. Its a perilous journey - safe travels.

 

[gwraigty]

Gwraighty - that is soooo sad about your sister; I'm so sorry that happened. Estate attorneys tell me you wouldn't believe how many families get torn up as a result of inheritance issues.

Travelfreek - I hope you find peace as well and that you are all able to sort through the grief of your brother's passing and the gifts he left for each of you in a way that honors his memory and doesn't divide family or leave lasting hurt. Its a perilous journey - safe travels.

Thank you, but it wasn't a sister. I'm an only child. Looking back at my post, I didn't specify the relation. However, it was my father who died and my aunt (his sister) who cut me off, then fell ill. It did hurt, for several complicated reasons.

From stories I've read about and known of firsthand, I think inheritance issues are much more common than many want to realize.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I can see children being upset when parents don’t treat them equally as heirs but this is a brother’s estate among his siblings. Who knows his reasoning but why not just respect his wishes and let it go.

 

[spncity]

https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=a...gaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cudGhpc2FtZXJpY2FubGlmZS5vcmc=


A podcast. The first fifteen minutes. Story of a family of siblings and how they dealt with dividing up the things the parents left them. Why emotions rise up. What it means and why these emotions come up at times like this.

 

[blueskyk]

Wow - the podcast reveals when there is an equitable distribution and great pains to preserve fairness, siblings can still end up with hurt feelings and not speaking to each other!

 

[Vacation4us]

Wow - the podcast reveals when there is an equitable distribution and great pains to preserve fairness, siblings can still end up with hurt feelings and not speaking to each other!

Money does strange things to people.

 

[gayl]

as we work as a team through this big fat mess.

First, condolences on your loss.

But I hate to state the obvious (to me), you're not a team. Sis is the executor and holds the accounts. It's nice that you want to help but you don't need to. You don't need to clean, empty it out, be involved with mail / bills / ect. Not saying to bow out out of resentment but let her muddle through. When mom died, my siblings only made things harder and caused closing the house to drag out almost a year.

 

[pb4uski]

+1 Too many cooks....

 

[Travelfreek]

I can see children being upset when parents don’t treat them equally as heirs but this is a brother’s estate among his siblings. Who knows his reasoning but why not just respect his wishes and let it go.

I guess it’s because it came out of left field. The 4 of us got along well and met up for all the holidays and all the weddings and some other occasions all through the years. We were all blown away that our sis was the only beneficiary on a $200k IRA. She had no idea he did this. We (two other sibs) were left wondering, Wow! Really? If the two had been super close vs. the rest of us, it would have made more sense.

The great news learned today is that she does plan to share it with us (other 2). She wasn’t clear about that part the last time we spoke when she broke the news our DB really intended to give it to her. So now the hard feelings are behind us and we will work together to finish our work. Long sigh! Such a relief! My brother and I are so happy! The attorney said he doesn’t see it happen that often that someone will favor one sibling like that!

 

[Scratchy]

The great news learned today is that she does plan to share it with us (other 2).

Very glad to hear this outcome. I guess it shows how close you all were. Honestly speaking, I would not be as generous as your sister. She is obviously a very good person.

 

[Vacation4us]

Your sister is remarkable. Clearly you and your brother are more important to her than money.

It’s just a shame you didn’t feel the same way.

You are indeed 2 lucky brothers.

 

[ivinsfan]

Your sister is remarkable. Clearly you and your brother are more important to her than money.

It’s just a shame you didn’t feel the same way.

You are indeed 2 lucky brothers.

As in most things a little time can clear a few heads.


The more I think about it the more I think the DB just took the simple way out and named the sister trustee as beneficiary thinking she knew he intended to split everything and would include the IRA. We'll never know.

the moral of this story, particularly if you a single or the last remaining of a couple. Talk about these things with the people involved while you are still above ground.

For the OP and people in his shoes, like my Mom always said "Just because you think it, doesn't mean you have to say it". Because tomorrow you might think differently. I hope the OP hasn't hurt the relationship with the DS as in she felt if she didn't give the money it would cause a rift in her family. OP needs to aware of this and do/say what he can to explain (not excuse) his behavior.

As to the DGF, lets hope after the three seeing how they acted/reacted to the IRA issue, step back and let you lawyer take the emotion out of the equation with the GF.

 

[CaliKid]

First, condolences on your loss.

But I hate to state the obvious (to me), you're not a team. Sis is the executor and holds the accounts. It's nice that you want to help but you don't need to. You don't need to clean, empty it out, be involved with mail / bills / ect. Not saying to bow out out of resentment but let her muddle through. When mom died, my siblings only made things harder and caused closing the house to drag out almost a year.

I agree with this. It's great to offer to help but one shouldn't force themselves into the "team" as it's not a team.

On the other hand one of the best things the trustee/executor can do is be totally transparent. The non-trustee/executor often feels left out and/or has just a tinge of un-trust. Being totally transparent, and full of updates to everybody, keeps problems to a minimum.

 

[HarveyS]

The Trust was executed in 2010 and not updated since (almost 9 years ago). The IRA was dated 2012 with my sis (trustee) as beneficiary (7 years ago).

Maybe I missed it somewhere, if so, I apologize.

GF wasn't in the picture in 2010 or 2012 so of course she isn't listed in any of the estate documents. This creates a tricky point for me. I'd have to assess what I thought dearly departed would have wanted for GF at his passing. Yes, he should have updated the documents, or spoke with siblings about his wishes. But he didn't. It is reasonable and expected that the trustee follow his written wishes. At the same time, were I in the OP position, I'd dialog with my siblings about what, if anything, to share with the GF.

 

[Scratchy]

Maybe I missed it somewhere, if so, I apologize.

GF wasn't in the picture in 2010 or 2012 so of course she isn't listed in any of the estate documents. This creates a tricky point for me. I'd have to assess what I thought dearly departed would have wanted for GF at his passing. Yes, he should have updated the documents, or spoke with siblings about his wishes. But he didn't. It is reasonable and expected that the trustee follow his written wishes. At the same time, were I in the OP position, I'd dialog with my siblings about what, if anything, to share with the GF.

OP has dialogued with his siblings and they are going to share a 60 day eviction notice with the GF. The parties are not getting along.