Venting about FIRE

[SomedaySoon]

I've been there. With me it's siblings who lived a live of "don't worry, something will come up/things will turn around" without actually doing anything to make that happen for --- forty years!! ----

Then age, medical misfortune, unemployment, and perpetual brokeness all collide. Collide with him living in a State that dumped on the ACA , so Guess Who had to keep paying for medical insurance, rent, car insurance, etc for a good long while? And now, yrs later I am still providing subsidies as if I were the Dept of Agriculture.

I have one sibling that matches yours exactly, but his 4 siblings have had the face to face and told him that we were not going to continue working just so he could have an "early retirement". Since then he has stepped up and managed "ok". Yes, we would probably help again somewhat when he reaches the end of his rope, but more likely point him to that barest security blanket that may be available to him,

 

[razztazz]

I have one sibling that matches yours exactly, but his 4 siblings have had the face to face and told him that we were not going to continue working just so he could have an "early retirement". Since then he has stepped up and managed "ok". Yes, we would probably help again somewhat when he reaches the end of his rope, but more likely point him to that barest security blanket that may be available to him,

Oh yes. In fact that's where I'm at now. He has been on medicaid and some other social safety nets then got a job but at his age that is always precarious especially since he's in a second wave of medical stuff. His job medical insurance is as usual, full of holes and deductibles, plus if he keeps needing time off A) he doesn't get paid, that's where I step in, and B) he will eventually be fired and lose it all again. SO, while I have been off the big hook for a bit I am still called upon to cover this or that along the way. I hope he makes it another 18 months for medicare and SS.

I had "the talk" with him many times over the years when we were young. I wasn't subsidizing then Just lecturing a lot about get a REAL job, stop waiting for something perfect or something you want to do. Just get money. That'll solve all your problems. But what do I know...?

 

[razztazz]

Razz, people can only take advantage of you if you let them. I can’t imagine supporting a sibling. I would have helped them find community resources.

I know. But this was a "give him something to sustain himself" or "Let 'em die" situation. Now, I'm actually a pretty cold hearted mo'fo' but.. brother...? medical situation...? not just garden variety "Hey man, I'm your bro, I need some bread" moochery. And the nature of his medical crap is not ciggie/booze/drug induced. It's one of those 67% of all cancers are random things. So I cannot wag my finger at him on that basis.

The community resources kicked in when he got broke enough but they don't pay all the bills. Stuff like rent and vehicle maintenance //insurance are required for that anyway. No address? No phone? no computer? No hope for a job. And No social safety net, except jail, homeless shelters etc. I needed him to hang on long enough to get a job. And with his medical situation park benches, jail, homeless shelters etc was pretty much just hastening the end.

The crux of my problem with it is in my previous post. He really should have worked more/longer/harder whatdahellever and got more money over the years instead of always living on the fringe seeking employment nirvana!
Which, like retirement nirvana, really doesn't exist. You just sort of make do with what you have.

 

[jmp470]

The House Closed today 6/28/19! I'm done with all real estate minus the house I live in. IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Also, I had a long talk with my parent, and I'm no longer supporting them. At first it felt like the right thing to do, then as I was sacrificing to help them, I noticed they didn't slow their vacation schedule down.

On top of that, even when they travelled, they didn't come see their grand kids, which are all under 10 years old.

Needless to say, I can love them from afar. When I do talk to them, they continue to tell me how good they were to me, as they watched the house for me!


Now I get to pay off debt, and retire again, in 2021! It really is like a mountain has been removed from my shoulders. Super happy

 

[Souschef]

I had been sending small amounts to my MIL, but it was no big deal. My sis, bless her heart, took care of mom's finances, etc. When she had spent down most of her cash, there was some stock she had promised to my nieces.
I told my sister I would help with mom's expenses, but sell the stock, because I was in no way going to subsidize my nieces, who were both well off..

.

 

[brett]

I agree with imoldernu. I like numbers, always have. They don't lie, there is no emotion in numbers. Hard facts. Nothing wrong with emotion and dreams but they must be tempered by, and be under the umbrella of numbers. The people I know who have got themselves into serious financial challenges are for the most part people who knowingly 'denied' the numbers in favor of emotions. It seems to me that the longer someone does this the worse it gets.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Razz, your brother should apply for low income senior housing. They only take a third of your income for rent. I certainly would not be subsidizing a parent if they can afford to take a vacation. That is totally ridiculous.

 

[youbet]

I had been sending small amounts to my MIL, but it was no big deal. My sis, bless her heart, took care of mom's finances, etc. When she had spent down most of her cash, there was some stock she had promised to my nieces.
I told my sister I would help with mom's expenses, but sell the stock, because I was in no way going to subsidize my nieces, who were both well off..

.

+1

I never minded (well, not much) helping MIL financially. But I also put my foot down when I learned she had a special, small stash tucked away for the benefit of a favorite grandchild.