Dating advice?

[bclover]

Reading all this makes me glad I'm not in the market.. it sounds like a minefield out there. It doesn't take much to put a foot wrong and mess things up.

Maybe, maybe not.

So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation.

for me I think the thing is that I've had a successful marriage so if I don't get another "long term" relationship, I'll be ok. So right now I'm just in the process of having fun meeting new people.

lol I did have one date where the guy was extremely short (I said midget but he said he was not). when I asked him about lying on his profile and pictures he said if he told the truth no one would go out with him. that was an interesting date.

Age is not the major factor but it can be an issue, more of a generational gap. lol I went out with one gentlemen who told me this was the first time he went out with a "colored" girl. Ok I understand that you might not know who Jay-Z and Beyonce are but come on dude, we graduated from "Colored" like 40 years ago.

 

[ivinsfan]

bclover hats off to you if you can take this in stride and find the humor in it..are you still seeing any of these dudes.

 

[athena53]

Maybe, maybe not.

So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation.

Yeah, I might have been that "easy" in my 20s but I'm 64. Let's develop a relationship first.

Another archaic reference- a guy in one of my "Possible Match" e-mails was looking for "a classy dame". Makes it sound like he's expecting someone who will show up in a mink stole and wearing dangly earrings. I don't think I qualify.

 

[Chuckanut]

I do get annoyed at listings from a guy who says he's, say, 55, and is looking for a woman ages 35-45. So- women in your own age group are too old and decrepit for you?

May I suggest you watch the movie Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman.

Guy in his 50's leaves his wife of similar age for a 30-something.

Wife ends up living in Tuscany with fabulous former boyfriend.

Former husband ends up with twins.

 

[Nemo2]

Former husband ends up with twins.

The 30 year old had a twin sister?

 

[Chuckanut]

The 30 year old had a twin sister?

Spoiler alert!!!


Umm...... No.

The 35 year old hottie leaves him but not until she gives him two new children. And another 18+ years of child support. Now that is sweet revenge.

 

[GravitySucks]

The 30 year old had a twin sister?

That could be a fun weekend.

 

[Nemo2]

That could be a fun weekend.

I always attempt to think positively.

 

[GravitySucks]

More fun with filters.
Reading OK Cupid blog (they do some interesting things with the large amount of data they have) and see they claim a large amount of women miss out by filtering out guys under 6 foot. Putting the ages back to where I had them and lying to say I'm 6'1" only adds two local matches. Both women that are shorter than my actual height. Maybe women of my age are not as picky on height as the average okc user.
Changed back to the truth, so there's two that won't ever know what they're missing.

 

[SecondCor521]

Now, If 2d Cor (a friend) thinks I was referring to him, I do apologize. I know he has too big a heart to criticize other people's marital choices.

Awww, thanks for the kind words Amethyst!

I didn't think you were referring to me, BTW.

 

[socca]

Who knows - the guys seeking younger women might be looking for brainy in addition to firm young(er) flesh.

I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

 

[scrabbler1]

Back in the 1980s, when was in my 20s, many women my age didn't want to have anything to do with me because I was too "young" for them; they dated men in their 30s and 40s. So how come hen I was in my 30s and 40s, women in their 20s I was still willing to date (along with women in their 30s and 40s) didn't want to date me because I was too old?

Thankfully, I am 5'11" so all those silly height restrictions women had rarely shut me out. But I am reminded of a story from back in the late 1980s after I attended a (Jewish) singles dance. I was telling my mom about it a few as later and she said something interesting and perceptive:

"I bet there were a lot of short men with beards at the dance." I thought about it and told he she was right and I asked her how did she know? She replied, "Short men have lots of trouble meeting women, which is why they go to these dances. And they often look young for their age so to compensate, they often grow beards."

 

[FlaGator]

Maybe, maybe not.

So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation.

for me I think the thing is that I've had a successful marriage so if I don't get another "long term" relationship, I'll be ok. So right now I'm just in the process of having fun meeting new people.

..........:

My compliments on being willing to dive in and mix it up.

I agree with you on the weekend invite, think that's waaay early.

Regarding anything long term, I try to remind myself that "long term" means something different in one's 50's than it did in the 20's. Not building a life together, raising kids, etc. Now there is an opportunity to have fun without those responsibilities.

Make the best of it

 

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by athena53
Who knows - the guys seeking younger women might be looking for brainy in addition to firm young(er) flesh.

I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

+1

It is interesting how common the assumption is that men will be primarily interested in women younger than them.

I met a couple of women in their 60's on Match who were certain I would only really be interested in younger women and have a second crop of kids. Like I need more kids to get out the door at this point in my life (I'm 57 with 2 still at home)......

Getting through our 40's and becoming "real adults" was challenging enough for late DW and me, and I'm not interested in helping someone else get through that phase of her life.
Rather be with someone who has been through the schnitz and is clear on what they want going forward.

In my case, found that was women who were in their mid-50's or older. Current GF is well into her 60's, and after 9 months, every day together is still an enjoyable day. Very happy for that

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

True about older guys liking younger women. But, I want to say a few things about it. I am a 47 year old man and apart from attractiveness I am not sure what else I would like about a 30 year woman.

Also the fact I know such person isn't looking for me. You have to pursue those who are interested in you. I am talking with a woman who is almost 40 and pursuing her romantically. I see nothing wrong with that. I feel there is something normal and not suspect about it. With a 30 year old I would be like, okay what does she want from me?

I would have second thoughts about a 35 year old even. I know women close to 40 and up I have a shot at. I am not wasting my time with anyone else. This is from experience.

 

[Nemo2]

With a 30 year old I would be like, okay what does she want from me?

Back when I submitted my online profile, one of the respondents was quite a bit younger, (an artist, she claimed)......she had apparently decided, (or so she said), that I was her 'soul mate' and that we should meet immediately.

"Yeah, right.....if I'm not there, start without me".

 

[splitwdw]

Gravitysucks, Tell the online dating women that you meet that you are retired. If someone is pushing to find out your finances on the first few dates, move on. Aren't these supposed to be dating services? Are older men and women in that much of a hurry to find out everything that you can in a couple of dates? Is everyone that's doing online dating, trying to marry someone that they've met online? Date and have fun and maybe you'll meet your match.

 

[JustCurious]

Are older men and women in that much of a hurry to find out everything that you can in a couple of dates? Is everyone that's doing online dating, trying to marry someone that they've met online? Date and have fun and maybe you'll meet your match.

Assuming you are looking for a long term relationship that may lead to marriage, it gets old after a while to "just have fun" with people. If you wait for date number 5 or 6 or more to start asking important questions, and you don't like the answers, you have to start over...and after doing that a number of times it gets old and exhausting (physically and emotionally) and time consuming, so you want to shortcut the process.

 

[GravitySucks]

Assuming you are looking for a long term relationship that may lead to marriage, it gets old after a while to "just have fun" with people. If you wait for date number 5 or 6 or more to start asking important questions, and you don't like the answers, you have to start over...and after doing that a number of times it gets old and exhausting (physically and emotionally) and time consuming, so you want to shortcut the process.

Even without marriage being a consideration I want to know somethings pretty soon. Mostly those things that are uncomfortable to discuss like sex and money.
Can she afford to traveling? I don't mind paying a bit more than my share, but I'm not paying for her airfare and every hotel.
Does she enjoy sex. I've met women my age who said they are done with sex.
Is she an emotional user? They're out there.
Is she bitter or over her last relationships. At this age there's baggage, but I don't want to haul both of ours. Mines heavy enough.
Most of these things take time to learn I'm not going to ask overtly on on a first or second date.

 

[JustCurious]

Does she enjoy sex. I've met women my age who said they are done with sex.

Are you serious? That would be reason enough for me not to date women your age.

 

[W2R]

Assuming you are looking for a long term relationship that may lead to marriage, it gets old after a while to "just have fun" with people. If you wait for date number 5 or 6 or more to start asking important questions, and you don't like the answers, you have to start over...and after doing that a number of times it gets old and exhausting (physically and emotionally) and time consuming, so you want to shortcut the process.

We still have fun together, after almost 2 decades. We are eternally "going steady".

I guess the reason why we don't have any "important questions" is because we have no intention of marrying or living together, and we keep our money separate. Seems like lots of older people like us have similar relationships these days.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

This thread was the topic of conversation last night in my home. I know this is selfish, but I much rather leave my wife a widow than me being a widower. That being said I asked her if i died would she date? Her response was a bit unsettling. She told me "you would be married in a year to a young girl". I said no I wouldnt I would be crying for the first year. Id get married in the second year.
She then said she knew I would haunt her from the grave if she dated, so she would wear black, cry, sit home and knit, did that make me happy? I told her no, I also want her to kiss my picture every night before she goes to bed alone. She said OK.
Im trying to save her heartache from the dating scene.

 

[GravitySucks]

This thread was the topic of conversation last night in my home. I know this is selfish, but I much rather leave my wife a widow than me being a widower. That being said I asked her if i died would she date? Her response was a bit unsettling. She told me "you would be married in a year to a young girl". I said no I wouldnt I would be crying for the first year. Id get married in the second year.

She then said she knew I would haunt her from the grave if she dated, so she would wear black, cry, sit home and knit, did that make me happy? I told her no, I also want her to kiss my picture every night before she goes to bed alone. She said OK.

Im trying to save her heartache from the dating scene.

I want to be the one buried, not doing the burying next time. I smoked, drank, eat too much and ride my bike in traffic. Never even had insurance on DW cause who'd a thunk?
DW did haunt me for a while and likes to come back and play with the appliances from time to time. Freaks DD out sometimes
I did start dating too early but got lucky with the women I met. DW was sick for years. Between the physical issues, depression and psychosis I felt I lost her years earlier. She told me to find someone soon as possible and be happy. Same as DGF said in the last week.
On my own I find I drink to much and clean the house to little

 

[Hermit]

This thread has certainly not helped me in a decision to try online dating. I guess I will wait a few more years!

 

[haha]

If I should become single again, I hope I am no longer interested in sex. It appears that the world has changed in what are to me unattractive directions.

People talk about companionship. Unclear to me what is being sought here. Some meetups are fine if all one needs is coffee and some chit-chat.

Ha