Dating advice?

I always list occupation as retired.

If asked in person I say retired and then throw my hands in the air and spin around yelling woo-hoo!
 
I've never been the victim of a gold digger, but somehow I suspect the Danger to be overblown. Once they show their cards, then you either agree to finance all their needs, or you walk away, that's all. I am unable to think of anything that would induce me to be someone's sugar parent.

GravitySucks said:
I'm certainly not going to be dishonest about what I do, but I could see the wheels spinning on ER = Unemployed Bum at coffee. And I really worry about gold diggers, so saying "I'm rich, I do what I want" isn't an option (or true.... Not the do what I want part, the I'm rich part HA)
Click to expand...
 
I'm 49 and single, so this is a pretty big issue for me, as well. I've found the easiest and most natural thing to say is that I'm a software development consultant. Usually that's sufficient to answer the question, but sometimes it leads to having to say that I work on projects for a number of different clients, and sometimes I'll even give examples -- using projects that I actually did work on several years ago. It's pretty easy to come up with stuff like this, especially if you stick to a field in which you're conversant and about which you can speak intelligently and fluently.

I steadfastly avoid saying anything that sounds like I am living a life of freedom and leisure. At my age, very few women would understand that unless they thought I was very rich and didn't need to work... and I don't want to attract those types.
 
Meadbh said:
Women don't like being lied to.



Here is an amusing article from the Guardian about a less than truthful date......



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...erm=242915&subid=20074813&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2
Click to expand...



Thanks for the link.
As stated, I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself in trying to find a date. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening. I like me.

Back to the link, men don't like being lied to either, but I overlooked the fact the profile photo was 15 years old as she was prettier in person than in the photo.
 
I don't know any women that can take off like that other than the unemployed or much older.
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I've looked for a woman as you've described also with no luck. The one GF that I had that could travel didn't want to, or it needed to be somewhere exactly like home. I've met a couple of others that couldn't afford travel or any time away from a job. I've resigned myself to the knowledge that there are interesting women everywhere I go. I'm sure not going to wait around hoping for a travel companion to show up.
 
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You might be setting yourself up with heartache in the long run, but this might provide a good stream for a while.


Male 58 seeking woman 18-35, smokers OK , social drinkers OK, children and pets OK. Must be able to travel with me a few times a year for nice all paid for vacations. NO heavy drama, looking for a companion. If currently married, husband must be still have over 10 years left on his sentence.
 
Well BCG,
I can't be with a smoker as I'm an ex smoker and can't take temptation.
I drink enough for two lately as it is.
Acceptable age range is 48 to 60. (Though I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking)
No married, no separated, I don't need home wrecker added to the resume.
Guess Pets and Children work.
In the long run with my track record (widowed then GF dying) I'm expecting heartache.
 
I would say I am retired but at the first opportunity make it clear I had enough but was not wealthy.
 
GravitySucks said:
Well BCG,
I can't be with a smoker as I'm an ex smoker and can't take temptation.
I drink enough for two lately as it is.
Acceptable age range is 48 to 60. (Though I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking)
No married, no separated, I don't need home wrecker added to the resume.
Guess Pets and Children work.
In the long run with my track record (widowed then GF dying) I'm expecting heartache.
Click to expand...

OK new ad, Successful retiree in search of a companion.Me 58 male. You 48-60 non smoker including meth and weed. I want a LOW drama companion, so no married or separated ladies. Social drinker OK, tea totaler even better, you can be the designated driver for us. Pets and children OK, must be able to take a few long vacations per year so we may explore the world together. Recent full length picture a must. :D
 
GravitySucks said:
As stated, I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself in trying to find a date. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening. I like me.
Click to expand...

Well... I like me, too, but I think we all know that 100% honesty doesn't typically work well in the dating game. Obviously you want to avoid outright duplicity, but I see absolutely no harm in saying that you're some sort of consultant, or (as someone else suggested) a private wealth manager. The last one is very strictly true, and the first one is vague enough not to be a lie. IMHO, complete and total honesty will not get you very far in the dating world, but YMMV. Consider this hypothetical first date banter:

She: "So what do you do for a living?"
You: "I was an (X) for many years, but I'm retired now."
She: "Wow, you're retired? But you're only 58! Are you rich or something?"
You: :confused:
 
You've written your own personal ad in this thread....

58yo male, recently widowed and retired, looking for a female companion age 48 to 60 (although I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking).

No married or separated women. Pets and children okay. No smokers as I'm an ex-smoker and can't take temptation. Social drinkers okay.

I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening and I want to meet someone who also wants to be themselves.

I love to see new places and will be leaving on a trip to _____________(fill in the rest of the story).
___________________________________________________________________

Your own words are charming. You've had two successful relationships. I think you'll do fine!
 
C'mon, at 58?! Srsly? If OP were 48 I could see it, but 58 is retirement territory. Nobody ever questions that I'm retired except to say that I look "too young to be retired," and that just means I have a figure and dye my hair (instead of the silly stereotype they have in their minds).

Sojourner said:
W

She: "So what do you do for a living?"
You: "I was an (X) for many years, but I'm retired now."
She: "Wow, you're retired? But you're only 58! Are you rich or something?"
You: :confused:
Click to expand...
 
Amethyst said:
C'mon, at 58?! Srsly? If OP were 48 I could see it, but 58 is retirement territory. Nobody ever questions that I'm retired except to say that I look "too young to be retired," and that just means I have a figure and dye my hair (instead of the silly stereotype they have in their minds).
Click to expand...

But my whole answer was premised on the fact that OP himself said he doesn't want to reveal that he's retired at 58 and he's honest to a fault. I was only pointing out that if he says he's retired, there will be some women who jump to the conclusion that he's wealthy, which he also said he wants to avoid. It's a Catch-22. Personally, I would have no problem saying I'm retired (or perhaps "semi-retired") at age 58.
 
"My job went away (true even if you were the one who decided to make it go away), and I took a good look and decided I could stop working as long as I am careful with my money." = you aren't a bum, nor a sugar daddy.

Where to find someone who can travel with you? That's tougher. Teacher for summers. Flight attendant. Don't forget too that at your age, many will be retiring in not too many years so if you're looking long term it will eventually work out.
 
Amethyst said:
C'mon, at 58?! Srsly? If OP were 48 I could see it, but 58 is retirement territory. Nobody ever questions that I'm retired except to say that I look "too young to be retired," and that just means I have a figure and dye my hair (instead of the silly stereotype they have in their minds).
Click to expand...



Honestly other than here I know no one under 62 that retired. The coworkers that were RIF ed had to find other work or were already well over 60.
 
So on reflection, my problem is more a lack of dating experience than just the ER status.
More than likely the previous relationships ending how they did will probably scare off more women than the lack of ambition. I'd have a hard time dating someone with this baggage.[emoji848]

Guess I'll just try having some fun and let things fall as they may.
 
Yeah, go on some dates and have some fun. The practice is worth it too. After 30 years of marriage I needed a little practice.
 
RunningBum said:
"My job went away (true even if you were the one who decided to make it go away), and I took a good look and decided I could stop working as long as I am careful with my money." = you aren't a bum, nor a sugar daddy
Click to expand...

+1
 
Sojourner said:
I was only pointing out that if he says he's retired, there will be some women who jump to the conclusion that he's wealthy, which he also said he wants to avoid. It's a Catch-22.
Click to expand...

Simply put, I am a retired gentleman of modest but independent means.

In other words, I have enough $$'s for me, but not for two. She has to bring her own dollars to the party. :)
 
Just be honest, but careful.
 
RunningBum said:
"My job went away (true even if you were the one who decided to make it go away), and I took a good look and decided I could stop working as long as I am careful with my money." = you aren't a bum, nor a sugar daddy.
Click to expand...

I may steal this when I start on-line dating- not ready yet. The OP doesn't even need "my job went away"- it could just be "I worked as (previous career) but had a lot of other things I wanted to do with my life and decided I could stop working as long as I am careful with money". I like that last part because I'm concerned about attracting moochers.
 
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