Dating advice?

[ls99]

In another thread I noted I am not in the "looking for" mode. This thread is amusing and informative.

Yet I am definitely in the "observing" mode. In my dance class it is well known I am a recent widower, as is my age. They suspect I am more than financially stable. Which is accurate, though I do not discuss it.

It is a lot of fun to observe the machinations of the single women in the class. Some are very keen on extensive body contact even if the dance does not call for it. Often the gazes are priceless. And there is always much small talk on dance floor. I do not get involved with anyone who is in class, in any after class activities. Next year, maybe, too soon to tell.

I have resolved to never do online dating. I met DW in a coffee shop,where we were both regulars. Nearly two years passed before we started dating.

Figure in an other six or seven months I may start taking a closer look. However, I have created a first requirement. She must be able to dance, something besides line dance. Preferably a reasonable facsimile of Argentine Tango. I suspect that alone restricts the field by a wide margin.

Edit add: The dance requirement pretty much eliminates any blind dates.

 

[Chuckanut]

. The shower head thingy would have pleased me no end. As you say: Things that make your life easier, and more fun.

.

Ahh...... I won't go much farther with that......

 

[RunningBum]

Well, guess this one saw unemployed bum from the first meeting as she just texted to postpone the second date.

You never know, it could be for a legit reason.

 

[haha]

I was happy if they offered to pay the tip on a dinner, at least it was a sign they weren't in it for the free meal.

True, though they were getting an 80% discount...

Ha

 

[W2R]

Dating men from one of those dating websites was an overall horrible experience, so you have my sympathy.

Thank goodness I met Frank that way (finally!) so I never have to go through that again. This is our 18th year together.

 

[Amethyst]

Why would it eliminate blind dates, though? Or did you mean "blind" as in "visually"??

s thread is amusing and informative.

She must be able to dance, something besides line dance. Preferably a reasonable facsimile of Argentine Tango. I suspect that alone restricts the field by a wide margin.

Edit add: The dance requirement pretty much eliminates any blind dates.

 

[bclover]

What is wrong with "I used to ..., but now I'm retired ...." ?

Pretty much what I'm using.

Op, so I just decided to get back out there into the dating world, lol my niece has lovingly reminded me "You're not getting anyone younger Auntie".

I've only been on a few dates so far and usually I just say that "I use to be a Chemist for XYZ corporation". If they ask what I do now I simply say I'm semi retired.

truthfully after the first initial conversation it doesn't come up much. I did have a date with a gentlemen, he asked me where I live and when I told him, he replied "ooh high rent district". ooookaaay....

 

[ivinsfan]

Well, guess this one saw unemployed bum from the first meeting as she just texted to postpone the second date.

So this is a point in favor of just being honest that you are retired and support yourself that way. There is nothing wrong with a modern self-supporting woman not wanted to get involved with someone if she's not sure the guy is even solvent. That has to cut both ways, if you don't want a gold-digger why can't she want a guy with the means to pay all his bills?
You are ER, you've been careful with and saved your money because you value your free time. This is obviously going to be a part of your life and you'd want any potential partner to a the very least respect what you have accomplished.

 

[ivinsfan]

Pretty much what I'm using.

Op, so I just decided to get back out there into the dating world, lol my niece has lovingly reminded me "You're not getting anyone younger Auntie".

I've only been on a few dates so far and usually I just say that "I use to be a Chemist for XYZ corporation". If they ask what I do now I simply say I'm semi retired.

truthfully after the first initial conversation it doesn't come up much.

Bravo to you, despite this thread, I think it's a lot harder for older ladies to go back to the dating games...are you using an online forum.

 

[Amethyst]

Calm down, Beavis. (Or is it Butthead? I mix them up).

Ahh...... I won't go much farther with that......

 

[Amethyst]

Some people just say things like that, and it doesn't mean much or is a compliment. I had a short work gig in New York City years ago, and made friends with the admin assistants on my floor. They wanted to know what part of New Jersey I was from and when I told them, one exclaimed, "Oh, you must be rich!" and the others nodded and laughed. I did not tell them that when I was growing up there, it was strictly the sticks, and we held our nose on the school bus going past stinky cow pastures that were now developed into yuppie mansions!

I did have a date with a gentlemen, he asked me where I live and when I told him, he replied "ooh high rent district". ooookaaay....

 

[Bestwifeever]

So this is a point in favor of just being honest that you are retired and support yourself that way. There is nothing wrong with a modern self-supporting woman not wanted to get involved with someone if she's not sure the guy is even solvent. That has to cut both ways, if you don't want a gold-digger why can't she want a guy with the means to pay all his bills?
You are ER, you've been careful with and saved your money because you value your free time. This is obviously going to be a part of your life and you'd want any potential partner to a the very least respect what you have accomplished.

I was thinking this too--would you want a woman who was attracted to or would settle for unemployed bums? You might get some gold-diggerish types if you improved your persona to successfully retired, but you would probably get some hits from women who are FI and looking for similar-minded men.

 

[ls99]

Why would it eliminate blind dates, though? Or did you mean "blind" as in "visually"??

Odds are highly against it. I will not go on any blind dates. Never have. Likely someone will bring along a woman to a dance. Or will be a "casual" introduction with a mention of dancing, having nothing to do with the dating scene. Women are masters at social engineering/maneuvering.

Dancing with a woman tells a myriad of stories, even if the conversation during, before or after dance is merely a few words. Already there have been a few introductions through dance.

 

[Chuckanut]

I once heard of ballroom dancing described as the last activity where a man can approach a woman he doesn't know well, hold a her in his arms, tell her what she should do and when she should do it, and she is happy with all of it.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

Maybe it's just the way I grew up, in a house of angry, ignorant, ineffectual drunks, but if somebody isn't all that "in" to me I find it easy and better, to just walk away. I cannot change anyone's mind any easier than they can change mine. Like the basis of the Buddhist philosophy paraphrased as: "Stop going through Life wanting so many things and you'll be happier"

I once heard a little "Life's Lesson" expressed in a movie called "Killdozer." (Yes, I'm the kind of person who notices these things)

Travel light and travel alone. Anything else you get is gravy. It's all good.

Killdozer!! Saw it too, once very late at night on the boob tube. But didn't realize it was a philosophical reflection on modern life

 

[haha]

I once heard of ballroom dancing described as the last activity where a man can approach a woman he doesn't know well, hold a her in his arms, tell her what she should do and when she should do it, and she is happy with all of it.

Sometimes not so much the latter 2 items!

Ha

 

[Meadbh]

I once heard of ballroom dancing described as the last activity where a man can approach a woman he doesn't know well, hold a her in his arms, tell her what she should do and when she should do it, and she is happy with all of it.

I never could excel at ballroom dancing. I always wanted to lead.

 

[Amethyst]

I have literally never been with anyone who was remotely interested in ballroom dancing. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I guess I had the impression it was for rich old people...oh, wait

I always get a mental image of this movie: Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing and Charm School Movie Review (2006) | Roger Ebert

I never could excel at ballroom dancing. I always wanted to lead.

 

[jim584672]

I usually go with "person of independent means, and international man of mystery".

 

[GravitySucks]

From now on its "Man of independent though modest means".
So I guess Chuckanut wins the thread.
You can pick up your prize any time.

 

[travelover]

I never could excel at ballroom dancing. I always wanted to lead.

It is called "back leading" and I've danced with a few women who can do it without making you feel like a you are in a tug of war.

 

[razztazz]

Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
I never could excel at ballroom dancing. I always wanted to lead.

It is called "back leading" and I've danced with a few women who can do it without making you feel like a you are in a tug of war.

I can't tell the difference

 

[RobbieB]

I don't dance, but it never was a factor in dating.

 

[bclover]

Bravo to you, despite this thread, I think it's a lot harder for older ladies to go back to the dating games...are you using an online forum.

Yes. I'm on match, just started it. so have a 3 month trial.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I'd always heard awful things about blind dates, but that's how I met my DH, so it worked for me. Sadly, he can't dance but makes up for it in a thousand other ways.

Having been married to someone who would not get a job, the "bum" description would make me pass on a profile, but I think financially responsible women (even those not FI themselves) would be intrigued by someone who was able to retire early.