Dating advice?

Blue Collar Guy said:
This thread was the topic of conversation last night in my home. I know this is selfish, but I much rather leave my wife a widow than me being a widower. That being said I asked her if i died would she date? Her response was a bit unsettling. She told me "you would be married in a year to a young girl". I said no I wouldnt I would be crying for the first year. Id get married in the second year.
She then said she knew I would haunt her from the grave if she dated, so she would wear black, cry, sit home and knit, did that make me happy? I told her no, I also want her to kiss my picture every night before she goes to bed alone. She said OK.
Im trying to save her heartache from the dating scene.:D
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Only way I'd believe her is if she had her hand on a Bible when she said "OK". If she did say OK, was the other hand behind her back with her fingers crossed? :LOL:
 
haha said:
People talk about companionship. Unclear to me what is being sought here. Some meetups are fine if all one needs is coffee and some chit-chat.

Ha
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I always have a few Entenmann's cakes in the house, and I'm an expert in making a pot of coffee. If I could leave the couch for more than 10 minutes(my mom misses me) I would host a daily/weekly Dryer sheet meetup at my house. I guarantee a few laughs, we would put all the dating services out of business.
 
Tomorrow I leave for a place that should be full of like minded people. Camping with a bunch of hippies in Colorado mountains hot springs for a couple weeks. I'm going to try my luck in the physical world instead of the dating sites. If I can't find someone to hang out and have some fun with there I'm gonna look into the priesthood when I get back.
 
JustCurious said:
Assuming you are looking for a long term relationship that may lead to marriage, it gets old after a while to "just have fun" with people. If you wait for date number 5 or 6 or more to start asking important questions, and you don't like the answers, you have to start over...and after doing that a number of times it gets old and exhausting (physically and emotionally) and time consuming, so you want to shortcut the process.
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I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date. There are those few people that we click with right away but those are few. Maybe that is part of the problem, wanting to consolidate everything into 30 second dating. Are people taking a checklist with them on their 1st and 2nd date?
My neighbor has been dating and he doesn't seem to know or care that the woman he's dating now flatters him constantly. He said she's had a rough first marriage but the little things that she's done (rolling her eyes, correcting him, butting in when he's talking to others) when we've been around, point to her as a problem. He takes her to nice restaurants a couple times a week to make up for the "bad times" she's had and he bought her earrings that she couldn't stop talking about. His brother and another male neighbor told him not to be buying gifts but he thinks "she's the one". He's only been dating her since May of this year. His first wife was a sweetie and died 2 years ago from cancer. I think he's lonesome and even though signs are there that this woman isn't a good choice, the loneness outweighs the signs. How much can you butt in and should you?

Not to say that I'm the best judge of character. I was friends for about 2 years with someone that was the biggest liar AND murderer:facepalm:
 
splitwdw said:
I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date.
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I agree that you can't really know a person that quickly (although you can get clues and form a general impression), but I disagree that you should not expect to get honest answers before the 5th or 6th date. I expect honest answers at all times, regardless of the number of dates.
 
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splitwdw said:
I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date. There are those few people that we click with right away but those are few. Maybe that is part of the problem, wanting to consolidate everything into 30 second dating. Are people taking a checklist with them on their 1st and 2nd date?
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No checklist. I let the conversation flow where it will. Often you can see the red flags either at the meet & greet or after a date or two (LAYM, complainer, controller, alcoholic, tons of baggage, etc.) if you are paying attention. It's about then that I politely pull the plug. No sense dragging things out further.

Sounds like your buddy isn't paying attention to the red flags, though. I feel bad for him.

omni
 
GravitySucks said:
Can she afford to traveling? I don't mind paying a bit more than my share, but I'm not paying for her airfare and every hotel.
Does she enjoy sex. I've met women my age who said they are done with sex.
Is she an emotional user? They're out there.
Is she bitter or over her last relationships. At this age there's baggage, but I don't want to haul both of ours. Mine's heavy enough.
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Wow- except for the "emotional baggage" item (I don't really have any, thank God, and want someone else without too much), I think you stole my list!

I'd be reluctant to ask the question, "so... are you still up for sex?" too early for fear of it being interpreted as an immediate invitation. Frankly, though, I'd be very disappointed if there was no prospect of a healthy sexual relationship after a decent interval.
 
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JustCurious said:
I agree that you can't really know a person that quickly (although you can get clues and form a general impression), but I disagree that you should not expect to get honest answers before the 5th or 6th date. I expect honest answers at all times, regardless of the number of dates.
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You are right, you can get clues and you should get honest answers but I'm not sure you'll get them all the time. People are on their best (or what they think is their best) behavior. My aunt can't figure out why she doesn't get many second dates. She monopolizes the conversation, always has. Who wants to sit through a monologue? When you say something to her she claims she doesn't. :nonono:
 
I do not know if they even have this thing anymore, but a few years ago(early 2000's), they had this concept of speed dating. One of my single friends (co-worker) went to a lounge, they had maybe 20 girls and twenty guys, and you got 5 minutes to chat and they told you to switch seats and chat for 5 minutes to the next person. I was so hysterical at the whole thing Im sure I missed some of the details. If you remotely liked the other person you gave them your #. He would leave with maybe 10 or so phone numbers.
 
Blue Collar Guy said:
They discovered the internet, no one goes out anymore. If your a widow forgetabout it, your friends are scared you will steal their husbands.
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lol, oh God I hope not. My best friend married my brother. my family has a "no-backsies" policy so we remind her she's stuck with him.

My other GF is getting divorced (3X). Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem îs we live in Philadelphia. :rolleyes: because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.
 
bclover said:
a lumberjack. problem îs we live in Philadelphia. :rolleyes: because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.
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Some of us look GREAT in red flannel shirts. Maybe not to much timber in Philly, but not much competition either.
 
Amethyst said:
Unfortunately, I can definitely see this happening with younger women. I don't think it is going to be too much of an issue with older ones, though. We know Prince Charming isn't actually around the corner, and if he does, he has nose hair.
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I would think it would be those pesky ear hairs. Nose hair isnt a problem...yet anyways.....But I cant stand ear hair...I might not be able to keep my face looking 25, but I can my ears...As long as I have sufficient plucking time, lol...
 
After I was widowed I tried online dating . I put my age at one year less because I had spent a year crying so that could not count and because of that I met my SO who had his age level set ending at 52 instead of 53 which I was .We have been together 17 years .If I could give any advice it would be to give everyone a chance . You never know who you will find .
 
Sojourner said:
I dated a woman who said this exact thing on our first date! Talk about honesty. :facepalm: We didn't meet on Tinder, but she told me how much she liked the app and how using it had enabled her to "experience the finer things in the city for free". Needless to say, when the check came, she didn't reach for it. :nonono:
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Had that happened to me, I would have asked for separate cheques and not cared a bit if she didn't have enough to pay for her share :)
 
bclover said:
Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem îs we live in Philadelphia. :rolleyes: because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.
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I was a lumberjack in Williamsport, just a few hours from Philly.[emoji111]

That said WAS is the important word. Good way to become poor, dead or both.
 
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