Family Handouts

[Danmar]

Really never been asked for money but both DW and I have given fairly large gifts to friends and relatives. Mostly outsized birthday presents, or house warming gifts, or gifts when they become unemployed, etc. works best if you can attach some sort of reason to it. Seems less like charity that way.

 

[Ally]

No, and I don't expect to be asked. Although we are just fine, our children have much higher paying jobs than we did and are very frugal. Our other relatives also do very well and are not spenders. If we were asked in an emergency, we would consider it a gift.



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[rodi]

OTOH, one could turn a negative into a positive:
Once a deadbeat relative doesn't repay the loan, they're unlikely to go back to you asking for more.

"...you still owe me for the last loan, so...no".

I'd expect that each trip to the well would be for higher and higher amounts of money, so early on, you can 'buy' an easy out for more requests.

That didn't work in our family. My sister never borrowed from my parents. I borrowed some towards the down payment of my first house. This was so I could avoid PMI and have a 20% downpayment. We had signed contracts and I made monthly payments with interest. My dad matched the bank interest rate on the primary loan but a shorter term (5 years instead of 30). I paid it off in 4. My brother borrowed every time a car died. He'd make sporadic payments that always ended before the loan was paid off. My dad finally declined, pointing out he was still owed for the previous car (and the car before that). They didn't speak much for about 3 years, reconciling only when they both got terminal diagnoses the same week. (Both felt the need to reach out to the other and patch things up.)

My brother had no problem coming back to "bank of Dad" multiple times, despite having outstanding loans.

 

[Calico]

That didn't work in our family....
My brother had no problem coming back to "bank of Dad" multiple times, despite having outstanding loans.

My two sisters kept returning to the Bank of Dad up until a few months before my father died. I have no idea how much they still owed him when he died, but I'm sure it was a substantial sum for each of them. I never took a penny from him after the age of 18.

One sister has worked at a world-class university in Mass for about 25 years, and will receive a good pension when the time comes. As for the other sister, I have no idea how she supports herself these days. They both know better than to darken my door with their hand out, however.

 

[Cassie]

My brother asked for a $3500 loan for a retainer to get a divorce. I gifted him 1/2 and the remaining half was a loan which he repaid within 5 months. The other times I sent him money I just said they were gifts, he was having a rough time. I was glad I was able to be there for him. Other than him I don't loan money.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

My brother and sister (my last immediate family) are better off than we are as is one of my DWS sibs. The other two wouldn't dare ask.

Some think we are well off because I worked overseas. If I had not, we would be in deep doodoo now, but we are not well off, just safe.

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[Ed_The_Gypsy]

1

 

[Dreaming of Freedom]

In 1980 I was 25 and my brother was 19. He was living out of state, broke and desperate. I sent him a $50 money order so that he wouldn't starve. It was a gift that I was happy to send because I had plenty to live on and he didn't.

He wrote back to thank me and tell me that he used it to buy some really good weed.

Learned my lesson on that one! Luckily it was only a $50 lesson.

He may have eaten it and fulfilled two of his "needs", food & fun.

 

[marko]

That didn't work in our family....
My brother had no problem coming back to "bank of Dad" multiple times, despite having outstanding loans.

But that was Dad's fault. Dad could've said "no, you still owe me money...so, no more until it's repaid".

I was pointing out that an outstanding loan not repaid gives you that opportunity to say no. And in that case, a loan not repaid can be a positive thing.