Friends or Financial Independance?

[Marmiteman]

Hi,

I have just registered as a member of this Forum! The subject of my eventual retirement has been uppermost in my mind for more than a year and I look forward to participating in this forum!

I guess my first topic relates to the question retirement or EARLY(ish) retirement.

My wife & I are boomers and live in the NY metro area, I'm bored silly by my job. By my estimates - allowing for conservative stock market growth - retirement is approximately 4 yeas away. Included in that calculation is moving about an hour away to the PA side of the Delaware River. That move would realize about 10% of my retirement assets from the Real Estate downsize.

I could probably knock AT LEAST 2 years off that schedule were I to move to an even lower Real Estate market such as Texas. The big question that I cannot answer for myself is would I be crazy to gain Financial Independance at the cost of abandoning my entire social network ? It's all very well planning an adventure but to be lonely & independant might not be such a result?

Any words of wisdom or warning from retirees who have encountered the same dilemma?

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

First only and biggest question is how much of your social network would you lose as a result of dropping out of work and changing your lifestyle?

I 'lost' about 1/3 of my social network when I stopped working; the folks I went out for dinner and/or drinks once a week to collectively whine about our jobs and our company. I wasnt as much fun when I didnt care anymore

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Hi,

I have just registered as a member of this Forum! The subject of my eventual retirement has been uppermost in my mind for more than a year and I look forward to participating in this forum!

I guess my first topic relates to the question retirement or EARLY(ish) retirement. 

My wife & I are boomers and live in the NY metro area, I'm bored silly by my job. By my estimates - allowing for conservative stock market growth - retirement is approximately 4 yeas away. Included in that calculation is moving about an hour away to the PA side of the Delaware River.  That move would realize about 10% of my retirement assets from  the Real Estate downsize.

I could probably knock AT LEAST 2 years off that schedule were I to move to an even lower Real Estate market such as Texas.  The big question that I cannot answer for myself is would I be crazy to gain Financial Independance at the cost of abandoning my entire social network ? It's all very well planning an adventure but to be lonely & independant might not be such a result?

Any words of wisdom or warning from retirees who have encountered the same dilemma?

This is a common problem. In my case, I assume that I will establish a new social network where I happen to land. I understand that not everyone feels
this way. OTOH, I live now near to where I grew up, soooooooooo
I know lots of people, including some friends of many many years.
It would be tough to leave them (especially now), but I could come up
with a new group pretty quickly I think.

JG

 

[Mr._johngalt]

First only and biggest question is how much of your social network would you lose as a result of dropping out of work and changing your lifestyle?

I 'lost' about 1/3 of my social network when I stopped working; the folks I went out for dinner and/or drinks once a week to collectively whine about our jobs and our company.  I wasnt as much fun when I didnt care anymore

I lost almost 100% of my social network from my "Captain of Industry" days.
Sad but true. OTOH, I soon reconnected with a bunch of people from my
past lives, as well as some new folks. Unless you have nothing to offer
(or are just boring), it's not that hard. I do miss a lot of those former
friends/co-workers/associates/lovers . However, we must move on.............

JG

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Eh, it was about the same drop rate I got when changing jobs. Some people just stick together over that simple tie that binds. Nobody I missed. When I moved an hour northward, I lost a few more, but most of the good and valued friends are still available now and then in person, and frequently by email or the phone. 2-3 years in a new place/area usually ends up with regenerated friends and neighbors.

 

[Honkie]

Marmiteman,

Hi and welcome. I have moved city twice and also moved country 3 times during my (still ongoing) working life. I have found that in every place a new social group has evolved, initially in the new workplace and gradually expanding over time through other social activities, hobbies and groups I have joined. Being retired the initial workplace is obviously out for you. Each time I have moved, I have found that the good friends/stronger relationships forged haven't diminished through distance and I have remained very close to some of the people. The strongest friendships will last whatever the distance and the weaker ones would drift regardless. Just my experience.

Cheer

Honkie

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Marmiteman,

Hi and welcome. I have moved city twice and also moved country 3 times during my (still ongoing) working life. I have found that in every place a new social group has evolved, initially in the new workplace and gradually expanding over time through other social activities, hobbies and groups I have joined. Being retired the initial workplace is obviously out for you. Each time I have moved, I have found that the good friends/stronger relationships forged haven't diminished through distance and I have remained very close to some of the people. The strongest friendships will last whatever the distance and the weaker ones would drift regardless. Just my experience.

Cheer

Honkie

I agree with Honkie. My best friend in the world was known to me my whole life.
I was gone (geographically) for 25 years. He is still my best friend.
That kind of friend is worth more than gold.

JG

 

[Honkie]

That kind of friend is worth more than gold. JG

I guess my transient life thus far has helped me identify the real difference between a true good friend and a more casual friend or acquaintance. Having said that, I know some people who NEED to have a large group around them, whether they are good friends or not, simply for the support (ego?) boost it brings to "know" lots of people (maybe they have a need to be popular/believe they are popular, i don't know).

Personally, give me a handfull of great lifelong friends, I don't need a group of fifty other "buddies". That's just me.

 

[OldAgePensioner]

Marmite?
You ingest Marmite and still have friends? What next Vegamite or Bromite?

 

[Honkie]

Nothing wrong with vegemite!!!!!

 

[frayne]

Also was bored silly by my job, downsized the big house for condo living and got off the treadmill early. Still early into ER but so far no regrets. As far as the social aspect, still in the same area but making new aquaintances through my hobbies, golf and motorcycle riding. Even if you stayed put and took ER, you would be finding new social contacts because many of the regulars are still at the grindstone. Tough call but change can be good.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Nothing wrong with vegemite!!!!!

I'm suspicious of anything made with yeast that doesnt produce alcohol...

 

[Marmiteman]

Let's not get into the delights of national food preferences.

There are an awful lot of Brits who cannot understand the American penchant for peanut butter & jelly. y-er-UK!

Granted Marmite is this side of smelling salts to an untrained nose, but it is something akin to cricket.....a wonderful game that you couldn't give away to foreigners but enjoyed with a passion bythose bought up with it!

 

[Martha]

Never could stomach peanut butter and jelly--yuck. But then again, I kinda like potato sausage. And lutefisk with mustard isn't so bad either.

 

[deserat]

To unhijack the post - I think it's important that you and your spouse determine what type of people you are and what you like in friendships. Some people like being with the same people and 'hanging out' a lot. Some like a small set of friends.

I've moved around the US and world a lot. I've found that certain friends have stayed in touch over the years. They know they have a place to stay wherever I am and vice versa. We can pick up immediately where we left off from years. I've found that these friends and family are important for me - more so than the acquaintances one meets over the years. I also know that I need time alone more so than what I consider at times inane socializing. Therefore, for me, having a huge social network where I live isn't important.

In any case, understanding who you are and what you require should help you to figure out how moving away will affect you.

Bridget

 

[Marmiteman]

Bridgit
Thanks for that sane advice!

It makes perfect sense. I have wonderful friend both here and in my native Britain - Real Estate prices in a place like Austin TX, compared with metro NY would make Financial Independance a reality much sooner. Making a new life would also be an adventure of sorts. However, there is that lurking fear of waking up one morning a new home far away from all things familiar and thinking "what have I done"

You are quite right - I have to analyse me before I'll get the right answer!

Thanks.

 

[Martha]

We have considered moving in retirement. But I am a homebody. I like to go on trips but in the end, I want to go home. I like having my best friends in driving distance.

So what are you like?

 

[Mr._johngalt]

We have considered moving in retirement. But  I am a homebody.  I like to go on trips but in the end, I want to go home.  I like having my best friends in driving distance.

So what are you like?

I am the same, but have friends all over the country and am socially very
aggressive. So, I want to go home also, but I retain the ability to make that
home in a large number of places.

JG

 

[Nords]

But  I am a homebody.  I like to go on trips but in the end, I want to go home.  I like having my best friends in driving distance.

So what are you like?

Homebody. But I like vacationing and we're intrigued by the idea of spending a few months abroad...

 

[SteveR]

I have moved many times and have lived in several places including: IL, PA, TN, NC, Puerto Rico, TX, and now UT. I am still on the treadmill but am planning on pulling the plug in about 2 years. My sons and my new wife's daughters and their families are here so we have no plans to move anytime soon. If we were to move, it would be to a lakefront somewhere in east TN (no income tax).

Friends? It is hard to make friends other than work-related ones when you move a lot and change companies. We hope to find some but we both work crazy hours right now so there is little time to find them outside of work.

Before you move, live in a rental for 6 months to see how you like it. You may find that your dream spot is not so dreamy after you see how life really is in that area. Humidity, bugs, snakes, fire ants, heat, red necks etc. call all add to your misery and difficulty in adjusting. Take your time and really get to know the new place before you jump in with both feet.

 

[laurence]

Our best friends live about 500 miles away in the bay area (3 seperate couples). DW and I have determined that our relationships are so strong partly due to this intermediate distance between us. Consequently, we are pretty sure we'll retire somewhere within a day's drive of our "social network", because the half dozen times a year we spend with our friends seem to be enough. Perhaps I'm more of a loner than I know...

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Friends?  It is hard to make friends other than work-related ones when you move a lot and change companies.  We hope to find some but we both work crazy hours right now so there is little time to find them outside of work. 

I think as we grow older, it's harder to make friends outside of work, period. As one climbs the corporate ladder, one's social circle tends to resemble one's work circle, since climbing higher and higher ultimately depends on who you know, rather than what you know. :

 

[Nords]

I think as we grow older, it's harder to make friends outside of work, period.  As one climbs the corporate ladder, one's social circle tends to resemble one's work circle, since climbing higher and higher ultimately depends on who you know, rather than what you know. :

The submarine force prides itself on curt, formatted responses of extremely limited vocabulary. You can imagine how that translates to spending time with family or going to parties, and it wasn't very successful at building a wide circle of friends.

But today, three years into ER, I have plenty of time for seemingly idle conversation. I've been amazed at how much more fascinating the neighbors have become, and I've learned quite a lot at various retail establishments in the middle of the morning during the middle of the week. Simple tactics like "Let me ask you a question:" and "So, as I understand that..." have led to an amazing number of new acquaintances. No new friends yet (other than the neighbors) but I have decades to practice.

I think the key to developing this new skill is not having to go to work. When you don't see everything as a distraction from work, then suddenly everyone you see becomes a potential new friend. (Unless they piss me off.) Spouse has noticed that I suddenly have the ability to schmooze endlessly while extracting quite a bit of information from people she'd never look at twice.

This leisurely approach to conversation also has amazing powers to terrorize customer service reps. When they realize that I might be their ONLY call of the shift, they begin to seek solutions...

 

[deserat]

I think the types of friends one has as they age can change due to one's interests and maturing in general. I used to think it was harder to make friends as I got older, but now I don't think that. I try to make sure that I'm involved in a myriad of areas, so I get a larger sample of "people-types" to befriend. Also, some people are of the few friends versus many acquaintances type. It bothers me if all of my friends are from work as that means I'm pretty one-dimensional.

I keep remembering my old Girl Scout saying: make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.

I have this recurring daydream where my friends from the different parts of my life all come to a party and realize how different they all are and wonder how I had all these different types of friends - entertains me a lot at times

Bridget

 

[laurence]

DW and I hold an annual X-mas party at our house, it started when the company I worked for at the time cancelled the much beloved company party due to budget cuts. We provide all the food, home made turkey, stuffing, honey baked ham, all the trimmings, a dozen deserts, and a full open bar, and we have a gift exchange to boot. It's awesome to see all our friends from different walks of life come together for this event, and each year the crowd gets bigger (last year was 60 people, and I'm already getting asked about this year!). Friends do add so much to life.