Giving up on all things that gives me stress ...

[robnplunder]

I have been retired for two years now and I have realized that I have given up (or trying very hard) on things that gives me stress. It includes things like following any sport team, staying away from family members who only call when they are in trouble, avoiding to go out during traffic ours, ... Instead, I pick activities, hobbies and interests which won't bring stress. Did this change happen to you soon after ER? Care to share?

 

[Live And Learn]

Just about the same here. I did however over-volunteer at one point, doing things that I enjoyed. But to much of a good thing led to stress which led me to drop a couple of volunteer gigs.

I do think I see a negative impact of treated stress however. Lately my memory has been really really poor. I have to wonder if it it's because life has become "soft" (comfortable, stress free for the most part).

 

[braumeister]

The retirement decision was very deliberately based on getting away from stress. I've consciously avoided it ever since.

 

[W2R]

I have been retired for two years now and I have realized that I have given up (or trying very hard) on things that gives me stress. It includes things like following any sport team, staying away from family members who only call when they are in trouble, avoiding to go out during traffic ours, ... Instead, I pick activities, hobbies and interests which won't bring stress. Did this change happen to you soon after ER? Care to share?

Absolutely! Although I still try to keep a little bit informed, I don't listen to the news as much any more as I used to because it stresses me out. If I start feeling stressed, I immediately stop whatever-it-is and play a video game called "Animal Crossing, New Leaf". This game is the most calming, peaceful, stress free game of all time, bar none, IMO.

I must admit that I played a prior version of this game after work during my last year of work, also, to help relieve work stress.

 

[robnplunder]

Absolutely! Although I still try to keep a little bit informed, I don't listen to the news as much any more as I used to because it stresses me out.

I've disconnected Dish after 17 years of being a customer. If I have it, I watch CNN/Fox and other news which can stress me. I thought this was a bit extreme as I have very little clue what is going on out there. People'd mention some recent events and DW and I often go "huh?" I am almost tuned out from the reality in that sense.

 

[street]

Oh ya I do to but have a few things I'm still active in, it can causes stress if I let it. Lol

I'm a board of directors for a foundation and have work there that has to be done it goes along with the job. I said the other day to my wife I really don't need this in my life but it does give me pleasure and satisfaction what this foundation does for people. So I know what you are saying. LOL

Football is something you mentioned I to can get worked up over a stupid game which is just entertainment. I look at the NFL like it is a soap opera it has more drama and I laugh at it now because I don't have a dime in it. It I think I'm getting stressed I leave and head for my ranch. Lol

 

[FIREd]

You betcha! Of course it is impossible to cut stress completely out of one's life, but I am doing my best. I don't avoid all stressors (like flying for example) because sometimes they may lead to great memories, but I really try to avoid all unnecessary stressful situations (like getting stuck in rush hour traffic when I could have avoided it or dealing with people who enjoy chaos and drama).

 

[Spock]

Running away from all stress just lowers your sensitivity to what you find stressful.

I fully understand avoiding the news to avoid stress... I do it myself. But it needs to be balanced else as they say "Ignorance is bliss".

 

[Walt34]

Lack of stress is one of the best things about being retired. If it is stressful I don't do it.

 

[FreeBear]

We do big social mixers at church weekly. I have mixed feelings. I do enjoy talking to some people, having the opportunity to see things from new and different viewpoints. I also support the church's overall mission. I just don't like big crowds, never have. It's very stressful sometimes!

On the other hand, I really love one-on-one or very small group mentoring, especially if good coffee or food is involved. I've found my new calling...

Still don't know what to do about the big social stuff. Mainly just tolerate it because it's such a big part of our community. I reward myself with a few days of personal creative time and just together time w/ DW.

 

[H2ODude]

Crowds give me great stress, always have. I think the most stressful thing we do these days is travel. Enjoy when we get there, but preparing, actually flying, airports, customs, needing to be aware of surroundings is all a stressor for me. Still go, but realize there are some pretty uncomfortable aspects of travel for me.

I'm with OP regarding avoiding being out when everyone else is. I like my life uncrowded.

 

[truenorth418]

There are studies that show eliminating the negative factors - commute, negative people, etc - is the key to happiness. I’m trying to do this too.

 

[Elbata]

Good topic and I enjoy the comments.

It's interesting. I'm finding this is definitely becoming part of my life and it's not like anyone told me this is what I should do.

I understand one can go too far, but last week happened to be a week where I was just content to be at home. No billiards, table tennis, golf--just vegetating, loving my reading and being with my two doggies.

I get bemused watching others going to and fro making the world go round. I feel like I've jumped off the merry-go-round.

 

[aja8888]

Stress is OUT for me!

I gave up watching televised news...all of it, any channel. I don't care if someone did something to someone else or that some politician got caught stealing of doing something immoral.

No Facebook....period!

I only hang out with friends that are in the league above (which is most of my ROMEO group.

The Houston Chronicle is no longer subscribed to.

My focus is taking care of DW, who is pretty much handicapped, and my hobbies which are auto related.

 

[athena53]

I've gradually gotten people I can't trust out of my life... that includes my first husband and a couple of former bosses. I tend to retreat rather than confront, but hey, at least I eventually come to my senses and get out. Life is so much easier when you don't have to try and figure out who's lying.

As others have noted, there are stressors after retirement, but you get to choose. I hate the TSA but flying is the most practical way to get to, say, Iceland or India, so I choose to deal with the TSA. OTOH, I can choose my volunteer activities and make sure they don't take over my life and quit if I find them too stressful. I left a church Finance Committee when we spent a lot of time worrying about keeping the doors open. I'd been through bad times with my spendthrift ex-husband and felt like I was re-living it even though my own finances were just fine. (Our priest found another post, we got a part-timer who costs a lot less and I'm back on the Committee.) I'm perfectly happy on the HOA Board but there are two genuinely nasty people in the neighborhood that I've dealt with and don't want to deal with again so I will never be HOA Board President.

I never did watch the news on TV. I do follow Internet news sites and podcasts but if they get too much into gloom and doom on a particular issue such as global warming, terrorism or depletion of natural resources, I stop listening. I want to be aware of issues but not to the extent I get depressed and worried about them.

It is good to have choices.

 

[RAE]

I also no longer watch the news or sports on tv. I still keep up with the news (the stuff that interests me, anyway), by just browsing the news sites on the web. I find that to be much less stressful. I gave up watching sports for many reasons, but the way it sometimes got me agitated was definitely one of them. Avoiding driving in traffic is definitely something that I do all the time. I do most of my shopping on weekdays only, and usually in the morning, to avoid the crowds. I'll go out of my way on a long trip to go around a bigger city, even if it takes a little longer. I definitely have less stress in my life since I retired.

 

[FUEGO]

Same here. Facebook/twitter have unfollow/block features. This forum has the same (only 1 person on it I think).

Don't follow sports. Glimpse at news just to make sure we aren't in WW3 (get a daily update from The Economist which is enough).

Don't do family BS with a couple of people.

My most stressful thing in life is trying to plan next summer's vacation. A few weeks on a beach in the Caribbean (but the heat and the seaweed!)? Or Asia? Or S. America? Or stay at home for once?

 

[Car-Guy]

90% of my stress was left behind with megacorp when I retired. The things that stress me out today are insignificant in comparison to what I had when working.

Someone mentioned watching the news as stressful. I watch CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS or MSNBC when I want a good laugh and take very little they say seriously. To me they are not any better reporting the news than SNL or Bill Maher, all comedy.

Recently I quit watching football (expect for the Cowboys) because that was beginning to stress me a little.

I also realize that driving in big city traffic was very stressful. Avoid it whenever possible now.

 

[robnplunder]

Running away from all stress just lowers your sensitivity to what you find stressful.

I fully understand avoiding the news to avoid stress... I do it myself. But it needs to be balanced else as they say "Ignorance is bliss".

This is why I posted the thread to see if I am giving up too much to avoid any and all stress. A bit of stress may be healthy, no? DW and I get matched up when playing golf on weekends. I may be wearing a football hat and a guy may start saying "so and so is not playing well of late" and I'd have not idea what he is talking about. I feel awkward when that happens. For now, I don't let those bother me and continue to remove stress out of my life systematically.

 

[FUEGO]

This is why I posted the thread to see if I am giving up too much to avoid any and all stress. A bit of stress may be healthy, no? DW and I get matched up when playing golf on weekends. I may be wearing a football hat and a guy may start saying "so and so is not playing well of late" and I'd have not idea what he is talking about. I feel awkward when that happens. For now, I don't let those bother me and continue to remove stress out of my life systematically.

That's when you say "I honestly haven't been following football much lately. I spend a lot more time doing X. You ever done X? Pretty badas5 huh?"

That how I respond to sports small talk. That or the glazed look in my eyes and my inability to respond verbally tells them exactly how interested I am in sports. Speaking of which, I have to log off soon so I can practice that glazed look for Thanksgiving lunch at the in-laws (big sports fans of some east coast teams and I think they're still playing NFL football this time of year??)

 

[Starsky]

In retirement I don't feel as strongly about a lot of things, since I'm not fighting the rat race. Removing stress and staying healthy has been the major focus of my retirement. My only job is to take a daily walk and to eat right. I also spend a few hours each week working my self-improvement program.

I avoid the highways and local stores during busy times; and my calendar is almost vacant except for the occasional doctor visit and fun activities/travel we have planned. I put a lot less miles on my car than I used to because of the traffic, and not really having to go almost anywhere. Sometimes it's kind of surreal driving to the beach in the morning past the huge lines of cars waiting to get onto the freeway, and remembering that I used to do that every day.

If something feels like it's too stressful today, I'll do it tomorrow, or maybe not at all. We've also cut our cable TV and I spend my online time watching comedy videos, good podcasts or researching topics of interest online (a.k.a. 'shopping' for my next gadget).

There are always activities that need attention, but I can be much more relaxed about completing tasks quickly and take my time. There's always tomorrow; and if not, then it wasn't what I should be doing anyway. Most of my long-range planning has been tossed in favor of living in the moment and enjoying my hobbies. The only planning I've been doing is planning to catch up with old friends and family.

It may sound totally trite, but I love stopping to smell the roses much more than I thought I would.

 

[LivePassionately]

Great Topic-OP. FIRE in 3-5 years and hope I'm not breaking rules posting on here but wanted to give my inputs that this helps even when working:

Meditation started me on this path and I've done away with the following:
* I gave up the Football and I have so much time on weekends now (and such low stress). I never realize how much stress I had being a football fanatic.
* Avoid Most News , especially politics.
* Gave up unhealthy food (This one is the toughest as I never knew how much of my social interactions with friends were around food). I go out less and interact a bit less socially as I do maybe half of the happy hours and football games at Buffalo Wild Wings. On a positive note, I started some hiking and other weekend activities with the same folks to get some healthy social time in and its slowly growing on people. My body feels so much better.
* Cars - I get a bug to get a fast sports car - Porsche or Maserati every few years and then barely drive it and end up selling it. Now, I've realized I don't really need these as they take more maintenance and I get just as pleasure out of my BMW and I don't have to worry about scraping it on a curve or parking on the street ,etc.
* Care a lot less about what other people think - In the past, I'd freak out about having the house Uber clean for parties and having all kinds of different foods. Now, with kids, I've realized with kids, Life happens. All our friends are good people and learning to focus more on substance and find and phase out my own anxieties.

Next up is learning to compartmentalize and leave work at office

 

[scrabbler1]

Eliminating the long, tiring, and often sickening commute was the single biggest stress eliminator due to my ER 9 years ago.


Before that, being able to avoid crowds and traffic after switching to working part-time in 2001 was a big stress eliminator. Simply being able to do my regular errands on weekday mornings between 10 AM and 12 noon was a big help in eliminating stress.


I have always been an introvert, so the less daily interaction with most people out of my small comfort zone, the better. Being ERed has greatly achieved that.

 

[robnplunder]

That's when you say "I honestly haven't been following football much lately. I spend a lot more time doing X. You ever done X? Pretty badas5 huh?"

That how I respond to sports small talk. That or the glazed look in my eyes and my inability to respond verbally tells them exactly how interested I am in sports. Speaking of which, I have to log off soon so I can practice that glazed look for Thanksgiving lunch at the in-laws (big sports fans of some east coast teams and I think they're still playing NFL football this time of year??)

I am going to practice the same look.


Today, I got a bit of stress trying to pick which restaurant to go to. Damn, why do we have to eat?

 

[shortstop14]

I think it's the type of stress for me. I still like the stress of playing somewhat competitive sports. I don't care enough about spectator sports to get stressed about them, but I still enjoy watching sometimes. Volunteering in disaster relief can be stressful at times, but it's a rewarding kind of stress.

But after almost 40 years of being on deadlines, I became really resistant to any sort of imposed schedule once I retired. Just have no interest in having any but unavoidable deadlines. And I try my best to avoid the bad traffic times, even though they're not that stressful when I'm not in a real hurry.