Feeling lost after FIRE

[hustler]

Hi all! I (M31) have been FIREd for 2 years now. As soon as I reached my financial goal, I quit my corporate job and have moved back to my home country. Before making this major life shift, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do with my free time, such as enrolling into a graduate school, be more physically active, travel more - simply enjoying the life.

However, for quite some time now I have found myself in some kind of a "mental vacuum" where I don't have a motivation to go out and enjoy things. I actually started with a graduate school, but I have soon after quit it due to the lack of motivation and under the excuse that I will not go to the corporate world again, hence there is no need for me to study more. Also, I am not as physically active as I wanted to be. Simply put, I have a lot of free time, but I have a feeling I am not using in a quality way. Another thing is that I am not getting as excited about the things as I used to be - activities that I was thrilled about before, like travelling, going to sports games, etc. - everything became kind of "plain vanilla". The dream of getting FIREd was something I had been going to bed and waking up with, I was so much in the zone to reach that state that it was obssessing me, but once I reached it I feel my life got so empty and I can't say that I am the happier than before when I was a corporate worm.

I feel like I need some kind of responsibility in my life that will occupy my time. It doesn't need to be anything of a financial nature, just simply something that will get me out of my comfort zone and get me excited agaon.

I would be pleased to know if any of you have gone through such phases and how did you cope with the lack of motivation, and also how did you find ways to get excited again. Thank you all!

 

[Koolau]

Hi all! I (M31) have been FIREd for 2 years now. As soon as I reached my financial goal, I quit my corporate job and have moved back to my home country. Before making this major life shift, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do with my free time, such as enrolling into a graduate school, be more physically active, travel more - simply enjoying the life.

However, for quite some time now I have found myself in some kind of a "mental vacuum" where I don't have a motivation to go out and enjoy things. I actually started with a graduate school, but I have soon after quit it due to the lack of motivation and under the excuse that I will not go to the corporate world again, hence there is no need for me to study more. Also, I am not as physically active as I wanted to be. Simply put, I have a lot of free time, but I have a feeling I am not using in a quality way. Another thing is that I am not getting as excited about the things as I used to be - activities that I was thrilled about before, like travelling, going to sports games, etc. - everything became kind of "plain vanilla". The dream of getting FIREd was something I had been going to bed and waking up with, I was so much in the zone to reach that state that it was obssessing me, but once I reached it I feel my life got so empty and I can't say that I am the happier than before when I was a corporate worm.

I feel like I need some kind of responsibility in my life that will occupy my time. It doesn't need to be anything of a financial nature, just simply something that will get me out of my comfort zone and get me excited agaon.

I would be pleased to know if any of you have gone through such phases and how did you cope with the lack of motivation, and also how did you find ways to get excited again. Thank you all!

Never had those issues but I didn't retire that early, either.

 

[DrRoy]

What you describe is not uncommon. I fired at 57 and moved easily into more travel, photography, reading, and enjoying controlling my own time. I did not have the period of feeling lost. You might try Meetup.com to see if you can find an interest.

 

[Aerides]

You're 31?

Your experience of being somewhat lost must be far more amplified than those of us who retire at 61 or 51, or even 41. Do you have access to counseling? That might help you.

 

[jollystomper]

In view, the big issue is your age. Most folks who FIRE in their 50s and 60s have had enough life experience to better now what motivates, what they want to do, and how they want to spend whatever time is left. At that point more than half one's life is over. I believe that makes it easier to focus and enjoy FIRE.

At 31, you still have more than half your life to live; most folks still go through many life changes at that time. Also, I am guessing you have few, if any, friends your age who are also FIREd. That can cause a disconnect as well. There is a saying "show me your friends and I'll show you your future" - do you have friends? Free time at your age is not as much fun without someone or someones to enjoy it with.

I think counseling Aerides mentioned is a good solution, to find out what motivates you. I cannot speak for what is available in your country, but consider things like volunteering or something where there is a shortage of workers available.

 

[NameTaken2]

Helping and being around others is a very rewarding potential benefit of early retirement.
Expanding your thoughts/day beyond yourself can provide perspective/happiness.
Hope you find happiness!

 

[Flyfish1]

Maybe look for a start up company or get a job at a fun place like a winery or brew pub. If you don't need the money then employment anywhere could be fun , provide a sense of purpose and a reason to get up in the morning. You're quite young to be " retired", so plan a fun next phase without corporate headaches or hassles.

 

[hustler]

What you describe is not uncommon. I fired at 57 and moved easily into more travel, photography, reading, and enjoying controlling my own time. I did not have the period of feeling lost. You might try Meetup.com to see if you can find an interest.

Thanks for this suggestion! I have just checked it and I have indeed found one interesting event for next week that I will join
I haven't been living in my home country since the time I finished a high school, so when I actually think about it, I don't have so many friends, so extending a circle of people I hang out with might be beneficial

 

[hustler]

You're 31?

Your experience of being somewhat lost must be far more amplified than those of us who retire at 61 or 51, or even 41. Do you have access to counseling? That might help you.

I do, and I attend the counseling sessions, but the counsellor basically says that things will eventually come together and that I will find my new purpose.
I will become a father beginning of next year and I am sure it will occupy a large chunk of my time, but I think it will be beneficial for both a kid and me not to put all my energy into being a father, but to have some activities other than being a parent

 

[hustler]

In view, the big issue is your age. Most folks who FIRE in their 50s and 60s have had enough life experience to better now what motivates, what they want to do, and how they want to spend whatever time is left. At that point more than half one's life is over. I believe that makes it easier to focus and enjoy FIRE.

At 31, you still have more than half your life to live; most folks still go through many life changes at that time. Also, I am guessing you have few, if any, friends your age who are also FIREd. That can cause a disconnect as well. There is a saying "show me your friends and I'll show you your future" - do you have friends? Free time at your age is not as much fun without someone or someones to enjoy it with.

I think counseling Aerides mentioned is a good solution, to find out what motivates you. I cannot speak for what is available in your country, but consider things like volunteering or something where there is a shortage of workers available.

Thank you for these wise words, I can sense the large amount of experience you have by reading your post

As a matter of fact, I do not have any friends who are FIREd. What is more, another issue I am facing is that I can't even tell openly to most people around me that I am FIREd because I am afraid of the word being spread around and that it might make me a target for criminals, thiefs, etc. So instead, I tell them I am working as an IT consultant and such conversation always makes me very uncomfortable. That is why I was even thinking of starting some tiny business so that I can simply say what my daily job is.

 

[Ronstar]

....I would be pleased to know if any of you have gone through such phases and how did you cope with the lack of motivation, and also how did you find ways to get excited again. Thank you all!

Wow. IMO, FIRE is not about motivation. I had 0 motivation left when I retired. And none has returned in retirement.

But at 31 and recently retired, I can see where one may still have desires for motivation. Maybe find some hobbies that provide motivation? I think your idea of starting a small business could help also. Just take it slow and don't let it consume you.

 

[street]

Some great advice already given but will add my thought.

If you are already FI for life, I would find a local charity group that you can take to the next level. It would give you much satisfaction and inspiring motivation to help others. Find a charity sit down with manager and give them your desire to help with fund raising and charitable events and it could be done on your time.

Giving back and volunteering can be very rewarding mentally and could help you through the transition period in your life.

Just a thought and it would give you a meaning/purpose if that is what you are missing.

Good Luck.

 

[karel]

I will add to the overall good comments here. Most people retire in their 50s, 60s AFTER they have accomplished a mission. Having a mission is very important, especially for men. Your mission was to FIRE, which you accomplished. You are lost because you do not have a new mission. Humans need challenge and discomfort, especially a young guy like yourself. There is an entire world out there, and this is the age where most people are taking on the world, building an identity for themselves, on a steep learning curve in a career, etc. In the old days, this would be the age to get on a ship and look for the new world, or go out to the old West and build a life, or become an astronaut. You need a purpose other than yourself. For many people, I believe having kids is what forces them to grow up -- having kids is really the first time for most people that their lives are not completely about themselves, and gives them a purpose. Example, my main mission right now is to get my 4 young adult kids (18 to 23) to be independent confident adults you can think for themselves and support themselves. This motivates me to continue working with them, working to fund education for them, coach them, etc. When this mission is complete, I'll have to find a new mission. I think what you are experiencing is probably similar to people who win the lottery, and then have a hard time. For most people, earning enough money to fund their lifestyle and pay their bills provides enough purpose (because they have no other choice!)...but if you are FIREd and you don't have that purpose anymore, you need a different purpose. Only you can decide what your life mission is, but you need one. Start a business, pick a tough goal to accomplish (running a marothon or whatever interests you), get married and have kids, or adopt a child, find a way to give back to something. You are lucky enough to not have to go to a corp job every day to pay the bills.... so many options out there to take advantage of that! If you are smart enough to figure out how to FIRE before age 30, you are smart enough to do some very significant things over the next 30-50 years! I think its kind of your responsibility to do something worthwhile with that time! Find a mission.

 

[Cayman]

It sounds like you're headed in the right direction, keep at it. When I retired around 50 I shared some of the aspects you mentioned. I find that helping others/sharing my time and skills in a useful way, quality relationships and life experiences are key. Fulfilling small and bigger passions, having purpose and good social connections is important for many retirees. You might also consider interviewing a few other therapists to see if there's a better match for you.

 

[folivier]

When I retired at 55 my DW and I sold the house and bought a motorhome and have spent the last 10 years traveling. Then we bought a mountain cabin and are enjoying our mountain community. For the first 8 years I felt I lacked a sense of accomplishing something. I finally fulfilled that by starting a small business proofreading novels. That gave me the feeling that I felt was lacking and didn't affect my time spent on other things. Since we bought the cabin DW and I have both joined our volunteer fire dept. That helps with making friends and helping others.
At your age I think it would be beneficial to find something you enjoy doing that helps others. Whether working in charity or even a small business I think you'd benefit from having something to accomplish every day. It would also be good for your child to see you "do something" each day.
Just be careful of taking on expensive hobbies that could affect your net worth.

 

[pacergal]

Let me say Congratulations to you to FIRE at such a young age!. At 31, you have potentially 60+ years left.
The birth of your child will present a tremendous opportunity--raising a child, being involved in their care, schooling, outside activities, etc. takes time, effort, planning, and in return, you give and receive a whole lot of love!
Continue with your therapy, and if you are not feeling like you are getting what you need, try a different therapist. Sometimes it takes a few to find one who really clicks with you and gets you working on your issues.
Perhaps a part time job doing something that interests you might also give you the push to explore other options.
Good Luck to you and hope to continue to hear from you on the forum.

 

[flyingaway]

Do you have a family? Are you married? A family is a responsibility that you might need one.
If a family is not in your cards, try to travel around the world, stay at a place for a long time, not just passing by.
If you are really retired without any financial concern, I don't see the need to study for a graduate degree.

I retired 2.5 years ago at 57. I don't have any motivation and I don't need one. Retirement is to return to freedom and I don't want to be bothered by anything. I have been traveling to about 14 countries this year. Gardening and fruit trees take a lot of my time.

 

[Sunset]

I will add to the overall good comments here. Most people retire in their 50s, 60s AFTER they have accomplished a mission. Having a mission is very important, especially for men. Your mission was to FIRE, which you accomplished. You are lost because you do not have a new mission. Humans need challenge and discomfort, especially a young guy like yourself. There is an entire world out there, and this is the age where most people are taking on the world, building an identity for themselves, on a steep learning curve in a career, etc. In the old days, this would be the age to get on a ship and look for the new world, or go out to the old West and build a life, or become an astronaut. You need a purpose other than yourself. .... I think its kind of your responsibility to do something worthwhile with that time! Find a mission.

+1

I couldn't even think of retiring at 31, I was excited to do things, get ahead, change the world, make a difference !!

 

[karel]

My advice is slightly different than the wise words of the many retired people here, who have successfully retired in their 50s and 60s. "Retiring" is for people in their 50s and 60s who have climbed the mountain, and now want to rest. If I were 31 and financially independent, I would eliminate the word "retire" from my vocabulary. Your goal is not to be "retired". "Retirement" is for old people (no offense to the many successful retired middle aged people here who wouldn't define themselves as old) who are ready to slow-down. At age 31, you have barely started your adult life (maybe 10-15 years into a 60-70 year adulthood). Your goal is to have a new fulfilling growth stage of your life, perhaps one that is not necessarily driven by the accumulation of money (since you have already accomplished that)....although it could be driven by money, if you are motivated to do that. At age 31 and financially independent, you do not need a "hobby" or a "part-time job" or something else to "pass the time".....those are objectives for "old" people. Your need a big audacious goal, a big life mission. If you are ambitious enough to accumulative enough capital to be financially independent at 29, and assuming you are physically and mentally healthy, you will not be satisfied unless you have another big goal or mission or purpose. Gardening or bird watching will not satisfy your need to have a real purpose. You are in a very different position than the many wise people on this website who are a bit older, have accomplished much, have raised children, and are ready to slow down, smell the roses, pursue hobbies, etc. You are still in the youth of your life, where you should grab life by the proverbial balls and go for something big. Anyway, that's what I would be doing if I were 31, financially independent, and physically and mentally healthy. When you are 90, you are not going to look back and say "you know, I wish I would have pursued my interest in raising tropical fish when I could have when I was 32". You are not going to say "I wish I would have pursued that part-time job at the library when I was 35". No, you will look back and say "I wish I would have followed my passion of starting a company to generate fusion electricity to power the world for free" or "mine asteroids for battery minerals" or whatever crazy thing you are interested in. Obviously exaggerating a bit here to make a point, you don't have to change the world, but there is certainty something bigger you can do than a hobby or part-time job. You are 31 and have 50 years to do something huge! I bet 99% of the people on this board would change places with you in exchange for their entire net worth if given the chance.

 

[Sunset]

One thing possibly holding back OP is:
Many things that give a person purpose are exactly like WORK, except not being paid !!

To compound this problem for the OP is the pay levels in his home Country are probably a lot lower than in USA. So can't even take a job to fill time without thinking how worthless the pay is compared to previous earnings.

 

[MaxFIRE]

When I retired at 55 my DW and I sold the house and bought a motorhome and have spent the last 10 years traveling. Then we bought a mountain cabin and are enjoying our mountain community. For the first 8 years I felt I lacked a sense of accomplishing something. I finally fulfilled that by starting a small business proofreading novels. That gave me the feeling that I felt was lacking and didn't affect my time spent on other things. Since we bought the cabin DW and I have both joined our volunteer fire dept. That helps with making friends and helping others.
At your age I think it would be beneficial to find something you enjoy doing that helps others. Whether working in charity or even a small business I think you'd benefit from having something to accomplish every day. It would also be good for your child to see you "do something" each day.
Just be careful of taking on expensive hobbies that could affect your net worth.

As a Volunteer Firefighter, I congratulate you and your DW willingness to join. Nationwide, including my area, we are facing a huge shortage of volunteers and it's getting worse every year. Even if someone is not comfortable with or physically able to actively fight fires, often we simply need an extra person to drive a water tender truck, help hook up hoses and operate a pump. Part time or seasonal residents are welcome too! I look forward to the day I FIRE and it becomes my first job instead of my second one.

In general though, there are lots of other organizations that are also seeking increasingly scarce volunteers, so I too encourage anyone to search for those opportunities.

 

[ncbill]

I have no desire to "accomplish a mission" especially now that I'm done with the working world.

To be blunt, like most all white collar corporate workers I pretty much just pushed paper around.

My kids, all in the military, active and reserve, have already contributed more to society than I ever did.

There's still plenty to occupy me, as others have already posted examples.

 

[Exchme]

I will add to the overall good comments here. Most people retire in their 50s, 60s AFTER they have accomplished a mission. Having a mission is very important, especially for men. Your mission was to FIRE, which you accomplished. You are lost because you do not have a new mission. Humans need challenge and discomfort, especially a young guy like yourself. There is an entire world out there, and this is the age where most people are taking on the world, building an identity for themselves, on a steep learning curve in a career, etc. In the old days, this would be the age to get on a ship and look for the new world, or go out to the old West and build a life, or become an astronaut. You need a purpose other than yourself. For many people, I believe having kids is what forces them to grow up -- having kids is really the first time for most people that their lives are not completely about themselves, and gives them a purpose. Example, my main mission right now is to get my 4 young adult kids (18 to 23) to be independent confident adults you can think for themselves and support themselves. This motivates me to continue working with them, working to fund education for them, coach them, etc. When this mission is complete, I'll have to find a new mission. I think what you are experiencing is probably similar to people who win the lottery, and then have a hard time. For most people, earning enough money to fund their lifestyle and pay their bills provides enough purpose (because they have no other choice!)...but if you are FIREd and you don't have that purpose anymore, you need a different purpose. Only you can decide what your life mission is, but you need one. Start a business, pick a tough goal to accomplish (running a marothon or whatever interests you), get married and have kids, or adopt a child, find a way to give back to something. You are lucky enough to not have to go to a corp job every day to pay the bills.... so many options out there to take advantage of that! If you are smart enough to figure out how to FIRE before age 30, you are smart enough to do some very significant things over the next 30-50 years! I think its kind of your responsibility to do something worthwhile with that time! Find a mission.

Agreed, OP's username explained it - "Hustler". I presume OP means that in the good sense of someone who worked tirelessly. That hustle gave purpose and that is now gone.

The description of ennui and normal happy things no longer giving joy suggest that clinical depression may be setting in, so medical help may be needed. Plus, a new interest would go a long way towards fixing things. There are plenty of activities that don't involve the corporate world:
+Most people have some childhood hobby they gave up in order to focus on work, maybe there's an offshoot of that that could turn into a passion or a small business.
+During working years, there must have been some activity that was endlessly tiresome that could be improved.
+There must be a cause that has interest - food shortages, malaria, education. +Every non-profit needs management, accountants, fund raisers, computer help, etc.

Not everyone can idle away their time, some folks need to hustle and that's OK, OP has to figure out their own unique path.

 

[Harris4crna]

I have to concur with the gentleman that a hobby or a leisure activity may not be the answer. You would not be in the position you are in if you have not had a higher drive than most people. You may need to design your new life with the passion that you put into the old. This may or may not be a monetary passion, but a passion nevertheless.

I retired at 49yo after a 23 year military career. I spent the time in the military chasing education, experience and rank. Honestly, not much different than corporate. Upon retirement I felt lost. Had no interest in my profession in the medical field. Realized my passion was not the chosen field, but more so the pursuit in success in the military. After a year of embracing the feelings, reading books and seeking help from others I realized I needed to return to work part time. Today, I work when I want to work. I go on vacations when I want to go vacations. I have joined a NGO to utilize my medical expertise and military experience for good. This is my new passion.

FIRE allows you the financial freedom to go the direction you wish without restraint. Returning to work is not a failure, its a choice. This is truly a blessing. You will find your passion. Just continue doing what you are doing. Seek the help you need from others, books or life experiences. Most important is to allow the feelings to run its course. Accept this is normal for right now. Give yourself a break, and accept what is. You will find your goal. Keep us updated on your new pursuit for greatness. Good luck.

 

[freedom2022]

I do, and I attend the counseling sessions, but the counsellor basically says that things will eventually come together and that I will find my new purpose.
I will become a father beginning of next year and I am sure it will occupy a large chunk of my time, but I think it will be beneficial for both a kid and me not to put all my energy into being a father, but to have some activities other than being a parent

Many good advice, as always from nice folks in the forum.
Congratulations on your financial success.
If the counsellor didn't touch base on feeling empty and becoming father, perhaps you need to talk about it in the next session.

I understand it is not to share with us.

Take care.