Money stress

[GRambler]

First post here, just found this forum while searching the web for answers.

This may not seem a problem to some but it's causing me some serious stress.

Having worked and scrimped for decades my wife and I have done well enough to have most anything we've wanted. Nothing over the top, but new cars every 8-10 years, boats, motorcycle, race cars, RV, and a paid off home. All modest middle of the road stuff, but all paid for and all done on a modest salary. All the while slowly building a savings and retirement account like we're supposed to do.
That was the challenge, the game as you will.

Now after doing this for decades it's turned into enough to retire on right now, and more money than I'd ever dreamed we'd ever have. I'm not talking multi millions or anything, but enough for a lower to middle class guy that's worked his butt off knowing what's needed for retirement, and reaching it.
I'm only in my early 50's and my wife has gone to short work weeks but I have no intention of retiring this early, so we decided to just start spending what we make while leaving the savings alone.

The problem is I can't spend it, the guilt or whatever prevents me from doing it without feeling over anxious about how much I'm spending, and my wife isn't much better.
Could be for a new gas grill, I would normally just replace the burner in the old one, or a few thousand dollars for landscaping that I'd normally bust my butt trying to get it done for half that rather than pay someone even though it's getting to be too much for me physically.
And I tie myself in knots justifying it either way I go. If I fix the rusted out 10 year old grill I wonder why I would do that, I'll run an old set of tires one more race rather than spend money on a new set. I'll patch garden hoses rather than go buy a couple of new ones. I've repaired every appliance in our house at least once rather than buy new ones.
All that was done to reach where we are now.

But it's like; now that I won the game I don't know what to do.
Continuing to do as before causes us to question our sanity, enjoying the fruits of our labor causes anxiety.
Old habits die hard I suppose.
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[dex]

Do you have a written budget and projections?
Do you have a written projection of your net worth over your estimated lifespan?
If not you should begin with those. They will help with the comfort factor.

Once you get your arms around your annual spending budget you should track your expenses and feel more comfortable spending up to your budget.

Then, in the future, when you question if you are being too tight with your money, spend ... if you are within your budget. Over time you will become more comfortable with spending.

 

[travelover]

I think that you are in good company here. The way I look at it, the game is never clearly won. I plan to self insure for long term care and no one knows the cost of that.

That said, for me the secret to peace of mind is to shut off the voice that says what you should do and to do what you actually want to do. If spending money makes you unhappy and no one is endangered, patch the hoses, fix the BBQ, sod the lawn. Of course, if it causes marital discord, you need to find a compromise.

 

[pimpmyretirement]

Sometimes the satisfaction of a job well done is its own reward. Let the money grow until you find something you really want.

Nothing wrong with leaving something to charity.

 

[JmfromTx]

I cut my savings back when my wife passed away in 07. I found that my bank account would grow until I ended up sending the excess to Vanguard anyway. If you cut your saving rate gradually I'll bet you find a point where you have too much cash before you quit saving altogether.

 

[mystang52]

I have not lived a spartan life (nice family vacations every year, enough material "toys" to keep us happy etc.). As I near my own retirement I can look at my savings and see I've accumulated enough to live the retirement dream my wife and I want.
My hobby and passion is running - about once a month I fly to different states to run races. This is not inexpensive, but then again why the heck am I working if not to enjoy some of these pursuits?
You've apparently done extremely well, and you should also look upon such "extravagances" as the rewards you've well earned. Treat yourself, sans guilt!

 

[unclemick]

Having saved and been 'cheap' er thrifty over the decades switching gears was emotionally painful.

I got a lot of mileage/emotional satisfaction early in ER with bib overalls and an old pickup(little 4 banger, 5 speed GMC) with a glaringly rusty fender. I took great pleasure in being eccentric and acting the curmudgeon.

Time marches on - as the portfolio grows I am acting more normaler and spending has drifted up since 1993.

heh heh heh - Lefthanded, INTJ and retired - they can't fire me.

 

[GRambler]

Wow, quick replies around here.
Thanks for the feedback.

Never really done much with any projections or budgets, just mainly gut instinct and common sense to get where we are. But we finally went to a financial planner and she said we could and should start spending some. She said at our present rate of spending our portfolio would double by the time we die.

What I'd done in the past is give myself my own bank account for my hobbies, if money was in it I'd spend it, if not I'd work around it. That was hobby money only, not home repairs and house stuff, we'd mainly do that out of bring home money. So now my wife and I are thinking of creating her a spending account as well and upping my limit.
It'd still only be about 50-75% of our take home after living expenses. We both still contribute to our 401's, but we'd probably try and minimize any savings contributions.

It's kind of a mental thing I guess, if it's in savings we would never touch it except in an emergency or for big ticket items, so to keep the anxiety down we may have to create other accounts to work out of.

 

[antmary]

GRambler,

Welcome to the forum! It seems that what is scary is the unknown. I suggest going over to Bogleheads.org forum. They will help you to assess what you have, how much you need monthly for, say, 30 or so years, and a way to create a workable plan.
Best of Luck

 

[Ally]

My husband and I are the same way. I feel guilty for spending, especially on myself and he does, too. I am going on a trip with my sister-in-law soon and as soon as I agreed (even though it doesn't cost much), I started stressing out and feeling guilty. So this morning, I went to work and decided to add more out of each paycheck into our retirement funds. Now I don't feel as guilty for spending some. I think it's really hard to change over to spending. I can't imagine how it will feel when we actually retire and start spending.

 

[freebird5825]

Welcome, oh kindred spirit.

I'm still replacing the guts on my Thermos gas grill as needed. The grill is so solidly built it will probably outlast me. And I swear by silver duct tape for garden hose repairs. I still go to garage sales to replace well used garden tools.

New isn't always better. It is often smarter to repair an older item than replace it with the cheaply made junk found in our stores.

No guilt for LBYM is allowed here.

 

[Ally]

My husband replaces the guts on the grill whenever he needs to, despite the fact that 2 years ago, my daughter and her husband gave him money to buy a new grill. The money is still sitting in his sock drawer.

 

[GRambler]

Right now I'm stressing about spending $400 on some new forged pistons for an engine "I'm" building (to cheap to pay a shop to build it) or I'll use some old cast pistons I have.
Absolutely stupid to put cast pistons in a race engine, but from my old broke days that's what I'd do and just limit the engine RPM's so she'd hold together.

I just can't pull the trigger for stuff like that without feeling guilty.

Wife wants new curtains for the house, about a grand for all the windows. (cheap by some peoples standards) But the last time was 15 years ago and she shopped around for weeks and did the entire house for a couple hundred bucks. She just can't make herself order what she wants and be done with it. "It shouldn't cost that much", is her reply. She'll almost cry about it.

 

[FIREd]

Oh, I know the feeling. Our income and net worth have remarkably increased since the early 2000s, but it is difficult for us to justify spending more. My wife in particular has a hard time spending money. She still apologizes for spending $30 on herself.

 

[Ally]

Omg! Curtains. I feel your wife's pain. We need some and I've been putting it off for several years. When our living room drapes started falling apart, I hung some sheets up and I didn't think they looked bad, but my husband had a fit and made me buy some at least for those windows. I really didn't think the sheets looked bad, since I got the idea from Better Homes and Gardens. My husband said they were hillbilly sheets. (no offense intended to any hillbillies here.)

 

[GRambler]

My wife in particular has a hard time spending money. She still apologizes for spending $30 on herself.

Ditto here.
My wife buys most of her clothes at thrift stores or consignment shops. Usually new or fairly new name brand high end stuff, but she'll get tops for fifty cents, pants or jackets for a few bucks.
She hates paying retail for anything.

But it also bothers me in the long run as I'll feel bad spending more than she does, which ain't hard since she's such a spend thrift.
I'd never let her know that though since I know she enjoys the thrift shops.

 

[Bestwifeever]

...What I'd done in the past is give myself my own bank account for my hobbies, if money was in it I'd spend it, if not I'd work around it. That was hobby money only, not home repairs and house stuff, we'd mainly do that out of bring home money. So now my wife and I are thinking of creating her a spending account as well and upping my limit.....

This is a great idea--you can continue your level of spending/not spending (and if you end up with a giant surplus at the end, oh well, better than the opposite), but your wife won't feel she has to emulate you all the time if she doesn't want to.

When DH retired he did the same with a checking account for himself separate from household.

 

[52andout]

what helped us get balance was keeping track of all the money we spend. We have years of data so know exactly how much we need to live on. When I found this place we ran firecalc so had an idea of how much we needed to save to meet that figure.

we still don't spend as much as we can but I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Not only for money reasons but for environmental reasons as well. We don't need to go out and buy stuff instead of repairing it for the most part. And I find new stuff in the thrift stores all the time. the food I make at home is much healthier and tastier than restaurant food so we almost always eat at home. Why waste money if you don't have to?

Although we drive old cars in issues of safety we do spend money- good tires, getting brakes done etc.

The worst that can happen is you have an estate to leave to your heirs or favorite charity. That is not so bad as long as you both are happy.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Why feel guilty about NOT spending money? Saving money makes you happy. Accept that. Help others who are less fortunate - give a neighborhood kid $500 so he can afford to go for a semester to a trade school (or a couple of classes at a community college). Pay for an old neighbor's medicine so s/he doesn't have to choose between medication and food. If you get such pleasure out of saving money, you can't imagine how much pleasure you'll get by actively helping others. Charities are wonderful institutions, but I've found that simply giving someone I *know* who is in need (not just suffering from self-inflicted financial wounds) makes me happier than a charitable tax deduction.

 

[travelover]

Right now I'm stressing about spending $400 on some new forged pistons for an engine "I'm" building (to cheap to pay a shop to build it) or I'll use some old cast pistons I have.
Absolutely stupid to put cast pistons in a race engine, but from my old broke days that's what I'd do and just limit the engine RPM's so she'd hold together............

If it makes you feel any better, financing a race car seems like reckless spending

 

[HatePayingTaxes]

You should do what makes you happy. After purchasing a lottery ticket, my wife and I often talk about what we'll do if we win and it won't be too different from how we're currently doing. This is who I am so and, if I go out and start spending unnecessary money, that no longer will be me.
When I told my friends I got an used honda accord for 10k, they were amazed and that makes me feel good... my friends might think I'm a cheap but I don't care, I take pride in the fact that I can find something that others can't. This is me and it won't change even if I have a lot money.

 

[Keim]

Ditto here.
My wife buys most of her clothes at thrift stores or consignment shops. Usually new or fairly new name brand high end stuff, but she'll get tops for fifty cents, pants or jackets for a few bucks.
She hates paying retail for anything.

But it also bothers me in the long run as I'll feel bad spending more than she does, which ain't hard since she's such a spend thrift.
I'd never let her know that though since I know she enjoys the thrift shops.

What an interesting finding. It seems my wife is also married to FD AND GRambler.

I had no clue...

 

[donheff]

I blow a lot on vacations but I am the same as you on day to day stuff. I'm putting off buying an iPad because it may be a little cheaper come Christmas - or maybe an Android tablet I like better will come out. Or because DW says, "do you really need that?" The later has made me crush a lot of impulses.

 

[GRambler]

If it makes you feel any better, financing a race car seems like reckless spending

Built from old and/or spare parts I'd accumulated, traded or bartered for over the last 20-30 years. Now I'm trying to enjoy getting some good stuff for it.
And I keep telling myself, it's only a hobby, it's only a hobby, it's only a hobby...

I do get a lot of satisfaction that I built the entire car myself in my garage and I'm having just as much, if not more fun as the guys that spent 4-5 times as much on a car they had someone build for them.
Doing a lot with a little takes a talent of it's on.

We don't travel much anymore but hope to change that, we rarely eat out and don't really care to very often, never go to movies but will see an occasional live show.

We still have a standard old style TV. I guess the only big ticket thing we've bought in years is a new washing machine when I couldn't fix the transmission in the old one.

 

[NW-Bound]

GRambler, I did not know I had a twin!

Oh, there's one thing we are different on. I still have not gotten tired of "counting my money", which I do at least once a day using Quicken.

How can one be tired of money? Compared to all other stuff, money is THE BEST. You can convert money to stuff any time. But try to convert stuff back to money, you know it is not so easy.

So, when you still have money in hand, the possibilities that it may bring are endless. Just think about it in your mind should bring pleasure already. And it lasts and lasts. But once that money is spent, it is gone. Gone. For good. No more interest will come from it. No more dividends.

Money rules!