Surprising reactions when DW says I retired

[Lazarus]

I retired 6 months ago. My wife still works a little. I have been very happy to be home with her and apparently she is happy to be home with me. We have been married 30 years. It's sad to think that couples that have been
together that long would not want to be together.

I think if my wife did not want me home with her she would have to find a new home or I would.

 

[Original Wally]

We, too, were married @ 19, and will be 59 in a few months. And married 40 in July. ER @ 55 1/2, and we are having the time of our lives. No money "worries", and just doing what we want. Next week, 02/22, we are headed from Sacramento to Phoenix to see some spring training ball games. I have wanted to do that for years. Years ago she threatened to go get a full time job if and when I ever retired, but she was kidding (I hope). We have spent the past 3+ years travelling out little butts off.

 

[jollystomper]

As I think on this more I wonder how folks define "together". For example, if DW and I spend the evening in the family room, me watching sports and she surfing the web, we might say 5 sentences to each other over several hours, but we both count that as time together. Or, we have a finished basement where we each have our project areas that aren't close, but we are both down there for several hours when I'm doing something with computer parts or watching things being blown up and she is sewing or writing, we may not say a word to each other but we count that as together time.

Even when we have friends over, we guys will gravitate towards the "guy" things and DW and the women towards the "gal" things, but we both feel like we are with each other those times.

We are fortunate that our home is big enough so that we can keep out of each others way if we choose. But even when we do that, we can be interrupted if the other needs something.

So for us, even if we are not directly communicating, we like the other person just being around and within reach if needed, and that works for us.

 

[Stanley]

I can't tell you how many of them say something to the affect..."how do you like having him around all the time? It would drive me crazy to have my husband around that much." Most of these ladies are around our age.

Many people build their own prison with their minds.

 

[UserRequested]

Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.
The ones who can't stand putting up with each other 24 x 7 after retirement, I reckon are staying married for convenience... financial, moral, social pressures etc.

 

[davemartin88]

My DW and I both get the same reaction when we tell people we are retired. I think many people assume that we really want or need to be working but just can't find jobs. I think if the conversation goes any further, they soon catch on that us going back to work is highly unlikely.

Having said that, I retired in 2008 and we moved to a new house about 2 years ago, we had the shell of a large workshop built at the same time. Because of other priorities, have never gotten it finished inside. My wife retired in June and a couple of months ago, made it a priority to get my shop completed. Pushing us out there most everyday for hours at a time to insulate the walls and ceilings, hang the wall boards, paint, install the plumbing, install a heater, etc.! This has even interfered with my regular naps. After reading this thread, I think I understand why she's pushing to get it done.

Seriously, she has been a great help to finally get this moving and will use the shop as well but I do think it will give us both some space now that we're both not working.

 

[Midpack]

Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.
The ones who can't stand putting up with each other 24 x 7 after retirement, I reckon are staying married for convenience... financial, moral, social pressures etc.

Let's hope it's some instead of many...

 

[Tyro]

Many couples stay married for the sake of the young kids. When the kids grow up, they get a divorce.

That may have been the case at one time, but I haven't heard that one in a very long time (20-30 yrs.) since it often results in more harm to all parties involved than if the parents just split and get on with life.

Childrens' perceptiveness is often underestimated -- they know what's up. We know a couple who thought they were doing that (staying together for the kids' sake) when the kids finally came to them and said, "Why don't you guys just get divorced?" so they did, and everyone was happier.

YMMV.

 

[TeeRuh]

Ms G and I after 32 blissful years of marriage, plus add 5 years shacking up. Still enjoy a quiet day curled up as close as we can get on the sofa to read our books, and pet our puppies. We are for all practical purposes 24/7 together.

DW likes it when I pet her puppies. I think this is one reason we remain in love.

 

[ikubak]

DW has a cat

 

[Texas Proud]

I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...

(sorry Nords, but I remember you better than others since we met you in Houston)...


If you read about Nords, he is off surfing and doing other things that interest HIM when he wants.... his DW is off doing the things that interest HER when she wants.... and they do things together when THEY want...


Why should it be a requirement that you have to be with your spouse all the time

 

[Donzo]

A "friend" of ours (mainly hear from her when she wants to borrow my truck) bought us a small wooden sign. The sign says "Retirement, twice as much husband with half the money" My DW showed it to me and then put it in the junk drawer.
Most fights between spouses concerns money. If you can retire early...money should be all good.

 

[braumeister]

DW likes it when I pet her puppies.

Is THAT what you call it?

 

[audreyh1]

I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...

Yeah, that's what I don't get. Why do people make that assumption? Do they not have any social life or activities outside of work? <-- that may be the issue. Just like some still working folks assume that retiring means you sit at home and watch TV all day.

 

[Katsmeow]

I like being with my husband at home. However, when we bought our current house I was fairly insistent that we have a house where we could each have our own office. We have shared an office at various times and it had its advantages. We both spend a lot of time on the computer and it was nice to be able to chat. However, we found that we had enough differences in how we want to arrange things and organize stuff that we do better with individual offices. The irony is that even though we have separate offices (across the hall from each other) we often spend a lot of time on Skype talking to each other while we are each doing stuff on the computer (we both play the same game online so often talk about it).

 

[brewer12345]

I am surprised that so many people think that you have to be together 24/7...

(sorry Nords, but I remember you better than others since we met you in Houston)...


If you read about Nords, he is off surfing and doing other things that interest HIM when he wants.... his DW is off doing the things that interest HER when she wants.... and they do things together when THEY want...


Why should it be a requirement that you have to be with your spouse all the time

DW and I will be like that when the time comes. We each have our separate interests and we also like spending time together.

 

[FinanceDude]

Is THAT what you call it?

I am pretty sure I got slapped last time I asked Dw to pet her puppies........

 

[LuckBeALady]

Eh, we've been married 30 years and I am definitely apprehensive of being home together all day when we retire.

My DH has become more and more sedentary over the years, even as I have developed a passion for outdoor sports: cycling, hiking, snowshoeing, skiing. So in order to do the things I enjoy I have a different set of friends. My spending time with these other friends causes him to feel jealous and left out. I guess he wants me to stay home "within reach" while he reads and plays on his computer.

We have had several conversations about this impasse, but nothing changes. I hate the thought that as a grown woman I don't have the freedom to go out for a 3 hour bike ride or an all-day snowshoeing expedition with a group of friends.

The second problem with being home with my spouse is that when he is bored he turns to irritating me as a source of entertainment. This is much easier to deal with, I can simply point out how annoying he is acting and he stops.

I don't plan to divorce my husband. He is my best friend and we share other interests such as traveling, watching sports and of course our family. We have great conversations and we have a good sex life together. I know he would be mortally wounded if I left him. And I don't want to break up our nuclear family, even though the offspring has flown the coop, or lose my lifelong relationship with his extended family.

So good on all you who enjoy 24-hour a day time with your spouse. I don't feel that way now and I don't expect I would feel that way with a different person either.

 

[Redbugdave]

Yes, everyone needs to have their own time to do what they enjoy. I have my pursuits, and my wife has hers. And neither holds the other back. Then we also do things together and it's just that more fun.

 

[ejman]

This has been my general observation in direct life.

It conflicts very strongly with what is presented here, where 25 and 40 year couples present as if they were recently shot by Cupid. Maybe some sort of bias? Perhaps the type of personality or the type of couple that can successfully make the kind of sacrifices and choices that are often necessary to retire at very early ages are just better at tolerating less than wonderful conditions in marriage too. Perhaps spinning. It is well established that people will lie for the smallest of gains- often nothing more than the belief that they will be better accepted.

Another thing beyond money concerns that can keep somewhat burned out couples together is fear of loneliness, or fear of dating, or fear that just maybe the problem is not within the spouse, but within oneself, so that current husband or wife, unsatisfactory as they may be, might be the last stop before solitariness.

I am not at all sure of this, but I think that one reason that women are more likely to break up old relationships than men is that most men feel that they actually need a woman. Whereas plenty women past menopause seem to feel otherwise about men, as long as they have other good social networks. Nice to have one around occasionally, but need one?

Ha

Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"

 

[audreyh1]

Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"

It's better a bad known (person) than a good (person) about to be known/met?

OK - I get it - Better the devil you know than the devil you don't (know yet)

 

[haha]

Old spanish saying "mas vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer"

Good one. A common English saying that seems to have similar meaning is "better the devil you know..."

Ha

 

[Moemg]

I think the secrets to a happy relationship is
1- Be with your best friend
2- Have enough room in your house for separate areas
3- Spend time apart
4- enjoy your time together
5- compromise
6- if he has a shirt you hate put it through the dryer frequently in fact let it live there until he notices and by then hopefully it will be gone.

 

[Lazarus]

Marriage = compromise.

 

[HighRoller]

This thread gave me a few good laughs - the wife even just asked me "what's so funny on the computer."