The High Cost of Socializing

[tangomonster]

What I find interesting about this thread is that several people have contributed some good insights but Tangomonster hasn't contributed much after the first post.

Why?

Jeez, Dex----I just got busy and forgot that I started this thread! So sorry. I appreciate everyone's responses. Didn't know that I had to reply to each one individually. As I stated, I have gotten quite involved in socializing---and sometimes this board (as much as I like it), falls by the wayside. My apologies to those who I insulted by not acknowledging each one. If I have time, I'll respond to each one tomorrow, even though I think that will get a little old.

And critiquing my posting habits? Yep, sometimes I start a thread and then sit back. I kind of do the same thing in real life conversation, too. Will throw a question or comment to get the ball rolling---and may just sit back and listen. Never noticed this annoying anyone in real life. Sorry it irritated you, Dex---but then again, you will never see this since you have placed me on ignore. And to think I didn't get mad when I made a point to PM you especially since you posted that short film about The Dash and I went out of my way to thank you for doing so---and you didn't respond for days, maybe weeks, just giving me a curt PM back that you are not good at e-mails! And I didn't freak out about it, but whatever! I think we both live in Atlanta, but it's a big enough place for both of us---and hopefully this board is big enough for both of us as well.

 

[Lsbcal]

Tangomonster, you are in luck because this forum has a way for you to make it up to Dex. If you go to his Public Profile (just click on the link: dex) you will note dex has no friends yet. So you two could actually become friends. Now that I look at it, you don't have any friends either. And now that I look at it I don't have any friends either . And then there is always the possiblility of clicking on that thumbs up button which I just did for you. It's my first thumbs up.

 

[flipstress]

...Even if you stay in and have a potluck or cook dinner for friends, it can be costlier than just cooking for the two of us (larger quantities and more expensive ingredients, sometimes). And we may have to break down and actually buy some board games since some friends seem to require this as part of getting together...

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

I'll add my permission to those of others--it's OK to spend to socialize. As others have said, if you feel that this is important to you like it is to most people, you can just cut back on other stuff that is not as important, and continue as you are doing to find not-so-expensive venues and formats.

We kind of rotate hosting potlucks among our little circle of friends. A potluck means everybody brings something so it will be cheaper than doing the whole dinner yourself as host, but usually the host makes 1 or 2 extra side dishes. People can bring edibles or beverages. There are usually left-overs of what you make, so you can keep them for yourself or send them off with friends--you can tell if they really liked the dish and are just being shy to ask to take home some.

We usually do a game of scrabble, if the potluck is limited to friends who are scrabble die-hards.

If it's a bigger circle, most of our friends are musicians (or want to be musicians) so the after-dinner event is music, with folks jamming and/or singing along. If you had dancing friends and a big-enough living room, you could have some dancing. (Sadly, only 2 of our friends like to dance in front of people, so we don't do much of this.)

Another suggestion is to have a DVD showing at your house after dinner and then discussing the movie/documentary, especially if it's one that's controversial or political. (I just read this from somewhere--IIRC "Your Money or Your Life". We haven't done it, and it seems it could end up in fireworks with your friends if the movie is too controversial.)

In the nicer months, our city has a lot of festivals with music and food tents. Sometimes we plan to meet friends there, and sometimes we just bump into them because it is a small city. Some of our friends who are in bands also have concerts somewhere, and we go to the free ones or those that are not so expensive.

If I had more time, I would clean more, would cook more, and invite friends more frequently. I like to cook, but it's the house-cleaning that is the obstacle for me because it is something I don't like to do.

 

[tangomonster]

Tangomonster, you are in luck because this forum has a way for you to make it up to Dex. If you go to his Public Profile (just click on the link: dex) you will note dex has no friends yet. So you two could actually become friends. Now that I look at it, you don't have any friends either. And now that I look at it I don't have any friends either . And then there is always the possiblility of clicking on that thumbs up button which I just did for you. It's my first thumbs up.

Cool, lsbcal! Thanks so much. Almost worth Dex's rampage to get that thumbs up!

It's funny you brought up about becoming "friends." I'm just fascinated by the concept of online friends---on other sites, where people collect hundreds of friends...and never have any contact with them beyond the befriending. I guess I shouldn't start with Dex as my new BFF, even though I would like to resolve this with him and move on....But you, lsbcal, just might be a candidate for my friend!

 

[tangomonster]

Flipstress, thanks for your comments and the permission to socialize!

Yes, we've been enjoying some outdoor concerts locally here as well---and it hasn't even been too buggy! A month ago was a blues concert, Friday was big band jazz, and in two weeks, a Beatles tribute band. I would have been too tired/drained/unmotivated to attend these concerts (which are free, so the price is really right!), but now that I am FIREd, am taking advantage of them and enjoying them.

Don't have any friends who are musicians, so I couldn't have an at home jam session. We may do the DVD thing---a friend has a DVD of Brian Regan, who he claims is a comedian who is actually funny (imagine that!).

But one comment, Flipstress---I bet your friends don't really care how clean your home is. They just enjoy the companionship. Yeah, maybe a mother-in-law would be critical, but I am learning that most people don't notice/care about cleanliness or even what is served, food-wise....

 

[tangomonster]

With apologies for monopolizing my own thread and over-posting:

Thanks, everyone, for your replies! They really helped, especially since I have to watch Bucket List tonight (a friend is insisting) and in the future will have to play a game called Did You Ever? (another friend insisting) where you get points for things like if you ever sky dived or went skinny dipping with someone of the opposite sex (no to both of these---I can guarantee I'll lose the game---very sheltered life, at least externally).

Please know that just because I didn't reply immediately does not mean that I did not appreciate your input. Now that I am FIREd, I do tend to procrastinate. And I've gotten involved in some other things and get distracted by other sites.

Since Dex seems to feel that I was negligent in my duties as the OP/hostess of this thread, I will attempt to make amends by answering every comment. I realize this may get old, so my feelings won't be hurt if you don't read any/all (Dex already accomplished the hurt feelings, but I suppose a little bit of that is good every now and then to remind me of why I don't want to be working and dealing with rude clients, co-workers, and bosses! )

Achiever: I did think about volunteering. There are even sites to look up volunteer opportunities. So far I've not found anything of interest or even any place that desperately seems to need volunteers).

bbbam: Took me 54 years to learn it, but you're right about pleasure being a top priority in life!

Ha: I'm not sure I agree with your comment about it costing even more to be single. Yes, I guess a single person may feel more compelled to get out more since there isn't anyone at home to talk to, but when a couple goes out, wouldn't it be twice the amount of money---drinks, meals, entertainment---as for a single person?

Purron: since we share some of the same interests and values, it means a lot that you gave your blessing to splurge a little!

Moemg: I agree wholeheartedly about friendships being important as we age. I just wish I had done more to cultivate them when I as younger.

Dex---not that you will be reading this: No, I don't have socializing as a line item. Don't budget. Just try to not spend much money. This is so new there would have been no way of predicting how much will be needed.

Danny: No question that some socializing beats night after night of TV, especially with as bad as TV has gotten, especially during the summer.

Don Heff: The funny thing is, we were actually too tired when we worked to gout during the week and fight traffic!

Orchidflower: It's great that you enjoy being with people but still like a little down time for yourself.

Want2Retire: I agree---it's wonderful to identify what you want and be able to pursue it.

Moemg: Good of you to host parties. There are some people who never give parties but attend them. For whatever reason, they just never reciprocate.

Firedreamer: wow! You must make some terrific meals! Are you a foodie? Want to exchange recipes?

KCowan: I think boccee would be fun to try.

Marquette: I already responded about the bean soup.

Kombat: will take your word about Vegas.

Dex: doesn't sound like Vegas is for you.

Purron: Hoover Dam must be something to see!

lsbcal: the hostess phobia of your wife must make entertaining at home stressful for both you and her!

Milton: yes! Finding friends who enjoy ethnic dives! We found a Meetup group that just goes out to eat for global cuisine.

 

[tangomonster]

Mexmeme: Yes, an introverted lifestyle is definitely cheaper (the point of my starting this thread), but it just wasn't working for me anymore.

Moemg: Loved your ten rules of entertaining. I'll bet you are a fun, relaxed hostess!

Nords: I appreciate your understanding of how someone could get involved with other things and then be overwhelmed with the amount of posts to reply to.

Dawg: Aww! I'd stay in with that cute dog too!

SkisALot: We have started to speak up about places being too pricey. Some friends went to place that we thought was overpriced and opted out of---they reported it was a total rip.

HFWR: Yes, restaurants do serve heaping portions that can feed two---but often have a sharing charge.

Chicao: I do understand about church functions but can't find a church that is right for me. Also, there is the hidden cost of membership dues/tithing, etc.

Khan: Thanks for your attempt to clarify Dex's rules.

rS0460a: Interesting addition to this thread...your cultural enhancement.

ChrisC: glad you enjoyed Khan's comments. I know I did!

CuppaJoe: I also learn nothing from my own posts, which is why I like to ask questions and then sit back and listen to other people's responses. As a recovering introvert, it still does not come naturally to me to talk/write too much (all these posts to the contrary! It will take me a week to recover! )

Purron: I agree that the threads move quickly!

And thus concludes this thread......

 

[Moemg]

Thanks for your responses Tangomaster . I've come to the conclusion that entertaining costs more in energy than money ! We had eight adults and four children under six for swimming and a cook out today and I am totally beat .

 

[flipstress]

Since Dex seems to feel that I was negligent in my duties as the OP/hostess of this thread, I will attempt to make amends by answering every comment. I realize this may get old, so my feelings won't be hurt if you don't read any/all (Dex already accomplished the hurt feelings, but I suppose a little bit of that is good every now and then to remind me of why I don't want to be working and dealing with rude clients, co-workers, and bosses! )

Wow, tango! Despite your warning, I went ahead and read all your responses to everyone, and I must say not in a mean way that you are right that it was going to get old. They really didn't register in my head in any meaningful way but it is 3:16 a.m. my time anyway.

I am wondering if maybe you could just email or PM dex with all future responses to all replies to your thread? After all, why does everyone who is compulsive and reads everything have to suffer from what he triggered? (If someone is ignoring you, can you PM them? If not, maybe the Admins can change that rule. That would serve people right for ignoring other people. )

I do thank you for your comment about friends not caring about how messy or clean my place is, or even what the food is (except the vegetarians). Friends say so all the time that they don't care how clean our house is. Hmmm...maybe it is my convenient excuse for not inviting them more often, that in reality I want to not socialize so much...

 

[Marquette]

Geez.. dex was just pointing out a tendancy to start threads and then never come back to them... not a request to come back and reply to every post.

Regardless, there's an easy fix for all involved.

 

[kcowan]

Nords,
I did a search on the topics started by Tangomonster and looked at those with "substantive; meaningful" content and some replies. There is a pattern here. Tango starts a topic; might add a trite comment - but usually none - no acknowledgment of the contributions/comments of the posters.

OK Dex we are all waiting for your reply now. Come on! It has been 3 days!

 

[Jarhead*]

So:

There are unstated rules concerning how to post.

Someone is insulting you by not adhering to said rules.

You went through the trouble of researching past posts to verify this serious breach of rules.

Could you state these rules?

How many follow up posts by the OP are necessary?

How long should these posts be?

Should all contributors be thanked individually?

I don't want to break these rules and end up being shunned by sensitive readers.

Kahn: Thanks for the grin.

The only reason I visit this board from time to time is for a few laughs.
Having spent the last 3 days with my children and my grandchildren, even though I care a great deal about all of them, the unencombered single life style has a certain amount of appeal

Thanks Dex, for showing that's not always the case.

 

[REWahoo]

Having spent the last 3 days with my children and my grandchildren, even though I care a great deal about all of them, the unencombered single life style has a certain amount of appeal.

Did you ever wonder if the feeling was mutual? Naaahhhh...

 

[Milton]

We found a Meetup group that just goes out to eat for global cuisine.

Great!

I had never before heard of Meetup.com. It sounds like a good idea.

 

[tangomonster]

Milton, Meetup has lots of different groups....quite interesting. Even some groups for people of our age (I'm assuming you and I are in the same vicinity).

Jarhead, I totally agree---Khan definitely helped break the tension with that list of questions! You go, Khan!