The High Cost of Socializing

[tangomonster]

When we were working, DH and I were complete introverts. Didn't have the energy or inclination to want to socialize. But shortly after FIRE, we found that we wanted to be with people and not just each other. Some of this may be due to having virtually unlimited time and energy. Some of it may have been due to not wanting to socialize with co-workers for various reasons and not knowing anyone else.

We've really been enjoying the socializing---but it doesn't come cheap! There's the cost of gas (except with neighbors in our development). There's often the cost of going to eat (which DH and I would do on our own at least once a week, but most people want to go to restaurants that are more costly than the ethnic dives we enjoy!). Even if you stay in and have a potluck or cook dinner for friends, it can be costlier than just cooking for the two of us (larger quantities and more expensive ingredients, sometimes). And we may have to break down and actually buy some board games since some friends seem to require this as part of getting together.

We never go to the movies and try to go to free, low-cost concerts, so that helps some. And I guess that if socializing is going to be our major leisure activity, it's not that bad if it costs some (the other stuff we like to do is free, like reading and walking).

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

 

[Achiever51]

OK, I'll bite...you have my permission and blessing to spend a little money to socialize.

Seriously though, have you given any thought to volunteering for an organization whose cause you care about? In my area, groups are always looking for folks who are willing to give a few hours to help others -- and an added bonus is you get to meet some other nice folks who share a common passion. When I ran a non-profit, we always asked for volunteers to work our special events, which meant that those volunteers also got to attend the event for free.

 

[bbbamI]

If it gives you pleasure...go for it! Pleasure should be a top priority in everyone's life.

 

[haha]

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Just be glad you are not single; it costs even more then.

It is almost impossible to find a bar in the popular parts of town that isn't hopping every night, from 6:00 or so until bedtime and beyond. A few nights ago my friend and I were looking for a place where we could talk and be heard. After 3 tries in one block we gave up and just shouted directly into one another's ears.

Somebody is sure spending a lot of money to take part in this public life. As we left and started down the sidewalk she commented on how nice it was to live someplace where there are so many young sociable people with plenty of money to spend. It just makes it easier to feel good.

Ha

 

[Purron]

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Tangomonster,

Enjoy your new found desire to socialize! ER is all about being able to live your life the way you want. One of the best things about it is spending time with people of your own choosing - not just folks you are thrown together with in the workplace. I know you are a frugal sort like me, but it's really OK to splurge a little.

 

[Moemg]

.

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

I've been thinking the same thing and have come to the conclusion that the cost is worth it to have close friendships especially as we age .

 

[dex]

So---what I'm looking for is reassurance that it's okay to spend a little money to socialize (give me your permission and blessing and don't kick me out of the frugal living club!)...or suggestions on how to minimize the costs of socializing....

Do you have a line item budget and can you describe it?

 

[Danny]

that's money well spent..we mix it up ...sometimes treat ourselves and venture out for more expensive outings and restaurants but mostly prefer the joints for music dancing beer and eats...the clubs we go to usually have no cover bands and cheap beer..sure beats staying home & watching too much TV...

 

[donheff]

Thats why I have a substantial portion of my planned expenses targeted to cover restaurant meals and food for guests. During our working days DW and I were so tired we would eat out about three days a week so we were prepared for this expense.

 

[Orchidflower]

I'm with Moemg as the cost is well worth it to me. But then, again, I'm a total extrovert and love being with people...just not all the time.

 

[W2R]

You know what I would do? I'd make my budget categories a little broader, and just assign the "socializing" expenses to the "entertainment and travel" type of expenses. You are already cutting back on movies and concerts and restaurants, after all.

The trump card here is that you have identified exactly what you really want. If you allow yourself what you really want, then you will be happier and probably consume less overall than otherwise. At least it seems to work that way for me.

So, ABSOLUTELY... like everyone else on the thread, I don't see a problem here!

 

[Moemg]

I'm not an extrovert but I can not imagine going thru life without entertaining at least occasionally . Someone mentioned in another thread about not having a party for many ,many years . I can't fathom how if you have a family or friends . I'm not a big party giver but I average at least four or five get togethers a year that I host . Sure it stretches the budget but those friendships & family are worth it to me .

 

[FIREd]

I love to socialize with friends and family. Most of the time though we don't go out for dinner we invite people in our home (and we usually get invited in their home). Even though, when we invite people over we try to make it special and usually splurge on good food and wine. When we invite 4-6 people it is not unusual for us to spend $200-300 on the meal (more on special occasions like New Year's eve), even though I always prepare most everything from scratch. It might actually be cheaper to go out sometimes! But to me spending time around the table with good friends and family and enjoying delectable foods and wine is the pinnacle of happiness, so it is completely worth it. So as long as you enjoy socializing, go for it!

 

[kcowan]

We find our expenses have shifted. More entertaining at each others' homes and shared fine dining experiences. We also do bocce picnics. Even tried a bowling party. That was a shock. Prices have shot up.

Parties tend to be smaller and more frequent. Dining has replaced fueling.

 

[Marquette]

Get back in your hovel and eat your bean soup! No more socializing for you! This is the LBYM and ER board for goodness sake... not the "let's work forever and live a lavish life" board.

Or, maybe just realize that it's ok to have fun... either way.

 

[kombat]

I have also known people who could not imagine how someone could go through life without going to Vegas and that REALLY puzzles me. I wouldn't vacation in Vegas if I was paid to go!

Yet I know that many do love going there.

For what it's worth, I've known many people who had no desire at all to go to Vegas. However, after they went (my sister in law had her wedding there last year), it turns out they loved it. I think Vegas is one of those cities about which people have a lot of misconceptions. I found it to be such a surreal spectacle. It's definitely a unique experience in life, and I'm glad I went.

 

[dex]

I found it to be such a surreal spectacle. It's definitely a unique experience in life, and I'm glad I went.

That it is.
After you have been there a few times and the novelty wears off - you begin to see other things - the people who don't look like they can afford to lose another dollar for example.
It can be a bit boring away from the strip - all the subdivisions, strip malls and the desert landscape look the same.

 

[tangomonster]

Get back in your hovel and eat your bean soup!

But Marquette, I LOVE bean soup! As a vegetarian, it's something I actually want to eat! Funny how it's all relative......

 

[Marquette]

But Marquette, I LOVE bean soup! As a vegetarian, it's something I actually want to eat! Funny how it's all relative......

Well, I do to, but in moderation.

Just make sure you eat alone!

 

[tangomonster]

Well, I do to, but in moderation.

Just make sure you eat alone!

There's always Beano----and considering that the husband and cat can be equally flatulent, it's not a problem!

 

[Purron]

That it is.
After you have been there a few times and the novelty wears off - you begin to see other things - the people who don't look like they can afford to lose another dollar for example.
It can be a bit boring away from the strip - all the subdivisions, strip malls and the desert landscape look the same.

DH and I have only been there once. We went to celebrate a wedding anniversary. The novelty of the casinos and the strip wore off in about a day. We rented a car and headed out to the Valley of Fire State Park, Hoover Dam, and Area 51. These are the experiences I remember and the things that might draw me back for another visit some day.

 

[Marquette]

I grew up in Las Vegas... military brat from '79-'89 (age 2-12). I've been back once... and don't intend to go back ever again.

We left just before the boom (dad's regret is not buying land at 2k an acre when he was first there). Henderson was a 30 minute drive through the desert on a 2-lane road. It's now a suburb with a six lane road and development non-stop on both sides. Things like that contribute to my not caring about ever being there again.

 

[Moemg]

I've been to Vegas once . It is not my type of place but it was fun to see in a neon way . Would I go back ? No but if someone paid me to go there , I'll go .

 

[Lsbcal]

DW really freaks out when we entertain guests in our home. She seems to have a hostess phobia. Even when I try to help a lot with cleaning and food prep she goes a little nuts. She prefers to go out instead. So we do a little of both. I have to remember not to be too much of a tightwad (spending phobia) or our modest social life suffers.

 

[Milton]

Since you find that "most people want to go to restaurants that are more costly than the ethnic dives we enjoy!", perhaps it is time to make new friends. As yourself what kind of people enjoy those ethnic places. Is there a club populated by such people that you could join?

Regarding the added cost of 'potlucks' and the need to acquire a few board games: those expenses are pretty minimal, so I wouldn't worry about them.

For what it's worth, I've known many people who had no desire at all to go to Vegas. However, after they went (my sister in law had her wedding there last year), it turns out they loved it. I think Vegas is one of those cities about which people have a lot of misconceptions. I found it to be such a surreal spectacle. It's definitely a unique experience in life, and I'm glad I went.

I went, once. I did not know what to expect, and had no preconceptions.

What I found was smoke; noise; and lots of pathetic fat people with glazed expressions who were feeding coins from large buckets into flashing machines. It was a spectacle all right, but not an enjoyable one. Rather like a badly-run nursing home.

I will not return.