Why it's hard to retire

I don't recall a time when I ever dreamed of having one single career at one single company. This is patently obvious if you see my full resume. :facepalm: But I did enjoy my IT work, getting paid for something I end up doing for free every time I step foot in someone's home. However, I've always been drawn to the freelance/self-employed side of things. This manifested itself early on as a very independent streak, at least when it came to taking orders from someone else, like a teacher, or a parent...later from bosses. I'm not big on 'teams' I guess.

So I was on-board 100% from the very first time I ran across the idea of retiring early. After four years of pseudo-retirement, I miss it every day. Can not WAIT to be fully, really retired at 56 next year. Will go back to Mexico and not ever -- NEVER -- miss working in an office again. My income and work has always been secondary to the rest of my life goals. A means to an end. And here's to happy endings!
 
That depends on what you want to happen. Do you want a 6 month sabbatical so you can think on it some more? Part time work from home? Another job in the company? They are obviously reluctant to let you go, which is a nice position to be in.

Actually I don't really know - already had a mini sabbatical (two months) which was very nice. My dream job is probably roving the world saying clever stuff and eating nice dinners :p but more likely is part time and work from home which is available. They are reluctant to let me go to a point so my favoured outcome is probably to negotiate an early retirement package with a consulting package of say 3-400 hours per annum.
 
No two different retirements than my father and I. I retired at 45 (7 years ago) while he was still working at 70. But he was literally working for free at my brothers barber shop. He literally worked 2 jobs for mostly 30-40 years and working was his identity. His body finally broke down to where he couldnt work any more (and no he didn't need money) and for first couple years, all I heard was him saying he is "ready for Heaven", all because he couldnt work anymore. Well finally within the past 2-3 years he admitted being lazy was kind of nice and was enjoying it. He just never gave it a chance because "you are supposed to work".
As for me... My biggest shock is how incredibly mentally lazy and routine orientated I am...And like it that way! The brain will turn on for investing research and sports gambling, but that is it. It refuses to do anything else but help facilitate my tongue and vocal chords yapping.
I even refuse to try to learn to improve my golf game which I play 3-4 days a week. My cerebral 87 year old playing partner is always analyzing his swing and game and trying to provide pointers for me. I refuse to listen, because I don't want to think anymore. I just want to smash the hell out of ball and go find it and hit it hard again!
 
As I've been contemplating retirement the last few months I've come to the conclusion that there are the following factors in play.

1. I've spent my whole life aiming for something, working at a career, is it really over?

2. I feel as if I add value at work, but....

3. I feel frustrated that we can all see the inefficiency in the organization, and...

4. i have seen colleagues die and after a couple of days mourning, someone is in their office and the world has moved on.

5. Will I be bored in retirement?

6. I think I might want a really expensive car :facepalm: although I know they are a total waste of money

7. What happens if 12 months down the road I realize its a mistake, but..

8. I want the freedom to just be.....lazy

The prioritization of the above tends to change on a daily basis, so please either:

A. Tell me you felt the same things (and how you got over them).
B. Add your own insecurities
I never let my career define me...so when it was time to leave...I had no issues about it. (I was a finance exec...but my screen name is not because of that...it's because personal finance is a hobby of mine)

Inefficiency in the operation will always be there. I see that as opportunity to fix things...that is how one adds value!

When colleagues die, things must move on. Yes there is a period of grief, but if I was not close to them then it wanes. When a loved one dies, the process is different for me...the mourning lasts longer and the depth depends on the circumstances (tougher to stomach a young person dying unexpectedly versus my dad dying in his sleep at age 82 after living a good life).

I am definitely not bored. I have tons of hobbies. If you don't have any, get a few. Making stained glass, playing guitar or piano, reading books about former Presidents, coin collecting, photography, herb gardening...the list is endless!!

I have 3 expensive cars. They are a financial waste of money, but I am a car enthusiast so 2 of them are "hobby" related...I go to lots of car shows and have many friends who go to cruise-ins and other such events. If you really want one but are worried about spending the money...buy one that's 3-4 years old!




If you realize later it was a mistake, you didn't think through it well enough...take some time and reflect. Read some books on it, do the life tree exercise. Talk to friends, your pastor, your kids, your parents, and those on this forum. If you're not sure...wait a few months longer.

Life Tree Exercise
https://livingafi.com/2015/03/09/building-a-vision-of-life-without-work/

I hereby grant you the freedom to be lazy. LOL

My insecurities now are more about legacy. I want to give more (both financially and my time), I want to deepen my faith, and I want to be a better husband. Having time to reflect has allowed me to think about these things.
 

Attachments

  • photo 3.JPG
    photo 3.JPG
    154.8 KB · Views: 43
Last edited:
Dream job - as I was being booted out of a job I really loved, I made a play for my previously unstated dream job, and they gave it to me! That gave me a fantastic 18-month runway to FIRE. I knew that I was on the outs, as they had already tried to boot me, so I had no illusions, and I used the time to plan, save and get mentally prepared. The runway was well worth it. So my advice: say what you want. If you get it, put a hard timer on it and use it as a gift. If you don't get it, just pull the plug!


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum
 
Didn't read all the posts but this being an Early Retirement site, you can expect the vast majority here love retirement or think they will. Obviously the items the OP mentioned are valid concerns. At some point in their careers, most people have had enough. Only you will know when this occurs. Once it does, the concerns listed will start to recede and eventually disappear. A period of adjustment is usual but some people are so ready for retirement that they didn't notice it.
 
Didn't read all the posts but this being an Early Retirement site, you can expect the vast majority here love retirement or think they will. Obviously the items the OP mentioned are valid concerns. At some point in their careers, most people have had enough. Only you will know when this occurs. Once it does, the concerns listed will start to recede and eventually disappear. A period of adjustment is usual but some people are so ready for retirement that they didn't notice it.

Danmar, I nominate this for the best post I've read in a long time. You concisely express in a couple of sentences everything relevant to the transition to ER.
 
I should probably add that the work pressures were manageable in the past because:

a. I am earning a shed load of money.
b. My wife was looking after the kids and therefore wasn't worried that I was away from home.

Now of course that the kids have grown up and (recently) left home, she has a lot more time on her hands and therefore wants me at home (a perfectly reasonable set of circumstances). I think I hate the job 75% of the time but love the money 100% of the time.

That combination at the moment is a bit of a tinderbox.

It sounds like nonsense but in so many ways I am like the guy standing on the edge of a swimming pool dipping a toe in and worrying that it might be a bit cold when a run up and jump would make it so much easier to get in!
 
I think I hate the job 75% of the time but love the money 100% of the time.

Almost by definition one has a lower income as soon as he/she retires, no doubt the main reason for OMY. I have a few friends like that who simply do not want to lose the high salary......even though they hate w*rking. As for me, I'm happy as a pig in you-know-what. Think about what makes you happy; if your assets and retirement income can support that, then don't factor in the current salary.
 
With only three weeks into retirement my comment is that it is simply without any hesitation, Great. Both my wife and I had six figure salaries and yes it was hard to say goodbye to both on the same day. I am still not 100% sure that we were/are financially set, but I love the slower pace, we are plenty busy and there is no more bologna adding to the bucket at w*rk. I have been training for 34 years for this new position and I think I will do quite well.
 
I retired at 50 and DH retired at 57 a year and a half ago. You will have plenty to do when you pull the plug. We sold our home and are now renting a small house that is a lock and leave. We traveled in our RV a couple months last year and this year. The world moves on with you at work or without you at work. Times goes by much faster when you retire. We are living on our terms now, not for our company or anyone elses. Would we do it again....in a heartbeat. Good luck making your decision.
 
.

Ironically, my first day of retirement freedom was Juneteenth.
 
Allow me to ramble.

I have now set a meeting with my employer for 19th October to discuss and agree next steps and the meeting could have four potential outcomes.

1. I agree to stay in full time employment.
2. I agree to go part time dropping to say 70-80%.
3. I "retire" but with an agreement to work 3-400 hours per annum in a consulting capacity.
4. I quit.

Option 1 is not really a possibility unless they offer me a job which is too good to turn down, a frankly stupid amount of money or both. I don't know if the money thing works and there is only one job in the whole organization I would be interested in (and someone much smarter and better than me is in that job) so I think its a non-starter.

Option 2 is what they think we are going to discuss but they have already expressed some reservations about 'client responsiveness', so I have some concerns that its really workable i.e. would I end up in any event working quasi full-time or constantly worrying that there were unanswered emails?

Option 3 is frankly my preferred option but would come completely out of the blue to them. Intellectually / mentally I don't really think I'm ready to fully jump into retirement and this for me at least would be a nice soft landing. Will they go for it? They just might if they think option 4 is genuinely in play...

Option 4.....which it is. But...as per point 3, I don't want to go the full hog into retirement just yet.

The good think is that after a relatively quiet period I've just helped land two really big project wins, which is a reminder of my worth to the company so if they think option 4 is really a valid option they might just go for it.

So my question is this.

Should I pre-warn them? Give them time to mull it over? or just pitch up and hit them with both barrels?
 
I would throw it out there and see what happens since you really want door #3:))
 
I agree, in life you rarely get something you don't even bother asking for.. :)
 
No idea on what to advise but I can give you some insights on Option 2 as I worked reduced hours in client service for many years prior to retiring. In our business (consulting), it worked well especially since I worked remotely and we typically worked for multiple clients. My role was a subject matter expert so I was in and out of projects and others ran the projects and were lead in client relations. In fact, very few of my clients even knew that I was not working full time... they thought that I was full time and just splitting my time between them and other clients.

I started off at 80% and then later backed down to 50% for a while. Then a special project with a key client came up and they asked me to go back up to 80% and after that project was done I slid back to 50%. At 50% or more, most benefits were proportional other than health insurance, and HI was the same as a FTE if you were 50% or more.

To make it work I needed to be very flexible in putting in my hours.. might be 6 hours one day and 2 hours another. The downside is that I was on call 24/7 (like FTEs) and it was very hard to plan on contiguous time off to golf or whatever. I might have a morning conference call and planning to play golf with friends in the afternoon and bam! the conference call gets pushed to the afternoon for some reason and my plans are ruined. Things like that happened with alarming frequency.

Towards the end I wanted to be able to have contiguous full days off and work Tues-Thurs and have Friday through Monday "off" but we couldn't get it to work... if an important client needed my view on an issue on Friday morning it wouldn't be acceptable to tell them that they had to wait until Tuesday morning. At that point, I decided that I valued my time over making our kids inheritance bigger so I resigned.
 
Handed them my employee badge, and walked the hell out. Wasn't hard at all.😜
 
Option 2 is a really bad one in my opinion. you'll likely end up working full time anyways like you said. If you got something like every other weeks Friday and Monday off so that you have 2 4 day weekends a month that might have some appeal ( if it were me )


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
 
To the OP, some perspective from someone not yet retired (but could retire now if I chose to):

1. I've spent my whole life aiming for something, working at a career, is it really over?

I didn't aim for anything other than a job that I would enjoy and which paid the bills. I am still shocked at being paid so much for a job that many times felt more like a hobby. But I have always viewed my career as a privilege, so never invested in making it my full identity but just a part of me... when it is over I have other things in my identity that will fill the void.

2. I feel as if I add value at work, but....

There becomes a trade off where adding additional value, even with rewards, is not worth it as it takes too much out of me. After a point the 80-90 hour weeks took more out of me and I chose to give that up even if it were perceived that I added less "value".

3. I feel frustrated that we can all see the inefficiency in the organization, and...

One of the benefits of experience is being able to put that frustration in proper perspective. Perhaps because I've been with Megacorp 36+ years. It is easy to remember the frustration, but in truth there have been more than enough episodes of joyful productivity to make up for up. At this stage in my career I'm moving into the "go with the flow" mode - not hindering my co-workers or those that depend on me, but also not letting the frustration get to me.

4. i have seen colleagues die and after a couple of days mourning, someone is in their office and the world has moved on.

I realize that is just part of life. Another reason ot to identify too much with ones career. Reminds me early in the career when I was working lead on a project and came down with a bad cold. After the 2nd day in the office in that state my manager sent me home and said "stay home until you fully recover. You are a great worker but we survived before you got here and we'll do fine while you are out." He said it with a smile and laugh, but I also saw the truth in that. That is another reason I have lessened identifying with my career.

5. Will I be bored in retirement?

I used to think that - and I am amazed at how many folks, when the subject of retirement comes up, also express that. I have taken enough "staycations" over the last several years that had me doing so many fun/challenging things outside of work that they went too fast, and I can see I won't be bored. Worse case... there are always others you can help with your time, and I have never found that to be boring.

6. I think I might want a really expensive car :facepalm: although I know they are a total waste of money

I've observed that many of my well-off friends who have retired actually go "low key", with comfortable but not expensive things. That is my nature... I guess I'd rather have folks think I was "struggling" when it comes to material things. What they don't know won't hurt them. :)

7. What happens if 12 months down the road I realize its a mistake, but..

Worse case, go back and do something else. Interestingly, where I live there is a steady and growing demand for temporary or part time workers. The advantage of being retired is hat you can be much more flexible if you are FI and decide to "un" RE. :)

8. I want the freedom to just be.....lazy

Nothing wrong with that. But sometimes lazy is the eye of the beholder. I remember having a fun day learning a new technology, and worked on it at my desk for the entire day. To one of our kids, it looked like dad was "doing nothing"... but I was quite engaged in learning, coming up with and testing ideas that I though would be useful in projects, an even walking around the house just having creative thoughts. One person's lazy is another persons' creativity. :LOL:

I'd probably say that my only real security is not with me but for others. At this point, from a cold financial view, I'm more working now to be that "emergency safety net" for them. I am also able to more easily help family and friends financially if needed without impacting our financial situation. Some of this would stop if I retired. However, I am VERY fortunate in that DW puts my retirement plans over our income (In her words "I've rather have exciting years with you pinching pennies instead of being a rich widow"). While some of our kids have had their financial struggles, now that they are all adults they do not ask for handouts and now listen more to my financial and career advice. They (in their words) are now appreciating the foundation DW and I tried to put down for them. So maybe it is really more my "ego" at cutting back on being a good provider... but the family seems relaxed about it and I am learning to be, as well. :)
 
I went for option 2.

I figured that I should try the part time option and if it doesn't work out I can always go for the full monty.

I thought 75% was a decent target and they have agreed to that even though I think they have no idea what it really means i.e. 75% means an additional 11 weeks holiday on top of the 6 I already have. So 16-17 weeks holiday per annum.

Start date 1 January 2017
Lets see if it works....
 
Permit me an additional ramble.

I just got **** over.

Basically as times are tough they reduced my remuneration for this year by about 8%. Is all on the basis of performance so they are perfectly entitled to do it. But actually I see no way that my performance was any different to last year (in fact it was probably better). I've asked for a clarification on what has happened and am awaiting feedback but I am not holding my breath as based on last experience the likely repsonse will be some osrt of cop out and "we are all in the same boat"....but I know for a fact having spoken to colleagues we absolutely are not

So now I am hacked off.

My question is should I take a few days to cool off and just suck it up or should I now take my stack and run i.e. do the real "FU money" send off? Its tempting...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I just got **** over.

Basically as times are tough they reduced my remuneration for this year by about 8%...

...So now I am hacked off.

My question is should I take a few days to cool off and just suck it up or should I now take my stack and run i.e. do the real "FU money" send off? Its tempting...

I don't remember who, but one of the posters on this forum has a signature line something to the extent that the best decisions are made when emotions are low. Good advice, and if this latest development were all there is I'd say take a few days and chew on it before acting.

But you have several earlier posts on this thread which provide context. Therefore, with the benefit of that context, this sounds like the employer has made the decision for you. Or at least made it obvious what that decision needs to be. If it were me, I'd eject.
 
Back
Top Bottom